D/L Chapter 11. Still Pre FATF- but we're getting there folks- I swear!
The day of the fair I woke up early to go for a long run alone. Dom usually didn't come on these with me since he tended to be hung over from partying with Vince the night before. I tried not to think of who else was at the parties they went to since there was really nothing I could do about it at this point. I trusted Dom to make the right choices.
When I got back from my run, my mom was sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee. "How's my little artist? I got your progress reports from your teachers in the mail yesterday. It sounds like you really like this new school Mira; you're making almost all A's. Your father would be so proud."
I smiled and wiped the sweat from my head and neck as I opened the fridge to get some orange juice. "It's better than the Kennedy was," I say as I put some ice in a large glass then fill it to the rim. I take a big sip, enjoying the chill that shot thru my body. "I miss having classes with Mia and Jesse though. I bet Jesse would really like the Academy. Too bad his dad's a fuck up and his mom took off."
"Watch your language Leticia." Mama frowned, tsking me the same way my abuela liked to.
"Well don't you think it's funny how it's us Latinos who get stereotyped as being all ignorant and ghetto when it's Adrian's white relatives who are in jail? Tell me you don't see the irony there?" I put the now empty glass down on the counter and started to stretch.
"I do feel sorry for the boy. Adrian's mother said he has some sort of learning disability. She was so hopeful last semester when the two of you were in so many classes together because it was the first time he didn't get anything lower than a C on his report card. I guess he's having a harder time this semester. You know when they found out you were transferring they offered to send Jesse there as well but he wouldn't let them." My mother went to the fridge to get some more milk for her next cup of coffee. "At least he got his pride from his Latin side."
I snorted. "And that's supposed to be a good thing? He's shooting himself in the foot. He hates that place. Why stay someplace where you're miserable when someone's offering you a way out?"
"I'll remind you that you said that one day when your pride gets in your way. It's easy to judge from the outside Mira, but remember how hard it was for us not so long ago." My mother smoothed down some of my wild strands of hair, making a face when her hand got all sweaty. "Now hurry up and take a shower, you have a doctor's appointment in an hour."
I made a face and moved my head away. "I'm not sick. Dominic's supposed to drive me to the college fair later today."
My mother put her hands on her hips and looked at me. "Dominic this and Dominic that," my mom pursed her lips, rolled her eyes and did a pretty good impression of me. "I swear, how I didn't notice you were falling in love with him before November, I'll never know."
"You were working two jobs," I say dryly as I rinse out my cup and turn it over to dry.
"Well you're going to the doctor's today Mira and that's final. The last thing I need now that I'm not working all the time is to hold your hair while you puke." My mother shot me a knowing look and crossed her arms, indicating the discussion was over. "Don't think I don't know your birthday is coming up in about three weeks. You're going on the pill a-s-a-p so you and Dominic don't make a b-a-b-y."
"MOM!" I stare at her in shock. "What would the Pope say?!"
"The Pope would say that God helps those who help themselves. We're finally getting our lives on track Leticia, and unless you want to end up one of those stereotypical latinas who gets knocked up in high school, you're going on the pill. I've seen the way you look at Dom. I'd be wasting my breath if I told you to wait till he put a ring on your finger."
My eyes widened with horror. "Oh. My. God. We are not having this conversation. I'm going to go upstairs now and get ready. If we could not discuss why we're going to the doctor, I'd appreciate it. There are some conversations we do not need to have." If I had been horrified by the beginning of the discussion, this last part proved even more embarrassing. As I ran up the stairs two at a time I heard my mother tell me to be ready to leave in 20 minutes.
Two hours later my mom and I pulled into our driveway. Parking next to Dom, my mom didn't bat an eye lash as she got out of the car and gave him a hug, asking him how he was doing as she simultaneously scolded him for being so skinny. I, on the other hand, couldn't look my man in the eye as I walked into the house without a word. I know what they say- if you can't talk about protection with your significant other, they aren't significant enough for you to be doing the nasty with. Yeah, well talking with Dom was one thing. Working the fact that my mother had taken me to get the Pill into that discussion was another. So unholy.
