BEFORE NIGHT AWAKENS
By Sickle Sword
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Disclaimer: Frankly, don't have a clue who owns the series, though my suspect is that it's WB, even so, I know that I DON'T own them, and so should you after so many chapter.
A/N: I know that the last chapter was sad, and this one is going to be even more dramatic. Yep, don't expect happy things from me. That's not my style.
AK8: I'm Going to make you cry in one of these chapters? You mean that I haven't already? Mission accomplished. winking
Oh, well... Thank you for reading and reviewing!
paige fan: Thanks for the compliments! My muse lives for these!
denna5: Smiling Thank you so much! Here I'm updating so you'll be able to be sad some more! maniac laughter from me
Nemesis' Arrow: You really liked it? Wow, thanks! Hope you'll like this chapter too!
It should have been me who had told him the truth, even when I didn't know what the meaning of the truth is, for I have lived in a lie. I should have held him close to my arms and closer to my heart and even when he chose to go away, I should have followed. It should have been me who died. Not him.
Chapter 9: Truth Untold
Soon, tomorrow will be today. You always feared from what the next day will bring. Somehow, you never related to the "I love you tomorrow" songs. It gives you the impression that even if today the world had dies and you are dying with it, if you only hold on to tomorrow, you will be saved. Bullshit. People aren't coming back that easily after only one day. Or the day after, or month or year later.
They stay dead.
But, of course, you were always different. You have lost nearly anyone who mattered to you, and won them back. There are times in which you wonder when you will have to pay for that piece of happiness, and you get a cold feeling inside knowing that the payback time will soon come.
You never got free gifts before, this time, you are sure, you will pay greatly.
But before you will have to do it, you can enjoy for a little while, before the next burst of pain will shatter you again. Oh, yeah, you know that it will come again. But you also know there isn't a goddamn thing you can do about it. And frankly, you are happier now. It doesn't really matter to you right now about the next hour or so, because you have envisioned hell already, how worse can the afterlife be?
THEY don't know yet about Wyatt, though. It's the only thing that prevents you from feeling detached from the whole dying thing. They are going to mourn you. And even while in the beginning you thought they don't care about you, you grew to understand differently. And if it makes any different now, you care about them. Even more than in the day you decided to leave everything to save them.
Phoebe's coming closer. You try to look normal, but you know better than that. So many times you lied to them that it seems that they already know when you are avoiding from the truth.
"Come on, let's go outside" she offers you.
You look at her suspiciously and then give up. She probably thinks you are still sad because of your parents' death. You can see that the vision affected her, seeing mom dying. You wish you could tell her that it's ok, now, really, mom's fine and although you were completely moron in the beginning, you decided to you would give her a note later that will explain everything and prevent her from dying. And screwed the consequences.
You both go to the garden around the corner, and you can't help but to feel nostalgia washing over you. You were here when you were younger, when your family was still intact. Only, you are not young so young now. Not anymore.
You can feel your mind turning numb to the pain that explodes in you, and you don't know whether you should be grateful for that, or scared. Because apathy and fear were the only emotions that were driving you lately, it was only fair that this will be the way you will say goodbye to the world.
You feel your life draining away from you like many times before, like one time in particular. your had experienced pain and near- death experiences more times that you care to admit, but it doesn't get any easier with practice. Each time you feared you were losing your life for sure this time, fate smiled his dry grin and saved you, until the next time. Every time you thought there was no hope, rescue arrived. Something inside you wishes that this was the same again, but you can't believe it.
Not this time.
Long forgotten memories of your childhood are coming back to haunt you as you envision yourself walking to school, alone for the first time. You were so frightened then because you were sure you were all alone, and you cried for your parents to come. Then you stopped crying. They left you. Tears weren't strong enough to bring them back, you weren't strong enough.
You've never cried again.
But now there are suddenly trail of tears warming your cheek, freezing your inside. Every drop of that liquid is precious for you have no cried for so long. Too long.
You thought you were ready to die. You were wrong.
"What's wrong?" Phoebe asks you and you struggle to maintain blank expression but it's hard to do with the tears. You don't want to freak her out, to tell her that every bone inside you is screaming. That you don't have much time left.
Swinging swiftly, you gaze over the large tree that was there when you were younger, many years from now, and you see that its leaves are falling.Never once before you saw that happens, you always believed that it was immune to exfoliation, that it will grow forever, even while you will be gone
But you will be gone soon enough.The nature is lamenting for you.
Leaves from nearby trees are stroking your cheeks, cooling you until your bone marrow. They are brown, the fallen leaves, and dry. They were not meant to stay long atop of the trees, they are better that way, crashed on the ground. Furrows of dust are carved on the ashen ground, holding memories of happier times when children ran over it with joy.
In your time, it was their grave.
"Nothing. I'm just thinking" you whisper to your oblivious aunt and you find that to be the truth. Nothing hurts, nothing except your heart. For now.
"Come on, drink some water" she hands you over a canteen. You nod your head in amazement, what drove her to bring water when you went only 5 minutes away from home, you will never know. But you don't want to know why, you prefer to think that inwardly she knew that it will help, her sub-consciences accepting things before her mind.
