Thanks loads to those who reviewed! You girls (and guys) are great!
o (the happy face): Yay! You were my first review for this story. Glad you like!
Cady Monroe: I'll try not to spell out Spike's talking as much in the next chapters, but it's something I like to do. Thanks for pointing that out, though.
Nokia: The whole reason why I wrote this story is so that I could make people laugh. I'm happy I could do that.
Jobe: Sorry to disappoint if you think that there's going to be any Spuffiness. I wrote this purely for laughs.
Gigil3: Thanks for saving me from that major mistake (smiles wide in appreciation )! I don't celebrate Thanksgiving and I don't have a beta, so I didn't catch that. It's all fixed now.
Bridge: Great that you like it and that you want me to continue. Thanks!
For summary, disclaimers, ratings, etc. see chapter one.
In celebration of my going back to school date (wwwwhhhhhhaaaaaaaaa! I don't wanna!) here's the next chapter . . .
Surprisingly, the hero and heroine of our story made it to the supermarket safely, with no major incidents on the way there. But once they arrived, it was a whole different story . . .
"Come on, Spike! The whole reason why we came here is so that we could go inside and get the things we need!"
Both vamp and Slayer were standing outside of the local supermarket, safely under the shade of the building, while the former tried to convince the latter to enter the store.
"Nuh-uh. I'm not goin' and you can't make me!" Spike said, sounding remarkably like a 4-year-old.
"Come on!" Buffy pleaded, tugging on the blonde vamp's hand. "It's not like you've never been in a supermarket!"
Her eyes grew wide as Spike suddenly fell silent.
"Oh, my god! You've never been in a supermarket!"
"'S not like I ever needed to. I'm a bloody vampire!" By this point, Spike was practically screaming with frustration.
Buffy glared at him, wildly waving her hands, and hissed in a stage whisper, "Could you say that any louder! I don't think the people inside quite heard you."
Spike lowered his voice. "Look, Slayer, I'm an evil Master Vamp for bleedin' sake, I've still got somethin' of a reputation to protect!"
Buffy looked thoroughly frustrated. "Correction, Spike, you were the former Big Bad. And if you're not willing to go in, how many other demons would be in there to see you, anyways? Now, come on!"
With one final sharp tug, Buffy managed to make Spike lose his balance, thus successfully pulling both of them into the store. But once recovered, the petite blonde suddenly realized that she had forgotten their shopping cart. Groaning her hundredth antagonized groan since the beginning of the day, she threw a quick glare at Spike – commanding him to stay on pain of death – and stalked back outside to wrestle with the impossible metal carts.
After a full ten minutes of fighting shopping carts and having to retrieve Spike multiple times as he tried to sneak away . . .
"Ugghhh! I knew I should have made a grocery list! This is so hard!"
"What could be so bloody difficult 'bout this, Slayer?" Spike asked as they wandered the produce section. "Pick up a couple of veggies and let's go!"
"No! Spike! It's tradition to have certain things for Thanksgiving every year. I can't just grab random things and go!"
Spike started to rolled his eyes, but halted abruptly as Buffy threw him a deathly glower.
"Fine. What certain things do you need, luv?"
"Umm . . . I'm don't exactly remember," Buffy admitted reluctantly, biting her lower lip.
"How can you not remember! You've had Thanksgiving with your mum every year for, what, a good two decades!"
By this point, our main characters are going to die of frustration before they even finish their shopping.
"Shhh, Spike! Let me think! Umm . . . we've got the turkey . . . umm . . . oh! Oh! Peas!"
"Come again, pet?" Spike asked with furrowed eyebrows, anger forgotten.
"Peas! We always have a bowl of green peas! And mashed potatoes!" Buffy grew happy with her success as she began to remember.
"And look, we're in the perfect place to start," she added, glancing around at the rest of the produce section. "Come on. Let's go see potatoes."
At the potato display . . .
This shopping trip is beginning to seem like an emotional roller coaster, thought the Slayer.
Upon finding the potatoes, which had taken at least 5 minutes (Buffy swore that the market had to be the size of a small country), both blondes had realized that getting potatoes would not be as simple in practice as in theory, and their spirits and immediately plunged.
"What do people need so many potatoes for?" Buffy half-screamed in aggravation. She gaped at the display of potatoes as she read their names in her head. Russet gold. White. Idaho. Irish. Sweet. Yams. What's the difference!
Spike, on the other hand, had already grown resigned to the fact that that this expedition would be more difficult then either one of them had originally thought. So it wasn't as great a surprise to him when he saw the massive amounts of potatoes.
With a shake of his head, the bleached-blonde vamp strode forward and randomly grabbed a couple of taters.
As he set them in the cart and began to walk away, Buffy finally woke from her stupor and noticed that the vamp was leaving. She rushed to stop him.
"What do you think your doing, Spike! You can't just take any type of potato!" she said frantically.
"D'you have a better soddin' idea, Slayer?" Spike growled quietly. "Besides, what does it matter? The 'tatoes are goin' to be mashed anyway. Then you can't even tell what they are!"
"Fine," Buffy said with yet another death glare. "But at least get a plastic bag for them. And are they supposed to be this dirty?"
"They're potatoes, luv. They grow underground. 'Course they're dirty. Now, look, there are the bags. I'll go get a couple while you try to find the peas."
