Remus walked into the great hall and had the curious feeling that everyone was looking at him. He knew it wasn't true, but still he felt self conscious and uncomfortable. As he made his way to the Gryffindor table, he scratched at a small scab already beginning to form on his elbow. Around him, the hubbub of lunch rose and fell and his wolf's senses told him that he was being watched. Lifting his eyes from the floor, he looked straight into the greeny blue eyes staring at him from the Slytherin's table. His stomach clenched painfully and he dropped his books. Happy for an excuse to look away, he quickly bent and began picking them up. He realised that someone was helping him only when some papers were pushed into his arms and he glanced into the teasing brown eyes of Sirius Black.

"What's the matter Moony? You've been acting strangely all morning! You've been a real butterfingers. I don't think Snape is ever going to recover from you dropping that hair growth potion on his feet! Serves him right for going around in shoes that have holes in them!"

Seeing that Remus wasn't laughing, Sirius tried a different approach "Seriously, though. What is wrong with you? Are you feeling ok?"

Straightening up and hugging his books to his chest, Remus gave a non- committal shrug. "I'm just tired, that's all."

As he sat down at the table, he thought of telling Sirius everything. Sirius could take it. He'd been the first to know about Remus being a werewolf; he'd almost figured it out for himself before Remus told him. And he had stuck by him. No matter how Remus was feeling, Sirius was always there, standing by, to laugh with, joke with, and be serious with. To copy homework off you. No matter how terrible a day had been, Sirius was always at the end of it, with his too wide smile and his large soft brown eyes, laughing and cajoling, cheering you up instantly. And if that didn't work, he would support you, comfort you.

Look what he's done for you, thought Remus, look what they've all done. Every full moon, they risk they're education to keep you company. How many times have they got into trouble for you? Countless.

Remus turned, opened his mouth, was about to speak.

Sirius was in full flow, his eyes were bright and he was talking quickly, occasionally stopping to eat a forkful of potato and then continuing before he'd even swallowed. He was explaining something to do with transfiguration to Lily and she was hanging on his every word, her eyes occasionally glancing towards James who was interrupting at regular intervals to disagree with something that had been said.

Remus was about to put a hand out to touch Sirius' elbow when out of the corner of his eye, he saw someone from the Slytherin table stand. Involuntarily he looked across, meeting that same watery green gaze that had trapped him the night before. He felt his breath catch and bile start to rise at the back of his throat. He couldn't look away from her and irrational panic was starting to flutter somewhere in his chest. What if she came over? He would die. Die of shame and embarrassment.

Suddenly, from somewhere behind him he heard his name. Turning around he realised that most of his friends were gazing concernedly at him. His hand was still raised, slightly reaching towards Sirius. Quickly he withdrew it and turned back to the table.

"Remus?" asked Sirius again "were you about to say something?"

Remus could feel her staring at him and the hairs on the back of his neck stiffened. He thought once more of telling his friends his secret, before shoving it to the back of his mind and forcing a smile.

"Nope. Nothing. Only..." he searched for a suitably distracting topic, "How was Quidditch practise last night?"

The table relaxed and Remus drifted off as James started talking elatedly about how he had caught the snitch in an amazingly quick time, with Peter nodding eagerly in agreement. Remus stared down at his baked potato, oozing butter and melted cheese. He no longer felt hungry and his friends were starting to annoy him, with their banal talk of Quidditch and school. He needed to escape.

He stood up abruptly, pushing his plate away.

"Not hungry, think I'll take a walk"

His friends, still engrossed in James' Quidditch story only nodded and gave vague smiles.

Who needs them anyway? Thought Remus as he left, they're not such great friends anyway, where were they last night when you needed them? Off playing their beloved Quidditch. The reasonable Remus knew that it was just the wolf inside him talking, but at the moment it was the unreasonable Remus who had control and he liked the way he was thinking. Let them abandon me tonight. I don't want them around, in fact, I'll tell Sirius to stay away too. I don't need any of them.

At that moment, the scab he had been picking at came off and his fingers were wetted with his own blood.

------------------------------------

"No! Look, I already told you, I don't want you there tonight. It's...I...it's complicated. You wouldn't understand"

"But why not? You aren't giving me the chance to understand if you don't tell me anything! It'll be fine! I can handle you when you're...when I'm...We've done it before haven't we?!"

Sirius's confused and angry face confronted Remus as he forced him to stop in the middle of a busy corridor. Annoyed 6th years glared at them as they sidestepped the arguing pair. Remus felt himself blush under the curious gazes that a few Gryffindors threw at them-it was uncommon to see any of the marauders arguing, they bickered often, but argued very rarely.

"Do you have to speak so loudly?" he hissed sideways, dragging Sirius into a reluctant walk, "You've just got to trust me Sirius. Anyway, it's not going to be the same without James and Peter."

"But we've done it before—"Sirius started to argue as they entered the Great hall.

James was sitting at the Gryffindor table, entertaining those around him with a wild story, accompanied with large hand gestures that were in danger of sending goblets and food flying. Peter was sitting next to him, laughing and nodding along with the story, occasionally adding a few bits of his own but mainly happy to bask in the glory of his friend. Across from them was Lily Evans, her red hair hanging smooth and shining down her back, smiling straight at James who obviously only had eyes for her.

With a cursory glance at Remus, Sirius stalked over to the table and squeezed in next to Lily and immediately joined in, sending the whole table into peals of laughter. Remus stood for a while watching it all. Peter saw him and beckoned to him but Remus suddenly felt sickened.

He turned and left the great hall, it would be dark soon anyway.