BEFORE NIGTH AWAKENS
By Sickle Sword
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Disclaimer: I don't own any of the mentioned characters yadda yadda yadda. When have I said anything other than that and therefore were worth of such punishment to write over and over AND OVER that I don't own anything? Is it a new way of rubbing the wounds???

A/N: Aww. Thank you so MUCH , everyone who reviewed and made me a mushy puddle!! Now let's get personal, beware!

AK8 : Thank you so much for your review! If sometime I really write a book, you are getting one for free! ;)

vintagegirl : LOVE it? Oh giggling thank you!!!!

denna5 : Thank you for your wonderful 2 reviews! As for your idea- I'm deeply touched! Waiting anxiously to read you story!

Nemesis' Arrow: Thanks!! Here I'm updating now!

It should have been me who had told him the truth, even when I didn't know what the meaning of the truth is, for I have lived in a lie. I should have held him close to my arms and closer to my heart and even when he chose to go away, I should have followed. It should have been me who died. Not him.

Chapter 7: Deafening Silence

Sometimes, you simply don't know what to say. You want to say something, to scream from the top of your lungs, until it will reach the sky. Only you can't. You were brought to silence. And you can't hold on anymore. This isn't as easy as it used to be, holding your mouth shut. Never having the chance to say what you think. You have the knowledge of their entire history. You know when they will meet their Prince Charmed, how and in which circumstances. You know when they will be poisoned and turn into other . . . creatures, in lack of a better term. And who will have the antidote to their situation. But what use is all that information when you can't do anything with it? when the only thing you can do is to give them cryptic hints, hoping that they will catch that when you flip your eyes in that direction, it means a demon is about to attack. But they never do. They are so consumed with suspect that every time you cough, they take it as a sign. The funny thing is, coughing is the only thing that comes natural.

Once, you believed you could save Wyatt. You really did. But somehow, somehow along the way something had happened and you can't be so sure anymore that the task you had taken on you is not too much. You can't keep hiding all the time, although this is exactly what you're always doing, and show no sign of stopping it. And the plain truth is while you are consumed inside in hatred and fears, you become so used in hiding it, that you can hide it from yourself as well.

In the beginning every time you saw them, their faces and the casual way they are talking with you, like you were a mere stranger, you wanted to scream at their deaf faces that all they need to do is look. That it's really not that hard to find out. In time, you discover it is. Maybe if no one succeeded finding your secret, you are simply a good actor. Maybe they are bad audience. Or maybe you really didn't belong to this family in the first place. And whereas it was a pretense for a while, in the end you feel that way- you are no more than their whitelighter. Yes, one who cares about their interests and welfare more than he should but definitely not the same person who will abandon his life to save them. And you know this is exactly what you have done- abandoned everything- for them. And they weren't grateful. Because you've never wanted them to be grateful, to know the truth. While in fact, this is all you want.

You desire their approval and warmth every day of your life, and the days keep stretching in false expectation, and you can't keep doing it, so you stop. And while in the beginning you needed the blocking- empath potion all the time, you don't need it anymore. You don't feel that longing any more.

Now, there's silence. At last- silence. So many times you wished for a moment of silence. You are not used of having a big family, as most of your life you were in solitude. And all of a sudden, you have Mother and Father, Aunts and brother. Yet, they don't know any of that.

It's better that way.

Quieter.

They are gone for now. Letting you think. Phoebe's at work. It will take her some time to rearrange her priorities, but eventually she'll do it. Paige is at Richard's. She will marry that slime in the near future and divorce him 2 days later when she finds out his secret. You know all about it, it was your bedtime story, one that she liked so much to tell. It reminded her of bad times, before she met Gavin. She always said that you have to accept the bad things if you want to enjoy the good ones. It's a lot of crap, really. But a stylish one.

And piper? She's. . .quite frankly, mother is the only one you have no idea what her future holds. Besides dying. That's the only thing you know for sure about her. That and the scattered memories your mind couldn't erase from your consciousness. She held you in your arms when you were smaller, whispering that eventually everything will get better. But nothing did. In the end, the only things that remained were the promises she could not fulfill. That, and the lost scent of her hair.

You close your eyes, inhaling the precious spices of childhood before they will be forgotten once again, before you will have to face reality. Normally, you wish the memories to let go, let the dead sleep peacefully at last, but your mind refuses to obey your shattered will. And now, you have to hold on to something to keep you sane. And your past memories about happiness, they are the only one who can do it.

You came back to save the world, so you've said to your aunts, but had you really? Can you save yourself? What will happen to YOU when it's all over?

So many questions are running in your head. So little answers. So many 'what if's' are playing in your head until you don't know anymore which of those are the real life, and which were created by your hallucinating imagination.

But sadly, there is one thing you do know. You have lost any chance for happiness. Now, you're in a Tween Zone, neither in the past nor future. You won't be able call your past home if you have no other choice and you'll fail. There is a new you to be born. And there will not be home for you in the future if you win either. There will be renewed you, someone who will never have to make the choices you wish you hadn't made. In fact, in any way you'll look about it, in the end, you'll lose.

In the beginning it depressed you. And now? Now you want to face whatever reality, just not to be hanged between everything like you are now.

Between the past and future, should and shouldn't, love and hatred. You just want to have one thing precise for once in your life, you are so sick of being unsure, of everything. Hell, you're not even sure how to handle your own family!

Most of the time, you don't have a clue about what to say to them, which lies to sell, because you have drifted so far apart from each other that you don't remember when was the last time you have seen them smiling. And you know that's your fault. Because you encouraged them to abandon their lives in favor of your elder brother, just like they did the last time. And you have never once questioned yourself maybe they needed their lives for the balance. Perhaps that was what killed them.

And one day, reality slaps you in your face as your mother, Piper you should call her now, decides she have had enough. She doesn't want the baby to become neurotic. She doesn't have to say the end of the sentence, it is obvious. She's fighting so the baby won't become messed up. Like you. And she doesn't even know that in your reality, you are the sane one.

But maybe this is you who responsible for that.
Maybe the constant fear, the tension and the almost obsession toward his safety, from you, mainly, but also Adam, had him what he became. Tyrant. As such, he is safe.

And none of those you care the most don't know what's it like to live your life, and you pray they will never have to, because then it'll mean you have failed. And you've gone through simply too much to fail. The universe can't be that cruel.

You see your family every day, and in time you are consumed. They couldn't accept who you were in the past, your past- their future. Why will they accept you now? So despite the almost desperate cry your heart is making, you build a wall around yourself. You will not survive another rejection. They will not survive another rejection. The last time, it killed them.

And now, it kills you that the last words you have told your ghosten relatives were denial of their parenthood, and even though you have been given a second chance, you can't make it right because you keep denying the truth from them. But whereas on your mom's deathbed you have done it for yourself, from uncontrolled anger toward her mortality, now you do it consciously. For their sake.

It doesn't mean it lessers the pain, though. In fact, bottling everything inside you simply makes it worse. You can't sleep because you see their ashen faces every single time you close your eyes. The ghosts of the dead are chasing those who were lucky, so you've heard. Only, you weren't lucky that you have survived. There is a fine line between your life to their deaths. You breathe, they don't. That's it. In all other aspects, you are dead by now.

Yet you live. For their sake. You have to save them and your brother and magic. You have to save the world. Every time you think about it, you know the task will claim your life. And the scarier part- it's fine by you.
You are not in a hurry to die, yet if the angel of death, the same monster you have failed to fight in your childhood, will come after you, this time you will let it take you. If it promises you will be able to see those you have lost once in a while.

Or even, you dare to hope, more.

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