Writer's Note:  Um…yeah.  Had so much fun writing this, I guess I could care less what anyone else thinks.  (But it's always a nice bonus when people enjoy it.  ^_^)  Do bear with it.  The story actually goes somewhere.  I swear.

Disclaimer:  Already made my claims in the first chapter, so now I don't ever have to worry about that again.  Whoo hoo.

Mibu Saints by Leila Winters

Dilapidated Omitsu Apartment

Still Mardi Gras

Hajime Saitou Omitsu sat on the couch, completely naked, and lowered an ice pack onto his groinal area—a slow, tortured breath escaping his lips.  "What a bitch…"

Aoshi finished discarding his clothes, both brothers quite heedless of their own nudity and walked to the shower.  His back revealed a large, intricate tattoo of a dragon…a mirror image of one on the back of his brother.

Speaking around the cigarette in his mouth and turning off the water, Aoshi muttered to himself, "No fucken hot water…"

Hajime smiled.  "Shinomori, you really should consider opening up in public the way you do at home.  I'm sure the ladies would find it very…alluring."

Aoshi gave his brother a cold look.  "Do not call me by my middle name, Saitou."

That earned him a dirty look.

Just then, the phone rang and Hajime, carefully balancing his ice pack with one hand, leaned over and picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hajime, that you?" a voice chimed.

"Yes, Mother, this is Hajime."

"Ohh!  What are my boys up to?  Stayin' out of trouble?"

"Yes, Ma."

"Oh…"  there was an uneasy pause.  "Is Aoshi doing all right?"

"Is everything all right, Ma?  You sound upset."

Aoshi stepped closer.  "What's going on?"

"Shut up.  I can't fucken hear."

Heavy breathing hung on the other line.  "Why did I ever have you boys?  You cause me nothing but trouble…always takin' to scrappin'…you ruined my girlish figure in one fell swoop and then you sucked me dry!  My tits are hangin' down to my ankles for Christ's sake!"

Hajime was not one to fall victim to panic very often.  Now was not one of those times.

"Ma?  Are you okay??"

"I went to your father's chest this morning and I got out his gun."

"WHAT??  Ma, what are you doing with Dad's gun?"

"What?  What's she doing with Dad's gun?"

Hajime listened as his mother sniffed on the other end.  "Your father always said, 'Kamatari, do me right and make me proud!'  And then that worthless father of yours left me with you two ungrateful pissants!"

Aoshi looked with concern at his brother.  "Fuck's going on?"

"So I'm just going to end it all…"

Hajime jumped up from the couch, ice pack forgotten.  "WHAT??  Ma, stay where you are!  Me and Aoshi will be over there in twenty minutes!"

"You…fucking…KIDS!!!"

A gunshot echoed loudly into the phone.

"MA!!!"

In his attempt to get pants on, Hajime dropped the phone and both brothers sprawled, completely nude, desperately scrambling for the phone, calling for their mother.

"Ma!!"

Suddenly a burst of laughter trailed out of the earpiece.

"Ma?  Aoshi picked up the line.

"Hahahaha!!  I'm sorry, Aoshi!  I couldn't help myself!!  You boys are too easy to get!"

The man smiled.  "That was a good one, Ma."

"Oh yeah…shit, I thought I was going to piss myself."  Hajime leaned a forehead against the hardwood floor.

The laughter continued and Aoshi remarked to his brother, "She's quite proud of herself, you know."

"I'll bet she is," was the dark reply.

The voice piped in again.  "Aoshi?  Get Hajime on the line.  I want both of you boys to hear this."

Aoshi slapped the back of his brother's head and Hajime held his ear close to the earpiece.

"We're both here, Ma," Aoshi said.

"Now I want you boys to listen.  I know how you get when you take to drinking.  With it being Mardi Gras and all, I want you to promise me something.  No fighting."

"Yes, Ma," they said in unison.

"Your cousin's been up the waitress's skirt all night, poor girl."

Hajime's amused voice thrummed.  "You tell him to take it easy, Ma.  He needs to learn to respect women—the way me and Aoshi do."  Hajime smirked.  "I gave Aoshi his first lesson in sensitivity."

