You've been wondering what I did that was so bad. Sometimes,
honestly, I wonder myself. I tried, I tried so goddamn hard to do the
right thing but fuck, it wasn't enough. I'm sorry Dominic, I tried. God I
tried.
You see, I wasn't there. According to Dominic I forgot to be there. It stung when he said that to me, but you know what stung worse? I didn't forget. I chose. I chose not to be there because I thought... I thought by leaving I was helping more than I could by staying. I'm sorry...
Those facts I gave you, the black and white, it was supposed to be the truth right? It wasn't. I left out the biggest part because on paper it looks so, so, so black and white. In reality it was this small thing. All together it took 27 minutes. It didn't make a difference to how I lived my life, not really. Its like I didn't believe it happened. Like I don't believe that... that we were actually married.
There. I said it. I haven't said it since... since the day I came back to L.A. Dom and I haven't been the same since he got out. Fuck, if we're being fucking honest, we haven't been the same since the last time I visited him in Lompoc. It was four weeks after he went in.
Damn it, I'm jumping ahead of myself. I told you it was like that with this shit. I'm like the opposite of Jesse I guess. Engines, the garage, the whole bit calms him down. Speak to him. Dominic, the garage, the whole bit- it- it fuck. It's hard.
We didn't tell anybody. Part of Dom wanted to, but I didn't want to. Not when it went down like it did. If Dom had insisted, maybe things would have been different. But he didn't. If he had insisted I would have caved. Everybody knows that even now, even when our shit is all fucked up, I can't deny him anything. He asked me to fucking knock over trucks for him and I did it for christs sake. I'd give my life for him, even now. I just, I just can't give him my trust.
The story. Right. How it happened.
We were sitting at the beach. In my car. It was 1:26 in the morning. I remember because we'd been sitting there for two hours in silence and I was wondering when Dom would want to go home. We did that sometimes after the accident. I'd drive cause Dom's arm was in the sling- I'd made him get it fixed asap so that if he had to go he could defend himself when he got there. I'd drive and we'd just go as fast and far as we could go on a tank of gas. When we stopped at the beach or at a view point I'd read to him while his he laid his head in my lap. Occasionally we talked about the future, but most times we just were. Together. We were. We just were.
That's when we became an institution. From the moment I walked into the fort till the day he walked into Lompoc, Dom and I were inseparable. Literally the only time we were apart was when I was at school. Any other time, be it day or night we were together. After about ten days of unsuccessful nagging my mom gave up on trying to get me to come home and sleep in my own bed. It was simple for me, a no brainer. Dom needed me with him, so I staid with him always. I was always in his arms or by his side. It became clear that day in the garage where Dom almost lost it with Jesse: my touch was the music that soothed the savage beast in Dominic. And for those months before he went to Lompoc, when Dom didn't say much, I spoke for the both of us.
Things have changed. Now I'm the quiet one. Dom's the talker. I wish he wasn't so fucking good at it. He can charm the shit out of me. He can charm the panties off- can't think like that. But back then, things were different. As fucked up as they were then, things were better.
1:27 a.m. The moon is high in the sky, shining down on us. If I close my eyes and breathe deeply, I can almost convince myself that tonight is just like that first night on the beach, when the biggest problem I faced was taking an innocent comment too personally. It's not.
Dom takes my hand in his and kisses it softly. "Baby?" he asks, his voice filled with hesitancy.
"Yes Dominic?" I give him a small smile which doesn't quite stick.
"Do you still love me?" He tries to keep the tremble out of his voice, but even if he'd been successful, I would have seen it in his eyes. Those eyes, God, those eyes. No one our age should have eyes like those. So damn tired. So filled with regret.
"I'll always love you. You made a mistake but if its possible, I love you more now. My father taught me not to judge a man by the mistakes he makes, but by how he tries to fix them. As long as you keep trying, nothing you could ever do would make me stop..."
A tear runs down his face. I take a deep breath and touch my finger to it. I knew in that moment that I would do anything to stop his tears if I could. "You took responsibility. You came forward, you're trying Dominic. You're human. You made a mistake that you'll have to live with for the rest of your life. But you know what? I want to be there to help you live with it for the rest of mine." Placing a gentle kiss on his forehead I smile and try to lighten the moment, to make this night more like that one a lifetime ago. "I mean come one, I already asked you to marry me."