After putting my new round "compact" on my bureau and dry swallowing my first dose, I walked down stairs with my back pack slung over my shoulder and my sunglasses riding low on my face. I stopped at the bottom of the stairs and leaned up against the wall as I watched Dom make quick work of a burrito. "Hey," I said, unable to keep a shy grin off my face.
"Hey baby. You gotta let your moms and grams teach you how to cook chica. They got mad skills." Dom rubbed his stomach with one hand as he leaned down and gave my mom a kiss on the top of her head. "You're the best Mrs. Coronado."
"You're just saying that because I didn't let your father castrate you," Moma laughed as she handed him a brown bag.
"What's in the bag Mama?" I asked, sliding my arms around Dom and giving him a peck on the cheek.
Mama waved her hand in the air dismissively. "Just a little snack for later. Both of you are too skinny. Always running or in the garage. I don't know how the two of you have the energy to sneak around."
"Seriously Mama, did you wake up this morning and think, gee, how can I best torment and embarrass my daughter today?" I rolled my eyes when my mother started to lecture me in Spanish about making a good life for myself and not throwing away my life. "I know, I know. School first, then everything else. I got it. I love you too Mama. C'mon Dom, let's go."
As we got into the car, Dom looked at me quizzically. "Did I hear your mom say something about getting pregnant in there? I mean I know my Spanish is hella shitty, but I swear she either said something about not getting embarrassed or not getting pregnant."
Laughing, I ruffled his hair. "She said both actually. Good ears."
"Does she think we're having sex? I swear to God Letty, I told her we weren't. I mean, not that I don't want to, but you know, I wanted her to know my intentions were noble." Dom is talking fast and stealing glances at me as he gets onto the freeway. He's nervous because he knows I'm still a little irritated that my mom got him to roll over on us so damn fast.
"Oh no, believe me, she knows we aren't having sex yet. She does however, know we are planning on it and thus decided to put me on the Pill this morning." I watch as his eyes go wide. It is amazing how many emotions flash across his face in the few seconds before he replies.
After struggling to find the right response, Dom settles with, "Wow. Way to be Mrs. C."
I snort and change the radio station. "That's one way to look at it. Of course, you weren't the one who had to discuss our sex life with the doctor in her presence."
"Baby, just think of it this way. Now we get to HAVE a sex life," Dom teased.
"Down boy. We still have three and a half weeks to go. And you better not be running to Vince afterwards and running your mouth about it either. You may, however, have the pleasure of breaking it to your father since he's going to be oh so pleased to know we've basically been doing it for the last 8 months." I ran my hand thru my hair and changed the station again, feeling restless.
"I don't plan on having a deep discussion about our relationship with either of them." Dom swatted my hand away from the controls. "I like this song."
I scrunched up my nose. "Ugh, you're such a girl. KC and JoJo? And I'm the freak?"
He turned the volume up for a moment, laughing, then turned it back down. "How long are we going to stay at this thing?"
"I don't know. I haven't ever really thought about college before." I yawn and turn down the air conditioning a little. It's weird how I can be tired and fidgety at the same time. "How long do you think it will take to look at everything?"
"Do I look like Suarez? I don't have a fucking clue how long that shit takes. How big is the room they have it set up in?" Dom tried to keep his voice level, but I can tell he's feeling insecure. This is new ground for him, thinking about going to college. He gets cranky when he's out of his element.
"I think they set up in the cafeteria." I sigh and dig thru my bag once again for the flier. "It looks like there'll be about 40 colleges and universities there, and those Kaplan and Princeton Review type people too."
"Well we only have to look at the ones in Cali right? Or did you want to go somewhere else. What's that school Mia was talking about? That Suarez is looking at out East?"
"Yeah no thanks. I hate being cold, you know that. I'm good with staying close to home. I'm not paying out of state tuition, that's for damn sure." Watching Dom drive, I reach for my camera and snap a few pictures of him drumming his fingers on the wheel.
