Author's Notes: Yes, these are going at the beginning too! : ) Anyways, after several helpful point-outs that Alanis is a Mary Sue, I want to thank Nostie, otherwise known as "The Person," Roxie Fae, and Blue Yeti in helping me figure out this Mary Sue-ness. I took Blue's helpful Mary Sue litmus test and got a score of about 22, which means, wonk wonk, Alanis is on the borderline. Hopefully she'll be able to cross the line to OC-ness. Darkwanderer: you think Artemis is nonhuman? Wonk. He's Artemis. Oh, by the way, the chapter title is by no way related to the length.
Summary: what's going on with Holly, trouble underground, some foreboding phone calls, Artemis has some family problems, and Alanis gets territorial.
"Nobody on the road
Nobody on the beach
I feel it in the air
The summer's out of reach
Empty lake, empty streets
The sun goes down alone
I'm drivin' by your house
Though I know you're not at home"
—The Boys of Summer, the Ataris
_______________________
Chapter Three: A Bit Short_______________________
The Lower Elements, Haven City, North Bank
Captain Holly Short had had her share of awful partners in the LEP. First, there was Chix Verbil, the sprite who believed, no matter how many times he had been rejected, that he was simply irresistible. He had been injured and was now working in Internal Affairs. Then, there was Jake Rhizome, who quit shortly thereafter his one-week stakeout with Holly. Ligules Moor slobbered when he talked—which, unfortunately, was a lot.
Holly grimaced and tightened her grip on the pod's controls. She really would prefer Moor and his spitting right now.
Across from her, Corporal Lili Frond adjusted the side view mirror and reapplied her lipstick. She smacked pink bubblegum bright lips together. Loudly.
"Would you stop?" Holly snapped.
"What?" Frond replied testily.
"You are meddling with LEP equipment," growled Holly, and reached over and placed the mirror so she could actually see to the side.
"Just because you don't know the difference between the perfect shade and a swear toad doesn't mean you have to take it out on me," said Frond, tossing her blond curls haughtily.
I am going to kill Root, thought Holly furiously. Going to get Frond's bright pink lipstick and jam it up his—
"Short, Frond," Root's voice crackled over the speakers. Holly kicked the thing, and Root's voice came over clearly. "There's been a call on Vernal Road, a few klicks away."
Holly swerved the pod, heading towards Vernal. Frond yelped as she lurched into the side.
Holly grinned. "We're on it, Commander."
A few minutes later, the two of them clambered out of the pod, Neutrinos out. It was a dilapidated neighborhood, where the crime rates were high and fairies lived in boarded up homes, if they lived there at all.
"LEP," called Frond, swinging the gun alertly, "Come out with your hands up!"
Holly winced. "Corporal, this is a low-key situation. Most likely a petty robbery, or—"
There was a scream from one of the houses.
"Or not," said Holly, and she racked up the Neutrino setting a notch.
The two officers scrambled to the house where the scream had come from, and Holly kicked open the door. Wham.
A young elf was sobbing hysterically. "Please, help—my father—"
"Where is he?" asked Holly. The boy pointed.
The elderly elf was on a makeshift bed. It was not a pretty sight. His eyes were rolling into the back of his head, drool was coming out of his mouth, and he was thrashing violently.
Frond took one look and ran out of the house, and Holly could hear her being violently sick. Her own stomach churned, and she activated the mike in her helmet. "Emergency warlock medics to 4 Vernal Road, apartment B."
Saint Bartleby's School for Young Gentlemen, County Wicklow, Ireland"It's good to see you again, Butler."
The large Eurasian man nodded at Artemis and hefted the box of electronic jumble into the Bentley Arnage. Artemis was carrying his laptop, a grim expression on his face. "How was school?" Butler offered.
"Unchanged."
"The psychologist sent a letter to your mother. She was worried." Butler's tone was rather amused.
"Sooner or later she will realize my lack of friends or social behaviors will not be cured by those of lesser intelligence. Dr. Po apparently believes I am capable of such behaviors. How is Father?"
Butler's expression did not change, but deep inside he grew more sorry for his young charge. He had never had any companions his age, and sometimes Butler wondered why Artemis never made any attempt to be pleasant, unless, of course, it was part of one of his plans.
"Butler?"
"He has discovered your activities in Arklow."
Artemis' face showed no expression. "I doubt he would have disapproved. The head of the company deserved to go bankrupt. Underpaid his workers, all of them. Besides, it was only a few million."
Butler smiled. Only Artemis.
"And your man in Limerick?"
"I have the report waiting at Fowl Manor."
Artemis handed Butler the laptop, who stowed it in the trunk and shut it. He opened the door for Artemis, who stepped in.
There was a stony silence.
Butler settled himself in the driver's seat and decided it was going to be a long ride.
The Lower Elements, Haven City, Police Plaza
"Tough day, Short?" asked Captain Kelp as he placed his helmet and gear back on the equipment rack.
Holly's helmet joined his. "I had such a great time watching Lili Frond put on her makeup all day, and then I get a call from a kid who doesn't know how to call the medics. Sure. Great time," she said.