Buffy pushed the cart away resignedly as Spike headed towards the plastic bags.
And more minutes later . . .
The Master Vamp, Scourge of Europe, killer of hoards of hundreds had finally met his match.
Spike quickly realized that having vampiric strength does nothing to help one in one's quest to open a plastic bag.
After all this time, he had been able to split a total of zero bags, but he had managed to tear almost a dozen into shreds. Ready to give up, he began turned away, but he stopped as he noticed a little old lady walk by. He watched, slightly curious to see what she would do.
Approaching the roll of plastic, the elderly woman tore off a bag, and with a brisk rub and quick flick of her wrist, opened it successfully and hobbled away. Staring incredulously, Spike huffed angrily and decided to just take a couple bags unopened, and see how much luck the Slayer was having . . .
They knew I was coming and they're hiding from me on purpose, Buffy thought in despair.
She had been through the produce section a total of five times, and had yet to unearth any green peas. Lifting her head up from where she had been resting it in her hands, she saw Spike stalk towards her.
"There's not a single bloodybuggered way to open these impossible freakin' bags!" Spike said by way of greeting.
"Aww, did wittle Spiky have twouble opening the wittle plastic bags?" Buffy laughed.
"Shut up, Slayer," growled Spike. "Besides, you didn't find what you were lookin' for, either."
Buffy stopped and grew serious. "There are no peas in this whole supermarket. In fact, they might not even exist anymore."
"Oh, yeah?" smirked Spike. "Go ask a clerk."
"Fine, I will." Buffy flounced off, determined to prove Spike wrong . . .
. . . which, to her complete chagrin, she didn't managed to do.
"Peas are located in the frozen aisle," explained the matronly clerk Buffy found. "Just head down that way."
"Thanks," Buffy forced a smile, as Spike hovered, grinning. But then her mood suddenly lightened.
"Oh, and I'm sorry, but could you please open this bag for us? Spike here can't seem to manage it." She smiled sweetly, and it became Spike's turn to glare at her.
"Not a problem," answered the clerk as she handed back the bag. "You know this is so sweet. The two of you remind me of my husband and me the first time we went grocery shopping after we got married. Don't worry, you get used to doing this after a while."
With another friendly smile, the clerk walked off.
"Wait, we – we're not--" Buffy belatedly tried to correct her.
Spike touched her shoulder. "Let it go, Slayer. You got what you needed," he said, barely containing a laugh.
"Easy for you to say," Buffy grumbled quietly. "You didn't just get married to a annoying vampire."
"The annoying vampire has extremely good hearing, pet," Spike said as he walk off. "Come on."
After getting a bag of frozen peas (which, happily, there was only one kind to choose from), Buffy went through her mental checklist of things they had to get.
"Let's see . . .we need turkey stuffing, cranberries, dinner rolls, stuff to make apple pie --"
"Bloody 'ell, Slayer, is there absolutely no food left in your house?"
"Well, mom's been gone most of the week, and Dawn can practically live off chips and candy, so they didn't bother getting anything more for the week. Now, shut up and let me finish. As I was saying . . . Oh, right! . . . apple pie, and spices. We should split up so we can get the things faster."
Upon hearing this last comment, Spikes eyes widened in horror and he grabbed onto Buffy's arm – acting as if it were a lifeline.
"No! Slayer, you can't leave me by myself," Spike said as he searched desperately for an excuse. "I – I'll – I'll just botch everything up anyways."
Buffy's eyes twinkled in amusement. "What, are you scared of all the big mean housewives?" she teased.
"Ay! You've never been whacked by a granny's purse before. Ah, don't ask," he added as Buffy mouth opened to form another question.
"Fine. Let's go. We have to finish all of this and get home to cook it!"
It took them more than a good hour to get all the right things they needed. In this time, they had also managed to knock down several displays, dent the cart severely, and scare just about every person in the market with their lack of knowledge and (according to their fellow shoppers) rather psychotic behavior.
It was a battered and battle-weary pair that got in the never-ending line at the check stand. They waited there for what seemed like a century, and just as it was going to be their turn, the cashier put up a sign that said the stand was closed. Spike finally lost his patience.
Reaching across to grab the pimply young man by the collar, he growled," Look, you wanker, we have been in this market for a very long time. Now, you are going to ring us up right now, or else you're not going to live to see your break, got it?"
The cashier nodded furiously. It was the fastest he had ever worked. The boy who packed their food didn't even bother to ask of they wanted paper or plastic. He used both and had everything wrapped up in record time.
As they headed out, Buffy said, "Y'know, that wasn't very nice."
"'M a vampire, pet. What d'you expect? 'Sides, it got us out of there fast enough."
Amazingly, Buffy didn't argue.
On the way home . . .
"I've decided that shoppin' is hazardous to your health," Spike stated.
"Says the vamp that's scared of a supermarket."
"I bloody well was not scared."
"Oh, right, you were terrified."
"Was not!"
(mimicking Spike)"Oh, Buffy! Help! Save me from the horrible attacking Brussels sprouts."
"Brussels sprouts are evil, luv."
"Alright, I'll give you that. But still you were scared."
"Was not!"
"Was too!"
"Was not!"
"Was too!"
All the way home . . .
It would have been enough to drive the most patient of mothers crazy.
TBC
Feedback is loved and appreciated!
I hope you like this one! Tell me whether or not I should continue.
le faye