Title: Facing you

Author: Joyce

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, only the story is mine.

Spoilers: Nothing really big.

Note: This takes place six months after Losing you. Xander did not get married to Anya, but he didn't leave her at the altar. He told her some time before the wedding that he wasn't ready and she left town after that. Nobody has heard from her since. Also Tara never died, so Willow never tried to end the world.

Facing you

Buffy took a deep breath before she made the final steps over to the construction site. Xander was working today and she knew he had a break in a couple of minutes. It had been six months since their fatal talk, the talk that took them away from eachother. He never disapeared out of her life, coming by often to see Dawn or Willow. And he didn't avoid her either, he talked to her, and still belonged to her Scooby gang, helping her fight evil whenever he was needed. But he wasn't her friend anymore.

After their talk in the Magic Box she had really tried to make her life worth living again. She had broke things of with Spike, although it had been hard. Somewhere along the line he had become some sort of addiction to her and it was never easy to break a bad habit. Not to mention the fact that it took a long time for Spike to accept that it was really over. Sometimes she still didn't think that he really believed her, but she was at a point in her life now that she didn't care anymore whether or not he believed her.

Trying to reconnect with Willow had been much easier. The redhead had missed her best friend so much that she had been estatic to finally have a piece of her back. It gave them both the peace they so longed to find. Buffy helped Willow face her problems with Tara, Willow helped Buffy find herself again. A proces that had been painful and hard but was finally coming together now.

Dawn had been another story, her little sister had been deeply traumatised by the events of last year and she just couldn't believe that Buffy was really trying to be there for her. It took a lot of long talks and hard work before she started to open up to Buffy, but the last month had been getting better every day. Dawn could go out and act like a teenager again and she started to understand more and more that her big sister was trying to do the best she could.

So, after some tough six months Buffy could finally say that she was happy to be alive. Life wasn't perfect, not by a long shot. But she was here and, more importantly, she didn't want to be anywhere else.

But she still missed one thing in her life: Xander Harris. He had seen the change in her and even helped her to some extend. Convincing Dawn that she should give Buffy a chance, but he never took that advice himself. Never reached out to her and she had been afraid to do so.

But today she had finally decided that she wanted to try and see what they could repair. She didn't think she had another choice because it was really very simple: she missed him. She missed his friendship, his support, even his silly jokes and she missed being a part of his life. His breakup with Anya had been hard on him, but she never talked to him about it and it really hurt her. To see him in pain and not being able to help him, because he wouldn't allow her.

Standing there on the construction site she almost lost her courage, but once he spotted her she knew she had to at least try. The old Buffy Summers never gave up without a fight and so she would fight for him.

Xander looked up from his work because he felt someone staring at him. Buffy was standing a couple of feet away from him and he didn't know what to think of that. She never came to his work, and she never looked him up by herself. Not since the fight they had in the Magic Box. Looking into her eyes he was surprised to see a familiar look there. Determination. He had seen it in her eyes before, but not that much lately. And never directed at him.

Buffy closed the distance between them.

"Don't you have a break coming up now?"

"Yeah, I have one now."

She nodded.

"Can we talk?"

Xander hesitated, but only for a second.

"Sure."

He led her to a somewhat private area, although they were still on the construction site. He pointed to a bench they could sit on and they took a seat. For a while neither of them spoke, instead they just sat there and watched the activities on the site. Eventually Buffy broke the silence.

"I wanna start building."

He blinked a couple of times.

"Huh? I don't get it, do you wanna work here or something?"

She tried again.

"No, I wanna start building."

He shook his head.

"Still don't get it Buffy. Sorry."

She sighed.

"Remember the last time we spoke alone? I asked you if I could ever repair our friendship. And you..."

He interrupted her.

"I said it wasn't about repair, it was about building from scratch."

She nodded, looking at him again.

"Do you understand now? I wanna start building."

He was silent for a while. Thinking about the hurt she had caused him, thinking about the hurt he had caused her. He finally had to ask.

"Why?"

Her answer had nothing to do with the question, but he understood anyway.

"You broke up with Anya and I didn't even know."

She had missed him. He tried to confince himself that it didn't mather but it did. Six months ago it wouldn't have made a difference. He was still consumed with rage, with hurt. He didn't trust her then, so it wouldn't have mattered.

