Dr. Strangelouvre
Cause 3 -------
It's official. I'm going to fight Dr. Strangelouvre. At this point, I'm looking forward to it. Chestnut fisting the most powerful type of doctor in the world. Gynecologists must think they can get anything they want. I'll show him the power of an anything goes martial artist. I am Ranma, hear me roar. Akane, obviously, isn't taking this well. She's down on the sidewalk, and I'm above her, walking the rim of a wall. Here we are just walking down the street, she's saying;
"Geez, you idiot, you're so dumb. What's with you?"
Is she kidding me? After the way Strangelouvre talked to me? She saw what happened. I was just sitting there, Minding my own business, when she and the doctor stepped out into the reception. Then the jerk has the audacity to say "What eez yeour relashiónship wiz zee maddame Kodachi?"
"Yeah, Ranma just what were you doing with Kodachi."
This is just what I need, get me angry. Give me motivation to whack Strangelouvre. Beat those high cheekbones into his eye sockets. I say that I was just showing Kodachi the Valiancy manga. For 30 minutes. I still can't really believe that I talked with Kodachi for 30 minutes straight. Of course I don't tell Akane this. Just me having talked with Kodachi was enough to set her off, why does she need to know how long it was?
"How exactly did you end up whispering Valiancy's plot into her ear?"
Oh, perfect. No-one could have timed it better. Let me fill you in, because right now, you're trapped in effect again, and you're gonna need some cause. For twenty-nine minutes I go on about Valiancy. For twenty-nine minutes, she listens and tells me all about the rhythmic gymnastics tournament she just placed first in, and how she thought of me when she won. Thought of how proud she would be if I had been there. Then, at the last possible minute, with Akane and Strangelouvre coming down the hall, Kodachi looks up at me, with those sparkling impossibly purple-gray eyes, and says;
"Oh, my dear Ranma..."
Help me.
"...What must I do to prove my love for you, my sweet?"
She throws her arms around me, the manga hits the deck, but I'm unable to follow. Kodachi locks her hands to her arms, pinning my elbows to my sides. Think straightjacket. Think bolo-snares. Think bear-trap. Only thing to do is gnaw off my torso, so I can get away.
We're head to head, ear to ear. Of course, now she starts that seductive whisper.
"Speak to me of your Valiancy, but Valiancy be not enough for me. Yeah, though I speak in the tongues of men and angels, but have not you..."
When a girl starts putting the moves on you by quoting from the bible, it's way past time to run for your life. Song of Solomon, New International Kodachi Version. The way she moves her shoulders she is intentionally, blatantly smothering her tits into my pecs.
What she's wearing is one of these casual three-piece dress ensembles. I think I saw this one the last time I went clothes shopping. It's black with red trims. The skirt comes down just over her knees, which are currently just over my knees. She's become adept at thinking up ways to stop me from running. Covering her master-lock arms is a light black probably silk over-shirt. There are no buttons on it, though. It's always meant to be open, so you can see the elastic shirt underneath, which right now, I can't see. I can't see it because it's currently pressed against my chest. Her breasts are rubbing through, and I can tell just by touch that they are bra-less in her elastic red and black industrial-fashion strength baby-T. The way the rubber-band, polyester-cotton mesh shirt is made, it holds both of her girls up; front and center. Ateeeen-SHUN. I can start to feel her nipples getting hard against my chest.
Oh, for a hand grenade.
I'm thinking about her vice-grip appendages spidered out over my legs and arms. Her nipples, which to me at this moment, are more like fangs. I'm thinking about her black and red dress. I'm thinking she's dressed and behaving just like a black widow, and I'm doomed.
Right now my biological level is telling me 'She copulates, she eats. If she gets you, you're an entrée. Mating can't be worth this.'
Now, because the timing is perfect, Akane makes her presence known.
"Ranma, what are you doing!?"
