Butterfly wings

Disclaimer: roses are red, violets are blue, I don't own Harry, so you do not sue…

Chapter five

Lily looked around her room for the last time. Her old Head Girl bedroom looked so bare without her pictures and posters. I can't believe this is the last time I'll see my room, she thought sadly. School had ended again, much to soon for Lily's liking. Never again would she walk the corroders, or eat in the Great Hall or just spend time chatting with Remus, Tonks or (slightly more than chatting with) James.

Wiping away a stray tear Lily picked up her trunk and bag and walked from her room. James was waiting, arms open, at the bottom of the stairs. Dropping her things Lily ran into his arms. He stroked her hair gently and whispered sweet words into her ear. Putting on a brave smile Lily let go of him and grabbed her bag. James followed her with her trunk.

This year went by so fast, she thought as she walked past the great hall, too fast, especially since this is my last year. I've been here for so long I really don't want to leave. Hogwarts is so much better than home, can't I just stay? Lily shook her hear to clear it and continued walking through the large wooded doors into the gloomy yard. At least the weather matches my mood, Lily thought as she threw her baggage in the growing pile.

"Thanks James" Lilly said softly

"Anytime" He replied as he opened a horseless carriage. Lily stepped in and sat near the window, wiping the condensation off it so she could look at her old home as she left it. Tonks soon joined her along with Remus. As Remus sat down he casually placed his arm around Tonks shoulders.

"I didn't know anything was in between them," Lily whispered to James. James laughed and replied " He's like Tonks for ages, but he never though she'd go for him." Lily giggled.

Remus and James made up for most of the conversation till they reached the Hogsmeade train station. As they approached the scarlet train Lily's stomach dropped. This train ride was going to be her last as a Hogwarts student. As she boarded Lily glanced over her shoulder and caught one last look at her beloved school before the Hogwarts Express whisked her back to the muggle world.

"Why so quiet?" James asked as they found a compartment.

"I'm going to miss Hogwarts" Lilly quietly replied

" So am I. It's more than that isn't it Lil's?" James replied in her ear. Lily didn't answer as she curled up in the window seat of the compartment. She rested her forehead on the cold pane of the window. Rain started to tumble down, blurring her view of Hogsmeade. As Tonks and Remus joined them in the carriage Lily drifted to sleep.

Lily awoke to the sound of laughter. The sun was peeking out of gray cloud lighting the carriage with warm rays. Tonks, Remus and Sirius were laughing as a disgruntled James untangled himself from the limp form of Malfoy. By the looks of it he was hit with a couple of curses that really shouldn't have been put together. Giggling Lily sat up and pushed off her blanket. Till they reached Kings Cross station Lily joined in the happy conversation echoing through the corridors. As the wheels slowed Lily's stomach dropped even further. She slowly grabbed her trunk and bag, savoring her last few minutes in the wizarding world. After hugging Tonks and Remus goodbye she turned to James, who pulled her aside. As he firmly kissed her goodbye he slipped a small oval object into her palm. Lily looked into her hand, clasped inside it was a small gold charm with a rose etched onto it. On the back was engraved

"Lilly Evans

Hogwarts School

June 1978

Love always,

James Potter"

"Oh James" Lily cried

"So you like it?" James inquired with a tinge of anxiety in his voice.

"I love it. You really didn't have to do this though James" Lilly whispered.

