Two chapters in one night how can we all be so lucky? Well, my lovely fiancé has come down with – get this SCARLET FEVER! We figure that next week he'll come down with the Whooping Cough when we lose our way on the Oregon Trail and have to ford the river. So yeah I have some extra time on my hands because he sleeps 20 hours out of the day. So he gets sick and y'all get another chapter. I blame this chapter on Terry Prachett and Neil Gaiman. If you like the fic, say so, if not then why are you even reading this? BACK IN TIME! HUEY LEWIS STYLE! sorry...it's been on of those days. -D

Waiting on a Friend

According to sixth year Slytherin, Maxwell McKagan, there were many different breeds of Slytherins. The first kind was your typical, "We're rich, so fuck you" Slytherin. These sorts, of course, contrasted with the existential, "We're so rich, so why does it all matter?" Slytherin. Now, the former group of Slytherins were not to be confused with the "We're rich and Evil-RA-RA-RA!" Slytherins, while the latter was often mistaken for the "Beer O'clock Slytherins" that we're obviously the fewest and far between Slytherins next to the "Heart of Gold Slytherins," which, upon close examination, didn't exist at all.

Severus Snape chortled lightly in the outdoor breeze. He had just lit another cigarette and thankfully no one ever used Hogwarts's side door adjacent to the Forbidden Forest. "Which one am I, Max?" asked Severus as he exhaled.

Max sat down on the side steps and sized up his housemate. A series of deliberate "hmms" and "ahhs" was followed by a rather melodramatic "well." With one finger poised in the air, Max smiled. "Severus, my friend, I believe you fall into a subcategory of the "Beer O'clock Slytherin," called the "Over-sexed but under-laid Slytherin." Severus laughed out loud, something rarely heard out of this small group. "And what pray tell, great master, is that supposed to fucking mean?"

Another Slytherin, Holden Chase stepped up to lean on the rail and offer his opinion. "Well obviously, Mr. Snape, it means that instead of being out here gracing us with your presence you should be showing Miss Hunter the time of her life."

Snape smirked and stepped back. "Fuck you."

"Fuck us?" Holden retorted. "Fuck you – no, fuck you, you fuck her!"

Max laughed out loud. "I think the pretty boy has a point, where is May anyway?"

Holden winced. "She's on a 'date' apparently."

"Who's the lucky bastard who scored that?"

Severus tossed down his cigarette and mashed is with his boot.

"Sirius Black, the cocksucker," Snape responded almost bitterly.

Max's eyes widened with disbelief. "How the fuck did he score a date with our girl?"

Holden sat on the step. "He didn't. Lillian the Cute set them up, and Potter the Ass got a night pass from Dumbledore."

"And you let that happen, Sev?"

"I'm not her father, she can make her own decisions not matter how retarded."

"Yeah, but you actually give a shit about her, why don't you say something to her."

Snape shook his head. "I'm not having this conversation with you both."

"Why not, brother? Holden and I, after all, fall into the "open ears for all of Severus's bizarre issues" subcategory of the existentialist Slytherin."

"Also, you need to get laid or your going to fucking explode."

"What the fuck are you talking about!?" Severus shouted out of nowhere. "I don't need to fuck anyone! Am I the only one who doesn't walk around constantly thinking with his dick?!"

"Yes," replied Holden.

"Fuck you! Besides, if I wanted to get Maylin into bed, I could."

"Oh really?"

"Yes, really Maxwell, but maybe I don't want too; maybe I just want her to give someone to care about. Maybe I actually love her enough to...to..." Severus trailed off. What had he just said? Fuck me.

"Wait, wait, Sev," Holden interrupted. "You love her enough? Max, I think we have a winner."

"Ding! Severus brother, you got it bad."

"Fuck you."

"Yeah, yeah, fuck us, blah blah. Big deal. You need to tell -" "I don't' have to tell her shit! Besides this crap just – jus..."

"Just what, brother?"

Severus looked up at the darkness and shoved his hands into his pockets.

"Nothing."

Holden and Max exchanged looks. Severus lit another cigarette.

"You got it real bad, mate."

Severus shook his head and turned, a half smile had turned to his face.

"You're both a couple of fuckers, you know that?"

They nodded in unison.

As the subject changed, the door behind them creaked open. The boys turned to see Remus Lupin standing still and looking distant. Severus stood and turned. He took a drag on his cigarette, his eyes narrowed.

"Evening Lupin, out for a moonlit stroll?"

Lupin leaned wearily on the door and shook his head.

"Then what do you want?" Holden asked dryly.

Lupin cleared his throat, and stepped forward. "Lynnie's back...I think you all should all...she came back alone."

Max and Holden stood and turned next to Snape. Holden stepped forward and leaned into to Lupin. "She came back? Alone?"

Lupin nodded.

"Why?"

"I'm not sure, Severus, but judging from the look on her face, she could use her 'musketeers.'"

"Was that sarcasm, Lupin?"

"When in Rome, Max."

The three Slytherins exchanged glances and headed up the stairs. Max and Holden entered the castle. Lupin remained outside. Snape stopped in front of him and tossed his cigarette onto the ground. He eyed Lupin for a moment before speaking. "Black fucked with her?" Lupin's vacant stare met his. "She's up in the Astronomy Tower with Lily." Snape stood for a moment and turned to head in. Lupin grabbed his arm. Snape reacted quickly and turned to face him again.

"If you decide to beat the living hell out of Black, I won't hold that against you."

Lupin lowered his arm. Snape gave a half smile and nodded before catching up with his housemates on their way to the Tower.