Out of the spider-fangs into the fire. Something like that. Startled, Kodachi lets her grip loose for a second, her legs swivel off of mine, and when she turns I'm treated to a good whack to the face when her pony-tail whips me. Now free, the scent of Kodachi's conditioner still in my nose. I jump to my feet, and I tell Akane no! She doesn't understand! I'm innocent! Suddenly I feel a whop on the head, and a shove that throws me right back into the seat, where Kodachi catches me. Here's the surprise, though. Akane never touched me. I look up, and there, Strangelouvre is taking off the sterilized, white latex glove from the hand he shoved me with.
This is the first moment I've ever seen him, so I guess now would be a good time to tell you what he looks like. Lanky guy, European style. Just like the 6 foot tourist you see towering over the canopy of locals in Tokyo. Cheekbones so high, they seem to give him a smile, despite the fact that he's quite pissed off at me right now. His eyes are covered by the huge circles of dark-lensed glasses, the kind that tint when it gets real bright outside.
The brighter the landscape, the darker the outlook. That's a metaphor, for something.
I think I told you he's got this wheat field blonde to his hair. He's also dressed the way you expect a doctor would. White lab-coat, and three blue pens sticking out of his pocket. Monuments of medical education.
I jump to my feet. Immediately I ask him what did he do that for? Like I said, he's taken off one of these gloves, and he smacks me across the cheek with it.
My first thought is not how insulted I am.
My first thought is not how angry I am.
My first thought is where in the hell has that glove been.
I look at the glove, I look at Akane's skirt, I look back at the glove. I put my hand to my cheek, and hope and pray that it's dry there.
"How Cood yeu take Advanteege of souch a faire maidin az Kodachi?"
Take-?
Take-Ad?
Take-Vantage?
Assembling sentences after being smacked with, if you'll excuse the expression, a cunt-mit is a surprisingly difficult thing to do.
"I weel not tolairate zis ouut landeesh behaviar. I challenge yeu to a deul mon amis."
Dual? A word that makes sense. I tell him, sure, fine, yeah, good, yeah, cool, BITCHIN' bring it Frenchy. Anything goes martial arts. Pick the frikkin time.
"Anyzing goes? Mon Amis, yoar fate eez naow seal-ed. Tomarrau. Neun."
I'll be there. Kick ass and knock down gyno-man. Life is good. Now it's all about anticipation. Walking home, shadow boxing. Kick, punch, chestnut, punch, punch, kick. Sweet.
Akane says "You're not fighting Dr. Strangelouvre. Got that?"
The Hell I'm not, after what he did to me?
"You got what you deserved. What were you doing with Kodachi anyway, lecher?"
Holy shit. I told her already and she doesn't believe me. Not my fault. Not my fault. Not my fault. She wants to go yell at someone, yell at Kodachi. This is all Strangelouvre's doing. He wants a fight, he'll get one.
"Look, you may not know this, but I need to keep seeing Dr. Strangelouvre."
I think she's over reacting. Akane can always find another Gynecologist. She stops dead in her tracks and stomps both her feet on the ground.
"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?"
Cause and effect. You just said the secret word. Shit.
Special doctor! Special doctor!
Akane approaches me, grabs my collar and yanks me down to the pavement.
"Ranma you jerk! He is my special doctor, and only he has the expertise to treat me."
Why's that?
"You don't know?"
Know what?
She pauses, and seems to calm down for a moment, her tightened cheeks relax, she breathes in a sigh. She's going to tell me now or this is just a calm before the storm. Place your bets.
"Of course you don't know!" She starts to scream again; "IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUISNESS!"
One airborne spiral uppercut later, and I'm landing in the park. Getting up, I dust myself off. I really pushed her buttons this time. From behind me I hear a familiar voice. My day is about to become perfect.
"Ranma."
Yo, Ryouga, what's up man?
He whispers something.
I ask him what he is said.
Then he looks up and screams, "I DON'T FEAR YOU!" He comes at me with a strong right-hander that I just barely duck. I throw a subduing kick to his face that he catches.
"No, not this time. Not now! Not ever!"
