Remus followed Peter down the spiral staircase and across the packed common room, which buzzed and hummed with the voices of tired students relaxing and doing homework. Apprehension stifled his voice as he tried to ask Peter what was wrong with James, but Peter didn't give an answer, just ploughed on along corridors and down staircases until they were standing outside the door to the hospital wing. Remus felt an irrational urge to turn around and start running again, away from Sirius, James, Peter, away from everything, even himself. But already Peter was opening the door and he was stepping inside the silent room.
Sirius looked up from where he was sitting beside James' bed and then looked back at his hands. He was completely unblemished; his black hair brushed and clean and not a trace of blood or mud anywhere. It was as if the fight that Remus had witnessed earlier had never occurred.
"Madame Pomfrey's gone to talk with Dumbledore and some people from St. Mungo's" he said, his voice a monotone. "they arrived just as you left Wormtail."
He didn't look at Remus as they went over and Remus felt uncomfortable, as though he wasn't meant to be here, as though he should leave. He tightened his grip on Sirius' sketch book hovered nervously at the end of James' bed.
James looked as though he was sleeping. His face was fresh and clean, his unruly hair swept back from his forehead as though the wind from the Quidditch pitch was still there. His features were serene and untroubled, his eyes closed and his lips slightly parted. Only a small poppy bruise, blossoming at the top of one of his left cheekbone revealed that anything was wrong with him at all.
"I'll just go and see if Lily is coming. She seemed pretty upset, and, well, she deserves to know to doesn't she, I mean, being his, uh, James' girlfriend and, yeah." Peter, who hated hospitals and medical rooms and only ventured inside them very reluctantly, made his excuse and hurried back out of the door he'd just come through.
Remus was left alone with a brooding and silent Sirius. He could hear the murmur of voices behind a closed door at the end of the ward and the sound of Peter's retreating footsteps echoing in the corridor outside. Carefully he shifted his feet, looking down at the stiff white sheets on the bed in front of him.
"They don't know if he'll ever wake up." Sirius' voice forced Remus to look up from the bed. Sirius was staring at him with such intensity that he swallowed nervously and shifted his feet, looking away, out of the window and then back at Sirius.
"I brought back your sketch book. You dropped it." He said lamely.
"I know." Remus' eyes were locked with Sirius' and he felt his heart speed up at the sound of the low, calm voice. "You've looked in it." It wasn't a question, it was a statement, but Remus still nodded dumbly, wishing he could follow Peter out of the oppressive room, wishing he could disappear.
He tried to hand the book to Sirius but Sirius had already turned his gaze towards James, his head supported by his hands, his eyes hooded and brooding. Remus' arm was left hanging in the air until he placed the book carefully onto the bed on top of James' immobile legs.
"Well, I'm so glad that you could make it in such short time. I hope that Poppy has told you all you need to know? ...Good, right, the boy, James Potter, is over here. He has some friends visiting him at the moment. Hello Sirius, Remus." Dumbledore swept from the suddenly opened door towards the two boys, two Healers and Madame Pomfrey following him.
"I'm fine Professor," said Remus weakly when Sirius didn't answer, "Just a bit tired." He tried to smile, caught sight of James and Sirius and stopped, the smile dying on his lips.
"Good, good. Right Gentlemen, I think I'll leave you to it. Poppy, could you supervise it, I have to talk to a particular Slytherin. Boys? I think it's time you went down to supper, James will be fine I assure you, this is just a precaution we have to take."
Remus caught the reference to Branwen as he and Sirius-with Sirius' sketchbook held firmly under his arm- were ushered gently away from their friend. Once again he found himself thinking of telling someone, telling Dumbledore and Sirius, right now. He could just imagine their eyes widening in shock and horror, Sirius' expression turning slowly to anger. He could imagine Dumbledore telling him it would be sorted out, everything would be fine. But then the door closed behind him and Dumbledore's shoes were clicking down the corridor in one direction and Sirius starting to walk in the other. Sirius was walking so fast that Remus had to jog to catch up to him. Sirius' hands were rolled into fists. Suddenly, he burst out.
