A/N: Almost done... hang in there, angy. Hang in there.
Tumultuous
Her body is pinning his down. Her lips are leaving bittersweet kisses all over him, which also leaves a trail of blood. His body is still stiff as he tries to resist her warmth, her offer of help – her love.
"Please, Rogue. Just get off me." He pleads to her as he twists his body left and right.
She hangs on to him as her tears trickle onto his body. "Ah can't. Ah can't. Please, just tell me, Remy. Ah'm sick of these games. Ah'm sick of hating myself for lovin' ya so much. Ah'm sick of hating the fact that ah love ya even though ah don't know who ya are. Let me know. Let me help ya. Let's finally help each other." She proposes desperately, hoping with all hope that they can end this perverse game tonight.
"Rogue, I can't! Just understand dat I can't!" He cries out as his inner demons fight for their release.
"Please, sugah. Ah'll start. Ah was born Anna Marie Raven. Momma got beaten a lot, she died. Daddy beat me next..." She mumbles in a rush, as her kisses grow weaker and her tears flow faster.
"Rogue... stop it. I don't want t'hear dis." He begs of her, not wanting to understand her and not wanting to allow her to understand him.
"Beat me 'til ah was black and blue and when ah was old enough...he..." She chokes on the last word, struggling to get it out. He can feel her pain and he knows she doesn't want to say it. He knows that she's only doing this for him. As incomprehensible as it is to him, he knows it's because of her love for him. Finally, he realizes what her, no, - their love means. It's not meant to be a simple black and white kind of love. Their love is driven by a rawness that the emotions they feel cuts deeper than they're used to. The passion is driven by such intensity that sometimes the only way it can be quickly released is through violence and pain. Half the time, their love makes them want to hurt each other until the pain becomes insufferable. The other half of the time, it simply wants them to protect one another. It is the latter that takes him over now.
"Killed the bastard wit' my bare hands, Rogue! I choked him t'deat'. I was fourteen. Den ran away from home, and one way or anot'er I kept killin', chere. Just always said it was 'cause I had t'survive, but life shouldn't be like dat." He reveals in an attempt to divert the pain onto himself.
"Ah know it shouldn't be like that. Mystique came along, and used me t'kill. Ah killed too, Remy. Ah know how it hurts t'take another person's life." She further informs him, as she collapses and rests her head on his chest while sobbing profusely.
He gets it now.
Her soul has been used over and over again in the past, taken advantage by people who had no right at all. Her life is a series of performing malicious deeds for others. Her life has no meaning to her as far as she can tell. That's why she wants to love him despite the fact that she doesn't know who he is. She wants to love him because she wants to make him the reason - the purpose that she has been searching for all her life. But a part of her still believes that her life is not hers at all and that is why she purposely pushes him to emotionally abuse her the way he does. Half of her wants to be free to love him and finally accept that she has a reason in life and that it's her life. The other half is holding onto a notion that she has been instilled with since her birth: that her life is not her own and instead belongs to whoever that wants to take it.
"It isn't your fault, Rogue." He says softly and wraps his free arm around her body, pulling her closer to him.
"Ah'm sorry ah didn't tell ya before. Ah didn't know how..." She explains but is cut off by him.
"Every life I took, dey take a part of me wit' 'em. Ain't nothing left of me now, chere. Ain't nothing left for y' t'love." He says, and completes the exchange.
It's her turn to get it now, and she does.
Whereas her whole life has consisted of people abusing her and taking pieces of her life away from her, his is based on one where he does the taking of his own life. For whatever circumstances and reasons, he has taken the lives of others, not realizing that they will take a piece of him with them to their graves. A part of him dies every time he kills, and ultimately when he realizes that, it has become too late. He discovers he has nothing left and there is nothing left for him in this world. But then, he meets her and they are drawn to each other despite both their better judgements. Like she has tried to make him the light in her dark excruciating existence, he has tried to make her his redemption for what he has done and hopefully restore some sort of life back into his soulless body.
