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We drove up the coast in some shit rental. The timing was off, the shocks were shot and the paint job was for naught. Well, at least we'd have something to play with during our little vacation.

By the time we got to the resort that some distant cousin had recommended it was sunset. It was weird to have the sun set over mountains. Different. But different was going to have to be good enough from now on.

It was beautiful. Three weeks flew by.

I managed to stay busy enough to keep my fears and regrets at bay for most of the day.

Its amazing how tuning up the rental, visiting family, dancing till six in the morning, or doing nothing while plied with alcohol can lull you into numbness.

The best part was sleeping in late. I haven't had a chance to do that since before my dad's stroke. Since then I'd been up early for paper routes, school, or some sort of p.t.- be it self imposed or on the strong suggestion of tio sam.

This was my first real vacation. Ever.

I was almost enjoying it. If it was Dom with me and not Leon I woulda been over the moon.

But that was over.

And I was getting used to that. I was.

On day 24 I was laying out, catching up on some sleep. Having already had two mojitos I was feeling pretty good for three in the afternoon. In my dreams I was here with Dom. I could smell him, feel him staring at me, feel his love for me.

I felt the sand shift and a shadow fall over me. Without the sun to warm my body my warm tinglys began to fade.

"Leon man, you're blocking the sun. Why don't you go flirt with the blond chick over by the bar," I groaned, blinking up at the tall figure.

The shadow knelt down next to me. "It looks like he's already up on that."

"Shit." I swear and turn over quickly holding my top across my chest.

"You always undo your straps like that?" Dom asks as I struggle to retie them.

"I don't want tan lines." I can't make my fingers work and it takes me three times as long as it should to finish securing the flimsy material.

"What are you doing here Dominic?"

"Mia kicked me out of the house. Told me not to come back till I brought you with me." He kicks the sand with his feet, not looking at me. He's wearing a white dress shirt and khakis. As always he's beautiful. Bastard.

"Jesse started taking martial arts and boxing lessons. He's been lifting weights since I got back. Every few days he uses my ass as a punching bag for practice. He's getting lethal.

"And Vince?" I ask almost laughing.

"He went to work at Harry's. Says he can't work for someone so stupid."

"That's a mighty insult coming from Vince," I say somberly.

"No shit." Dom laughs. For a moment we're smiling at each other.

I nudge him and ask quietly. "For real man. What are you doing here?"

"I missed you." His voice cracks, which makes him blush. "We need to talk." He looks at me like he's actually seeing me. "I said some stuff I shouldn't have. I did some stuff I know I shouldn't have."

"Some stuff or some people?" I ask, holding his gaze.

"Letty," Dom says in that voice that sounds like a kid who just got caught doing something.

"You came here to talk Dom. We gotta talk."

"We don't need to talk about that."

I start to stand up and he pulls me back down.

"Shit Let, what do you want me to tell you? How many there were? Do you want me to fucking rate them for you? Tell you how they tried all this freaky shit but they weren't you and it pissed the shit out of me that they weren't?"

I look at him and twist away. "I already know how they rate. You made it clear I can't compete. If I could then there wouldn't have been anyone else, no matter what you say now."

"I didn't mean what I said that day Letty." His voice is so sad that what's left of my heart breaks again.

He'd been looking at me with those puppy dog eyes, but now he looks down at the sand. "It's twisted as shit, but I only did what I did because I was hurting and fucked up and shit. I was pissed that you lied and that you didn't need me. I guess I thought that if you really didn't need me then I'd prove I didn't need you the one way I knew would hurt you."

No wonder he couldn't meet my eyes.

I rub my forehead and just sit there for a minute. "It did hurt Dominic. It still does. Congradu-fucking-lations. Seeing you together. Knowing even then that you had me see you with another girl on purpose."

"When I found out you'd lied to me it was like you cut off my balls. You didn't trust me to be man enough to handle the truth. I changed for you Letty. I changed to be what you wanted but even that wasn't enough for you so I thought… fuck it, why bother? So I changed back."

Dom shrugs off the bag he'd brought with him and pulls out two cold ones. He opens the first and hands it to me, then opens one for himself.

"So you did the one thing you knew would hurt me the most?" I say, parroting back to him his words. "I should cut off your fucking balls." I take a swig and look him dead in the eye. "I did what I did to protect you."

"That's not exactly true Letty," he says slowly taking my hand.

I stare at him uncomprehending.

"I read the journals." He rubs my hand, holding it tightly even when I try to pull away. "You left the one you threw at me. So I read it. I remembered that you had a whole box of them so I went to your mom's and found them."

"You weren't supposed to read those. I took them back on purpose." I sound about six years old. Great. "You're not the man I wrote them for. Not anymore, not after what you did."

He ignores me and continues in a soft voice. "You wrote everything down. All the things I was pissed at you for not telling me- you wrote all of it down. You were going to tell me. I know that now. But you let them talk you out of telling me about the Army. You remember why you let them do that?" He knows but he won't say it.

I close my eyes and rest my head on my knees. "Dom let it go."

"Just say it Letty. Why can't you tell me yourself?" Dom puts his hands on my shoulder and starts to rub. Instead of releasing tension it just stresses me out more.

"Dom- Quit man. I don't owe you anything more. I gave you all I had." I try to brush him off with one hand while I chug the rest of the beer down with the other.

"You gave me your strength Letty but did you ever stop and think that what I needed then was your vulnerability?" He kisses me between my shoulder blades. "I still need you. Your passion, your strength, and your vulnerability."

I feel the tears start to form behind my eyes. "You fucking broke my heart Dominic. And you did it on purpose." Now it's my voice that cracks and I start to shake. "And now you come here and want me to tell you how much you meant to me? You want me to open up and show you just how much it hurts? Why, so you can put salt in my wounds? No thank you."

"Letty, what I did with those girls, I was wrong and I apologize," Dom says pulling me onto his lap despite my struggles. "I'm sorry Mira."

"No. No more fucking Spanish. You don't get to speak Spanish to me no more." I try to push him away but he's just so strong and the fight in me is so weak. I don't want to win. I don't want him to go away again.

"Porque?" Dom whispers in my ear making me shiver as he uses his left hand to stroke my right shoulder. He continues speaking the language of my soul knowing that it's the only way to coax his way back into it. "I studied everyday of those two years I was away just so I could surprise you. Because I love you."

He kisses my neck and I shiver not with anger but with a different kind of frustration.

It clicks in my head what was different that day three weeks ago in the bedroom. He was speaking Spanish. The fucker actually learned Spanish. For me.

"Dom." I turn around in his lap to face him, crying but not sobbing. The big fat alligator tears roll down the side of my face and onto my chest.

"Si mi amore?" He kisses my forehead softly.

That stupid part of me that never stopped loving him starts to swell again. I can't-

"If you mean that. If you honestly still love me, even just a little, you'll let me go now. I can't do this. It hurts too much."