Hello! chapter 12 is here. I'm going on holiday for 4 weeks(camping, then cornwall with my family) so chapter 13 won't be up until september at least. Thanks to all my reviewers and to the rest of you, don't forget to review on your way out-even if you didn't like it! it's the only way i'll get to know what i'm doing wrong and what i'm doing right.

this has been a quite depressing fic but i promise that Remus and Sirius will get a happy ending! also, to all those people hoping that Remus will tell Sirius-have patience!

PanPan-yes, i live in Britain, in London to be precise. :)

Okaishichan, sbxrl4eva-of course Remus and Sirius are going to get together! this wouldn't be a REmus/Sirius fic if they didn't ;)

what does MWPP mean?

On Saturday, Sirius went down to breakfast with the rest of the marauders. Peter had forced Remus out of bed otherwise he wouldn't have come at all. To compensate the fact, he was studiously ignoring his friends and only realised that they had all stopped talking when Lily's hand found his knee and squeezed it under the table. He looked up, surprised, to find that Lola was standing behind a very tense Sirius with her hands on his shoulders and her head bent to his ear, whispering something that Remus didn't even bother trying to hear-it was bound to be sweet meaningless drivel. Instead, he let his attention drift to Sirius' face and it was then he realised why Lily had squeezed his knee. The look on Sirius' face was the same dangerous, annoyed look that he had worn just before he dumped Juliet. Something bad was about to happen. For Lorna at least.

"Would you please get off." Sirius' voice was low and barely audible but carried the undertones of feral anger that Remus knew so well.

"What's the matter babes?" she said, not picking up on the tone of his voice "Do you have bruises? I heard what Lupin did to you on Wednesday."- her eyes glanced contemptuously towards Remus- "I knew I should never have left you alone." She paused and Remus thought that maybe she had noticed Sirius' friends' horrified faces and had taken the hint, however she carried on, "Never mind, shall I kiss it better for you?"

What is it with girls? Thought Remus, why are they so thick? I thought they were supposed to be able to pick up on feelings and unspoken thoughts. If I was her, I'd be running so fast away from here.

Sirius' face was glowering and everyone around him could see that he was about to say something that no one wanted to hear. Even people who weren't his friends were edging away and giving Lola pitying looks.

"I don't need you to kiss anything for me. Just fuck off you little slut. You know nothing about what happened on Wednesday so just shut up. And I doubt that even if you had been there you could have prevented what occurred."

Lola's eyes widened slightly and she let go of his shoulders. "Ooh, look who's using big words now."

Sirius stood up and faced her "Maybe I should use smaller ones so that you can understand. Ok, hmm, let me see. Fuck. Off. That better for you?"

Lola's cheeks flushed but she didn't go away "Fine, I'm leaving. But I have my own theory about what happened on Wednesday. How about you two weren't fighting? I hear from my good friend Branwen that Lupin's quite an easy fuck. Maybe you just couldn't resist eh?"

Remus felt as though the bottom of his stomach had fallen out. He was either going to be violently sick or was going to start screaming. And once he started, Remus knew he wouldn't be able to stop. He had to get away from there, it felt like everyone was looking at him, they all knew. He dug his nails into his arm and stood up abruptly, ignoring Lily and Peter's startled expressions.

Sirius' face turned a dark shade of red and he only hesitated a moment before answering Lola. "That's bollocks"

"Oh is it? You're friend begs to differ."

Sirius turned around just in time to see Remus running out of the Great Hall. "What the..."

Lola's tinny laugh echoed in Sirius' ears as she walked over to the Slytherin table and smacked hands with Branwen.

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"Remus? Remus we know you're in here."

"You can't spend another day skipping lessons. Professor Flitwick will have a fit if you miss charms again."

"Why did you run off like that? Is it true, what Lola said?"

"Shhh Sirius, you're not helping"

"Aw come on, he can't avoid us forever. Remus!"

Remus huddled further back into his hiding place in the Library. Why had he come here? It was so predictable. He should have gone to the dungeons, or the shrieking shack. Not the Library.

"Ah ha! Found him!" Peter called. The others came, first Lily, then Sirius.

"Come on, we're already late for first lesson."

Remus stood up, glaring at his friends. They were the people he least wanted to see.

"I'm not coming. Just tell them I'm ill."

"Come on, what's the matter? Lola's a bitch, just ignore her."

"Unless he can't, unless it's true."

"Sirius!"

"Well, is it?" Remus didn't say anything so Sirius repeated himself "Is it?"

"NO! ok? Of course it's not fucking true. Can't you just ever leave me alone? Go fuck yourself Sirius, or get someone else to do it for you."

With that he ran out of the Library, leaving his friends standing looking aghast by a bookshelf.

