Two a.m. was too early. Way too early. But she couldn't sleep. She kept worrying and thinking about her choice. Was she making the right one? Right now she needed guidance, and didn't want it from Angel. Maybe Lorne was up. She could only hope he was because she needed someone to talk to. Gunn would probably just fall asleep on the other line, Fred would babble her head off, Wesley would keep her entertained with the 'uh huh' and 'hmmm' and the 'I understand'. But she didn't need that, didn't want that, even though the sound of Fred's babbling sounded good to keep her mind off of what was bothering her. She rolled her eyes over to the clock again. 2:02. This was ridiculous, she was in the biggest, warmest bed in the arms of a man who loved her. But even he couldn't offer her the best advice right now, they both knew that. She kissed him on the cheek and slipped out of his arms. With her robe placed upon her shoulders, she shut the door slowly as not to wake Angel up from his slumber and walked down towards the study, which was loaded with books upon books. It would probably knock Wesley's socks off. Hoping no one else was awake, she slid the pocket door behind her and jumped out of her slippers when she saw Gretchen Chase in a library chair smoking a cigarette and drinking a scotch.
"Oh, I didn't realize anyone was awake. I'm sorry." She quickly apologized and started to retreat her steps when Gretchen stopped her.
"Cordelia, come. Sit. Keep me company." Gretchen patted the chair next to her, setting her drink down and flicking the ashes from her cigarette in the ashtray set on the coffee table before her. Cordelia did as asked. Still feeling uncomfortable she pulled her legs up to her chest and stared over at elderly lady. It wasn't what she pictured at all: scotch, cigarette and smoking jacket to boot. She imagined pretty little hats on the top of her head, tea biscuits served promptly at four in the afternoon and white lace gloves placed properly on her lap.
"I imagine this is not what you expected." Gretchen blew out a puff of smoke and took a gulp of her scotch.
"No, it's not."
"You probably imagined white gloves, tea time and a little white hat placed upon my head, right?"
"Yea, I did."
"Well, that's not me, will never be me." She took another drink of her scotch and set the now empty glass on the coffee table and looked over to Cordelia. "Are you feeling alright?"
"Oh, I'm fine."
"You're up early. Couldn't sleep?"
"Not really."
"I can see how you couldn't, being in a strange house in a strange city and a child moving inside of you, growing every day." Gretchen put her cigarette out and reached for a tiny purse on the edge of the table. "Gum?" She asked, opening up the purse and taking out a skinny silver paper for herself and offering one to Cordelia. She shook her head no and Gretchen folded the sugary goodness up and plopped it in her mouth.
"Maybe this is just me, but why do you chew gum after all of that? It won't mask anything."
"I know, but it always tastes good after a scotch." Gretchen smiled again, looking at Cordelia's worry lines that had surfaced over the past two weeks. "Has Angel talked to you yet?"
"About me staying here? Yea."
"Still not sure?"
"Yea. Having doubts. I mean, no offense or anything, but I hardly know you."
"I know you don't. This decision it totally up to you and I don't want to pressure you into anything. If you do go back to Los Angeles, I'd be able to help in my own little way."
"Are you talking about money?"
"Yes, money. Plus, I also want visitation rights to you and that baby." Gretchen smiled over at Cordelia, whose head was lowering a bit probably thinking to hard about what she should do. "This Angel fellow...he's nice."
"Yea, he is, isn't he?"
"He says he's your friend. But something tells me that he's more than that."
Cordelia looked up at her then, a little shocked at what her newly acquired grandmother could pick up on within the eight hours that she had spent with them.
"He's good to you. I like that."
"I like that too." Cordelia thought about that then, how good he actually was to her. It was comforting really, knowing that she could always depend on him. Somehow this whole story of her not wanting him to save her got twisted around and she found herself wanting him to save her. Save her from this loop hole that she was being thrown into. Gretchen patted Cordelia on the knee and stood up, taking off her smoking jacket and setting it over the back of the chair.
"Let's get you to bed." She took a hold of her hand and they walked down the hall, with Gretchen seeing that Cordelia was safe in bed. Cordelia snuggled back up to Angel's side and found herself getting used to him being there, by her side and in her bed. He twisted about and lifted his arm to pull her closer to him.
"Angel..." She whispered to him.
"Hmmm."
"Save me."