Author's Note: Forgot to mention this in the earlier chapters, but I have more references to my favorite stories beside Harry Potter…in the prologue, there is a small reference to Lord of the Rings…in chapter three (my numbers), there is a subtle reference to Lioness Rampant by Tamora Pierce (yay!). If you find them, you are very smart and you can feel very spiffy about yourself. XD Sorry for taking a long time for this one—school started, and this chapter had to cover a bit…and sorry again! The Black Cat will be the next chapter, I promise!!! I was planning this one, but it took a lot longer than I expected to get this plotty stuff out. Enjoy! And there's a reference to The Artic Incident in here too…

__________________________

"Far away, long ago
Glowing dim as an ember
Things my heart used to know
Once upon a December

Someone holds me safe and warm
Horses prance through a silver storm
Figures dancing gracefully
Across my memory

Far away, long ago
Glowing dim as an ember
Things my heart used to know
Things it yearns to remember"

 –Deana Carter, Once Upon A December

Chapter Five: A Psychological Assessment

_________________________

Somewhere in Ireland

"I trust you have completed phase one."

"Of course."

"You know what to do next, right?"

"The museum…"

"I hope your incompetence will not fail me this time."

"Is this the only way?"

"Yes."

Fowl Manor

The silverware clinking was the only sound in the spacious dining hall. Fowl Senior raised his glass and smiled at Artemis, who nodded in return. His mother gave his father a worried look. Artemis gave his attention back to the food, chewing slowly.

"Arty," his mother smiled, attempting to begin a conversation, "Are you exited about helping out the police on Monday?"

Artemis gave her a steely glare. "I am only complying with my father's wishes for the benefit of having my freedom once the summer is over.  After all, house arrest does not seem to be enough for him."

Angeline Fowl swallowed the bite she had been hastily. "Oh."

His father gave Artemis a searching look. "Now, Arty, it's not house arrest. I simply do not want you dabbling in matters you should not. After all, the Fowls are going clean now. Money is not as important as you think. We have each other."

Alanis set her fork down and carefully folded her napkin. "May I be excused?"

"Of course, dear," said Angeline, smiling.

"Thank you for the lovely dinner, Mrs. Fowl." She stood up.

Artemis took another small bite out of his caviar, gave it one last pensive glance, and stood up as well. "I believe I am finished as well, Mother." He nodded coldly to his father and stood up.

Angeline smiled at him, one last attempt. "Why don't you two get to know each other? You've hardly have spoken."

"That's a splendid idea, Angeline," said Fowl Senior, smiling at the two.

Artemis tensed, and Alanis had stopped short of the door. "It's okay, Mrs. Fowl, I'm a bit tired, really—"

Angeline stood up. "Nonsense! It'll be fun! Go on, play some games with Arty. It's been so long since I've heard laughter in the house."

"Chess. Arty loves chess."

"Oh, I think I still have his old set in the den! Oh, this is perfect!"

With his parents urging him on, Artemis somehow found himself in the den with Alanis, who was looking at him oddly. He could still hear his parents whispering to each other as they left them alone, his mother excited.

"Timmy, this is exactly what Dr. Po advised! I've been worrying so much about him, he doesn't have any friends…"

"Nonsense, Angeline. Look at him. He's perfectly content to take objects apart and figure out things. That's my Arty, the little genius. He just needs to be on the right side of the law, that's all. A girlfriend, now that's what he needs…"

Their voices died away, and there was silence once again. Artemis and Alanis looked at each other. Intense blue eyes met bright violet ones.

Artemis allowed himself a small smile. Phase one was complete.

Somewhere in Ireland

"Jon."

"Alex."

"Are you sure this person will do the job right?"

"Of course. A bit dim, but an excellent choice."

"Don't you…worry…about our plan?"

"Of course not, Alex. Now. About your end of the bargain?"

"I finished the first task. It works—but—why?"

"Don't question my assignments, Alex. You'll get your fairies. Don't worry about that."

The Lower Elements, Police Plaza, Operations Booth

The conversations were incredibly dull, Foaly thought. He printed out several sheets of data on the different locations of the Heart. There was only one piece he couldn't trace, though. Foaly clucked to himself. Imagine. He'd get it soon enough, though.

Well. This was an interesting conversation. Too bad it ended so soon. "—fairies. Don't worry about that."  There was a bit of breathing, and then the line went dead. The voice was male; a relatively old Mud Man. Foaly chuckled to himself. Forty and they already began having problems. This Mud Man, though…he had an odd tone in his voice that made the hairs on the back of Foaly's tail stand up. It was the kind of voice that lusted for something. Something like—murder—or revenge—or both.

Foaly shuddered. He had been watching too many action movies again.

SAVE CONVERSATION? Y/N

Foaly pressed the letter N.