"Oh Sirius. Don't you know when to leave something?" sighed Lily before they followed Remus out.

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In the end, Remus did go to his lessons. However, he ignored Sirius' repeated attempts at apologising and just concentrated on the work in hand.

Whenever he saw Sirius approaching, he would walk in the opposite direction, or jump onto a moving staircase, or completely ignore him. Sirius was not one to be put off easily however and doggedly followed him until he managed to corner him just after lunch.

"Finally. Hold on a sec. All I wanted to say to you was sorry. I was stupid to even consider what Lola said. She's a complete bitch and she just said it to get at me. It was cheap and I know that you would never let anything like that happen. Friends again?"

Remus stared at the proffered hand, looked at Sirius' face and walked off.

"Moony! Hey Moony, wait!" Sirius jogged to catch up with the fast moving werewolf. "Come on! Are you still cross with me about Wednesday? 'Cos I swear to you, I have no idea what I did. Tell me so I can say sorry again."

Remus continued walking, ignoring Sirius completely, looking for all the world as though he was intent on getting to his next lesson.

"Shit Remus, how am I supposed to say sorry if I don't even know what I did?"

Remus stopped suddenly, and Sirius nearly tripped over him.

"You really want to know? Nothing. You did nothing. Now bugger off." Remus started walking again.

"I don't understand you Moony. You've changed so much. What is wrong with you?"

"You. That's what's wrong with me. Just get out of my face, get out of my head Sirius."

"Fine, ok, if that's what you want. But I can't get out of your head Remus. You put me there."

With that, Sirius turned and walked off. He wasn't in any of their lessons that afternoon and Remus didn't see him again until that evening. Neither of them talked to each other and Lily and Peter had a hard job of pretending that everything was fine and normal, chatting twice as much to make up for the awkward silence between Sirius and Remus.

They all went to bed early.

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The next day was Saturday. Although Remus walked around with his friends instead of on his own, he didn't talk to any of them and answered only in simple sentences or single words.

It was as though Sirius had never been away. He had slipped back into the group so easily and was chatting and laughing with them so normally, that people began to forget that for the past couple of weeks he hadn't been seen without a girl attached to his mouth. Not that Sirius' friends ever talked about all the girls that Sirius had got through. It was a strictly verboten subject; they didn't mention Lola or Juliet or Stella or Emma, neither did they ask what he'd done with them. Nothing changed and yet everything had changed.

Remus couldn't stand not talking about what had happened and not talking about not talking about what had happened. After keeping so many secrets for so long, he felt like he was going to go crazy if there was one more thing that he didn't talk about. He hated himself for not being glad that Sirius was back, and he hated the way that he himself was acting. At the beginning of the school year, he hardly ever swore. Now, he was swearing all the time and for the smallest reason. He was still scratching himself, but he wasn't doing it as hard or as deep as he had done in the past. Now he was doing it almost all the time; under the table at meals, during conversations, in bed at night, in the common room. It was as though he wanted someone to notice it and ask him what he was doing, although of course if they did he would only reply that he had a rash. He was also showering more than was necessary, taking long showers and scrubbing feverously at his perfectly clean skin.

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This continued for the next few days. Sirius never spoke again about Wednesday and Remus assumed that he had forgotten about it. But he hadn't.

On Monday, after Supper and homework had been got out of the way, Remus was in the showers.

The Gryffindor showers were thankfully free of the colours red and gold. They were a sight for sore eyes, after having to look at red and gold wallpaper, red and gold furniture, red and gold drapes and cushions and covers and ties. The tiles in the sixth year boys bathroom were blue and white, with a charm spelled into them that made sure that no one slipped on their wet surfaces. There were no private showers, just a long line of shower heads above a drain, with benches and hooks to leave towels and robes on.

Remus stood under the hot shower, his arms up to the ceiling, his back to the door, welcoming the rush of water that rained like hot needles over his sore and tired body. His cuts and scratches stung but he ignored them, closing his eyes and letting the water run across his face, eyes and lips. The sound of rushing water filled his ears and he did not hear another person enter. The next day would be the full moon. Remus could feel the wolf inside him, ready to burst out, once the sun had set and the moon had risen. He was always on edge just before a full moon but tonight he was more so than usual. It must have something to do with al the rows he had been having and the fight with Sirius on Wednesday.

So wrapped up in his thoughts was Remus that he didn't hear the shocked rush of escaping air from someone's lips and the quiet pat of feet across wet tiles. He only realised that he wasn't alone when he felt a hand touch him on the shoulder. Wheeling around, he had pushed the person to the floor and was crouching over them, pinning their shoulders to the floor before he even had time to think.

"Shit Remus," whispered Sirius, his eyes wide with shock, "James was right. What have you done to yourself?"