"That bitch! If I could get my hands on her again, I swear I'd kill her! She doesn't deserve to live! You've seen what she's done to James, you saw her on the pitch laughing." He paused, shaking his head, and then looked Remus directly in the eyes "You saw her! You saw her face! She looked at you."
Remus mouthed the word yes and then coughed, speaking it properly, "Yes. Yes, I saw"
"She was beating me to a pulp and then she stopped. I was on the floor Remus, but you ran off, you ran away. Why? She winked at you Remus, I saw, she winked at you and laughed and you just ran off. Why?"
"I don't know! I don't know why she winked at me and I don't know why I ran off."
"Yes you do!" Sirius was stopped in the middle of the corridor, facing Remus, his raised voice bouncing off the walls. His eyes were filled with anger and what verged on hysteria. "You know something Moony, you know something and you're not telling me. WHY WON'T YOU TELL ME?!"
Remus could feel his own rage building up inside him "I don't know anything ok? OK? I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING! You think everything is so simple Sirius. But it's not."
"Oh my god Remus, our friend is lying in there, he might die, and you're STILL lying to me? Why can't you tell the truth Remus? Why? Is it so hard just to tell the fucking TRUTH?!"
Sirius forced Remus backwards until he could feel his back pressing against the wall. Remus could feel the wolf rising inside him, feel the raw animal rage that had started to fill him. Here was Sirius, who just a moment ago he had been considering telling his secret to, with him up against a wall. Like Branwen.
"Can't I have my own secrets?!" he screamed, pushing Sirius away from him, again and again until it was Sirius pinned up against the opposite wall "Or do you have to know everything? Well guess what Sirius, YOU CAN'T HANDLE EVERYTHING!"
His face was inches from Sirius' but Sirius' face remained passive, his expression giving nothing away.
"You have too many secrets Moony." He said quietly.
Remus pushed himself off the wall, away from Sirius, he was stumbling backwards down the corridor.
"I HATE YOU! OK? JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! I HATE ALL OF YOU!"
"Even James?!"
Remus turned and ran. His feet pounding on the corridor floors, his breath heaving in his chest, he ran blindly. Sirius' voice followed him down the corridor
"When are you going to stop running Moony?!"
Sirius looked up from where he was sitting beside James' bed and then looked back at his hands. He was completely unblemished; his black hair brushed and clean and not a trace of blood or mud anywhere. It was as if the fight that Remus had witnessed earlier had never occurred.
"Madame Pomfrey's gone to talk with Dumbledore and some people from St. Mungo's" he said, his voice a monotone. "they arrived just as you left Wormtail."
He didn't look at Remus as they went over and Remus felt uncomfortable, as though he wasn't meant to be here, as though he should leave. He tightened his grip on Sirius' sketch book hovered nervously at the end of James' bed.
James looked as though he was sleeping. His face was fresh and clean, his unruly hair swept back from his forehead as though the wind from the Quidditch pitch was still there. His features were serene and untroubled, his eyes closed and his lips slightly parted. Only a small poppy bruise, blossoming at the top of one of his left cheekbone revealed that anything was wrong with him at all.
"I'll just go and see if Lily is coming. She seemed pretty upset, and, well, she deserves to know to doesn't she, I mean, being his, uh, James' girlfriend and, yeah." Peter, who hated hospitals and medical rooms and only ventured inside them very reluctantly, made his excuse and hurried back out of the door he'd just come through.
Remus was left alone with a brooding and silent Sirius. He could hear the murmur of voices behind a closed door at the end of the ward and the sound of Peter's retreating footsteps echoing in the corridor outside. Carefully he shifted his feet, looking down at the stiff white sheets on the bed in front of him.
"They don't know if he'll ever wake up." Sirius' voice forced Remus to look up from the bed. Sirius was staring at him with such intensity that he swallowed nervously and shifted his feet, looking away, out of the window and then back at Sirius.
"I brought back your sketch book. You dropped it." He said lamely.