You drink gratefully, happy to have the cool liquid sooth the ache in your heart.
"So, what happened?" she asks again, this time firmly.
"Nothing much, I just don't want to leave you" you answer and then you realize what you just said, shocked. You didn't mean to say that!
"Why would you leave us?" she doesn't understand. You don't understand what's happening, either.
"I don't have much time left." You answer again, this time you are SURE you didn't mean to say that.
Oh, god, you suddenly understand. It was a truth potion. She probably decided that the spell had too many backfires while the potion was safer. Yep, you know all about it.
You don't need to ask yourself why she used it, it was obvious. She wanted to know the Big Secret. Only, she didn't know you kept it as a secret for their sake. Not yours.
"Why?" she asks and you keep quiet. You concentrate on breathing. In and out. Out and in. Breathe.
"Who are you, Chris?" she exhales irritated and continues questioning you with the same almost intimidating voice. You feel under the inquisition.
"Chris Perry. You know me, your whitelighter. Well, half whitelighter" you compromise one truth in the sake of other. You will tell them in small steps secrets they don't really need to know, expose the fact that you're not immortal, just to imbalance them.
You know already how the truth potion works. Much less effective than the spell. It's not a truth potion per se, only anti- lie.
"HALF whitelighter??"
"Yeah. My dad was a whitelighter. Mom's a witch" ok, too much information she didn't need to know. You only hope that she won't put two and two together, and get 9.
"Oh, really. And when exactly you meant to tell us that?" she's angry. Good. She'll be less focused that way.
This time, you don't have problem saying the truth "em . .never?"
"I see" she said, when she clearly can't see why.
A sudden strong wind engulfs you both and you shudder with the sudden cold. The pain is coming back.
"What's wrong?"
"Cold. So cold" your teeth chattering.
"Come on, let's get inside" she helps you to get up. You hate it that you feel so useless, dependant on her to walk. But it also feels good to be aided by someone who cares.
Finally, you reach home. Even the heat that is emitting from the house, holding a promise of love and warmth, can't make the chill go away. Only this time, you are not alone.
"Dear god, you're burning. Leo!" she calls your father, and even when the world starts to sway, you know that you can't let him save you. You have your future to worry about.
"No, please" you plead as a wave of another pain is cutting you to half.
"LEO!" She cries out again, desperately, and for once in your life you hope he has important reason why not to come. Why not to save you. And to destroy himself.
"What's going on. . . Chris?" Piper is sliding down the stairs in a hurry to the sight of you trembling. Great. There is no way you can get away with not telling them everything now.
"Please, don't call Leo" you cough hopelessly, needing to get your message heard.
Phoebe stops and looks at you with compassionate eyes.
"Want to tell us what's going on?"
You cough again. This time, blood is coming out. "I told you, I don't have much time"
"How long did you knew?" mom asks and you feel that the flush on your skin is growing hotter.
"Awhile. From . . the beginning"
You look at them exchanging worried looks, don't know if to trust you now. They aren't so sure now about your goal. You can guess what they are thinking, that you cam e back to save yourself. You would have thought that about you, too. Only, now you need them to listen, not to be suspicious of you. The information has to pass. For Wyatt's sake.
"Listen, I know I hadn't been the greatest Whitelighter ever. . ."
"Half whitelgither" Phoebe interrupts while mom rolls her eyes. Right. Not the time.
You continue speaking, now fast in fear that your strength will run out "but I meant what I said. I came to save Wyatt. From himself. Wyatt grows up to be a dictator. Piper, I know it's hard to believe, but it's true."
"Phoebe?" Piper sounds hysterical. You don't blame her. You expected that. Even more.
"Either he's telling the truth or he believes it's the truth. I gave him a truth potion, he can't lie"
"So. . " it's obvious she's trying to control herself from freaking out. "Wyatt is. . . not angel. . in the future?"
"No, he's not"
"And you didn't think it was relevant to tell us that sooner?" Piper asks, furious.
"I kindda hoped you will never find out. I wanted to find out who got to Wyatt and turned him, and prevent him from doing it. You would have never needed to find out and my future would have been better. I didn't want to hurt you"
"I'm sorry. I was unfair" she apologizes, falling exhaustingly on the couch.
You feel alarming jingles growing inside you as the pain is coming back. You hoped you would have more time.
You curl inside yourself, forcing your mind to breathe normal. Or just to breathe.
"What is it? Hurts?" Phoebe sees . . . or feels, that something is wrong with you. From her sitting position, Piper is looking at you with her warm eyes, and you only wish to be held by arm arms, wanted and protected, so she will tell you that everything is going to be ok, just like she did every time when things became to slide form worse to worst.
"Yeah."
"Is there anything we can do?"
You breathe heavily, fighting with yourself not to become numb and tell them things you prefer were left unsaid. But you can't. You feel the control leaving you as you are sinking to unconsciousness. Your mouth is the only thing that actives, speaking for the first time without barriers. "No. there's nothing. I'm dying"
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