The hot water was pounding on Remus' back and trickling through his hair to drip onto Sirius' face. Remus knew that he should get up and step away but the wolf inside him wasn't so willing to give up his prey. Besides, Remus had just noticed the scar on Sirius' left shoulder. It was long and curved and arced from the bottom of Sirius' collar bone to the edge of his shoulder and probably carried on across his back. It was a dull purple colour and Remus had to stop himself from running his finger along it's bumpy surface. I did that, he thought, I did that last full moon. A month tomorrow.

"Gonna beat me up then?" Sirius asked. The shock had gone from his face and now his eyes were filled with a mischievous mocking look, one eyebrow arched carefully.

Remus was suddenly aware of how naked they both were. The shower had stopped and he could feel the cold air on his ass, his balls were dangling dangerously close to Sirius' crotch. He got up jerkily and then put out his hand out to help Sirius up. Sirius started to push himself off the ground and began to talk with his face away from Remus.

"Is that all it takes then, one touch and you're beating me up?"

"You know it's close to the full moon, I'm dangerous. You shouldn't surprise me."

Remus turned around and reached for his towel.

"Is it? I didn't realise. Wasn't a full moon on Wednesday though was it?"

Remus didn't answer and proceeded to wrap the towel around his waist with his back still turned to Sirius.

"Are you ever going to tell me what I did? Did I accidentally bump into you? Or maybe I trod on your toe."

"You kissed me."

Remus said it so quietly that Sirius didn't hear it. He stopped in the middle of his rant.

"What?"

Remus turned around to face Sirius.

"You kissed me." He said, his voice echoing off the tiles.

"I, I kissed you?" Sirius' face had gone bright red and Remus could tell that his brain was working frantically, trying to think of something clever to say. "I kissed you."

"Yes."

"I kissed you and you beat me up?"

"Yes."

A small smile twitched at the corners of Sirius' mouth. "Most people would consider themselves lucky to get a kiss from me."

Remus tried to control the anger building up inside him. "You just don't get it do you? You were drunk; you were stumbling all over the place, you stank of booze and sex. You were saying things that didn't join up; about James, about me. Right before you kissed me, you said 'I've had everyone, and now I want you.' Do you know how it feels to be treated like an object? You had me up against a wall, Sirius. A wall. I couldn't even breathe."

Sirius' face was a mixture of emotions. Remus watched as Sirius fought an internal battle between seriousness and humour to cover his embarrassment.

"So you can't say you wouldn't want to try it again when I'm sober?"

Remus walked out of the room in disgust.

In the bathroom, the colours red and gold returned. Gold taps with small red lions on the screws. One wall was covered in toilet cubicles, there were urinals on the wall next to the door to the showers, on the right hand wall there was the line of sinks and mirrors.

As Remus walked past the mirrors, he caught sight of himself. God, what must Sirius have thought? he wondered as he was forced to stop and stare at his torso. The skin on his torso was pale and blotchy from the hot water and was criss-crossed with scratches and cuts and small white scars from past full-moons.

"Remus!" Sirius came through the door from the showers, his red towel tied around his waist "Wait!" he seemed surprised to see Remus in the bathroom.

"Stay away from me!" Remus turned from the mirrors and backed off "I'm warning you Sirius, don't touch me!" He could feel a massive headache coming on and he felt sick.

"Don't worry," Sirius put his hands up in the air, "I'm not going to make that mistake again." His right hand stroked his shoulder absentmindedly.

"oh fuck." Remus put his face in his hands. His headache was getting worse and he really was going to be sick. "I bit you."

"Yeah," said Sirius, unsure of whether he should go and comfort his friend "I couldn't help but notice."

"No," Remus shook his head, winced in pain and looked up, "I bit you"

Sirius suddenly realised what Remus was saying. His eyes grew wide and he licked his lip nervously, "Yeah, but I was a, I was Padfoot."

"But you turned straight back after I bit you."

"So you think, can that happen?"

"I don't know." Remus could feel himself weakening and he was going to throw up if he didn't lye down soon. "I don't know if an animagi has ever been bitten before."

"But if I'm, if you've...You'll be killed."

Remus nodded his head tiredly.

"But I can't be!" Sirius said desperately, "I can't!"

Remus looked up from the ground, "And why not? You're not invincible, Sirius Black." He carried on, softer, "Anyway, I've coped."

"But I'm not you!" burst Sirius and Remus was surprised to see there were tears in his eyes.

A voice at the back of his head was saying that he was wrong to scare Sirius, that of course Sirius wasn't a werewolf. Remus should stay and comfort him. But his headache had spread from his temples to the back of his eyes and it was so bad that he could barely see. He really was about to faint or be sick or both if he didn't get to his bed.

"Bye Sirius" he said weakly as he walked out of the door.

This time, Sirius didn't follow him.

T.B.C