Crazy 22/?
Disclaimers: I don't own any of these fine characters. But I sure wish I did.
Summary: My take on why Sully and Bosco don't get along. This takes place just after Bosco graduates from the Police Academy.
Well, there's not much to say at this point except talks for your incredible feedback.
Enjoy
The air is cold and crisp, the sky cloudless. Bosco stands panting. His hot, misty breath streams out of his nose and mouth as he struggles to breathe. He swallows, but there is no saliva in his mouth to ease the dryness. He wheezes painfully to fill his aching lungs.
A moment later, Stevie comes jogging into view. He slows down and walks towards Bosco. His feet drag sluggishly from the fatigue of running for the last 15 minutes. He struggles to breathe as well.
Bosco doesn't notice Stevie approaching as he is facing the river, staring out across the water. His jacket is open, his hands and head are both gloveless and hatless. The cold wind stings his face and body but he makes no move to cover himself up.
"Bosco," Stevie gasps breathlessly.
Bosco doesn't hear him or chooses to ignore his friend's call. His gaze never leaving the churning water, his body never indicating he is aware of his surroundings.
Stevie stands behind him for several seconds and is surprised when Bosco speaks to him. "I…meant it…I really did…so, just leave..."
Stevie is not deterred by these words. He moves to stand beside Bosco and turns to study him closely.
"Go away…" Bosco huffs without allowing his gaze to move away from the flowing water.
Stevie leans over and holds his sides with his hands, trying to stem the pain caused by the lack of air. He concentrates on his breathing while giving Bosco a sideways glance. Even if he would want to respond to Bosco, at this moment it would be useless.
Stevie looks down momentarily to catch his breath. Bosco takes one step forward either to move away from Stevie or towards the river, Stevie isn't sure which one but he straightens up quickly.
"Don't…make me…do this," Bosco chokes out, his back rigid.
"What don't you want to do, Bosco?" Stevie asks.
Bosco takes another step forward as if he is drawn to the river. "I can't let him win."
Stevie watches Bosco taking another faltering step. "How is he going to win Bosco?"
"He wants me…" Bosco's voice cracks and he doesn't continue. He pulls his jacket closed and wraps his arms around himself to keep it closed. He shuts his eyes and starts to tremble. Stevie moves in front of Bosco, facing him.
"Bosco, he wants you to do what?" Stevie asks softly.
Bosco shakes his head slowly. His eyes, although shut, still allow a few tears to spill out. He clenches his mouth in an attempt to silence his cries. "He wants…me to…remember," he croaks out painfully. "He…wants me…to tell everyone what…he did." Bosco sucks in air through his nose and blows it out through his mouth. He shivers against each shaky breath. "You don't…know…what he did," he sobs quietly.
"Bosco, you don't have to tell me. " Stevie offers, as he stands firm before his friend.
Bosco open his eyes but Stevie doesn't see any relief. "You don't understand," Bosco whimpers. "You'll always… remind me…you need…to go away."
"Bosco, I could never desert you, remember?" Stevie shows him a ring on his left hand. "Brothers in arms – forever."
Bosco stares down at the ring. It reminds him of how close they were and everything they had gone through together. He knows Stevie means what he just said and will never abandon him.
Bosco searches his mind desperately for something that will drive Stevie away. Suddenly his face hardens into a mask of anger. "If you don't leave me alone, Stevie…I'll kill myself."
Stevie flinches at the words. His eyes flicker in disbelief and fear. "Bosco…" he whispers pleadingly.
"I will," Bosco confirms vehemently. He pushes a stunned Stevie out of his way and trudges towards the river.
"Bosco – please," Stevie shouts as he turns. "Bosco, please don't say that." Stevie's face contorts painfully at the sound of his own words.
"I can't do this…you will always remind me…leave…just leave," Bosco says without turning back.
"I can't leave you like this…Bosco…" Stevie's voice trails off in the cold air.
Bosco shifts his gaze away form the water and down to the ground. "Stevie, you have to understand…I need it this way…you remind me of that place…please just leave."
"Bosco, I would never do anything to hurt you. You know that don't you?" Stevie asks with difficulty.
Bosco just nods his head in answer.
"If I promise to leave, you have to promise me too…you won't…" Stevie pleads.
