Jigen, Goemon, Fujiko, and Zenigata do not belong to me. Got tired of typing about Lupin.
Chapter 6: Secret Agent Gang
"You know," Fujiko said as she made a few last adjustments, "I don't know what you would have done without me." She stepped back to survey her work.
"Hey, I know a few things about women's clothing," Lupin protested.
"You know a few things about removing women's clothing," Fujiko corrected. "Seriously, what could you guys have done? Jigen has no clue and Goemon would probably freak out for some reason."
"I would not," Goemon said in annoyance.
"Well, I did the mask and wig. So there," Lupin said, sticking out his tongue at Fujiko. He looked over at Eshe, and gave her a smile which she returned. "Alright, take a look in the mirror here," he said, pointing at the long mirror on the wall of Eshe's room. Eshe carefully peered into it and let out a gasp.
While Eshe napped, Fujiko had searched through Lupin's costumes and her own clothes to come up with an outfit that covered Eshe head to toe. She added a long-sleeved shirt under the dress Lupin had given her, along with an oversized cardigan. She had also uncovered a pair of opaque blue tights and some old loafers that went well enough with the outfit. Eshe wasn't a fashion plate, but she would blend in. Lupin, meanwhile, had set about making Eshe a new face using his extraordinary mask-making skills. He also lent her a wig, close in color to her red mane, that was long enough to cover the flaps on the sides of her head comfortably when it was pulled into a loose ponytail. Completed with some natural-looking makeup from Fujiko, and some specially made contacts from Lupin, and Eshe appeared perfectly human at first glance.
"Most impressive," Goemon said, watching in his usual cross-legged position from the bed.
"Not bad at all," Lupin confirmed. "I just wish we could figure out how to disguise her hands." As they completed their work, Lupin and Fujiko realized what their biggest challenge would be. Eshe had five fingers on each hand, but each hand ended in a sharp talon rather than a human type fingernail. In addition, she had thick webbing in-between each finger that would make wearing gloves impossible.
"We'll tell people it's a birth defect she's sensitive about," Fujiko said, carefully covering Eshe's hands in a pale skin-toned makeup.
"Or she can just keep her hands in her pockets all the time," Lupin suggested. He looked at Eshe. "Be careful with your hands," he said. "Don't let them be seen."
Eshe nodded. "Okay. I am careful." She pulled her hands inside the sleeves of her slightly-too-large cardigan.
"Brilliant," Lupin said, causing another big smile from Eshe. "Plus, it makes her look even more adorable than before."
"At least this way we can move around without more notice...than usual," Goemon added.
The four of them exited the bedroom. Goemon settled himself in the battered armchair, and Fujiko and Eshe sat down on the couch. Lupin, however, went over to Jigen's door. "Hey, Jigen. Someone here to see you."
"Go away."
Lupin mock-pouted. "Aw, Jigen. It's time to come out and play."
"I said go away."
"Don't make me break down the door."
"You couldn't do it if you wanted to."
"Fine, then I'll make Goemon do it."
There was a pause, a muttering of curse words, and footsteps. The door flew open, the smell of cigarettes and booze filling the room. "What?"
Lupin made a grand gesture with his arms at Eshe. "What do you think?"
"Think about..." Jigen trailed off as he caught a glimpse of the transformed alien. "Wow, not bad. Fujiko helped, huh?"
Lupin sighed. "Do you people really have that little faith in me?"
"Sometimes," Goemon answered.
"Mostly," Fujiko said with a grin.
"Always," Jigen shot back.
"That was a rhetorical question," Lupin finished weakly. A sudden knock at the door silenced the group.
Lupin cast a wary glance at the door, and then turned to the rest of the group. "Fujiko?"
Fujiko shrugged. "No one knows I'm here."
"Goemon?"
"I was not followed," the samurai said. "I made sure of it."
"Crap," Lupin said. He took off his red jacket and pulled a brown curly wig and glasses out of the pockets before stashing the coat in a nearby cabinet. He turned back to the rest of the group. Goemon had already made his way into one of the bedrooms, as not to make whoever was there ask questions if he was seen. Jigen had settled into the armchair in his place and pulled his hat low over his eyes, while Eshe and Fujiko nervously sat on the couch.
