Title: Shaitan
Author: CSIphile/Redwing
Summary and disclaimer all on the first chapter.
AN1: I have been horrifically remiss. Both Kat and kukrae have been incredible to me and my fic the past few weeks-ok, months. Kukrae for holding my hand while I talked (or typed, as the case may be) out the plot and doing beta work and Kat for doing yet MORE beta work and pointing out a few small problems (coughbasescough). Both have veen invaluable. Thank you both.
AN2: And of course thanks to the readers, Im SO glad you seem to be enjoying this. 40 plus reviews for 4 chapters…amazing really. Please, keep it up.
To whoever suggested adding the other L&O franchises: it wont happen here. I had a hard enough time juggling these 5 main characters plus Fin and Munch. That's enough crossover for me, thank you much. J About Gibbs not knowing Tonys detective score…that was a bit of creative license. Sure he knows what school McGee went to, but does Gibbs know his SAT score…probably not.
AN3: I meant to have this out earlier, but alas, not. Real life got in the way. So hows one day earlier? That acceptable?
Ahhhh, this would be a repost, not exactly sure what happened the first time round, but it wasn't the right version of this chapter. I apologize for the crappy grammer.
Chapter 5: Bedtime Stories
Again at the mention of Newport, Elliot watched as Gibbs gave Kate a sideways look. She nodded slightly, as if giving permission.
"We decided in Detroit to set up a sting of sorts. I'm sure you noticed, Kate physically matches the victim profile perfectly." He paused and swallowed, "He stalked the bases, looking for the perfect victim, we figure he watched the base at a minimum for a day before finding someone, probably both victims. His criteria is pretty slim, he's going after a memory-not someone specific."
He paused, having the table's attention. "So we decided to place Kate at Newport, we put her in the day we found the first victim, we had discussed the possibility in South Carolina of using a decoy. We put her in a position that would leave her exposed to anyone watching from outside. Tony and I stayed close, but not close enough to tip him off; we shadowed her every second that she wasn't on base. We hoped he would take the bait. He did and confirmed our suspicions on his movements."
Tony picked up the story when Gibbs paused again, "We were following her late at night on the off day, figuring if she was the target he would grab her soon. So we made it easy, late night stroll in full uniform through the downtown. Everything was quiet until the next thing we know, Kate's pulled between two buildings. Gibbs and I bolted to her position and found her slumped on the ground, our perp standing over her."
Gibbs started again, "We gave chase, but we lost him."
Olivia was staring at Kate with a strange expression, "You all right?"
Kate nodded, "Yeah, it happened so fast. One second I'm walking down the street, the next I'm getting a needle in the neck and am practically unconscious. No real harm though." She moved one hand to the right side of her neck, rubbing the spot lightly where the needle had punctured. "If I had been watching a little closer, I probably would have seen him before he got me. As it was all I managed to see was that he was taller than me and he was white."
Gibbs gave her a warning glance, but Tony put one hand on her shoulder in support. "It wasn't your fault, Kate. We couldn't get a description either, it was way too dark," the younger agent said.
She didn't say anything, just nodded solemnly.
"Sometimes things are beyond your control," Olivia said. "As cops we are trained to be more observant, but sometimes…sometimes they get you anyway. You figure since you're trained in observation you can protect yourself, that nothing will happen, that you have the advantage over the perp. But sometimes, despite allthe training, it's just a matter of them being bigger than you, or getting the jump on you, or being crazier than you."
"Sounds like you've had some experience," Gibbs said.
"Little bit," she nodded.
Gibbs stared at her for a moment before looking at his team. They still looked exhausted, even Tony, who normally seemed to be a boundless supply of energy, had hit the wall. The few naps they'd had over the past 24 hours had not helped the sleep deprivation they already suffered. As much as he wanted to head for the station house and comb through all the evidence collected, Gibbs realized it would be better to do it with clear minds.
"Well, we are going to head for the hotel and try to get a full night's sleep. See you in the morning, Detectives." With that he stood and collected his coat, and the other two followed suit.