Bosco sighs in relief. He knows Stevie would rather die than hurt him. He turns around and looks at a defeated Stevie. "Goodbye, Stevie," he whispers. Bosco looks down at the ground and doesn't look up as he hears the snow crunching loudly beneath Stevie's feet as he walks away for good.
The locker room is quiet as Faith enters. So quiet, she doesn't notice Bosco sitting on the bench facing his locker.
"Hey, you're here early." Faith blurts out as she spins the dial on her lock. She allows herself to turn back and look at him when he doesn't respond. "Major Tom to ground control," she jokes but still he doesn't acknowledge her.
Faith walks over to Bosco and sits on the bench next to him. "Hey," she calls to him gently as she tilts her head to peer into his face.
Bosco looks up at her. "Faith…" but doesn't continue his train of thought.
"You okay?" Faith asks worriedly, she searches him for any sign of illness. He looks fine physically but something about him reminds her of the night of the fight. Her minds jumps back to the boxing match and she decides to ask the question that's been gnawing at her ever since. "Why'd you let him hit you?"
"What?" Bosco is confused by her question.
"Michaels, during the match. You let him hit you." Faith explains hesitatingly.
Bosco lowers his head and rubs his temple. "Not you too," he groans. "I'm not in the mood for 20 stupid questions today." He stands and starts to open his locker.
Faith stares up at him questioningly. She can see that he's upset about something but she can't begin to understand his problems. It's obvious to her, talking is not what he needs right now but maybe later. "Bosco, if you need to talk…call me…anytime."
"Yeah, sure," he replies unconvincingly and without looking back at her to reassure her that he'll be fine.
"Bosco," Sully barks into his radio then turns to look at Grady. "Where the hell could he be? He should have been back to pick me up 10 minutes ago." Sully explains worriedly. Sully needed a break and although it was already 8:30 p.m. he asked Bosco to stop for a coffee. Of course, Bosco didn't need a break and decided to continue patrolling.
Grady motions towards his RMP parked outside. "Why don't we circle around and try to find him. I'm sure he just forgot the time, Sul."
"Then why the hell isn't he responding to the radio?" Sully shouts angrily.
"Sul, let's go, we'll find him and then he can explain." Grady moves towards the diner's exit as he fishes the keys out of his pocket. He can tell Sully is following by the litany of curses being muttered from behind.
They ride around slowly looking for any signs of the RMP while Sully calls Bosco on the radio. They decide to widen the area they are searching, covering every block before they move on to another sector.
Grady glances over at Sully as block after block reveals no Bosco. He can see the worry and fear taking over from the rational thoughts floating around in his head to explain partner's disappearance.
"Head for the river." Sully commands Grady.
Grady turns back. "Why would he be out at the river, Sul? It's not his sector."
"Well, do you see him in his sector?" Sully answers irately. "Just go, for God's sake."
A few minutes later they pull up beside 55 – Charlie. The driver's door is open and Sully leans in and finds Bosco's jacket, gloves and hat strewn on the passenger seat. Sully looks up towards Grady who signals no sign of Bosco.
Sully pulls out his flashlight and begins to search the field and calling out. Grady joins him and they methodically sweep the area looking for any clues to Bosco's whereabouts.
Sully's calls become more frantic as they run out of field and still there is no sign of Bosco.
Grady stops and turns towards the embankment. "Sul, let's head towards the water."
"No – no. He's got to be here. Why would he be near the water, huh? It doesn't make any sense. Why wasn't he in the RMP? What could have happened, Grady?" The questions spill out of Sully's mouth anxiously.
"You stay here. I'll check it out." Grady says sympathetically and walks away as Sully closes his eyes and prays.
Surprisingly, the sound of the water is soothing to my ears. I sit on the cold, hard ground facing my worst fear and yet I'm astonishingly calm.
In my mind, I hear myself repeating my mantra – 'I won't let him win,' over and over again. I need to make myself believe that I can do this. That the rest of the memories will stay buried deep in my subconscious and nothing will make them resurface, not the site of the river, not any chance encounters with Stevie, not questions from Ma or Mikey, or kids screaming in terror, or a million other little things that might set me off.
I focus on this one thought alone and force any feelings down into the deepest recesses of my soul. I won't let his evil touch me again. I won't let myself relive the madness again. I won't allow myself to feel the pain…
"Sul, he's over here."
My thoughts are broken by Grady's voice. But I'm not drawn to his call. I remain where I am. I hear someone sliding down on the snow and reach out for me.
