Author Note: I'm not trying particularly hard to put them in canon. Sorry.

Interview with the Famous Seer Sybil Trelawney

October 31 1993

Forge: By now I'd managed to program the book to record our actions too. Makes it better imaging for you!

Gred: Hi old Trel.

Prof. T: (sound of jumping) W-what are you doing here?

Forge: (sounding hurt) You mean you don't love us?

Prof T: No my dears, of course not, any student of mine wishing to seek counsel is welcome. I was just wondering why you are not at the Halloween feast.

Gred: (shrugs) Not enough action down there.

Forge: (suspiciously) Wait a minute, shouldn't you know that we're coming up? You are after all a seer.

Prof. T: I-I—

Gred: Oh let the poor woman go. Prof. T, do you mind if we interview you?

Prof. T: (haughtily) The reason I let you think that I did not know you were coming up was that, my dears—

Forge: The reason was that my deers? What deers?

Prof T.: (snappingly) Be quiet.

Gred: (under breath) someone's grumpy.

Prof. T: A seer never gives herself away too much or people might be intimidated or scared by her.

Gred: (under breath again) They already are.

Forge: Intimidated and scared are the same thing.

Prof T: (Brooklyn accent) Whatever.

Gred: Gee Trel, that really doesn't sound like you. Would you like me to fetch Madam Pomphrey?

Prof. T: (barkingly) I'm fine!

Gred: (whimsically)If you say so..

Prof. T: And don't call me Trel!

Gred: Trel are you from Brooklyn?

Prof. T: (voice slightly higher) No, what makes you think that?

Gred: Your accent.

Prof. T: That, my darling is from the island Bere, an Island around Ireland.

Gred:Lovely!

Forge: Okay, okay, let's get on to the interview.

Prof. T: What interview?

Forge: (surprised) Why darling, as you're a seer I though you would know.

Prof. T: Humph.

Forge: Now, our first question is—

Gred: What will our first question be?

Prof. T: Look boys, I don't have all day.

Forge: But that's our question!

Prof. T: What's your question?

Both: (synchronized) What will our first question be?

Prof. T: (exasperatedly) How the hell am I supposed to know?!

Gred: Tsk tsk, Trelawney said a naughty word. She belongs in the naughty chair... don't you think, Forge?

Forge: (brushes Gred aside) Not now, this is important, this is work. Trelawney, you're a seer, you can predict anything, now, what will our first question be? Use your seer powers.

(silence)

Gred: (loud whisper) Is she finished yet?

Prof. T: (dreamily) patience my dear boy, patience. The sight does not come quickly but—Ah! I now know what you're first question will be!

Forge: Well????

Prof. T: When did my visions first start coming to me?

Both: WRONG!

Forge: I'm sorry but the correct answer is—

Both: What will our first question be?

Prof. T: (sounding slightly hysterical) Oh, honestly!

Forge: But you guessed the second question correctly. Now answer!

Prof. T: My visions first started coming—

(sound of snickering)

Gred: Coming?

Prof. T: (haughtily) You are two VERY immature boys, now let me finish!—Started coming to me

(sound of snickering again)

OH SHUT UP!

--when I was about five years old.

Gred: (coming up for air) Lovely.

Forge: Two down, three to go!

Prof. T: (sigh) Well let's just hurry up and get this over with.

Gred: Oooh.... Somebody's into quickies.

Prof. T: You two...

Both: Us two...

Prof. T: God knows how you're mother survives.

Forge: I know. Really Gred, how does Mum survive us?

Gred: (sympathetically) The poor woman.

Forge: Anyway, onward to victory! Here's the third question. What was your favorite meal as a child?

Prof. T: Pickles.

Gred: Pickles?

Prof. T: Yes, every Friday after noon when my mother went shopping at the market she would give me a nickel. You see, at the market you could get a pickle for a tiny nickel. MMmmm... those pickles were deelishious. Gus's Pickles they were called.

Gred: They use nickels in Bere Island?

Forge: I thought Gus's Pickles were in New York.

Prof. T: Yes, well... I-I-I, you see, well, um... I-I I had—

Gred: You know luv, I just love the way you're being so open with us. So warm and cozy and so...

Fred: Different.

Gred: I can't wait to tell the whole school that you're really not a fre—

Forge :freakishly aloof seer but a warm fuzzy, if not as mysterious as we thought, person.

Prof. T: (panicked) No, nobody must ever know about this interview! No one!

Gred: (innocently) Why not?

Forge: Oh c'mon Trelawney people will like you better.

Prof. T: You tell and I'll do something drastic.

Gred: (eagerly) Like what?

(sound of rummaging)

Forge: Careful Gred, she's got her wand.

Gred: Oh no, she's got her wand.

Forge: You can never trust a witch with a wand. God knows where she'll put it.

Prof. T: (missing the sarcasm) Damn bloody right. Obliviate!

Gred: Oh uh, hello Trelawney.

Forge: (confused) What are we doing here?

Prof. T: You came up to ask me a question about the homework.

Forge: But we don't take Divination.

Prof. T: Just go to the feast!

Forge: (bows) As you command, my lady.

(exuent)

Gred: So we don't really remember that interview.

Forge: Except for the end.

Gred: Lucky for us this good old book recorded everything.

Forge: Were we surprised when we found this interview.

Gred: We quickly ran to Madam Pomphrey to check out our memories.

Forge: She quickly reassured us that if permanent damage had been done people would have noticed.

Gred: Probably the only thing erased from our mind was the interview.

Both: Thank God!

P.S She's clearly from Brooklyn.