Their love for each other is one and the same
"Has t'be something there, sugah. 'Cause it's why ah love ya." She says softly as her crying subsides.
"I love y' too." He whispers.
He closes his eyes.
She closes her eyes.
And they finally let peace take over.
-xoxo-
The light peeks through the crack in the curtain and he wakes up. His right arm is sore and his body feels heavy. When he looks down, he sees that she's still asleep. With his free arm that is still wrapped around her, he taps her lightly.
"Rogue... chere, wake up." He says quietly.
She stirs but doesn't wake. Again, he nudges her and says a bit louder this time, "Rogue, sleepyhead. Time t'get up."
Yawning, she opens her eyes and gazes up at him with a confused expression. "Time is it?" She asks.
"Don't know. Ain't got anyt'ing on me right now... well, except you of course." He responds lightly and smiles at her. Noticing his current state of dress, she laughs and wraps her arms around his body. "Ah like mah man, naked."
"Well, dis man needs t'pee... badly." He says and shakes his handcuffed wrist,
"Oh right... we never did take advantage of that." She states, slightly disappointed. Rolling off of him, she reaches into her shirt and pulls out the key. He looks at with her astonishment.
"Y' hid it your bra?" He queries though the answer is apparent.
"It's the safest place." She shrugs and finally frees him from the bedpost.
He is about to run off to the bathroom when he stops and kisses her deeply on the lips. When he pulls back, she stares at him with surprise. A lop-sided grin graces his face while he gives her a wink before running off to relieve himself.
When he returns, he finds her standing with a hand on her hip and his keys in her other hand, twirling it about. "Y' wanna go somewhere, chere?" He asks the obvious.
"Ah'm hungry. Let's go eat." She states bluntly.
"You're hungry? I haven't eaten for over 24 hours!" He exclaims.
"Yeah...well, let's go eat then." She suggests again, this time more sheepishly.
"Okay, but I'm picking where we eat." He says firmly.
"Fine. Let's go." She persists and turns around to leave.
"Uhh... Rogue." He speaks up, and she turns around to give him an impatient glare. "What?"
"I'm still naked, chere. And as pleasant as it is for de ladies out dere, I'm t'inking dat I don't want t'get arrested t'day." He informs her and she only crosses her arms to show her impatience
"Cajun, ya ain't God's gift t'women. Now, get dressed. Ah'm hungry!" She declares once more and throws his jeans at him. He catches it and looks at it with distaste.
"What's wrong now?" She questions almost exasperatedly.
"I've worn dese for four days now... dey kind of stink." He answers slowly and drops the jeans.
"Oh mah gawd!" She cries and throws her hands up. Walking over to the dresser, she yanks open a drawer, grabs a pair of dark jeans and a white t-shirt and throws it at him. "There! Clean clothes... if ya keep me from eatin' any longer, ah'll go wit'out ya!" She yells at him.
Clutching onto his fresh change of clothes, he looks at her with surprise. "Y' did my laundry while I was gone...?"
"Well... ya never know when a man your build might need some clothes..." She attempts to shrug it off nonchalantly, though he can see right through her act.
But instead of picking on her about it, he simply smiles and says, "Right."
She smiles back at him and orders, "Now get dressed. Ah'm hungry."
"Whatever y' say, mon amour."
-xoxo-
"Two please." She requests.
"Hmm... are y' sure about dat, petite?" He questions her move, and raises a brow.
"Yeah, ah know how t'play! Now give me two cards, Cajun." She demands and he deals her two. She picks them up and concentrates hard on her hand. "Why do ya like de Queen of Hearts so much, Remy?" She asks offhandedly.
"Why y' asking, chere?" He queries in return, while being a bit caught off guard by her sudden inquiry.
"Well, what's so special about her? Why ya always use her last?" She expands on her question.