Trouble frowned. "What was it?"
"Another one of those freaky fevers. I really don't get it—the People have never faced so many cases at a time."
"My ma has it," said Trouble, his frown deepening. "The medics keep telling me she just gets worse and worse. Nothing seems to help."
Holly looked at Trouble in concern. "D'arvit," she said.
Trouble nodded. "Exactly."
Most of the other members of the LEP had already left, except for a secretary who was packing up her possessions.
"So," said Trouble, trying to break the tension, "Have anything planned later?"
They walked past the Operations Booth, where Holly could hear Root cursing and yelling about something within. "Nope," said Holly, "Just going to relax. I need it. With Bole and Markus sick, Root's been having me work double-shift." She yawned.
Root's red face poked out of the door in Ops. "Kelp, Short, get in here now. Is anyone else still here?"
Trouble looked around. The secretary caught his eye, squeaked, and fled out the door. "No," he said.
"D'arvit," scowled Root, "Okay, you two will have to do."
"What's this about, Commander?" asked Holly. She really had wanted to go home tonight.
"There's a Mud Man, Alexander Trasovan, who found two goblin bodies up in Russia," said Root.
Foaly swiveled around in his specially designed centaur chair. "He's convinced that another species lives below ground, and he's been trying to get government grants to go explore underground."
Trouble paled. "That can't be good."
Root shook his head. "It isn't. This guy would have succeeded, but Foaly tapped into his database and erased all the data he collected from the bodies so far."
"So what's the problem?" asked Holly. "Just send Recon to get the bodies and do a mind wipe."
"The problem is, Short," growled Root, "Is that Trasovan and the two bodies have disappeared. It looks like someone got to them before we did."
Somewhere in Ireland"Are you certain this will lead us to them?"
"Beyond a doubt. We just need to get the right pieces of the puzzle together." There was a chuckle. "Obviously, your other ventures have not been successful."
The other voice grew tight. "It has happened exactly as you have predicted."
He could almost hear the other man grin. He shivered slightly.
"I have complete confidence that this will work. I have excellent people working for me to get it."
A sigh. "Very well. You fulfill your part of the bargain, and I shall mine. Just remember, Jon, don't fail me. I intend this to be successful."
"Of course it will be successful. Fowl is a genius. He will find all the right pieces, and all we will have to do is collect them. Don't fret, Alex."
"I'm not. I just think you're insane."
"So are you. Just do keep doing what you do best, and I'll make sure the pieces fit."
Ireland, en route from St. Bartleby's to Fowl ManorButler could just feel the tension in the car. The Bentley Arnage Red Label hummed quietly down the road, the air conditioner on, and total quiet from the back seat.
Artemis Fowl the Second was sitting right next to Artemis Fowl the First, both of them quite clearly unsure of what to say to each other. The last time they had spoken had not gone so well—it was at winter holidays when Fowl Senior had discovered his son's record of criminal activities. What had followed next had not been pretty. Fowl Senior had attempted to lecture his son about nobility and honesty, and had expected his son to discontinue his affairs and go to school.
Naturally, Artemis had not.
They were well out of Country Wicklow when his father spoke.
"The Arklow venture was well planned," he said.
Artemis raised his eyebrow. Where was this going? "Thank you, Father," he said.
His father counted off his fingers. "Gerald Bolin is ruined, his company's money gone, all of his employees are relatively better off, and no one has clue how it has happened."
Artemis resisted the urge to smirk.
"It was brilliant, Arty, but I believe you should put your talents to more helpful uses."
Artemis looked at his father inquiringly. "Just what are you suggesting, Father?"
Artemis Fowl Senior smiled at him and settled back into the seat. "I've volunteered you at the County Police station for this summer. Call it an educational experience."
Artemis was taken aback. "Volunteer?"
Another smile from his father. "Oh yes. I believe, for once, you should try to be on the other side of the law. I don't want you causing any trouble this summer, Arty, but if you want to pursue your criminal behaviors, I won't stop you."
"I sense there is a condition here."
"Smart boy. Prove to me for one summer you can behave. Butler and I will be watching you. As will Juliet, when she returns from America in a week."
Artemis considered.
"Than you may do whatever you wish."
Artemis smiled. "Do I have to return to St. Bartleby's?"
His father blinked. "Well, you'll have to talk to your mother about that."
Fowl ManorAngeline Fowl smiled as the car drove into the vast driveway. "Timmy! Arty!" she called.
"Hello, Mother," said Artemis, getting out of the car.
Her husband swept her into an embrace and she giggled. "The guest just moved in this morning."
"Guest? What guest?" Artemis demanded.
His mother laughed. "Timmy, didn't you tell him?"
"A business friend of mine is in town, and he need a place for his son to stay," he said. "I was only glad to offer my services, and of course, Arty could always use a friend his age to chat with—"
Artemis groaned as Butler carried his belongings into the manor.
"Timmy!" Angeline scolded. "You're awful. It's a girl."
"Even better," he said, kissing her.
Angeline giggled again, and Artemis rolled his eyes.