Lupin threw on the glasses and adjusted the wig, and then opened the door to the cabin. Three no-nonsense looking people stood on the porch, one woman and two men, all in attire that meant business.
"Can I help you?" Lupin asked.
The man in front held out an ID card. "Richard Roth, U.S. Government. We're on the lookout for a fugitive."
"Fugitive?" Lupin said, doing his best to sound alarmed. "Is he dangerous?"
"Extremely," the second, darker-skinned man intoned. He was the tallest of the three by far, and looked like he could take a direct blow from a wrecking ball and still remain standing. He also held out his card for Lupin to examine. "I'm Jonathan Peters, also with the U.S. Government. May we come in and take a look around?"
"Of course," Lupin said, trying to sound gracious. He held open the door and the three intruders entered. Fujiko noticed that Eshe began to fidget nervously when they entered the room, apparently hoping they wouldn't notice anything strange about her.
"Your name, sir?" said Agent Roth, pulling out a Palm Pilot.
"Er," Lupin said, thinking fast. "Arnie. Arnie York. This is my brother, Danny," he said, pointing to Jigen, "my sister Franny, and my niece, Annie," he finished, gesturing to the ladies on the couch. Jigen let out a puff of smoke, Fujiko gave her most winning smile and a small wave, and Eshe stared down into her lap, her hands withdrawn into her cardigan sleeves as far as they would go.
"Mr. York," said Agent Peters. "We're looking for the famed criminal Lupin III. Perhaps you've heard of him?"
"Of course we have," Jigen burst, followed by a long draw on his cigarette. "Damn bastard's all over the news."
"We have reason to believe he's in the area." Agent Peters continued, as if he hadn't been interrupted. "We wanted to know if anyone had seen any suspicious characters around town or perhaps in the woods through here."
"Are you looking for the rest of his gang?" piped up Fujiko, sounding a trifle nervous. Lupin knew she was truly concerned about getting mixed up in the whole mess, even though she hadn't been directly involved.
"Yes ma'am," Agent Roth said, still inputting information into his handheld. "Every one of them."
"What did they do?" Lupin asked seriously.
"They stole a weapon from the U.S. Army." The group turned to face the third member of the visitors, who up until this moment had remained quiet. She was an average-looking woman with short brown hair. "My name is Amy Hanes. I'm with the U.S. Army, Intelligence Division. Lupin and his gang made off with a very powerful device that could endanger millions. We want him captured as soon as possible before he can use it."
"What kind of weapon?" Jigen said, annoyed. The connection of Eshe and a "weapon" had disturbed him, but he hoped that the woman was simply covering for secrets they did not want the public to know.
Sure enough, her answer was, "I'm sorry, sir. That's classified. We simply need to track down Lupin's gang before they get an opportunity to use it."
"It's just the four of you in this place, Mr. York?" Agent Peters eyes narrowed, as he continued to scan the room.
"Yes sir. We rented it for a family vacation," Lupin answered. Peters took long looks at all of them. Lupin did not like this guy, a typically suspicious government agent. If not for the fact Goemon was hidden away, they would have matched the basic description of a gang plus a stolen alien perfectly.
"If you don't mind, sir," Peters said. "I'd like to take a look around. Make sure your story checks out?"
"Uh, go ahead," Lupin said.
Peters pushed open the door to the first bedroom, winced at the intense odor from Jigen's stale cigarette butts, and went in with Agent Hanes following him. Agent Roth remained behind, keeping a close eye on them. The group remained quiet, nervously hoping they hadn't left anything condemning out in the rooms.
Just as Peters and Hanes exited the bedroom, a loud thud came from the room next door. The one Goemon was hidden in.
Agent Peter's face lit up. "There's someone else here," he said. Lupin could tell Jigen would have loved to punch Peters in the fact for his sadistic attitude. Luckily the gunman held his cool. Lupin, however followed Peters over to the door; the agent had drawn his gun and his hand was on the knob, ready to go in and bust the perp.
