Lupin does not belong to me. But I will fight you to the death for him anyway. HUZZAH!
Chapter 5: The Education of Eshe
"There, that looks much better," Lupin said cheerfully. He'd found a sundress that once belonged to Fujiko in his stash of disguises, and had given it to Eshe to replace the formless, dirty gown she had been wearing. He'd had to make a couple of quick alterations, since it was way to big in the chest for the petite alien, but it made her look a million times better. Coupled with a ribbon to tame her wild mane and she actually looked cute. She gave him a broad smile and said, "Jl'onis," which Lupin took to mean thank you.
With the government presumably on their tail, Lupin figured the best idea would be to get out of Georgia as quickly as possible. Fortunately, one of his contacts had a place in the Florida panhandle. After a quick stopover in Atlanta to pick up their gear, the gang had floored it to their new hideout. It wasn't as far away as Lupin would have liked, but with the Atlantic Ocean fairly close by, Lupin felt safer knowing they had another escape route in close proximity.
Once they had arrived, Jigen promptly claimed a bedroom and locked himself in it, still annoyed with his partners for refusing to leave Eshe behind. Lupin and Goemon, meanwhile, had set about making the place more comfortable. It was a small cabin, but since it had electricity, indoor plumbing, and cable TV, it was more livable than most places Lupin had been in his criminal career.
Just before Goemon went out to procure supplies, he and Lupin sat down and debated the best way to get Eshe to adapt.
"I don't disagree that the television is probably the fastest source of information for her," Goemon said, watching as Lupin flipped through the channels, "but we have to be careful of what we let her see."
"Yeah," Lupin said. "If we let her watch something like Buffy the Vampire Slayer she'd go around believing in vampires and staking people at random." He paused, surveying the channels he caught glimpses of. "MTV. Hell no." He paused at CNN. "What about a news station? Nothing but fact."
"Nothing but manipulation," Goemon grunted. "Do you really want her first impression of this planet outside of that base to be murder, politics, and the stock market?"
"Good point," Lupin sighed.
"What about the History Channel?"
Lupin blanched. "Just what we need her to come across...Hitler."
After a few more minutes, the two found the perfect channel: Animal Planet. "And if she gets bored, I'll let her switch to the Weather Channel," Lupin added as Goemon picked up Zantetsuken to head out.
Goemon simply nodded. "I will return shortly." With a quick wave to Lupin and Eshe, he exited through the front door and left for town.
Eshe looked concerned. "Goemon?"
Lupin patted her gently on the shoulder. "It's okay," he said. "He's coming back." Lupin paused, and pointed at his mouth, and then his stomach, hoping Eshe's race had the same concept of eating. "Food," he said.
Eshe just nodded. With that, Lupin had given her the new clothes, set her down in front of the TV, and was now absentmindedly playing solitaire and keeping an eye on Eshe while waiting for Goemon to come back. He hoped they were doing the right thing. In the back of his head, Jigen's warning of the possibility of her being dangerous nagged at him. She hadn't demonstrated any real strength or anything yet, just remarkable intelligence. Even if she had been a threat to the government, well, look at how they'd treated her. Goemon had freed her, and the gang had shown her nothing but kindness; even Jigen on the ride down behaved somewhat civilly, at least.
A knock on the door made Lupin drop his cards, startled. He glanced at the old gas station clock on the wall. That was fast, he thought, opening the door and expecting to see Goemon. Instead, he was greeted with a fierce slap in the face and a screeching voice saying, "What the hell is wrong with you?"
"Hi, Fujiko," Lupin grunted, holding his cheek as Fujiko Mine strode past him angrily. "Have ever told you your beautiful when your psychotic?"
"Don't sweet talk me!" Fujiko whirled on him as he shut the door. "You've got every top secret military and government organization looking for you now, and because I'm associated with you guys, I'm going to be trapped in the dragnet, too."
"How did you find out?" Lupin asked, walking over to the couch and sitting next to Eshe. Eshe looked alarmed at Fujiko's presence, but Lupin merely pointed at the TV and said, "Watch." Eshe snuck another look at Fujiko before turning her attention back to the television.
Fujiko, who had sat down in a nearby armchair, pursed her lips. "I was working at that base, Lupin." She sighed and slumped back. "An organization was paying me big bucks to infiltrate that place and find out its secrets. I suppose my disguise was good enough you didn't notice me in that break room, huh?"
"You were there?" Lupin said.
"You'd better believe I was. Seeing you made me worried. Seeing Goemon and that...thing," she said, pointing at Eshe, "made me realize the jig was up. I figured I'd better get my ass out of there, because if they figured out who I really was and what I was there for, I would be dead meat. Not to mention the fact my target was being kidnapped before my very eyes."
