Chapter 2: Operation: Trebuchet
"So, what's the deal for today?" Jigen said. He tipped his hat slightly to look over at his partner, at the wheel of the Mercedes.
"Well, you whiners wanted an adventure," Lupin said with a sly grin. "Ever hear of Project Elijay?"
"Can't say that I have."
Lupin cast a quick glance at his two partners. "That's right. Almost no one has. It's a top secret American military installation, located in the Appalachian Mountains of Georgia. It's also where the U.S. government stores some of their most dangerous, mysterious, and just plain freaky projects."
"What about Area 51? Roswell?" Goemon inquired.
"Area 51 and Roswell are Disneyland compared to Project Elijay," Lupin said, a brash smile crossing his features. "The government wants you to know about those places to take the focus off of places like the one we're headed to."
Jigen sat up, pulling his hat back from his eyes to stare at Lupin. "So you're saying we're heading to America's most top secret military base?"
"Not the most top secret. There are places even more secret than Project Elijay."
"And how come you know about them?"
"Because if I didn't, I would be a shame to my family name," chuckled Lupin.
"If I may be so bold, what are we going to do when we reach Elijay?" Goemon said.
"That, my fussy friends, is entirely up to you two. I can't plan the whole damn thing now, can I? Remove documents to hold hostage! Take some rare tropical diseases! Use an experimental weapon to shoot down moose in Canada! The skies the limit!"
Goemon grunted and closed his eyes, starting to gather focus for what might finally prove to be an interesting mission.
Jigen, however, was more troubled. "How are we going to get in? I don't think the Army is just going to let us in if we knock politely and offer them a fruit basket."
"More likely they'd shoot us on sight," Lupin said cheerfully. "I told you, this isn't my mission. You two bitched, and now you two are in charge."
One hour later, Lupin announced, "You two are on crack."
"You're just jealous because you didn't think of it first," Jigen chortled, making some minute adjustments on a small device. "The last thing they'll be expecting is archaic technology. Really archaic technology."
"As the old saying goes, 'Everything old is new again'," added Goemon.
Lupin promptly rolled his eyes and wondered if Goemon could possibly have any more clichés to spout forth. "Yeah, yeah, guys. But as another old saying goes, 'We can't have archaic and eat it, too'." Goemon promptly rolled his eyes and wondered if Lupin could possibly have more bad puns to spout forth.
Jigen ignored both of them and made the last adjustment to the machine. "There, that should do it," he said, setting down his screwdriver.
"Explain to me how this works again," Lupin said, leaning against his car.
"Okay. Well, as we all know, any government installation is going to have the latest in technology to ward off intruders such as ourselves," Jigen began. "Technology like automatic weapons, alarms, computer surveillance systems..."
"Go on," Lupin added.
"All of those things have one thing in common...you put a supermagnet near them and they go haywire. Computers don't function, bullets jam in guns, wiring won't function properly."
Lupin shook his head and smiled. "Including your weaponry, my friend. Your gun won't fire either, and Zantetsuken will be stuck to that thing in seconds."
"And that, Lupin, is where this thing comes in," Jigen said proudly, patting his hand on a fifteen-foot trebuchet. "Wood, stone, and rope. Nothing on this baby uses metal to function. We pull the string on this thing, break down the wall and this key power building," Jigen said, pointing to a small shed beyond the barbed wire, "and turn off the supermagnet. While those bastards are running around in a panic, we sneak in, have fun, and come back without a problem."
"They won't know what hit them," Goemon finished.
Lupin looked at the wall, at the base, at the supermagnet, the trebuchet, and finally his two partners, both with smug grins on their faces. "I think I'm going to move my car," he said, unable to hide the worry in his voice.
The two waited until Lupin's Mercedes was safely stowed out of range down the road and Lupin's Walther and Jigen's Magnum were enclosed in a special case that would protect them from the supermagnet's effects. Goemon resolutely hung on to Zantetsuken, prepared to retrieve it after the operation started.
"Ready?" Jigen asked, finger posed over the power button.
"Ready," Lupin affirmed. Goemon nodded in ascent.
"Then here we go!" With that, Jigen flicked the switch.
A small whine came from the box.
Lupin frowned. "Is it on?"
Jigen stood up and scratched his head. "I guess it needs to warm up first. I wonder when..."
Suddenly, Zantetsuken flew from its sheath and stuck, blade first, to the side of the magnet.
"Guess that answers our questions," Jigen said. He stepped out of the way.
The lights in Project Elijay wavered and flickered before going out completely. Cries of dismay and panic sounded from inside the base.
Lupin, meanwhile, sat back and examined the plan. So far, so good, which meant something was bound to go wrong. He carefully inspected the plan in his mind...outlandish, even for him, but nothing that couldn't work. The magnet was in working order, the metal weapons were malfunctioning, the trebuchet would...
The trebuchet.
Lupin took a good look at the old projectile weapon. Yes, it was made mostly of wood and rope, but it was held together by nails. Metal nails.
"Crap!" Lupin cried. "Jigen! The trebuchet!" Already, he could see it trembling as its nails were being pulled to the magnet.
"Not yet. Patience, Lupin," Jigen said, carefully looking for an opening to fire.
"No, I mean it's got metal holding it together!" Lupin yelped. The trebuchet shook violently now, being pulled apart by the force of the magnet.
Goemon saw the problem as well. "Jigen, get away," he yelled. "It's going to collapse!"
It finally dawned on Jigen. "Aw, hell," he sighed and dashed away just as three things happened:
The trebuchet, being pulled by the nails, finally fell to pieces.
One of said pieces, the one holding the firing rope in place, snapped from the force of the receding nails.
The trebuchet launched, only instead of just launching it's payload, succeeded in launching the entire device through the walls of Project Elijay, where it collapsed in a pile of rubble.
Lupin and his gang stood astounded as the dust cleared. "Well, it worked," Goemon said.
"There goes our deposit," moaned Jigen.