"Goodnight," Kate said for the group.
"Night," Elliot replied and watched them leave. He turned to his partner, "Come on, I'll drive you home."
"Okay."
The four remaining detectives stood and after saying goodnight to the waitress, headed out the door and to their respective vehicles.
Elliot opened the door to his sedan for her before heading to the driver's side and getting in. The car was silent for several blocks and they were almost to her apartment before he broke that silence, "You okay?"
She turned from her position of staring out the window to look at him, "Yeah, fine."
"You sure didn't sound fine in there."
"It just gave me the chills. What happened to Kate…," she stopped and looked in her lap.
"Liv…," he pulled into a parking spot by her building and took her hand in his.
"Come up?" she asked so quietly he almost didn't hear her.
Without a word he shut off the engine and opened car the door, following her closely to her second floor apartment. They walked in and she dropped her bag and keys on the table in the hall. They both shed their light fall coats and hung them up.
She moved into the dark living room, and without turning on the lights, sat on one end of the couch, the arm holding her up. Following her once again, he sat as close as he could get. Even in the near dark, he could see the pain etched on her face.
"Liv?" he questioned, wrapping his strong arms around her. He slid down the couch a little bit and pulled her with him, laying her head in his lap. He didn't say anymore, knowing she would talk when she wanted to; instead playing with the ever growing strands of her hair.
"It just…hearing her talk, it was so close, El. So close…it brought back all those feelings from that night. The overwhelming fear. The kind that stops your heart, it's so terrifying you almost forget to breathe. You're standing there, all alone, and this lunatic has your life in his hands. Literally."
He can hear her sniffle and shifted the two of them so he was lying behind her on the couch, one arm wrapped tightly around her midsection, the other under her neck where she could grasp his hand tightly.
"Tell me," he requested.
"What?"
"Everything, Liv, tell me everything about what happened. What you felt, how scared you were. I wasn't there for you then, but I can be now."
She rolled over so they were facing each other and he could see her lip trembling slightly. "It startled me so much when he pushed me into the alley. I was watching another guy go past, and in my head eliminating him as a suspect. I was so fixated on him that when I turned I just…ran into someone. That someone was our perp. I was stunned at first, in two seconds I had found the man who raped and murdered four other women. But oddly, I wasn't worried, I figured I could stall him at least until the cavalry arrived."
She paused and he started rubbing her back in a circular motion. "That's when I heard it…Mike. Saying he'd lost me. I knew I was screwed, but strangely there was no fear. I was still sure that Cragen would find me first. Despite the fact he had killed them so quick before. So…I tried to knee him."
"That's my girl," he interrupted softly.
"He stopped me, called me a whore and put a boning knife to my throat. That's when I realized my best option was to pretend to be helpless. God, Elliot, he really was insane, he called me every name in the book; told me I was dirty, worthless, not fit to exist. The weird part is, I almost started to believe him."
"Why?" he reached out and wiped away the tears that had started to fall silently down her cheeks.
She moved even closer to him, seeking warmth. "Because, Elliot, my whole life I was told that by the one person who was supposed to love me."
"Ohhh, Liv…," he leaned down and kissed her forehead, then her cheeks and finally touched her lips lightly.
"Its okay. Really," she touched his cheek and moved her head back slightly.
"So he was calling you names?" he asked to get her back on track and off a separate painful topic.
"Every last one. That's when it happened. Cragen started yelling orders into the mic, they could hear everything that was going on. Well, he heard the mic too, and got really angry. That's when the fear started. He took my gun, I could feel the anger coming off him, he reeked of it. He put my gun to my head, and I closed my eyes. God help me, El, I closed my eyes and pretended I was back here with you. I know it was a sign of submissiveness, of fear, but I couldn't stop it," again she stopped and took a deep breath, closing her eyes. "That's when he got closer to me, pressed himself up against me. I could feel his hot breath on my cheek, feel the chill of his skin, smell him. Then he said words I'll never forget for the rest of my life 'you pretended to be a victim. Well, sweetheart, now you will be'. That's when I could really hear my heart pumping in my chest, so fast, so scared. In that second I knew I wouldn't make it out alive, but I tried not to let him know that…," she paused and bit her lower lip.