"Wait, wait," Lupin said. "That's, that's..." He wondered how someone came up with the excuse for having an Edo-period samurai in the bedroom.
Peters threw the door open and was promptly greeted with a blow to the face from a wooden object. Horrified that their hastily-made cover was blown, Lupin prepared to pull out his Walther when he finally got a good look at the figure in the door. It was all he could do not to crack up.
"Oh, I'm sorry," Lupin said as graciously as he could. "I forgot. Grandma just got in today."
Goemon had evidently been listening in, and so had raided Lupin's disguises just in case. He was stooped over, wearing an unruly gray wig, some black granny glasses, a flannel housecoat decorated with little daisies, and Lupin's bunny slippers. After butting Peters, he brought down Zantetsuken, holding it like a cane. "Ruffian!" Goemon screeched in his best old lady voice, which sounded like a cat being beaten with a rolling pin.
"Uh, sorry...sorry ma'am," Peters said, looking greatly abashed. Lupin's gang couldn't help but note that Roth and Hanes were both rolling their eyes and trying not to laugh.
"You should be sorry! Giving an old woman a fright like that! You could have given me a stroke!" Grandma made as if to hit Peters with her cane again. The agent flinched and backed off.
"Uh, thank you, Mr. York," Roth said. "We've taken up enough of your time. If you do see anything suspicious, please give us a call," he said, handing Lupin a business card. He nodded to the other two agents. Hanes and Peters turned and followed him out the door, Peters rubbing his face and shooting Grandma a murderous look before he shut the door behind him. As soon as they heard the agent's car pull away, Lupin, Jigen, and Fujiko fell to the floor in laughter.
"Nice one," Lupin gasped out.
Goemon stood up straight. Non-pulsed, he pulled of the wig and glasses. "After hanging around you for this long, I should have picked up a few of your tricks."
"Priceless," Fujiko said, wiping away tears of mirth. "I wish I had my camera."
Eshe giggled at Goemon. "Disguise," she said happily. "Like me."
Goemon graciously nodded as he pulled off the housecoat, revealing his usual gi and hakama underneath. A seriousness settled in on his face. "So what do we do now?"
Lupin sighed as he straightened up. "I'm not sure. But we can't stay here."
"What about another of your government bases?" Jigen suggested. "Maybe one of them has the technology to get her home."
"Why, Jigen," Fujiko said cattily. "I thought you weren't interested in helping."
Jigen looked at Fujiko coldly. "I just want her out of our hair as soon as possible," he said seriously.
"Alright, alright," said Lupin, breaking off Fujiko and Jigen's debate before it could escalate to a deathmatch. "Fujiko?"
"Yes?"
"You're probably the least noticeable of us right now. Go find us a car. It would be best to ditch mine for right now. We'll pack up the important stuff while you're out."
Fujiko nodded, turned, and left to follow Lupin's orders. The rest of the gang quickly gathered their things and set them on the front porch, waiting for Fujiko to arrive.
Eshe was sitting on the steps, looking out at the woods. "Danger," she said quietly, as Lupin set a box down near her.
"Don't worry," Lupin said, patting her gently on the head. "We'll help."
Eshe sighed. "Sorry," she said.
"It's not your fault," Goemon piped up, standing next to Lupin.
"We're good at this kind of thing," Lupin said proudly.
"Okay," Eshe said nodding. She lapsed into silence again, a look of concern still on her face.
"I've got a few ideas," Lupin said as he and Goemon packed another box in the cabin. "There are a few other bases that have been long held to hold alien technology. I just don't know which ones."
"It would be haphazard to hit each base and find nothing," Goemon said grimly.
"Actually," Lupin said. "I have a contact who could help us narrow them down. It's just a matter of keeping Eshe safe and hidden until we find the solution."
"I will guard her with my life," Goemon intoned seriously.
"Yeah. I've heard it all before," Lupin said wryly. "Only it's a lot funnier when you say that while wearing my bunny slippers."
Goemon looked down, blushed slightly, and said. "Damn it."