"She's my lucky lady, chere. Simple as dat." He answers and gives her a wink.
"Okay... Remy, ah never meant t'scare ya." She says abruptly and changes the topic entirely.
"What do y' mean?" He asks, not quite sure what event she is referring to since there has been so many.
"Ah just mean that... ah didn't want t'get married. Ah didn't want t' have your babies." She explains and continues to focus on her cards.
"Geez... thanks." He responds indignantly.
"Gosh... ya know what ah meant. Ah just... ah didn't want ya t'feel that being with me meant that one day we would have to settle down, and get married, and have kids, and be boring. Ah never had any plans for us contrary to your beliefs. Ah just wanted t'be with ya. Didn't matter where we were or how we did things. As long as ah was with ya, that's all that mattered." She clarifies, and basically acknowledges that she already knows the reasons why he has left her in the beginning.
"Didn't really mean t'leave, y'know..."
"And ah'm sure ya didn't mean t'come back either." She interrupts him
"But I am..." He says simply.
She wants to ask him if he is glad he is back, but she doesn't have the nerve to do such a thing. The fear of rejection for the second time will be too much for her to handle, and as the saying goes; 'ignorance is bliss.'
"So... what do you have planned for me tonight, chere?" He asks in order to change the topic.
"Don't know yet... we'll have t' wait and see." She tells him.
"Well, hopefully it ain't somet'ing crazy..." He begins.
"Well, then there won't be any fun t'night." She tells him.
"Point taken."
"Remy, ah know ah get only one more night wit' ya and it's fine. Ah don't expect ya t'be here tomorrow when ah wake. Ah don't expect us t' go back to a relationship and live happily ever after. Ah don't expect us to be together after tonight." She informs him and looks at him in the eyes finally.
"Okay..." He manages to spit out, not thinking quick enough for a better response.
"Ah just want ya t'hold me tonight. That's all. Ah just want one night where ah can pretend that everything is right in the world and that ah belong in it. No sex. No talking. Just hold me. Okay?" She asks him, exposing her vulnerability and all her insecurities for the first time to anyone. Tears are hanging on the brims of her eyes and her right hand is trembling slightly.
"Okay. I can do dat. I can do dat right now." He agrees and takes her hand to guide her over to his lap. She sits down and nuzzles her head in the crook of his neck. "Thank ya." She whispers softly.
"Y're welcome." He replies and throws down his cards so he can hold her closer to him.
She looks down at his full house of Jacks and then throws down her hand.
"Looks like lady luck is on mah side." She says and grins at him.
It was a full house of Queens.
He smiles back and realizes lady luck is on his side too.
-xoxo-
The night is quickly turning into day and she has her back to him. His arms are wrapped around her waist. Neither is sleeping and both are waiting for the sun to rise.
Her heart is thumping rapidly, and she's trying to squeeze the tears back. She knows he's going to leave her and she has prepared herself this time, but it hurts nonetheless.
He's holding her close to her, taking in her scent and trying to remember this moment in perfect detail. He knows he has to leave. The fact that he shouldn't have come back in the first place is reason enough for him to go. Every logical part of him is telling him to leave her.
After all, she has set him free.
She has set him free in every way possible.
It's time he sets her free.
The light of the morning dawn is peeking through the curtains. She tightens her eyes shut as she tries to fight against the tears. His hands are loosening around her waist and she knows he's going to go. And go, he must, but she can't watch him walk away from her again. So, she continues to feign sleep while she waits for it to be over.
Just as he's about to pry himself away from her, he grips her tightly for one last moment. Ever so softly, he whispers, "Je t'aime, mon amour. Je t'aime."
He gets up from the bed, grabs his keys and leaves the room quickly, not wanting to delay it any further. She turns around and watches the door slam shut while the tears spill uncontrollably. She hugs her pillow tightly as her heart breaks all over again.
"Ah love ya too." She whispers.
And her life becomes dark once more.
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