Inside the house, Artemis found Butler packing his things away. "The report?" he asked testily.
Butler averted his eyes. "Sorry, sir. I placed it in the guest bedroom, where I was sure your father would not find it. I did not know about the guest."
Artemis scowled and walked over to the guest bedroom door, where he could hear loud rock music from within. He knocked.
No answer.
Artemis rapped the door again, feeling rather foolish.
"Nobody on the road—nobody at the beach—I feel it in the air—summer's out of reach—"
Artemis opened the door.
The room was a mess. The closet, which Artemis had previously used for storing his old inventions, was filled with clothes and the floor cluttered with different types of shoes. The doorway was filled with balled-up pieces of trash, and a trashcan stood empty next to the door. The music was blaring loudly from a radio.
The girl lying on the bed was flipping through a magazine of some sort. Apparently she had not noticed Artemis' presence. She ripped a page from the magazine, crumpled it up, and without looking, flung it at the doorway where Artemis was standing.
Artemis ducked and the paper ball scuttled out into the hallway.
Another projectile, one that Artemis was not expecting, hit him on the cheek.
He glared at the girl, who was still ignoring him or was evidently deaf. "Excuse me," he said haughtily. She said nothing, only ripped out another page. Artemis quickly moved out of the doorway and into the room before she threw it. He yanked open several drawers in the desk, looking for the report from the Limerick lenses expert. Finally finding it, Artemis took it and started to exit.
More out of curiosity than anything else, Artemis picked up one of the crumpled pages and unfolded it. It was an identical picture to the one he had taken from Josh, the one he had seen autographed a week ago—
Artemis looked around the room again and noticed a pair of tall plum colored boots.
"You're Alanis Night," he said.
She looked up. Bright violet eyes met pale blue ones. Her hair tumbled haphazardly around her shoulders, and Artemis noticed a spatter of light freckles across her nose and cheeks. For some reason, she looked a lot younger than the model in the photo—still rather pretty, he supposed, but not the stunning beauty who walked into St. Bartleby's a week ago.
She glared at him. "What do you want?"
Artemis waved the thick manilla folder at her. "Just need to retrieve this," he said.
Alanis watched him intently. Artemis didn't move. "Well?"
"You want me to leave, don't you," he said.
"That was the point."
Artemis leaned against the doorframe, his arms crossed over the folder. It seemed a bit thicker than he expected. He raised an eyebrow at her. "Your boots are interesting," he commented.
Alanis glared at him again. "Don't touch my shoes."
Artemis picked up the boot, examining its heel. "Indeed, one might wonder why there is a difference between how tall the shoe is on the outside and how tall it is on the inside."
Alanis slammed the magazine shut. She narrowed her eyes. "Do. Not. Touch. The. Shoes."
"Clever," he said, "It appears only to be about five centimeters high, but on the inside, there is another hidden height built in. Your designer just forgot this small part," Artemis pointed out. "A bit short, are you?"
Alanis had scrambled to her feet and seized the boot from Artemis.
He almost smiled. Artemis had grown a bit in the past year, and was rather tall. Alanis only came up to his shoulder. She pushed him roughly. "Never touch my shoes again."
Vaguely Artemis remembered someone else pushing him angrily. Someone shorter than Alanis.
Her eyes glanced toward the folder he was holding. "Hey—that's mine—"
Artemis scowled at her. "This is a report I have been waiting to see for several months, and it certainly is not yours."
Alanis tried to grab that too, but Artemis held it high.
She jumped several times, and gave Artemis a fierce look.
"How are you two getting along?" Angeline Fowl smiled.
Artemis quickly hid the report behind his back.
"Just fine, Mrs. Fowl, thank you," said Alanis sweetly.
Artemis smiled at his mother.
Angeline smiled and walked off.
Alanis dropped the honeyed tone. "You are going to give me that."
This irked Artemis. No doubt she wasn't very bright. "It's not yours."
"Yes, it is!" Alanis growled.
"No," said Artemis, his temper rising.
Butler passed by. He blinked at Artemis and the guest arguing like toddlers over something. Butler walked on and decided he really did not want to know.
Artemis gave the open doorway a furtive glance. "I am leaving now," he said, "Before anyone sees me acting like an immature child."
Alanis was looking at him oddly.
"Oy," she said in suddenly recognition, "You're that boy I threw into the swimming pool last week." She smirked.
Artemis stiffened. "The name is Artemis Fowl," he said, and walked out of the door.
He was back in his old bedroom when he opened the folder and found another folder stacked neatly behind it, labeled in red ink and curly handwriting, Important.
Author's Notes: Again, tehee. Anyways, Arklow is a city in Ireland outside of Dublin. I really still am not sure how they use the metric system to describe height, but anyways, in feets and inches, Artemis is about 5'5". Alanis is about 4'6" without shoes, and with her shoes she's close to five feet. Please review!
Chapter Four: The Black Cat- what's the Heart of Time, what's Mulch doing, and some more weird phone calls. Artemis wants more answers, and the summer job proves oddly useful. More reviews shall prompt me to update sooner.