"I just don't want you to forget me," James said

"I won't" Lilly promised "I'll call you or something soon, I promise" After a brief kiss Lilly walked through the magical barrier into the rest of Kings Cross station. After a quick glance over her shoulder at her friends milling with there parents around Lily boarded the nearest train to Surry, her dad would never come to pick her up at the station, she knew that. As Lily sat in the closest empty compartment she looked out the window again. Remus, Tonks and James were waving with there smiling families. She smiled bravely and waved to, the train wheels gave a shudder and a groan before rolling down the tracks. Lily willed them to slow down, but they only gained speed, taking her away from the life she so loved into a life she didn't. A single tear fell from her bright green eyes and tumbled down her cheek. With a sigh Lily curled up on the seat and stared into the people passing in the isle of the train. Sure she was beginning the rest of her life but she didn't really want to grow up. She liked being fed and clothed by someone else, spending your days laughing and pulling pranks, and curling up by the fire to play chess every night. I know life isn't really like that, but I sure wish it were. Now I can do whatever I want whenever I want, but if that is so great why am I crying. Why does time have to pass, why can't I make it stay still? Lily rested her head on the cold pane of the window and sighed. The tracks making a rhythmic clap underneath her, Lily drifted away, reminiscing in the life she had.

The train stopped at a run down town, waking Lily out of her daydream. Looking around she found her bag and trunk and waked off the train. The town Lily lived in isn't exactly suburbia. It was filled with old falling buildings and warehouses, grungy pubs, and small smelly apartment complexes. With a sigh Lily started to the largest one. As she opened the dirty glass door the familiar scent of boiled cabbage filled her nose. My beloved childhood home hasn't changed a bit, Lily thought sarcastically. Lily walked up the half broken stairs to the third floor. The apartment nearest the stairs was hers. Using an old key she let herself in. Obviously her dad hadn't done any cleaning since she left in September. The floor was cluttered with beer cans, old newspapers, napkins and takeout boxed. Shuffling through the garbage she found her room.

"Alohamora" she whispered, pointing her wand at the lock. Thank god her dad wasn't a wizard or he could get in to her room. She opened the dirty dented door of her room and stepped into the cool darkness of her room. Unlike the rest of Lily's house her room was perfectly clean and scented, instead of beer and boiled cabbage, of lavender. Lily's small room was painted a glossy white with blue flowers. Her white canopy bed and her large white desk took up her room; Lily threw her trunk at the foot of her bed and her bag on her vanity and flopped onto her bed. Everything in her room she had to buy herself, since her dad didn't care enough about her to buy food, never-mind her bed or sheets. Lily walked over to her mini-fridge and turned it on again. She'd have to go buy some bread and milk soon, but for now she just wanted to sleep, in till her dad came home at least. Lily's dad was an alcoholic, gambling addicted, abusive, git, not to mention lazy. The money he didn't spend on alcohol or gambling he spent on take-out, mainly because he was too lazy to cook or shop.

Just being at home brought back memories Lily had tried for years to forget. Like when Lily's mom ran away every once and a wile only to return a couple weeks later stoned, drunk and dirty. She'd been doing that since Lily was born, but one day when Lily was eight her mom left and didn't come back, or the day when Lily's little brother was hit by a car when Lily was taking him to school. After the day he died Lily got her Hogwarts letter. From that day forward her dad tended to beat her up beat her up because of her "abnormality" and her lack of responsibility that caused her mother to run away and her brother to die. Even her older sister Petunia hated her, though Petunia left home when Lily was 13 and got married to an older man, Vernon. Rolling onto her stomach Lily traced the scars on her forearm. The result of her cutting. As odd as it sounds for her to be hurting herself with so much other pain in her life Lily found the blood flowing from her arm a release. A way to escape without actually leaving home (if you could call it that). Watching the cuts heal was a metaphor Lily used in her life. If these cuts can heal maybe my life can to. Lily rolled onto her back again and pulled the quilt over herself. Maybe she could get a couple hours of sleep till her dad came home drunk and angry again.

I told you stuff would get more Sirius, no not Sirius involved, he actually doesn't play a big part in this story as it seems to me Sirius is more comedic relief that I haven't added and don't know if I'm gonna…depends on what you think. Anyway in the next couple chapters its gonna get less fluffy and more reality based… now most of this hasn't happened directly to me but its happened to people I know… sad isn't it…

Anyway please review and tell me how much you simply adore me…well I like that but if you positively hate stories like this do tell me why so I can change my story or so I can know that you exist out there and keep my ego bearable…

-Prongsies