"Fuck you," Aoshi glared.

The woman's voice continued.  "Now, I mean it.  Be good."

"Oh, come on, Ma!  The woman must have been less than five feet tall!  She looked like a weasel."

"Hajime, what are you talking about?"

"We were just trying to make friends and she kicked me in the nuts!"

There was a gasp at the other end.  "What?  Why, that dirty bitch—!!!"

Aoshi spoke up this time, "Don't worry, Ma.  I chanced her a good one, just for you."

Hajime snorted.  "Oh yeah.  Good ol' macho Shinomori."

Aoshi rolled his eyes.  "Jesus fucking Christ."

"The Lord's fucken name!!"

"Our father, who art in Heaven, hallow be thy name," they said in a familiar chorus.

"That's better.  Remember what I said.  No fighting.  Oh, shit.  The neighbor's must have called the cops after the gunshot.  The whole damn neighborhood's coming to see.  Talk to you later."

"Wait, Ma," Hajime said.  "Before you go, how about giving us the goods?  It's been twenty-seven years."

Aoshi nodded ascent.  "Yes.  Which one of us came out first?"

There was a long pause before the feminine voice began.  "Well…I suppose you do have a right to know."  There was a pause as the sound of water sloshed around near the phone piece, a sure sign she was drinking again.  "The one with the bigger cock!  Ha!"  Click.

There was silence as the boys stared in awe ahead of themselves.  Finally, Hajime broke the silence, "What the fuck was that?"

"She's your mother."

"She's your fucken mother!"

"Shit."

The door burst open and Tokio ran in, stopping at seeing two naked, tattooed, muscly men staring blankly at her.

"Hajime, I…oh…"

Megumi came puffing after her.  "Sorry, guys!  I tried to get her to…oh…"

Thin lips slipped into a familiar smirk.  "Came to check if my dick was still in working order, eh, Tokio?  I assure you, I can still last all night if you want me to."

The woman's cheeks pinked slightly.  "Hajime, don't be such a jerk."

Aoshi smiled.  "Yes, or she'll never have sex with you then."

"Shut up."

"Oh…so she really hasn't given it to you, huh?  A shame.  And here I thought you'd never date a girl who didn't put out."

Megumi gave Aoshi a whack on the head.  "Idiot!  Talking about Tokio so crudely…"

"Meg…"

"Apologize."

"Aa."

"WELL…?"

(…)  "I'm sorry."

Megumi smiled and put her arms around the man's shoulders.  "Oh, I'm so proud of you, Oshi-chan!  That's why I cannot resist your cute man ass!"

Hajime turned his head to give his brother an amused look.  "…Oshi-chan?"

Cold grey-blue eyes glared.  "One more fucking word out of you…"

"Bite me."

"Oh, Hajime, be nice!"  Tokio said sweetly.  She knelt beside his sprawled form and traced figures on his shoulder.  "I came all this way to see if you were okay.  That was such a horrible thing for that girl to do!"

"Don't I know it?  I thought I was going to throw up."

"Oh!  So, you're okay, then?"

Hajime sat up and leaned against the couch, pulling Tokio on top of him.  "Oh, definitely."

She smiled.  "I'm so glad.  I was so worried."

He shut her up by leaning over and kissing her.  The kind of kiss you'd expect from a guy like him.  NOT gentle at all.  After making out for a little while, Tokio pulled back.  "You know, Hajime…my first time wasn't at all pleasant and I don't want to repeat that mistake.  I really want it to be special."

"Of course, baby."

"And I really want it to be with someone I care about."

"Mm-hmm…"

"But I…don't want to do it if my partner doesn't want to.  So…do you…do you want to have sex with me?"

There was a shocked pause before Hajime said, "Hell yes," and kissed her again.  Almost as an afterthought, he pulled away and looked at his brother, who was putting on a pair of jeans.  "Get out."

"Fuck off."

Megumi giggled and leaned against Aoshi to watch the couple in front of them.  "Poor Hajime.  I don't think he's ever gone so long without sex.  Tokio's really thrown him for a loop."

