"Starfire how long does it take to look in the mirror!" Beast Boy whined, tapping his foot impatiently by the front door.
"One moment please!" Starfire's cheerful voice quipped from the bathroom down the hall.
I rolled my eyes; they had already been waiting for the redheaded alien girl for ten minutes now. We had been in this apartment, at each other's throats as we waited to hear from the Justice League, for one week. All of us were going a little insane from the small space and unerring anxiety. Worst of all, Robin was disappearing every night on vague missions of apparently great importance. It only served to drive a bigger wedge in our fractured, frightened friendship.
It was because of all this tension that Cyborg finally suggested they break their promise to the Justice League and go out for a night on the town. After all, Robin was disobeying orders by leaving the premises, why couldn't they? Naturally, I declined. I was looking forward to some time alone.
"I am ready!" Starfire appeared, dressed in glittering sequins and a mass of curled red hair. I had no doubt about why she had dressed up. "Where is Robin?"
"I'm not going Star." Robin's voice came from the window, brushed with frosted breath as he gently shut the glass behind him. He had obviously just returned from another strange excursion, bringing with him the stench of the city and the freezing edge of cold air outside.
"Yes you are." I growled angrily. "Because I'm not."
Robin only glanced in my direction, unfazed, and disappeared into the room shared by the three boys. I glared after him, furious.
"Whoa-" Beast Boy began, but Cyborg's hand on his mouth stopped him.
"Well! We'll just see y'all later! Bye!" The mechanical giant dragged the other two out of the room, waving and smiling with false cheer. I stood, growling, and slammed the door shut behind them.
It didn't bother me that Robin would stay under normal circumstances; he wasn't a bothersome pest like Starfire or Beast Boy, he was actually fairly tolerable. What angered me so much was his behavior in general. He was still cutting himself off from the team, dividing all of us with his absence. It was bad enough that we were stuck here, punted aside by our elders and forced into hiding by some invisible force, but he had to make it worse by not being there for us.
"Robin." My voice sinuously shattered the darkness of the room as the outside light filtered through the crack in the doorway. "We need to talk."
I found myself pulled into the shadows, the door slamming shut behind me. My eyes, accustomed to dark places, adjusted to the change in light and found Robin watching me quizzically. It reminded me of a different gaze. It reminded me of Slade.
"Let go."
Shrugging, he obeyed and paced to the bed in the center of the room.
"It doesn't matter. I know what you're going to say."
"That you're being pigheaded, impetuous and stupid?"
He glanced at me over his shoulder, a disheveled lock of black hair falling across his eyes. "Something like that."
"So why don't you give me an explanation and save me the trouble?"
He shrugged again, a cocky little tilt of his shoulders. "No."
I felt my patience break ominously, a frustrated tick itching at my temple. "Fine, Robin. I don't care if you make the same mistakes all over again, but I refuse to pick up the pieces when you hurt them."
I silently strode to the door, but I stopped, my hand on the handle. I wanted him to say something, I wanted him to get angry and indignant like the old Robin would have. But he didn't say anything. Not one word.
"Have it your way." I whispered.
XXX
The sun rose that morning with a hesitant slowness, achingly pursuing the shadows that it longed to destroy. As the light gently poured across the horizon and broke over the city, it illuminated the fractured remains of a once tall and proud emblem of justice.
Among the ruined rubble, we searched, scanning and digging for any signs of evidence. Cyborg salvaged what he could, mostly maintenance for his mechanical parts. Beast Boy mourned the gaming station. Starfire quietly sobbed as she searched, mourning the memories broken at our feet. I quietly retrieved my mirror.
It was shattered.
"I'm guessing that's bad, right?" I jumped and spun around, concealing the device. Cyborg smiled genially, several broken pieces of equipment in his hands. "It's ok, just me."
I sighed, pulling the broken mirror out from under my cloak. "I don't know. I was never told what would happen if this mirror broke." The mirror was a direct pathway into my mind, a training device for children on Azarath. We used it to see our minds for the first time, in order to visualize them later when we meditated unaided. I had no idea what the consequences might be. My mind might reflect the mirror, and shatter as well.
I hardly wanted to think about what would happen then.
Cyborg frowned worriedly. "Should we tell-?"
"No. I'll handle it." I hurriedly shuffled away from him, deeper into the debris. My cloak shrouded my body in shadow, separating me from the newborn daylight above.
XXX
I fingered the broken glass, the jagged pieces still attached to the glowering frame. Most of my belongings had survived, having been spiritually protected to do so. But this mirror had not, and somehow it filled me with a sense of loss, and fear. The fact that I could feel these emotions at all worried me.
I could not, would not, let the others know that my powers had yet to return. Speculation revealed that their disappearance might result from the shattered fragments in my hands, but how, I could not say. If I had been able to, I would have contacted Azar. She would have known.
The wintry light was silently reflected in broken patterns off the jagged glass, making the shadows in the room dance. It was snowing again, spotting the city with faint white static. I felt alone and uncertain among the towering buildings, locked inside our tiny apartment. Suddenly, I wished I had gone with the others and escaped this troubling silence. But I needed to maintain the illusion that I still had to stay home alone to meditate.
A door behind me silently opened, and I could feel, rather than hear, Robin approach. He stood beside me at the balcony doors, the gray light highlighting us both in silver. He took the broken mirror from me and twirled it in his fingers.
"You're one to talk you know."
I watched him silently from beneath my hood, and knew that he was aware of the significance of my shattered beauty device. Somehow he knew that I was powerless, somehow he knew that I was defenseless. And for some reason all the fear; the tension of keeping the secret, slipped away from me, and left behind it an aching longing I had never known before.
"Robin-"
"You talk so much about us sticking together, being a team, and yet you spend every day, every word, every breath, separating yourself from us. And you want to tell me not to? Isn't that hypocrisy Raven? They've come to accept that you're the way you are, so why can't you just accept what I've become?"
I stared after him as he turned to leave; anger and shock making me shiver. How dare he?
"Because this isn't who you are Robin! This isn't what you're meant to do! You're supposed to be there for them! You're supposed to-" I stopped, the look on his face catching my words in my throat and making me choke on them. He strode forward and grabbed my arms, pressing me against the glass. I held back a cry of surprise as the icy doors bit into my skin.
"Don't tell me what I should and shouldn't do!" His voice echoed off the walls, shattering the wintry stillness. His face was inches from my own, glaring angrily.
Finally. I thought silently, relieved by the sudden show of emotion. If I had been able to, I would have probed his thoughts, searching for the answers to his behavior.
"You're being a pigheaded bastard!" I shouted back, giving in to the fresh feeling of anger.
"I'm doing what's necessary!"
"What? Abandoning them when they need you most?"
The silence returned, more loudly than it had before. Robin's expression became thoughtful as he loosened his pressing grip on my arms and pulled me towards him. I silently cursed his mask, and the way it sheltered his eyes.
"Abandoning who, Raven? What about you?"
I felt uncomfortable suddenly, acutely aware of his rigidly angry body pressed against my own. I couldn't help recalling the fact that I was defenseless, though not exactly weak physically.
"I don't need anyone." I spat venomously, but even I could feel the tremors defying my angry expression. That painful, unidentifiable longing was threading its fingers into my heart, begging me not to push anyone else away from me. I waited with baited breath for his response, confused and frightened as to why it mattered so much.
His eyes narrowed into dangerous little slits of black and white, his face now so close to mine that our noses touched. "Well, Neither. Do. I."
In a moment he had dropped me and returned to the shelter of his black room, leaving me alone with my strange, unbidden sorrow and the shattered fragments of my 'Once upon a time'.
Lunatic: Robin is having control issues.