"Sorry I blew your case, Fuji-cakes," Lupin said. "I guess it was good money."
Fujiko crossed her arms and stared at him with a look that would kill. "Okay, really good money," Lupin amended. "But Fujiko...we had to take her out of there. She was locked away and not happy at all. We think she was a guinea pig for whatever twisted experiments they could come up with."
Fujiko sighed again. "Your soft heart always gets you into trouble."
"Damn right," Lupin said with a grin. "It's also what keeps you around. You know Jigen and Goemon would have tossed you out on your ear years ago if it weren't for my soft heart for you."
"Was that a screeching demon from hell?" Jigen grunted, opening the door. A cloud of cigarette smoke wafted out from behind him. "Ah, no. It's worse...it's Fujiko." Fujiko frowned and remained silent, deciding to let Lupin handle Jigen's mood.
"For God's sakes, will you open a window in there?" Lupin complained, fanning away the heavy smell of burnt tobacco. "Just because I smoke doesn't mean I want to smell it all the time."
"I'll smoke where I want," Jigen grunted, but he did put out what was left of his current cigarette. Lupin walked over to the window and opened it to keep Eshe, Fujiko, and himself from choking on the clouds of gray.
"Please explain to me, Jigen," Fujiko said seriously. "how you could let Lupin plan such a boneheaded and amateurish raid."
Jigen frowned, and Lupin cracked up. "Excuse me, Ms. Perfect," Jigen growled.
"You let him plan it?" Fujiko was aghast as she stared at Lupin.
Lupin giggled. "Him and Goemon. I thought it would be good experience, not to mention that maybe they'd appreciate all the hard work I do around here."
"Since when is hitting on Fujiko and drinking until your eyes float in their sockets hard work?" Jigen shot back.
"Excuse me? That's calling the kettle black..."
Fujiko finally took a good look at Eshe, deciding a change of subject was in order. "So, what have you figured out about her?"
"Not much. Other than she's a real fast learner. We're hoping she might pick up some of our language by watching TV."
Jigen glanced at the TV. "What are you watching?" he said to no one in particular.
"Animal Planet," said Eshe.
If Jigen had still had his cigarette, he would have accidentally inhaled it. As was, he let out a cough, and then stuttered, "What did you say?"
"This channel," Eshe said slowly, "Animal Planet."
Fujiko whistled, "You aren't kidding. She is fast."
The alien turned to face the gang. "Talk. I will learn," she said eagerly.
The group fell silent. "I don't think you want to learn what we were talking about," Lupin said quietly.
"She'll have to sooner or later if she's around us," Jigen said pointedly. "And anyway, where the hell's Goemon?"
As if on cue, Goemon, arms full of grocery bags and a samurai sword, kicked open the door.
"Good timing," Lupin said. "Jigen needs his bottle."
Goemon set the sacks down on the kitchen table and rifled through them. "This should quiet him down," he said, pulling out a bottle of whiskey and handing it to Jigen.
Jigen took the bottle and a glass from the cabinets, turned and went back to his room.
"Hey, it worked," Fujiko smirked.
Goemon looked up from unpacking the groceries. "Good afternoon, Fujiko. I thought that was your motorcycle parked outside. When did you get here?"
"Not too long ago," she answered briskly.
"She saw us on base." With that, Lupin quickly filled Goemon in Fujiko's story.
"Hi, Goemon!" called Eshe cheerfully.
"Hello, Eshe," Goemon said, raising an eyebrow. "A quick study, just as we suspected."
"Learn fast," she said proudly.
"If she learned that in just an hour, imagine what could happen over the next few days," Lupin added.
Fujiko frowned. "Are you really planning on keeping her around that long? What are you going to do with her?"
Lupin sighed. "To be honest, I was wondering myself. I haven't a clue."
"If at all possible, we should try to send her back home," Goemon said calmly.
"Home," echoed Eshe.
"Oh, okay. Well, we'll just hop on down to NASA, rent a shuttle, and drive her over to her planet. Shouldn't take more than twenty years with stops for gas." Lupin said with mock enthusiasm. Eshe looked at him confused. "No, no, I meant..." Lupin trailed off, a bit abashed and wondering if sarcasm translated to her language. "We'll help you somehow."
Eshe looked at Lupin seriously. "Danger," she said quietly.
"Nothing new to us," he said, hoping she understood.
She nodded, and suddenly smiled again. "Okay. I sleep," she said, getting up from the sofa. She pointed to the empty room next to where Jigen lurked.
"That's fine," Lupin said. As she went in and closed the door, he looked at Fujiko and Goemon. "I hope you two have some ideas, because for once I am out."
Fujiko tilted her head. "Well, I don't have any grand schemes, but might be able to help you in some other ways," she said with a wry smile.