"It is a credit to his manhood that he hasn't dumped her in search of someone who will have sex with him."

Meg gave him a coy look.  "You sound frustrated.  Don't tell me you're not getting enough of the fox?  We can definitely arrange to have that fixed, Oshi-chan."

His lips curved upwards in a smile and he put an arm around the woman's waist.  "You do your fair share, Megumi—enough to leave any man exhausted."

Kina's Sake

Mardi Gras later that night

            "So I told her, 'Bitch, you better have fruit juice to go with this.  I'm not gonna fuck you to have you wake up in the morning and call it rape!"

            Sanosuke Sagara.  Funny man.  Sekihoutai runner.

            Okina looked at his finest patrons and refilled Aoshi's drink.  "Boys, I just want to tell you what a fine bunch you are.  Not only do you bring in fine ladies every now and then, but this could be the last time we're together like this."

            There were scattered protests from the patrons, who assured Okina that they'd be around.  Megumi leaned a head against Aoshi's shoulder and yawned sleepily.  In turn, he smiled fondly at the woman's lack of night-owlishness.  Always a morning person, there had been times when he had gone to her apartment and slept nude beside her, simply because she couldn't stay awake long enough to enjoy foreplay.  Still, his mornings were always pleasant at Megumi's…

            He almost felt sorry for his sexually deprived brother.  Almost.

            "The government's been on my case about selling.  They want to convert it into a school or some shit.  But I don't want any of you to say anything to anybody!  I don't want you fuckers to ruin my good business!  But you know what they say…people in glass houses sink ships.  FUCK!  ASS!"

            Everyone laughed at the old man and Sano was first to speak.  You know, Okina, I gotta get you a proverb book or something.  This mix and match shit's gotta go!"

            As if to prove a point, Saitou remarked, "A penny saved is worth two in the bush."

            "And don't cross the road if you can't get out of the kitchen," added Aoshi.

            Just as Tokio was going to say something, Megumi gave out a screech.  Startling her out of her half-asleep state, were a set of unfamiliar lips to the curve of her neck and shoulder.

Aoshi whirled off of his stool, his black coat arcing with him.  A leg stretched out and kicked the man solidly in the stomach.  Hands reaching out, he grabbed the man by his jacket and shoved him at his companion.  Grey-blue eyes had crystallized into a solid ice blue.

            The man calmly righted himself and adjusted his suit.  "So sorry, sir.  Have you already staked your claim on that one?"

            Koji.  Juppongotana.  Chinese Mob Syndicate.

            Sano jumped up and stepped between the two men.  "Whoa.  Hold it.  Things are getting too tense in here."

            Koji took a menacing step closer, several men materializing to back him up.  "You.  Out now."

            "Hold it, hotstuff.  Don't I get a name?"

            "I'm Koji and my friend here is Usui.  The rest of the boys are under my authority.  We're shutting this place down.  Come quietly and no one else gets hurt."

            Okina glared and the men stood up to back Sano—the two women tight against the counter.  "Why don't you Chinese lackeys make like a tree…AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE??"

Hajime pulled his cigarette out of his mouth.  "I suggest you take our offer.  As you can see, you're outnumbered here."

            "We make the offers."

            Aoshi stared coldly at the Chinese mobsters and in their native tongue, said, "I don't like how they talk."

            Saitou replied, likewise, in Chinese.  "Neither do I.  Maybe we should teach them some manners."

            The Juppongotana men simply stared, shocked.

            Sano laughed good-naturedly.  "Say, Koji, what would you do if I said your pinko, commie mother sucked so much dick, her face looked like an egg?!"

            Koji punched him right in the face.

Writer's Note:  Yay! This chapter was a bit longer.  I am in love with the apartment dialogue, so I'm sorry to reveal to you guys…that Leila Winters has a potty mouth!!!!  I just enjoy Saitou and Aoshi's little give-and-take.  I definitely plan to do more with them in the future.  They're so adorable in their bad-boy visage!

For anyone who's seen the movie Boondock Saints, if you're confused, I put in a deleted scene and also added my own.  Gotta play around with the fic, ya know?  ^_^