But he had changed, his feelings had changed, because she had changed. She wasn't the same girl he had screamed at anymore, she was actually becoming the Buffy he had known. He had loved. But he was still afraid to let her get close again, because she could hurt him.

"I don't wanna get hurt."

At first she tought he hadn't spoken at all, since he had said it in a whisper.

"Neither do I."

Her answer suprised him, because he never would have tought he had the power to hurt her too. But when he looked at her it was there, hurt. Because of him.

"I really felt alone after An left."

"I felt realy helpless after she left."

She hestitated, but slowly she reached out and took hold of his hand. He tensed, looking at her small hand covering his much bigger hand. Still debating what to do.

"Please let me help you Xand."

The words drained the tension out of him and he let her hold his hand. Noticing that a look of relieve washed over her. She was scared, scared that he would turn her down and reject the last chance they had at saving their friendship.

"You did good this last couple of months. Thank you for giving Dawn the love and patience she deserves. For helping Willow."

Hearing him say that made her smile a little.

"You know, I'm happy again."

He nodded.

"Good."

She sqeezed his hand.

"But I'm still incomplete. And it's really hard to see you like this. I don't think I've seen you in this much pain before."

"It's just all my fault, you know. I should have told her I wasn't ready for marriage sooner. Maybe, if I had done that, she would still be here with me."

Buffy forced him to look at her.

"You did the best you could do. Asking her to marry you wasn't the smartest thing you've ever done, but you could have made it a lot worse. It's not like you left her at the altar, and I know your decision to not marry her had nothing to do with how much you love her."

He gave her half a smile.

"But I still broke her heart."

She nodded.

"Yeah, but someone once told me that people make their own decisions. She left because she wanted to, not because you made her leave."

"It doesn't matter that I didn't want her to leave. She's still gone and...I just miss her."

"It will get better. Trust me."

He took his hand away.

"I still don't know if I can do that. Trust you, I mean."

"I know, I'm not asking for miracles here. I'm asking for a chance to start building again."

He gave her a look.

"Don't you think we are using this 'building' metaphore a bit much?"

"I am, you still haven't said anything about the subject."

He sighed.

"I've lost a lot these last months. Anya, you... I'm afraid to lose more. I don't wanna start building because I'm scared the building will fall down before we get to the top. And I'm scared that maybe this time I won't be able to crawl back up from under the pieces."

"Ok, now I think we've both overused the 'building' metaphore. But I do get what you're saying. I'm scared too."

He shook his head, looking at his watch.

"Look, I've gotta go. My break is almost over."

She took his arm.

"Stay. Please, just another minute. Listen to me. I miss you. And I know this is going to be hard, that we're both scared. But I also know that these last months I've picked up the phone a thousand times because I just saw something funny or whatever and all I wanted to do was tell you. You've always been my best friend, and I know that I took you for granted. Took a lot of things for granted, but I do love you. You are one of the reasons I keep fighting every night. And I just want to know that we have a chance. That's all I want. To know that maybe, someday, we can be friends again. And I can just pick up the phone and tell you about my day. I want you to be a part of my life and I want to be in yours. Please tell me we can at least try."

It took a couple of minutes before he spoke again.

"I'm sorry Buffy, but I can't try. I just can't."

She got up, defeated, not knowing what else to do.

"Buffy?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't wanna try, because I wanna start building."

Before he knew it, he was stormed by her and enveloped in a huge hug.

"What made you change your mind?"

He grinned a little.

"Look around you, I'm good at building."

She let go of him.

"You are, and you know what, I'm gonna be the best damn fellow builder you've ever had. From now on just call me 'Building' Buffy."

"Building Buffy it is."

He looked at his watch again.

"Don't get me wrong Buff, I want to do this. But I want you to know that you really did hurt me in that crypt. A lot, and we still need to talk about that. Also, I really have to go now, my break is defenitely over."

"Go. Oh and Xand, I really am sorry for treading you like that. I hope you know that."

He nodded and returned to his work, but stopped when he heard her scream his name.

"Xander!"

"What!"

"Me and Will are having a movie night tonight, wanna come?"

He looked at her, the way her eyes were sparkling, the way she was smiling and truly felt like he saw her for the first time. He had a gutfeeling that maybe this girl could end up being his best friend. And you had to start building somewhere.

"Sure, why not."

Buffy watched him walk away, not even realising she was smiling like an idiot. She knew that they had a long road ahead of them. But she also knew that for the first time in six months she was complete again.