It was a calm day in the village.

Everyone was talking about funerals cos someone had died. Then they didn't know what to do next.

'Hey! I know!' a guy yelled. 'Why don't we all go down the woods for a picnic?'

'No you dumbass!' said another guy. 'Scary things live inside that wood! Things in little red cloaks!'

'You mean, like, red riding hood man?' screamed a little girl.

'No man! I mean like, these monsters, yeah? With claws!'

Klaus looked up. 'Excuse me?'

'Not you man,' said Barney, one of the village elders. 'Monsters.'

Then one villager went 'Oh ma gawd! A red flower!'

'Quick! Quick! Bury it, man!' said Barney. 'Oh no!'

There was a large infestation of red flowers everywhere.

'Gosh darnit,' Elmer, another elder, said. 'Well, we cans kiss our chickens goodbye.'

The villagers screamed and burned all the red flowers.

...

Meanwhile a young man called Lucius was talking to the other elders.

'So, I was saying that you can make the brownies, Lucius,' the eldest elder said. 'But just you dust them with icing sugar, cos otherwise they taste like old mice, yes sir!'

'But I was talking about the creatures, man,' Lucius said shaking his head.

'What creatures?' asked another elder.

'Those we do not speak of,' Lucius said.

'Why don't we speak of em?' said the first elder.

'Jeez, you guys are mega old,' said Lucius.

'Well, thankyou, and yes I am a natural blonde,' said another elder.

'Look. Can I go into the woods, or not?' Lucius said.

'Woods? There are woods?' said the first elder.

'Yes,' Lucius said.

'Well fancy that. Fancy that,' the oldest woman said. 'Hal, honey, you want to take a picnic into the woods some time?'

'So I can go?' Lucius said.

'Go wheres?' the eldest elder said.

'Into the woods.'

'Oh, you're having a picnic? Say, are you makin' brownies?' the eldest elder said.

'No, I'm going to the town,' Lucius replied.

'Well, this ain't a town, son. Says so in the title. The Village,' another elder said.

'Yes, that's why I'm going to the town,' Lucius said calmly.

'Oh, the town? Hows you getting there then?' said the woman.

'Through the woods.'

'Oh, the woods? Well, you know we're going to the woods next week aren't we Hal?'

Suddenly Lucius's mother came in. 'Oh, Lucius, you shouldn't be bothering the elders. They won't remember a word you say.'

'Yeah. I guessed,' Lucius said. 'Mom, can I go to the woods?'

'Why?' his mother frowned, distracted by Noah Percy chucking hazelnuts at the window.

'Boy scouts,' Lucius lied.

'Sure, sure,' his mother said distractedly.

'Good,' Lucius said.

'Oh, no wait a sec! There are no boy scouts! No you ain't going to the woods!'

Lucius sighed and left.