Sully peers at me from above, inspecting me carefully. "What the hell are you doing?" He asks angrily.
I stare down at myself wondering if there is something I'm missing. "N-N-Noth-ing," I chatter.
Sully grabs me by the collar and hauls me up to my feet. My limbs are numb and I'm not sure if I'm supporting myself or if Sully is holding me up.
"Why the hell didn't you answer the radio when I called you?" The fury in his eyes is palpable and I really have no good answer because I didn't realize he was calling me on the radio.
I just stand there shaking and shivering in the cold air. Sully pushes me in disgust and I fall forward on my hands and knees.
"Get yourself up there," he yells menacingly. I try to scramble up the embankment but the snow and ice as well as the lack of feeling in my body hinders my progress.
He grabs my shirt and hauls me up as he makes his way to the top. I can hear the disappointment in his grunts and I cringe at the thought that I would be the cause. Sully tosses me to the ground as we reach the top.
"Take it easy, Sul," Grady says as he grabs me under my arm and stands me up.
"Take it easy? This little bastard was sitting here the whole time and didn't bother to let me know he was okay." Sully screams at both Grady and me. "What the hell were you thinking, huh?" Sully yells as he grabs me and shakes me hard.
I grab his arms and Grady tries to calm him. "Sul, stop."
"Do you know how worried I was?" He yells in my face. I see the anger cresting in the bulges on his face and neck. "Who the hell do you think you are?"
I watch his hand come up and my reflexes are too slow to prevent it from connecting with my cheek not once but twice.
Grady grabs Sully from behind and pins his arms down. "Sully, stop. Stop this now."
I reach up to touch my cheek.
A sharp stinging feeling brings me back to reality. I feel my hand on my cheek as I try and quell the pain. I open my eyes and see gap tooth smiling down at me. My eyes turn away in disgust only to settle on a piece of the green dress Squirt was wearing. My eyes follow the path of the material until I lock on to her eyes. They are open and lifeless. Her body lays in the dirt, arms and legs splayed in different directions like a rag doll, blood soaking through the dress and into the ground.
I hear a child scream in agony. My eyes move away from Squirt until I locate the source of the screaming. It is Squirt's little brother. He stares at his sister, tears streaming down his face and his arms outstretched, reaching for her dead body. He witnessed her agony and pain and felt it right along with her. His father holds him tightly, not wanting to let him go and trying to shush him so the rebels won't turn on him too.
It is too late for that. Gap tooth laughs at me and then steps towards the child. The boy is oblivious to the danger approaching as he only sees his sister's broken body. He calls her name out over and over again.
The villagers start to clamor as gap tooth approaches the boy and his father pulls him up into his arms. When he refuses to surrender his child, gap tooth pulls back the trigger and shots Squirt's mother between the eyes.
The villagers scream in despair and terror as she falls silently to the ground. The boy stops momentarily as he tries to comprehend what has just happened. Realization comes with his first cry for his mother. These screams are even more painful that those for his sister and I can't help but close my eyes against this assault.
My eyes shoot open when my hand is twisted into an impossible position. Gap tooth is holding it and grinning gleefully at my anguished cries. He speaks to me and I think I know exactly what he wants from me. I see his lips move and hear my own screams but I understand the bastard as if he was speaking in English. He wants me to watch, he wants me to see what I've done and he wants me to live to tell everyone else. He wants me to be the witness to his evil and to the death of this village. He wants me to bear the burden of what really happened here. That's why he wants me to live. That's why he hasn't killed me yet.
My insides turn to ice as I feel his cruelty descend upon me. I look up into his eyes and I feel his evil invade my soul as I stare into the heart of darkness.
I stare down into the abyss; it causes my heart to beat uncontrollably. I struggle to push myself away form the endless pit that threatens to swallow me.
I fight to keep the memories buried while my body turns involuntarily towards the river. My mind is unable to break his hold on me and I need someone to save me.
Gap tooth stands over me. I lie on the ground utterly defeated by him, shaking feverishly. I watch him as he starts to move around, and he looks back at me to make sure I keep watching. He's told me that he wants me to watch. I can't seem to tear my eyes away from him and I understand his every move and thought.
He makes his way over to the villagers and chooses his next victim, a young boy of about ten. His parents cry out and the boy's eyes water with fearful tears. He is too afraid to try to escape. He reminds me of the lion's prey, once it is caught it doesn't bother to struggle, it lets death come.