"Do you want to stop?" he asked, pushing the hair from her forehead.
"No, I need to talk about it. I sorta…glossed over it with the department shrink. I think I'll feel better if I actually let it out. It's been so long."
He nodded, "Take your time."
She closed her eyes again. "I can still see it like it was yesterday. For some reason something in me snapped, I refused to let this guy kill me. So I got angry, really angry. I insulted him, he hit me." Involuntarily her hand went to her now healed lip. "That just served to anger me more, no perp had ever gotten the best of me, I wasn't about to let this one. The fear, the terror was pushed to the side, I wanted to make him mad, make him slip up. I think my survival instinct shut off, 'cause otherwise I don't think I would have implied that his mother abused him."
He pulled her away slightly and looked at her, "You insulted the mother of the man with a gun to your head?"
She laughed slightly, "Yeah, I guess I did."
"What is wrong with you?" he asked quietly.
"I was trying to piss him off. And it worked, a little too well. He was…infuriated. And suddenly I was afraid again. Me, Elliot, afraid. I'd never felt like that my whole life. He had the knife on me in a second, I could feel the tip pressed against my abdomen. After that I can't remember much except the pain. Blinding, excruciating pain, and my whole world started to go dark. I just remember thinking I would never see your face again, never feel you touch me or hear your voice. I could feel blood and the next thing I knew, I was lying on the cold ground fighting to stay awake. I terrified that if I closed my eyes that would be it; I wouldn't wake up and the next time you would see me it would be my funeral. I focused on the sirens, then I recall gunshots and finally Fin calling my name. After that, nothing until I woke up with you there."
"Jesus, Liv," he muttered and pulled her even closer to him, wanting to feel her, know she was still here with him. He placed a kiss in her hair. "I'm so sorry, baby. So sorry I wasn't there for you."
"You didn't know. It was something that happened that we didn't have control over. I thought I could take care of myself, but sometimes…you can't."
She tipped her head up, and remarked, "Some things though, you can control." Completing the motion, she pressed her lips to his lightly, unsure of his reaction. They had agreed to lay low, and this was the first intimate contact they'd had since sleeping together. But in that moment she needed to feel him, needed to feel something beside the residual terror running through her.
Instead of pulling back like he should have, Elliot gave into her, pressing his lips against hers and running his hands through her hair. He easily prodded her mouth open and clashed his tongue with hers. His hands broke free from her hair and wandered down the back of her shirt, pulling the hem out of the pants she was wearing. He slid his hands under the cotton fabric and when he pressed her lower body closer to him he felt her let out a tiny gasp.
Pulling his head back, he went after the soft skin on her neck, replacing the memory of a knife with his lips. Slowly he moved down to the crook between her neck and collar bone, while his hands worked their way up to her shoulder blades. Suddenly he pulled his hands out of the back of her shirt and brought them to the front, going to work on the buttons holding the material together. He felt her hands returning the favor on the belt buckle, her hand grazing over the crotch of his pants. Without warning he stopped. "Olivia."
She all but ignored him, her hands intent on pulling down his zipper while her lips suckled on his neck muscles. He grabbed her hands, stilling them.
"Liv…we agreed." He wanted this as much as her, probably more so, the need to feel her under him was overwhelming, but at the same time, they had agreed not to do this. It would make it more difficult to stay away, not that Kathy was bringing up his infidelity as an issue in the divorce, he was just being…respectful to her.
She paused her movements, he could feel her chest heaving against him. Her almost free breasts coming into contact with his bare chest every time.
"I need you, Elliot," she whispered. "Please."
Lord help me, he thought and looked into her pleading eyes. By now his eyes had adjusted to the dim light in the room and could see the expression on her face. And it did him in, he needed her as much as she needed him and he couldn't deny her. There was just one more problem. "I don't want to hurt you, Liv."
