by Aerin
What has happened in the many-month wait for Aerin to update? Well, Artemis is very bothered by Alanis, who isn't exactly the sharpest crayon in the box and isn't helping figure out his weird memories, and Butler has discovered something (not a very short Snape-boggart) on his doorstep. In this chapter we shall discover whether Artemis has beaten up Alanis for the sheer lack of being trapped in a library for so long, and Butler and Mulch sit down for tea. And oh yeah…Artemis wears leather.
And look at them boys in leather jackets
Second skin, not fade away
Danger girls love leather jackets
Play back to back, and that'll be the day
Leather jackets, that'll be the day
We all need to smell the heat
You know that things go better with chrome
Is Memphis real or just a song
Three thousand miles from home
Be a cool jerk, don't work
When fashion makes you change
Keep the faith, don't waste
Another nickel on another name
Elton John, "Leather Jackets"
Chapter Nine: Leather and Librarians
Central Library of Dublin, Dublin, Ireland
Artemis sighed and slammed the book shut. His notes and photocopies littered the table, and Alanis had her face buried in the magazine, asleep. Artemis glanced at her sleeping figure sprawled over the table, and then looked at his watch. Four-forty-one. He massaged his temples and gathered all of his papers, stacking them neatly together. Artemis folded it then surreptitiously slipped it into Alanis' handbag.
He poked Alanis' arm.
Nothing.
Poke.
Nothing.
Artemis frowned and prodded her again.
Alanis jolted up suddenly and snapped, "I'm sorry! I'll try harder next time!"
Artemis raised a curious eyebrow.
Alanis shrank back in her chair, and embarrassed flush tinging her cheeks.
"We need to be going," stated Artemis.
"Oh. Right," she said, getting up and following Artemis to the door. "Did you already finish whatever you were doing?"
"Not quite," said Artemis. He would need access to a computer and the Internet. That would be a problem, considering how his room of electronic equipment was barred. Of course, the library had computer access…
"Excuse me," he said to a cross librarian woman sitting at the counter next to the door.
"Yes?" she wheezed, adjusting her glasses.
"May I use the Internet?"
"Hold on, dearie," said the woman, pushing her chair back and peering down at the table. She scanned several sheets of paper.
Artemis rolled his eyes. How the city get away with employing senile old women who couldn't see was beyond him.
"All the computers are full," she wheezed again and gazed a bifocal-covered eye at Artemis. "You'll have to wait at least forty minutes."
"I'll pass. Come, Alanis," said Artemis briskly, walking out of the door. A blast of heat greeted them as they walked back to the theater.
Butler stared at the diminuitive creature.
It looked up at him. "Invite me in, will ya?"
Butler stood frozen. All his rational senses told him to slam the door shut right then and there—but something kept him unmoving, staring at the oddly dressed—er—thing.
"Eh, doesn't matter," it—he—said, shoving past Butler into the hall. "Got any grub? I'm starving. Luggage. Psh," it snorted. "The people simply don't pack enough snacks to feed a hungry thief."
Butler was still staring at the empty doorstep in front of him. Suddenly his body unfroze and within a few moments (he mentally was miffed that it was no longer one moment, but he was getting rather old) he had lifted the figure up in one arm. "Who are you and what are you doing here?" he growled threateningly.
The face he was making usually sent grown men into a blubbering, quivering mess.
This one however, grinned and said, "Haven't changed a bit, now have you, Butler. It's your old pal Mulch Diggums."
Artemis was deep in thought pondering his dilemma and didn't notice much of the passing street. He did know that Alanis was walking slowly behind him, doing some idiotic thing like staring at the sky and making fish faces at random passersby.
They were passing by a public high school when Artemis swiveled around to find Alanis staring at her feet, several meters behind him. "What are you doing?" he said menacingly and walking back.
Alanis grinned and grabbed a piece of paper off the floor where it had blown across her feet. "A party!" she said happily. "I love parties. Let's go"
Artemis glared at her and snatched the flyer. "I have no time to waste on idiotic social activities. There are more urgent matters to be dealt with. How I can access the Internet, for example—"
Alanis huffed and walked ahead, crossing her arms. "Couldn't you have done that at the library?"
Artemis quickened his pace to catch up with her. "No," he said in an exasperated sigh. "I need to figure out where I can go online without raising my father's suspicious—
"
His eyes held that dangerous look as they usually did when he was deep in thought. Artemis looked down at the flyer he was holding.