Dom smiled, a wistful smile. God he's beautiful, even when he's miserable. "I... Can we?"
Not sure what he meant, my eye brows knit together. "What, you mean have sex?" Before Palmdale even a weak ass line like that would have worked no problem. Since Palmdale it seemed that while Dom always needed to be near me, he never needed to be with me. "Here?"
He shook his head. "That's not what I meant Letty. I meant can we get married? Before I go away." Dom's voice was particularly deep, the vibrations filled and echoed thru my car.
I stared at him, my face expressionless. I could feel my heart pounding. Was that sweat rolling down his neck? He looked as flushed as I felt. When had it gotten so hot?
I tried to swallow but I couldn't, my throat was parched. Water, water everywhere, but not a drop to drink. Where had I heard that before? What was it from? It was too much. This was too much.
I shut my eyes and tried to breath. "I need you to say what you said again. I don't think I understood you correctly."
"We should get married before I go." He pronounces each word carefully, deliberately. It's not patronizing, but it definitely not romantic.
"I don't understand. Why now? What's the rush? I'm still in high school for God's sake Dominic. Are you that worried about loosing me? I know that I love you and that no one and nothing can change that. You should know that too by now. You don't need to give me your ring right now to make sure that I stay true."
I don't know when the tears started, but both Dom and I have pretty good flows going on right now. If it were any other moment, I'd laugh at the picture we must make. Mia's the emotional one, not us. This whole thing is just... surreal.
Wiping his face with the sleeve of his good arm, Dom does the 'I'm a man I don't cry I just have sinus issues' snort. "I want us to get married now because I need you. I need you to be able to visit me no problem instead having to drag your moms or someone down with you. I need you to know how much I love you and right now the only thing I have to offer you in return is my future."
Dom rubs my cheek and gives me another regretful smile. "And maybe it's selfish, and maybe I'm a bastard for putting this on you, but I need you to take care of the shop, the house, the store and Mia. You can't do that if you're just my girlfriend, but you can if you're my wife."
I kiss his palm and stroke his cheek, mirroring his touch. "This isn't how I thought this would go. I didn't imagine that we'd end up like this Dominic."
"All beginnings are hard baby," Dom whispers. "Isn't that what that guy said in that story you read to me? The Chosen?"
I smile, remembering the book by Chaim Potok and those lazy days and nights that we spent reading it. "You remembered." My heart swelled and I knew I would do it. I would marry Dom. "How do you want to do this?"
Looking years younger, Dom grinned. "I was thinking something small for now, but a big wedding when I come home. Maybe this time we could just do it in the back yard with your family and the Team. Mia can be a brides maid. Vince can be my best man. What do you think?"
My smile faltered. "Mia... Shit. I don't want her to know one of the reasons we're doing this now because we're worried about her."
Dom frowns. "So what you're saying we shouldn't tell anyone?"
I bite my lip and look up at him nervously. "I think it would be better, you know? I mean I'd be proud to be your wife Dominic. I'll marry you tomorrow, I swear. But that's going to be our marriage, our relationship, and as much as we both love Mia, she can't come between us and I don't want her to think she is."
"Wait, hold up," Dom says obviously confused. "What are you talking about? You just said-"
"I know what I just said, and I know it doesn't really make sense. Sorry it's fucked up, I know. Let's just get married down at the court house. First because I love you, and second because it will make things easier. I'll help out with everything while you're gone, but Mia doesn't have to know about it. No one will say shit about us being too young, me marrying you for the money, you chaining me down- none of that bull shit will be able to touch us. And when you get out we'll have the one big ceremony." I place another kiss on his forehead. "Okay?"
Dom nods. "Kay."
So we did it. We got married. Since I was just 17, I had to get permission from my mom. She wasn't for it at first, but after we talked it over, she signed off on it and even volunteered to be our witness. Just me and Dom and my mom were there. We walked in. Signed the papers. Twenty seven minutes later I was Mrs. Dominic Torretto.