"I know." Remus' eyes were locked with Sirius' and he felt his heart speed up at the sound of the low, calm voice. "You've looked in it." It wasn't a question, it was a statement, but Remus still nodded dumbly, wishing he could follow Peter out of the oppressive room, wishing he could disappear.
He tried to hand the book to Sirius but Sirius had already turned his gaze towards James, his head supported by his hands, his eyes hooded and brooding. Remus' arm was left hanging in the air until he placed the book carefully onto the bed on top of James' immobile legs.
"Well, I'm so glad that you could make it in such short time. I hope that Poppy has told you all you need to know? ...Good, right, the boy, James Potter, is over here. He has some friends visiting him at the moment. Hello Sirius, Remus." Dumbledore swept from the suddenly opened door towards the two boys, two Healers and Madame Pomfrey following him.
"I'm fine Professor," said Remus weakly when Sirius didn't answer, "Just a bit tired." He tried to smile, caught sight of James and Sirius and stopped, the smile dying on his lips.
"Good, good. Right Gentlemen, I think I'll leave you to it. Poppy, could you supervise it, I have to talk to a particular Slytherin. Boys? I think it's time you went down to supper, James will be fine I assure you, this is just a precaution we have to take."
Remus caught the reference to Branwen as he and Sirius-with Sirius' sketchbook held firmly under his arm- were ushered gently away from their friend. Once again he found himself thinking of telling someone, telling Dumbledore and Sirius, right now. He could just imagine their eyes widening in shock and horror, Sirius' expression turning slowly to anger. He could imagine Dumbledore telling him it would be sorted out, everything would be fine. But then the door closed behind him and Dumbledore's shoes were clicking down the corridor in one direction and Sirius starting to walk in the other. Sirius was walking so fast that Remus had to jog to catch up to him. Sirius' hands were rolled into fists. Suddenly, he burst out.
"That bitch! If I could get my hands on her again, I swear I'd kill her! She doesn't deserve to live! You've seen what she's done to James, you saw her on the pitch laughing." He paused, shaking his head, and then looked Remus directly in the eyes "You saw her! You saw her face! She looked at you."
Remus mouthed the word yes and then coughed, speaking it properly, "Yes. Yes, I saw"
"She was beating me to a pulp and then she stopped. I was on the floor Remus, but you ran off, you ran away. Why? She winked at you Remus, I saw, she winked at you and laughed and you just ran off. Why?"
"I don't know! I don't know why she winked at me and I don't know why I ran off."
"Yes you do!" Sirius was stopped in the middle of the corridor, facing Remus, his raised voice bouncing off the walls. His eyes were filled with anger and what verged on hysteria. "You know something Moony, you know something and you're not telling me. WHY WON'T YOU TELL ME?!"
Remus could feel his own rage building up inside him "I don't know anything ok? OK? I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING! You think everything is so simple Sirius. But it's not."
"Oh my god Remus, our friend is lying in there, he might die, and you're STILL lying to me? Why can't you tell the truth Remus? Why? Is it so hard just to tell the fucking TRUTH?!"
Sirius forced Remus backwards until he could feel his back pressing against the wall. Remus could feel the wolf rising inside him, feel the raw animal rage that had started to fill him. Here was Sirius, who just a moment ago he had been considering telling his secret to, with him up against a wall. Like Branwen.
"Can't I have my own secrets?!" he screamed, pushing Sirius away from him, again and again until it was Sirius pinned up against the opposite wall "Or do you have to know everything? Well guess what Sirius, YOU CAN'T HANDLE EVERYTHING!"
His face was inches from Sirius' but Sirius' face remained passive, his expression giving nothing away.
"You have too many secrets Moony." He said quietly.
Remus pushed himself off the wall, away from Sirius, he was stumbling backwards down the corridor.
"I HATE YOU! OK? JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! I HATE ALL OF YOU!"
"Even James?!"
Remus turned and ran. His feet pounding on the corridor floors, his breath heaving in his chest, he ran blindly. Sirius' voice followed him down the corridor
"When are you going to stop running Moony?!"