7 PM
Josh Anderson's place
Dun Laoghaire
Artemis' mind raced quickly. Josh Anderson played on the football team of the public high school, since St. Bartleby's did not have one. No doubt the party would be a loud and uproarious mixture of the upper class St. Bartleby crowd and the hobnob mess from the public school. Artemis frowned, remembering the excited whisper among the girl-starved boys from his school as they passed around the flyers before school let out. Rumors of the "house party to end all others" had spread like wildfire. Of course everybody who was anybody was going to be there.
Likewise, Artemis had not actually been invited. But it was an open house party. And Josh Anderson owed him a favor.
"Alanis," he smirked at her, "What say we crash a party?"
Butler stood in shock. The name should have meant nothing to him, and he should have slammed the door in the dwarf's face.
How did he know it was a dwarf?
More importantly, why did his instincts tell him to put the dwarf—Mulch Diggums—down?
Butler, still not sure of what was going on, trusted his instincts. He let go of Diggums' collar and the dwarf plopped to the floor unceremoniously.
"Butler? Are you alright?" called Angeline from the other room.
"One of Artemis' friends came calling," replied Butler. Don't lie, part of his mind told himself. Another part of him insisted that it was the truth.
The creature—dwarf—removed its horrid vulture topped hat and pulled the balaclava to reveal a face covered with a yellow gooey substance. He grinned at Butler. "We've got a lot of business to discuss. But first—food! I'm starving."
Butler blinked at him. "I'll go get the tea."
No sooner than the words had left his mouth than Alanis had let out an unearthly squeal and hugged him round the middle then proceeded to drag him to what else—a bloody shopping spree.
"Alanis, I really don't think this is necessary—" he said, looking around nervously hoping nobody spotted him waiting outside a dressing room in a section that was obviously for girls.
She tutted at him from behind the door. "'Course it is! I can't go wearing this outfit, I've already worn it today…I saw the cutest thing in that store there, and you'll need to wear something, that shirt is awful—do you honestly think they'll let you into the party wearing that?"
Artemis scowled and was about to tell her that he was immaculately groomed and looked perfect when something pink and fluffy hit him on the head.
"I look awful in pink, makes me look like a marshmallow or something—"
Artemis scowled, sitting down on a feathered pouf and holding the pink thing gingerly and held in the comment that marshmallows were white. A passing clerk gave him a strange look. Artemis quickly dropped it. "That's—not—mine," he blurted.
The door opened and Artemis stood up to reprimand Alanis for making him look like a—
He stopped.
Alanis twirled around in front of the mirror and flashed a smile. She was wearing one of those form-fitting dresses that kind of swished when you spun, like how Alanis was right now.
Artemis blinked, then said, "Looks nice. Let's go."
Alanis went back in the dressing room and he was hit with the lavender dress. "Go buy that while I change."
Artemis spluttered. "Me? Buy?" It wasn't like he couldn't afford it, but if the girl thought she could just buy the entire mall on his bank account, she thought wrong.
"I left Daddy's credit cards at your house," she said. "Go on."
Artemis grumbled and walked to the counter, where the clerk who had looked at him earlier grinned at him.
Artemis tried very hard not to lose his composure as he looked around. Two teenage girls tittered as the clerk—a boy about his age with a very shiny earring studded in one ear—scanned the dress.
"It's not for me," he said loudly.
The clerk grinned at him again and gave him a shopping bag. "Quite all right," he said understandably, laying his hand on Artemis' as he handed him the bag.
"I'll—be—leaving now," blurted Artemis quickly and turned around, relieved to see Alanis. "Come on, let's go—"
Alanis laughed at him and pulled him into another store. "Aw, why didn't you stay? He was cute," she added.
"I'm—not—like that!" spat Artemis. "Are we done? Come on, let's go, it's nearly six now, I have to call Butler—what are you looking at?"
Alanis was studying his face. "With your complexion you shouldn't have your hair slicked back like that. It creates unnecessary tension on your forehead giving you this uptight pain-in-the-arse look."
Artemis stared at her. It was the most coherent thing she had said all day.
"May I?" she asked.
Artemis blinked at her. Alanis seemed to take it as a yes, licked her fingers quickly and swiftly pulled at his hair for a few seconds. She leaned back, satisfied. "Alright. Let's get you in some leather and you actually might look kind of hot."