A/N: Sorry about the delay. I'll try to finish the story before I leave.
You see, I wasn't there. According to Dominic I forgot to be there. It stung when he said that to me, but you know what stung worse? I didn't forget. I chose. I chose not to be there because I thought... I thought by leaving I was helping more than I could by staying. I'm sorry...
Those facts I gave you, the black and white, it was supposed to be the truth right? It wasn't. I left out the biggest part because on paper it looks so, so, so black and white. In reality it was this small thing. All together it took 27 minutes. It didn't make a difference to how I lived my life, not really. Its like I didn't believe it happened. Like I don't believe that... that we were actually married.
There. I said it. I haven't said it since... since the day I came back to L.A. Dom and I haven't been the same since he got out. Fuck, if we're being fucking honest, we haven't been the same since the last time I visited him in Lompoc. It was four weeks after he went in.
Damn it, I'm jumping ahead of myself. I told you it was like that with this shit. I'm like the opposite of Jesse I guess. Engines, the garage, the whole bit calms him down. Speak to him. Dominic, the garage, the whole bit- it- it fuck. It's hard.
We didn't tell anybody. Part of Dom wanted to, but I didn't want to. Not when it went down like it did. If Dom had insisted, maybe things would have been different. But he didn't. If he had insisted I would have caved. Everybody knows that even now, even when our shit is all fucked up, I can't deny him anything. He asked me to fucking knock over trucks for him and I did it for christs sake. I'd give my life for him, even now. I just, I just can't give him my trust.
The story. Right. How it happened.
We were sitting at the beach. In my car. It was 1:26 in the morning. I remember because we'd been sitting there for two hours in silence and I was wondering when Dom would want to go home. We did that sometimes after the accident. I'd drive cause Dom's arm was in the sling- I'd made him get it fixed asap so that if he had to go he could defend himself when he got there. I'd drive and we'd just go as fast and far as we could go on a tank of gas. When we stopped at the beach or at a view point I'd read to him while his he laid his head in my lap. Occasionally we talked about the future, but most times we just were. Together. We were. We just were.
That's when we became an institution. From the moment I walked into the fort till the day he walked into Lompoc, Dom and I were inseparable. Literally the only time we were apart was when I was at school. Any other time, be it day or night we were together. After about ten days of unsuccessful nagging my mom gave up on trying to get me to come home and sleep in my own bed. It was simple for me, a no brainer. Dom needed me with him, so I staid with him always. I was always in his arms or by his side. It became clear that day in the garage where Dom almost lost it with Jesse: my touch was the music that soothed the savage beast in Dominic. And for those months before he went to Lompoc, when Dom didn't say much, I spoke for the both of us.
Things have changed. Now I'm the quiet one. Dom's the talker. I wish he wasn't so fucking good at it. He can charm the shit out of me. He can charm the panties off- can't think like that. But back then, things were different. As fucked up as they were then, things were better.
1:27 a.m. The moon is high in the sky, shining down on us. If I close my eyes and breathe deeply, I can almost convince myself that tonight is just like that first night on the beach, when the biggest problem I faced was taking an innocent comment too personally. It's not.
Dom takes my hand in his and kisses it softly. "Baby?" he asks, his voice filled with hesitancy.
"Yes Dominic?" I give him a small smile which doesn't quite stick.
"Do you still love me?" He tries to keep the tremble out of his voice, but even if he'd been successful, I would have seen it in his eyes. Those eyes, God, those eyes. No one our age should have eyes like those. So damn tired. So filled with regret.
"I'll always love you. You made a mistake but if its possible, I love you more now. My father taught me not to judge a man by the mistakes he makes, but by how he tries to fix them. As long as you keep trying, nothing you could ever do would make me stop..."
A tear runs down his face. I take a deep breath and touch my finger to it. I knew in that moment that I would do anything to stop his tears if I could. "You took responsibility. You came forward, you're trying Dominic. You're human. You made a mistake that you'll have to live with for the rest of your life. But you know what? I want to be there to help you live with it for the rest of mine." Placing a gentle kiss on his forehead I smile and try to lighten the moment, to make this night more like that one a lifetime ago. "I mean come one, I already asked you to marry me."