MONITOR ALL FURTHER CALLS FROM THIS NUMBER? Y/N

Foaly's finger paused over N. Something from his instincts called to him then. Foaly always trusted his instincts. He moved the finger, and pressed the letter Y.

Fowl Manor

Artemis stared. Alanis stared back. The chess pieces stood on the opposite sides of the board, untouched.

Artemis folded his arms and scowled. "White moves first. Or do you not know how to play?"

Alanis blinked at him. "Oh—er—" She moved her pawn in front of her queen a space.

Artemis arched an eyebrow. "Do you know how to play chess?"

Alanis snorted. "Sure."

Artemis smirked. "Then I hope you know, only fools make their first move by moving their pawn one space."

Alanis crossed her arms and moved the pawn another space. "Fine, Mr. Smarty Pants. Go on. Isn't it your turn?"

Artemis smiled at her and moved the pawn in front of his knight.

Alanis did the same.

Another pawn from Artemis. Alanis copied his move.

Artemis moved his knight across the board, and watched Alanis' eyebrows go up in surprise. "Your turn."

Alanis hesitated, and the moved yet another pawn.

Artemis smirked, and moved the knight once more. "Checkmate."

"What—how—what?"

Artemis cleaned imaginary dirt from underneath his fingernails. "It means that you have lost."

"So I don't know how to play your little game. Big deal. At least when I get my nails done, it actually looks good. On you it just looks stupid."

Artemis stiffened slightly. "It is highly popular for men of the upper class to get manicures or pedicures. It's a sign of culture and sophistication. Bright colors, such as that purple you're wearing, are extremely tacky and considered the mark of someone trying too hard." Actually, the shade on her nails looked relatively nice, and not tacky at all. Not that Artemis would say it, of course.

"You—you—" Her petulant lips curled at the corners, forming a scowl. Alanis folded her arms. "This isn't purple. It's Violet Passion."

"Passionately tacky."

Her eyes narrowed, and Alanis sank back into her chair, looking at the ceiling. "Whatever. Let's play another game then."

"Oh? You haven't had enough yet? I thought you didn't know how to play."

"Teach me."

Fowl Manor, one hour later

"Okay, so this pointy one can move like this, and the funny headed one can only move like this?"

Artemis sighed and looked at his watch. He hadn't even begun phase two yet and his nerves were already wearing thin. "Yes. And that 'pointy one' is a knight, and the 'funny headed one' is the king.  I have explained countless number of times what the names of the pieces are. We have been at this for an hour. Do you want to actually play a game, or sit here all night?"

Alanis knitted her eyebrows together. "Okay. I think I got it."

"Thank God," muttered Artemis.

Silence.

Artemis drummed his fingers on the board.

Alanis stared at him, her violet eyes focused.

Artemis tapped his finger on the board. "You go first."

"Oh," said Alanis, "Sorry."

Fowl Manor, one hour later

"Checkmate."

"You eejit." Alanis stuck her tongue at him.

"Why do you act so childish?"

"Why do you act like something crawled up your arse and died?"

Artemis shrugged and moved the pieces back. "Because it suits me."

They began another game. Artemis watched her ponder every move, and still manage to miss many obvious takes. He was purposely playing a very slow game, and he had to bite his tongue from calling out blatant lines of attack or actually play out the attacks themselves. It had been a very long time since he had played on an actual chess set—most the games he had played were online, seeking out champion chess players for a challenge. In fact, he had never played against someone who wasn't at least—half his level. Artemis watched her hesitate over a pawn cornered by his bishop, and then moved a different piece.

"That was a perfect setup! Why didn't you take it? Wasn't it apparent enough for you?"

"But that short thing—"

"A pawn," said Artemis patronizingly.

"You could have killed it!"

"A pawn is a piece of no significance—it is to be used by the player for that purpose. A life of a pawn is not important." Artemis sighed and gestured to the board. "The idea is to establish a strong central point in conjunction with a pawn structure influencing the opponent play to the queen's side of the board."

Alanis gave him a blank look.

Artemis rolled his eyes. "If you moved that pawn forward, and let my bishop take it, it leaves your castle free to checkmate my king."

 "Whatever. Your turn."

Artemis moved one of his pieces at Alanis' end of the board. "Checkmate."

Alanis' eyebrows furrowed again. "Hey—that pawn can't move that way!"

"Once a pawn reaches the enemy's side of the board, then it can become a Queen, Rook, Knight, or a Bishop. So therefore, you have lost again."

Alanis folded her arms. "I'm going to go to my room now. Goodnight." She stood up and walked over to the door.

"I have a proposition to make."

Alanis turned around. "A what?"

Artemis sighed. She was making this much harder for him that it should be. "I want to ask you a question."

Alanis raised her eyebrow.

"Would you like to accompany me on an outing tomorrow?"

Alanis' eyebrows shot up in surprise. After a few moments, she started laughing. "You mean, like a date?"