Artemis let her drag him along and he managed to catch a glimpse of his reflection in one of those over-polished windows. His hair was tousled and hung about his head in dark waves. He actually looked…cool. Artemis smiled. This might not be so bad after all.
He was wrong. Alanis was grinning at him, holding up a pair of leather pants that looked too small for him.
"No way in hell. I am not wearing that," he said defiantly. "Leather makes strange noises. Fowls do not make strange noises."
Chapter Ten: Will Angeline find out there is a dwarf drinking tea in her house? Will Butler regain his memories? Most importantly… Will Artemis wear the pants?
A/N: Tada, yes, I am not dead. I am living and breathing summer and writing too. I finally have updated! Yes, I deserve to be sporked for taking so long. But here it is in all it's glory! Credit goes to some anonymous LJ icon for the leather comment, and to the movie Zoolander for some of Alanis' character (and a line here or there.) If any of you were smart, you caught in the last chapter the pokes to Deep Wizardry and Pirates of the Caribbean. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, no? Next chapter coming soon. Review and it will!
feififoefum: hey eggie…I updated! Hah. Thanks to your constant reminders. Muahaha…I know your phone number…muahahhaa…
mad sam: yes, I am awake now. J
Brightness: it's a big tough to avoid the clichés, but she's a silly character, really. Very…odd. Go watch Zoolander. Thanks…we should brainstorm! Cinnamon flavored dental floss, eh? What about cheese flavored?
Phoenix: yes, Mulch is trying to emulate boggart-Snape. But he has grease on his face instead of his hair.
liquid crystal: thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed this part.
Roxie Faye: hope you got your Mulchies satisfied! Yes, he and Butler have tea. Whee!
pingping5 yup, I did snaffle some. I like that word. Snaffle. I'm gonna snaffle that too. And I just sent the latest chapter of Cry to my beta, so expect that soon!
Pedagoggie: snazzy! Whee! I am snazzy!
Captain Amy: Keep trying to write! Don't give up not even when the evil penguins come for you…
Zucchini: why yes, I have been reading Deep Wizardry. And there is a reason to the madness…you shall see. And if you want a bogglefish, go ask Nyghtvision. She is the creator of the Netherworld Flamingo, bogglefish and all. Although Noodlewhip is mine.
Szhizofrenic Inner Child: Wow and thank you! You rock as well. Go update your stories.
The Cheezhead: yes, the plot has thickened to a seemliness of cheesecake…mmm..
darklight ascendant: Don't blow up the Flamingo! Well, if you do, tell Nyghtvision. She's the owner of this here club and I have no say in it. Go ask for her permish.
Lessa3: Yes, bubbleheads are cool. Hmm…now is it Alanis and not Lili? Whyever would you think that? Oh dear, if that's true, the People might be in even more trouble than I thought…Yes, you've caught all the spiffy things. Keep writing your own spiff and update as well! I shall when I can. J
Nyghtvision: Yes, there are many nods all over the place I want to fall my head off. Whee! And here's a blowtorch! Catch! You might want to use it, someone wants to blow up the Netherworld Flamingo…hehe.
Libro: It's picking up quite nicely! Glad to see I put Root and Foaly nicely. They're quite silly. Alanis is amusing, but you are right…she will play…some part.
super-sailor-saturn39: There are plenty I'm sure you'll like too! But I'm glad you like mine.
Nesuli: Terribly sorry I couldn't update on your snow day. It's very sunny now…I think we've changed seasons. I'm awful..:p
fearsomdiety: Yeah, Terry Pratchet rocks. Don't forget your towel!
the black knight: You guessed it…the Jon in the phone calls is….not Jon Spiro. Pay attention everyone! (I wonder who else besides you is reading it. Doesn't everybody gloss over these until they find their name and read their own bit…we'll see.)
Incensio Lady: Yup, Tamora Pierce rocks. Circle Opens series is very good. I particularily liked Street Magic. Briar is awesome. Whee! And go Monty Python!
Nostie: again…see Nyghtvision for a bogglefish. They're quite cute, aren't they? pokes
Idendity99: yes, Cheezhead rocks too. And I have updated! I'm happy you've gotten to work on yours…tooddledoo!
A/N 2: And that's it for today! That was Aerin, giving you the latest chapter of the Heart of Time! Tune in next week to see whether or not she has updated and whether or not Artemis will wear the leather pants! And don't forget to review, otherwise Aerin will send the league of evil penguins after you.