"You can't," she whispered.
He leaned into her, kissing her lightly on the lips again; just the barest touch that gave his assent. Pulling away he helped them both sit up on the couch, and then stood, holding out a hand to her and then pulling her with him toward her bedroom.
Mid-Town Hotel
Manhattan
Gibbs rolled over and looked at the clock for the third time in twenty minutes. They had gotten back to the hotel an hour ago and each had slipped into their rooms, exhausted and grateful for the potential of a full night's sleep. He imagined right now that Tony was snoring loudly, happily dreaming about the model of the week. Kate, however, was a different story, and the reason he was still awake. The paper thin walls of the room was doing very little to suppress the noise she was making. Gibbs suspected since they had connecting rooms it was some conspiracy so Mom and Dad could hear what the kids were doing next door.
He heard her walk across the room and sit down on the edge of the bed, the mattress making a telltale squeak even under the weight of her light frame. It was silent for a little bit and Gibbs rolled over, staring at the door a few feet to his right, wondering if she had finally given up.
Squeeeeeek
Nope.
"That's it," he muttered and flung the covers off, throwing on an old t-shirt and sweatpants. Approaching the door, he unlocked his side and swung it open, knocking harshly. He heard her stand and approach slowly.
"Come on, Kate, open up," he called through the door.
He heard the lock being undone and finally her side swung open. Now they stood in the doorway, staring at each other.
"You need something, Gibbs?" she finally asked.
"Yeah, some sleep. Which is what you should be doing."
Immediately she realized the problem, "Oh, sorry. I'll try to keep it down." She backed into her room, allowing him to follow her.
"No, Kate. No keeping it down. No working for a little while. Sleeping."
She cocked her head at him, "I seem to recall we've had this conversation before, so we don't need to have it again."
"Obviously we do, because instead of sleeping you're doing whatever it is you're doing in here," he looked around her room, files were spread across the bed, all open to various pages. Instantly his tone softened. "Kate…"
"I can't sleep yet. There's something, Gibbs; something we are missing."
"We'll find it," he said gently.
"No! It's here, Gibbs, I'm going to find it," she said and started pacing.
Gibbs looked at the woman in front of him; a completely different person than before this started. The same determination that was present the first weeks they were investigating this case was still there, but it was more frantic now. Fueled by something he couldn't seem to understand. Her desperation had increased ten-fold since they missed him in Detroit, as had her exhaustion. Gibbs had seen Kate run on almost no sleep before, but this is different. This was the lack of sleep of someone whose adrenaline had long been expended and was about to hit the wall.
"Kate," he said again, but she ignored him, standing at the foot of the bed, staring down at the pictures of beaten bodies. This was no good for her.
"Something…," she whispered.
Carefully he leaned over and grabbed the nearest file off the bed, closing it. That got her attention.
"What the hell are you doing?" she growled, finally looked at him, her eyes gleaming with anger.
He didn't say a word, just picked up the next file, closed it and put it on top of the first.
"Gibbs, God dammit! Stop." She came around the bed, standing between him and the third file.
Now he looked at her, forced by her close proximity, "This isn't a game anymore, Kate."
"You think I don't know that?" fury ran free on her face.
"I'm not talking about the case, Kate. I'm talking about you not taking care of yourself."
She narrowed her eyes at him, "I know how to…"
"Obviously you don't, or else you wouldn't be wide awake acting like someone on speed rather than sleeping when you can. You know how this goes, Kate; you sleep when you can, you eat when you can, because you don't know the next time you will see your bed or make time for food."
"I can't sleep."
"Because you haven't tried."
"Don't presume to tell me what I have or haven't done Gibbs, you don't know me," she hissed.
"I know you well enough, Kate, to know this isn't you. What the hell is going on?"
"Trying to catch the bad guy, isn't that what we do?"
"We also try not to kill ourselves doing it."
She stared at him for a moment, "I'll be fine, promise. I know my own limits."
"Get some sleep and I'll believe you."
"I'm not tired."