Gap tooth talks to the boy. He's making him believe that nothing will happen to him if he follows his orders. But, this is not true. I don't have the heart to tell him…I wait for the boy to die.
Gap tooth makes the boy stand before him with his back to the bastard. I see the slight trembling of the boy's small shoulders as he tries to be brave as his parent watch him. Gap tooth pulls out his knife, grabs the boy around the neck and stabs him in the abdomen.
The boy convulses weakly in his arms, as his blood spills out from the gash. The bastard lays him on the ground. The boy is alive and his body is jerking wildly. Above the din of the villagers' cries I can make out the boys soft moans for help. It is a slow agonizing death.
I can't watch. I can't listen to this any longer. I close myself off to the world, to this evil, to this cruelty. I shudder because I don't know where he ends and where I begin.
I feel his hands on me but I refuse to be a part of this madness. He grabs my hand and pulls my little finger away from the rest. He twists it back until I start to cry out. I open my eyes and try to fight him off. I grunt and groan against him and I feel a desperate energy surge through me.
He stares at me and I hear him tell me that he'll break every bone in my body if I don't watch. I scream out my defiance to him and grab at his hands. He smiles malevolently and pushes my finger all the way back until I hear the sickening crack of the bone.
"Where the hell do you think you're going?"
Sully's angry question causes me to stop. I'm on my way back to the river. I cradle my hand against my chest to appease the pain pulsating through it. I need to get back to the river.
I turn slowly to face Sully. Grady stands slightly behind him, waiting to make a move on either one of us. Sully's face is reddening and he clenches his fists methodically.
"You better get your *ss in that RMP right now," he yells at me.
I stand there frozen, my mind and body disconnected from this reality. I stare at Sully; his anger overwhelms me. I clutch at my chest as I feel the evil coursing through my body, trying to force the memories up to the surface.
"Sul…" my voice sounds so small and insignificant and I wonder if he knows that my call to him is my cry for help. I am unable to formulate any other words. I need him to pull me back from the brink. I need him to protect me from the memories. I need him to keep his promise to me. I need him to understand all this in the one, lone syllable I was able to utter.
"Get your goddamn *ss in that RMP," he hisses through clenched teeth.
My body hesitates, until he takes my lack of movement as insolence and comes rushing at me. He grabs me by the back of the collar and pushes me towards the RMP. I stumble blindly as I try to get away.
I fall to the ground and cower behind my upraised hands, "…you promised…" I whimper inaudibly.
Sully's eyes are mired in fear and shock as he realizes what he's done. All I see is that he can't help me, and I'm on my own again.
"What the hell am I doing?" He asks himself weakly and then turns to stare at Grady.
"It's okay, Sul" Grady says as he looks from Sully to myself.
But it's not okay.
Grady moves towards me and holds out his hand to me to help me up. I remain motionless on the ground. I can't pull my eyes away from Sully. I feel my fear rising in my chest until I find it hard to breathe. I see Sully struggle with his thoughts until he turns to look back at me, remorse and sadness fill his eyes.
"Sul…please…" I beg him. I need him to keep his promise. He is my last hope.
He can barely look at me but I hear speak the words I am dreading. "I can't…I can't do this…"
I hear my groans as my body fights to breathe. My vision blurs until the colors all bleed out and my world turns gray. I can't hold the memories back on my own.
I try to hold back my cries so the bastard doesn't get any satisfaction from my pain. I can't let him win. I can't watch him destroy these people. I can't watch…so I close my eyes. He pulls at my broken finger until I moan in pain. It's as if he can read my mind as much as I can read his.
Next he pulls at my ring finger and my screams intensify as each movement makes the pain more intolerable. I push him away with the other hand and I try to fight him off. He motions to one of his men who holds me down.
Gap tooth grins as he forces this finger back slowly. I hate him with every fiber of my being.
"F*ckin' bastard," I yell hoarsely, the words barely audible to my ears. He doesn't relent and keeps pushing until fire explodes in my hand and I hear another crack.
I bawl like a baby. My body rebels against the pain by trying to shut down. But he won't let me. He takes hold of my third finger and I feebly try to tell him to stop but the words won't come out. He stares at me and I know he sees that I'll give in to him. He smiles in understanding before he pushes back hard breaking this finger too.