 "I fail to see anything humorous about the situation."

Alanis had doubled over, chortling. "You—and—me—" she said between gasps. Artemis glared at her, and she coughed. "Okay. Spill. What do you really want?"

Artemis raised his eyebrow this time. "Your company, of course."

"I don't have a company, and don't try to get cute with me. I know guys like you don't ask out girls like me for nothing."

Artemis tapped the chessboard and traced his finger along his king lazily. "My father does not wish for me to participate in certain activities at home, and I wish to spend a day without him under the pretense that you and I are going out together. Do not flatter yourself in thinking that I would want your vacuous companionship."

Alanis narrowed her eyes. After a moment, she snapped, "Well, what makes you think I'll go with you?"

Artemis smiled his vampire smile, and he could see how it disconcerted her. "Tell me about this Important file you keep…it's intriguing."

Alanis sat back down on the opposite chair, giving him a cold stare. "My dad sent it to me. He likes stuff like that. Sort of like a treasure hunter. He buys me stuff he thinks I might like sometimes too." She fingered the diamond earrings she was wearing. After no response from Artemis, she continued. "This was his latest thing, I guess. He thinks that some of these pieces should go together and make a bigger one and wanted me to see which ones I thought go together."

"I see," said Artemis. "Do you do this often?"

Alanis shrugged. "What's it to you anyways?"

Artemis didn't answer. "Tell me… often do you partake in these…father-daughter activities?"

Alanis tensed. Artemis could tell he had hit a sore spot. After all, he wasn't a genius for nothing.

There were a few moments of silence. "Not much," she finally responded through clenched teeth.

Artemis smiled and settled back in his chair, satisfied. He twiddled his fingers together like a thoughtful psychiatrist, which he was—as Dr. F. Roy Dean Schlippe, that was. "And how successful are you when he asks you to help?"

Alanis frowned at him. "Well, you should know," she said dully. "I make a right hames out of his job sometimes 'cause I pick the wrong thing."

"Ah…what does he do?"

Alanis shrugged. "Buys stuff. Sells stuff. Told you already, he's like a treasure hunter."

Artemis smiled at her. "Tomorrow I plan to investigate some of the pieces I found in your folder. What would you say if I can tell you exactly which pieces will fit together?"

Alanis looked at him, a confused look on her face. "What are you getting out of it?"

"Trust me. I will be reaping many advantages from this outing."

Another memory spiraled through his mind. "To remind you that deep beneath the layers of deviousness, you have a spark of decency. Perhaps you could blow on it occasionally." Artemis smiled to himself…yes, he could smell it. He would figure this out. He wondered lazily about this memory and almost snorted at the implication. Decency. He was Artemis Fowl, after all.

"Yes, perhaps."

________________

Author's Notes:  Yeah, the memory thing is going slowly…for now. Arty won't remember anything big until…Total Recall. Yeah, that's a future chappie…no idea when that will be, though. I have a vague outline of the story somewhere in the dark recesses of my mind. There was a bit of Irish slang in this chapter, which I tried to fit in (it's Ireland, after all…) An eejit is a an idiot, to 'make a hames of things' is to mess it up. Chapter Six: The Black Cat, Arty and Alanis go out and figure some stuff out, in which the People do some of their own things, and Mulch gets a cameo…o_O. Thanks so much for all the spiffy reviews!

Nostie: Hmm, plot speculation!!! Hehe, I'm not saying anything about the prophecy, just yet…yay, you're writing for my Challenge! Whee!!!

Abigail Nicole: Easy to write? I have school! Evil, evil teachers…I had about three hours of homework on the first day…well, that was mostly my fault, because I failed to see the "every third problem" bit for math!!! ARGH! Heh…I write the LEP well, thanks!! You should be a literary critic…they get bundles of money. ^_^ Yeah! Ice cream!

Roxie Faye: Well, there is a lot more of Alanis coming up. As you can see, she's not very smart (kind of a plot point…but I digress.) I still sort of think she's a Mary Sue, but nyeh…she's a model who's physically fit…can fence…and isn't the sharpest crayon in the box. ^_^ Also has some major Issues…but don't we all? I want to see those dolls of her you made, too. XD

Oracle: Yeah, I get busted for staying up late to read too…bad, thing…once I 'went to sleep', came back out, turned on the computer…and yeah…way BUSTED. To answer your question…Master Mo is the neurotic fencing teacher with extreme Harry Potter issues…the idea of Mulch/Anyone is…Squick! And Alanis' father is Jonathan Night. Hehe. I'm not sure myself how's its connecting…well, that's the fun of it all…

Kingleby: I'm happy you think it was a good explanation for the Heart of Time… I like Foaly for being able to answer questions at given moments…

This chapter has been edited and the chess discrepancy has been fixed thanks to the help from the spiffy Booki Mcnerd. Lots of thanks! ^_^