Dom smiled, a wistful smile. God he's beautiful, even when he's miserable. "I... Can we?"
Not sure what he meant, my eye brows knit together. "What, you mean have sex?" Before Palmdale even a weak ass line like that would have worked no problem. Since Palmdale it seemed that while Dom always needed to be near me, he never needed to be with me. "Here?"
He shook his head. "That's not what I meant Letty. I meant can we get married? Before I go away." Dom's voice was particularly deep, the vibrations filled and echoed thru my car.
I stared at him, my face expressionless. I could feel my heart pounding. Was that sweat rolling down his neck? He looked as flushed as I felt. When had it gotten so hot?
I tried to swallow but I couldn't, my throat was parched. Water, water everywhere, but not a drop to drink. Where had I heard that before? What was it from? It was too much. This was too much.
I shut my eyes and tried to breath. "I need you to say what you said again. I don't think I understood you correctly."
"We should get married before I go." He pronounces each word carefully, deliberately. It's not patronizing, but it definitely not romantic.
"I don't understand. Why now? What's the rush? I'm still in high school for God's sake Dominic. Are you that worried about loosing me? I know that I love you and that no one and nothing can change that. You should know that too by now. You don't need to give me your ring right now to make sure that I stay true."
I don't know when the tears started, but both Dom and I have pretty good flows going on right now. If it were any other moment, I'd laugh at the picture we must make. Mia's the emotional one, not us. This whole thing is just... surreal.
Wiping his face with the sleeve of his good arm, Dom does the 'I'm a man I don't cry I just have sinus issues' snort. "I want us to get married now because I need you. I need you to be able to visit me no problem instead having to drag your moms or someone down with you. I need you to know how much I love you and right now the only thing I have to offer you in return is my future."
Dom rubs my cheek and gives me another regretful smile. "And maybe it's selfish, and maybe I'm a bastard for putting this on you, but I need you to take care of the shop, the house, the store and Mia. You can't do that if you're just my girlfriend, but you can if you're my wife."
I kiss his palm and stroke his cheek, mirroring his touch. "This isn't how I thought this would go. I didn't imagine that we'd end up like this Dominic."
"All beginnings are hard baby," Dom whispers. "Isn't that what that guy said in that story you read to me? The Chosen?"
I smile, remembering the book by Chaim Potok and those lazy days and nights that we spent reading it. "You remembered." My heart swelled and I knew I would do it. I would marry Dom. "How do you want to do this?"
Looking years younger, Dom grinned. "I was thinking something small for now, but a big wedding when I come home. Maybe this time we could just do it in the back yard with your family and the Team. Mia can be a brides maid. Vince can be my best man. What do you think?"
My smile faltered. "Mia... Shit. I don't want her to know one of the reasons we're doing this now because we're worried about her."
Dom frowns. "So what you're saying we shouldn't tell anyone?"
I bite my lip and look up at him nervously. "I think it would be better, you know? I mean I'd be proud to be your wife Dominic. I'll marry you tomorrow, I swear. But that's going to be our marriage, our relationship, and as much as we both love Mia, she can't come between us and I don't want her to think she is."
"Wait, hold up," Dom says obviously confused. "What are you talking about? You just said-"
"I know what I just said, and I know it doesn't really make sense. Sorry it's fucked up, I know. Let's just get married down at the court house. First because I love you, and second because it will make things easier. I'll help out with everything while you're gone, but Mia doesn't have to know about it. No one will say shit about us being too young, me marrying you for the money, you chaining me down- none of that bull shit will be able to touch us. And when you get out we'll have the one big ceremony." I place another kiss on his forehead. "Okay?"
Dom nods. "Kay."
So we did it. We got married. Since I was just 17, I had to get permission from my mom. She wasn't for it at first, but after we talked it over, she signed off on it and even volunteered to be our witness. Just me and Dom and my mom were there. We walked in. Signed the papers. Twenty seven minutes later I was Mrs. Dominic Torretto.
A/N: Sorry about the delay. I'll try to finish the story before I leave.