He lets go of me and watches with satisfaction as I writhe in pain, my cries soundless. I'm too weak to bring my hand to my chest to try and comfort myself. I feel my body wracked by my silent sobs and I am ashamed of my weakness. I am ashamed that I couldn't stop him. I am ashamed that I let him win so easily.
I turn to my left and notice the locker room is empty. It is submersed in different shades of gray, and all other colors have disappeared. I'm sitting on the bench. I look down at my uniform, it is soaking wet.
Sully is talking, his voice low and repentant. I can't catch what he's saying, the words crest and fall with the sounds of my own screams in my head.
"…sorry…can't…sorry…it's me…not ready…sorry…don't worry…probation…speak to Lieu…sorry…partner…sorry…"
I don't have to hear the sentences to understand their meaning.
Gap tooth approaches Squirt's father. He waves his knife still dripping with the young boy's blood in the air as he speaks. His men move in and separate the villagers. Their cries and shrieks rise through the air.
I keep my eyes open but my body and mind are numb. I don't allow myself to feel. I tell myself that I don't know these people. I tell myself that this is not happening. I tell myself not to remember…not to let him win.
His voice startles me. Gap tooth is yelling at Squirt's father. They face off against each other because Squirt's father won't allow him to take his screaming boy. I feel my breaths come in short bursts of terror even while I try not to feel, not to see, not to comprehend…but I do.
I understand everything, the harsh words and evil thoughts of gap tooth and the soft, pleading mutterings from Squirt's father.
My chest constricts even more when I hear gap tooth tell him how they will all die. I watch through a haze of pain and fear as Squirt's father puts aside all his anger and rage to respond to this threat with the only thing gap tooth cannot comprehend, love. He begs the bastard to allow him to kill his own son.
Gap tooth smiles and then turns back to smile at me, he sees the irony and the evil in this situation, but he fails to see the love in this selfless act. He wants me to see that he has all the power. He turns back to Squirt's father and tells him that he must drown his son or his men will do what they did to Squirt.
I cannot tear myself away from the scene unfolding before me and everything else falls away. I don't hear the frighten screams from the women who are being raped or the men who are being tortured all I see is the battle raging before me.
Squirt's father nods in acceptance. I watch him cradle his son in his arms and coo softly to him until the boy calms and his tears stop flowing. The father talks to him so gently and lovingly that my heart hurts even more than it did before. He caresses his son tenderly and he tells him not to be afraid. He tells him about the meaning of his name, how he is destined to be a great man, how one day he will lead his people. He tells him never to forget the sound of the wind, the color of the sky and the smell of the flowers. He walks slowly to the river and tells him that it is time for him to become a man. That in order to do so he must hold his breath under water and not to be afraid because his father is here with him and will protect him forever. He kisses his son on his lips, nose, cheeks, and eyes and his son wraps his small arms around his father's neck and returns the love.
I sob silently. I cry for the boy and his father. I cry for myself because until now I never knew how much a father could love his son. How could a father love his son that much?
I watch Sully change. I watch him watch me. I want to speak but the icy tentacles of darkness that constrict my body and soul have silenced my voice.
The tenuous walls and defenses I have built start to crumble as I watch him leave…as he leaves me alone to fight this monster. He is just like all the others and I hear myself choke on a sob. But I won't let him win. I won't let him see me cry…I'll never let him know how much he hurt me.
I crawl on my stomach back towards the river, towards Squirt's father. He stares at me compassionately and unafraid. He waits for me, willing to do for me what he just did for his own son and I am ready to die at his hands. I have to get back to the river.
I focus on the boy's body lying limply by the water, his small arms floating calmly like flags in a gentle breeze. The cries behind me don't deter me and I push as hard as I can to get to my destination. Squirt's father keeps his eye on gap tooth for me; he signals to me without speaking that gap tooth is attending to other matters at the moment.
I feel the desperation rising in me as my body weakens. I stop to try and catch my breath and I wonder if I'll ever make it. I push this thought away and continue my journey. I have to make it.
I sharp crack sounds out and I watch as Squirt's father falls back into the river, a bullet ripping right through his chest. My scream is caught in my throat and I feel my sanity evaporate. I hear boots stomping towards me, and feel a hand pull me back roughly. I stare up into hateful, spiteful eyes.
I hear myself choke on a sob. But I won't let him win. I won't let him see me cry…I'll never let him know how much he hurt me. He can do what he wants with me know…but I won't let him see me cry.
TBC…