Butterfly wings

Disclaimer: Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't own Harry, so you do not sue.

Chapter 10

Well since I can I'm dedicating this chapter to Kinaki Xavier who realized that fan fiction is all about applying it to reality… true every story can't be completely serious with not even an inkling of magic but if you can take what you read and notice it in day to day life than it means something. Thanks Kinaki Xavier.

Oh and by the way I'm trying a new writing style in this chapter… more random and comedic…tell me if you like it…if you do I'll use it more and if not I'll use it more none the less… j/k but tell me anyway.

Anyway onward to Chapter 10

The rays of the pre dawn sun were just inching over the horizon when they discovered Lily Evans sitting on the balcony attached to the Master Bedroom at James' summer home. Now it was quite a shock for the sun to see someone out this early, mind you the moon could tell you she was there all night. However, since the sun and moon rarely get a chance to catch up on each others lives the moon didn't. It wouldn't have been bad for the sun just to find someone there but to find a someone there crying was something entirely different. Lily Evans was watching the sun rise over the great blue sea, tears trickling down her alabaster skin much like a leaking hosepipe. Her auburn hair curling freely down her back was reflecting the Technicolor rainbow that was the sky at 5:30 am, almost like the Pink Floyd album dark side of the moon.

Anyway she was there, thinking, mostly about leaving. However, having not much money and no job, where she would go presented a minor problem. If she went to Tonks' Tonks would tell James and James would come barging over and demand what happened and for her to return with him. She could go to Remus, but the same scenario would happen. She didn't have enough money to rent, buy or lease an apartment, had no living relatives other than her dear old dad (if you could call him that) and the oh-so pleasant Petunia (who eloped years ago with Vernon) she certainly couldn't stay here. She didn't know what James would do if she continued her oath of silence. She loved him so much it almost hurt to do this in fact it did hurt. So much she could've sworn some wild animal was eating her inside out. She couldn't bare to hurt him more, or continue to hurt him in this fashion. No matter the consequences to herself.

Lily dried her eyes, drew a deep breath and stood. Standing on the patio watching the sun rise filled her with hope, love, pain… it was hard to tell one from the other anymore. More than anything she just wanted to end this all just throw herself at the ocean for a brief flight threw the early morning sky. However, her lack of wings would cut that flight just a little bit short… mind you that was kinda the point. Stop living… stop feeling… stop hurting every single person that came near her. Every time she looked into James' eyes she could see what she was doing to him. Her very existence hurt him so much. Not to mention what she was doing to Remus and Tonks, her very best friends. Sirius too.

God, I can't do this, Lily decided after perching on the rail for a moment, seriously thinking about just how easy it would be to make all this be over, end it now before she hurt anyone any more. Turning off the balcony she dug through James' desk till she found parchment and a quill. Pausing for a moment before staining the parchment with her inky words she recalled all the fun they'd had over the years. The time they'd had a really big whipped cream fight, eating breakfast on the roof of Hogwarts watching the sun rise, sneaking into Hogsmead for butter beer, replacing all the tea cups on the Slytherin table with nose biting kinds, her and James' first kiss… Forgetting the seriousness of the situation Lily smiled despite herself. After all this she doubted James would want to get anywhere near her but still one day he might understand this was for him. Sighing sadly she began marring the paper with her words;

James,

I'm sorry I had to do this. I really am, but I'm leaving because I love you. I love you so much I can't bare to hurt you more than I already am. I hope one day you might understand this is for you, but even if you don't it doesn't matter. By the time you get this I'll be long gone. Just know even if I'm not with you that I love you, always have and I always will. Look after Remus and Sirius for me, make sure they don't get in more trouble than they already are in. Tonks too, she won't understand. I doubt I'll ever see you guys again but I'll remember you and all the fun we've had over the years.