Frowning, he looks over at me. "Why'd you do that?"
"You looked so stoic, I couldn't help it." Smiling, I brush the hair out of his eyes. "I love you. I'm glad you're going with me to this."
He's blushing which is a rare thing for him to do. I can tell he's glad I turned the camera off already so that I can't capture that moment as well. He's silent for a moment before he asks in a small voice if I'll still love him if he doesn't get into college. "Will you still love me if I end up having to run the garage for the rest of my life?"
"Dominic…" I stare at him for a moment. "I fell in love with you the way you are now, and nothings changed since then. If you decide that you don't want to be a doctor, that's fine with me."
"But things have changed since we first started this. You're going to private school, you're making good grades, your thinking about college-"
I interrupt him before he starts to hyperventilate. "No, you and my mom are thinking about college. I don't have to go for me, at least not at this point in my life."
"Whatever, college is an option now. Things have changed- you've changed. What happens if I can't keep up with you?" Dom doesn't look at me as he pulls into the parking lot.
"You're four years older than I am Dominic. It should be me asking you that question." Sighing I unbuckle my seatbelt and turn to look at him. "You've done things that I haven't. You go out drinking with Vince, you race with the guys, all these girls throw themselves at you. I can't compete with that Dom, and I'm not trying to. When are you going to realize that you don't have to compete with Adrian?"
"I didn't think I had to till you got all wet on the idea of me going to college and becoming a doctor," Dom spat out.
I slapped him. The sound and the force of my palm connecting with his flesh surprised both of us. Neither of us said anything, maybe because we didn't know what to say. We just sat there, unmoving, staring at each other, not recognizing the person sitting across from us.
A car pulled into the spot next to ours and some of my classmates got out and headed toward the gym. The noise and movement outside broke whatever spell we'd been in and I too got out of the car and followed them in. I heard the other car door open and shut, and from the corner of my eye I saw that Dom was right behind me.
We spent exactly 27 minutes in the cafeteria, neither of us saying a word to each other. Dom was always exactly two steps behind me, picking up the brochures and free pencils at each booth we visited from Cal Poly to the Army. A few of my classmates stopped and said hello to me here and there. I was polite, even friendly a few times, but I didn't introduce Dominic to any of them, nor did he introduce himself.
When we finally walked out of the building and back to the car, Dom finally reached out and touched my hand. I could feel his hesitancy, the unspoken apology. I slowed my pace just a fraction so that Dom caught up to me. He slowly turned me so that I was facing him. My eyes were closed because I couldn't look at him yet. I didn't want him to see how badly his words had hurt me, how deeply they'd cut.
" Lo siento," he whispered, kissing my forehead gently. "I didn't mean it, I swear to God I didn't mean it."
I opened my eyes and searched his face. I could see his regret, but it wasn't enough. "Then why did you say it?" To my utmost humiliation my voice cracked. "It's like you were trying Dom, you fucking did it on purpose."
"I- I'm so sorry. I don't know why I said it." Dominic's voice was low but desperate. They might have been intended to be placate me, but it didn't work. He was lying, and the moment the words left his mouth, he knew I knew it.
"Just go Dom. I'll call someone else and get a ride home from them." I stepped away from him wearily. "I don't think I want to be near you right now."
"Letty- don't do this." Now it was Dom's turn for his voice to crack.
"I'm not. You did. You brought us here Dom. Not me." I crossed my arms in front of my chest in an effort to shield myself from him somehow. "I'm tired of just going along for the ride Dom."
"Just- just don't call him. Please Letty. Anyone but him." Dom was begging now. Fuck that nearly broke me. He doesn't beg for nothing, and certainly not like this. Maybe he's asked me for things before, and maybe I've called it begging, but it wasn't compared to this.
"Why are you so afraid of him Dom? He's just a boy. He can't hurt you. Fuck, he doesn't have to hurt you Dom. You've done a pretty fucking good job hurting us both by yourself." With that I walked away from Dominic for what would be the first of many times during our relationship.