Now he was just getting frustrated, "I don't care."
"Oh, get off it, Gibbs. Like you have never gone as far as you could to catch someone."
"I'm not going to deny it, Kate, but I've learned since then." He took one step closer to her, "And I refuse to watch you fall into the same hole I did. Please, Caitlin, for me."
The use of her given name gave her pause. "I can't…," she looked down as she said it in a soft voice. "I can't…"
"Yes, you can."
She looked up at him, and there was something in her eyes Gibbs couldn't identify. Anger, resentment, confusion, all that and more.
"You don't get it, Gibbs." She stepped away from him and walked to the end of the bed, turning to face him. Her voice dripped with frustration and anger, "Every time I close my eyes now, I see him. When I dream, he's there, taunting me, just outside my grasp. I can't see his face, but I know who it is. I can't stop him from killing these women, and he knows it!"
It had all come out in a burst, and once it was out, her body gave out and she sat heavily on the edge of the bed. Gibbs stood for a moment, honestly unsure how to handle this. Kate was the first female agent he'd had under his command for more than a six month time span. They usually bolted by now because of Tony's comments or his own aloofness. But in just over a year she had put Tony firmly in his place while still allowing him some freedom to be Tony around her, and had pulled Gibbs out of his shell a bit. Not much, but any was an improvement. She'd caused Gibbs to soften a bit, show his human side a little more often. And now, he felt some instinct to protect her from herself. He couldn't allow her to slip into oblivion while he was just coming out of it.
Slowly he approached, sitting carefully on the bed next to her, allowing their shoulders to touch. She was staring intently at the carpeting, seeming to focus on the tan Berber, inspecting every thread.
He was trying to figure out what to say when her voice stopped him,
"This time…the last dream, I was the victim. Terrified, unsure and frustrated with myself." She paused and gave him a sideways glance, "I've never had a nightmare, Gibbs."
"Its not easy, Kate. But you can't avoid sleep because of it, that'll only making it worse."
"I know, I know." She scrubbed her face with her hands, and wiped away the tears that had started to fall. "What the hell is wrong with me?"
She looked at him, looking lost and confused. He couldn't stop himself, his right arm snaked out of its own accord and wrapped around her shoulders, pulling her into him. Initially she froze at his touch, but at his gentle insistence, gave in and leaned against his strong shoulder.
Gibbs turned and talked into the top of her head, "There's nothing wrong with you, Kate. Nothing at all."
"Then….why am I acting like this? I don't even recognize myself anymore, Gibbs. It scares me."
"You're a very good agent, Kate. I'd have no one else covering my six. But this is one of those cases that everyone eventually has. The one case where you push yourself so hard, that nothing matters except catching the perp. You change without even realizing it, sometimes it's subtly, and sometimes…it's not. Every agent has that case." He paused for a second, carefully considering his next words. "This is your case. The one that defines you, and I think this time the one thing that usually works for you, your empathy for victims, especially female ones, is working against you."
He felt her nod, but continued to hold her against him, unwilling to admit he enjoyed the feeling of her warm body against his. For Gibbs it had been far too long since that had happened, especially with someone he actually cared about. And he did care about her, more than he let on. He'd seen something in her eyes the first time he met her and knew this woman would be a challenge. And she hasn't disappointed him; but then again, Gibbs always loved a challenge.
Lost in thought, he didn't realize she had fallen asleep against him until he noticed that her breathing had evened out. Sighing, he carefully looked behind him. The bed was pretty free and clear. Moving carefully so as not to wake her, he got out from under her and eased her pliant body back onto the bed. That accomplished, he cleaned up the rest of the files and put them in a neat pile on the desk.
She hadn't moved one inch while he worked, so he dared one more action. Moving to the other double bed in her room, he picked up the comforter and covered her with it. Walking back to the door, he shut off the light and gave her one more look before heading into his room. He elected to leave both doors open…just in case.
Crawling back into his own bed, he looked at the clock, he still had another solid six hours to sleep. He just hoped that now his own dreams wouldn't be nightmares.
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