All my love,

Lily Evans

Her breath shook as she placed the paper on the neatly made bed. It was rather hard to read now as her salty tears smudged the inky words but it didn't matter much. She was going, where? She wasn't quite sure yet but she'll find a way. With a flick of her wrist she closed the door and slinked down the stairs, her feet whispering her intentions to the dark house. Sliding almost soundlessly out and onto the paved pathway. Holding her head high she walked away from her past without a second glance.

The sun found another person out rather early for the middle of the summer. This one in a particularly different situation. Not crying nor attempting to fly, but staring up at the big blue sky wondering. Mostly about life, mind you many people do that, but this one was different. Not only was he rather hot (most hot people would be lying in a bed with a beautiful girl beside him, or man depending on his sexual preference) but he wasn't drunk, stoned, high or otherwise incapable of productive notions. He was in Love. And Hate. And Confusion. Mind you life is normally all those three emotions stuck in a blender and molded into the universe. This person, lets call him Bob (because I like that name…) was confused about why life was the way it is. There doesn't have to be pain or agony, there could be love and happiness all the time, but then you'd never appreciate any of the good times if you didn't have to have bad times with them… I guess. Nevertheless, if you didn't have to hurt so much that the bad times wouldn't be so bad would they. However, if you couldn't feel than you wouldn't be living and if you weren't living you wouldn't feel anything at all as you'd be dead. None the less it still hurt. A lot. Too much for his preferences but you never can get what you want all the time can you. Bob never did. Mind you the eye candy laying on the beach wondering about the secrets of the universe wasn't named Bob, seeing as his mum didn't like the name much and his father thought the name Bob was as bland as mashed turnips (alas if only mashed turnips had as little flavor as the name Bob did… but they don't.)

His name was James Potter.

And there he lay wondering why life hurt so dreadfully much and after thinking on the same subject for the whole night and well into the pre dawn he was right where he left off… hungry… oh and still confused but that's a give in considering that the universe is controlled by someone with a … odd sense of humor… after all there is such thing as a platypus. But no matter. Life's harsh. James after all knew that, after having his whole family other than him die around him, including his baby sister. But the past is what is it. No changing that. Mind you the future is kinda like jell-o. Its there and you can make your way through it, but it requires a lot of hard work and a little perseverance. It's possible, but hard. James was 19 after all. He'd made it through 19 bowls of the stuff with more to come but he wasn't giving up yet. There are some times when the jell-o is the grossest flavor ever made. It just makes you sick. However, there are times when its cherry or watermelon flavored and you can't get enough of it. On the other hand, life isn't all black and white. There are times when its gray grayer and grayest. This was one of those times. When you just want to wake up and have it all be a dream. Nevertheless, you can't wake up from life if you're already awake. Believe me, James tried. He had the pinch marks on his arms to prove it. Therefore, after pondering this for the longest night of James' life he decided to do something about this really gross bowl of jell-o. Not that he was eating jell-o, though he was hungry enough to, but he was slogging through it in the paths of life. Consequently, James got up and slogged though the sand into the house. The day just beginning meant the house was cool and empty. Not a sound but the sighs of that contented house, which was munching its was though a cherry flavored bowl of life today seeing as Sirius and Remus were out. James drifted into the kitchen to make coffee when he heard a distinct sound, or rather lack of it. He wasn't supposed to be alone in here Lily was here to. He sauntered up the stairs to the room where she slept, or was supposed to. The room was empty, the patio doors open letting in the scent of the sea. The curtains billowing in the empty room made the spotless cleanness of it even more drastic. James' stomach dropped when he saw the bed perfectly made and suffering a severe lack of Lily in it. Running over to the bed he saw the parchment with the smudged words blurring across it. After suffering through the heart breaking words encrypted on it James fell to the floor. How was her leaving him for his own good? How could she think that?

She though that my silence was her fault! He realized with a start. Oh god. James hit his head on his bed. He drove her away when he should have been there for her. Because of her own stupidity she was running away from everything she loved. Her entire life. And it was him that did it. Yanking himself off the floor he ran to the patio to meat the cherry sun beaming with pride over the blue sea. Bracing himself on the railing he shouted to the entire valley below him the sound of a heart breaking.