His other hand grabs my foot, and throws me long. I land though, no prob.
Come on Ryouga. I haven't seen him in two weeks, and THIS is how he says hello?
"SHUT UP! I have to prove myself. My manhood. My future. My honor! Akane!"
He balls himself up and acts like his torso is about to burst.
"RANMA I AM NOT AFRAID OF YOU!"
And Ryouga charges me. Hibiki being the glutton for punishment that he is, I decide to pull out my trump card first, and I chestnut fist to get him to back off. Ryouga completely surprised me though. He jumped straight up into the air, and takes the belly-flop position. His giant, roaring mouth and tiger skin clothes coming straight at me. He's belly flopping right into a rain of my strongest, quickest punches. I gotta hand it to him, this takes guts, so I stop punching, and I catch him. We both get knocked to the ground. I say, Ryouga, what's with you.
"YOU JERK! YOU HELD BACK!"
And then he hits me across the cheek, hard. So hard that the last thing I hear before I'm out is:
"Hey, Hey, wake up, you jerk. Fight fair."
And my head hits the ground.
To be
another add:
-
Chuck Palahniuk presents
A study of Victor Mancini
see also: Sexual addiction and frustration see also: Damaging maternal relationships see also: Medical school dropouts see also: Messianic delusional behavior see also: Colonial village reproduction see also: Psychological deterioration see also: The Heimlich maneuver
"Choke"
The most disturbing and tragic work of fiction I have ever read.
"Gut-wrenching" isn't the right word, but it's the first that comes to mind.
-----------------
A 14 Rivers production.
Cause 3 -------
It's official. I'm going to fight Dr. Strangelouvre. At this point, I'm looking forward to it. Chestnut fisting the most powerful type of doctor in the world. Gynecologists must think they can get anything they want. I'll show him the power of an anything goes martial artist. I am Ranma, hear me roar. Akane, obviously, isn't taking this well. She's down on the sidewalk, and I'm above her, walking the rim of a wall. Here we are just walking down the street, she's saying;
"Geez, you idiot, you're so dumb. What's with you?"
Is she kidding me? After the way Strangelouvre talked to me? She saw what happened. I was just sitting there, Minding my own business, when she and the doctor stepped out into the reception. Then the jerk has the audacity to say "What eez yeour relashiónship wiz zee maddame Kodachi?"
"Yeah, Ranma just what were you doing with Kodachi."
This is just what I need, get me angry. Give me motivation to whack Strangelouvre. Beat those high cheekbones into his eye sockets. I say that I was just showing Kodachi the Valiancy manga. For 30 minutes. I still can't really believe that I talked with Kodachi for 30 minutes straight. Of course I don't tell Akane this. Just me having talked with Kodachi was enough to set her off, why does she need to know how long it was?
"How exactly did you end up whispering Valiancy's plot into her ear?"
Oh, perfect. No-one could have timed it better. Let me fill you in, because right now, you're trapped in effect again, and you're gonna need some cause. For twenty-nine minutes I go on about Valiancy. For twenty-nine minutes, she listens and tells me all about the rhythmic gymnastics tournament she just placed first in, and how she thought of me when she won. Thought of how proud she would be if I had been there. Then, at the last possible minute, with Akane and Strangelouvre coming down the hall, Kodachi looks up at me, with those sparkling impossibly purple-gray eyes, and says;
"Oh, my dear Ranma..."
Help me.
"...What must I do to prove my love for you, my sweet?"
She throws her arms around me, the manga hits the deck, but I'm unable to follow. Kodachi locks her hands to her arms, pinning my elbows to my sides. Think straightjacket. Think bolo-snares. Think bear-trap. Only thing to do is gnaw off my torso, so I can get away.
We're head to head, ear to ear. Of course, now she starts that seductive whisper.
"Speak to me of your Valiancy, but Valiancy be not enough for me. Yeah, though I speak in the tongues of men and angels, but have not you..."
When a girl starts putting the moves on you by quoting from the bible, it's way past time to run for your life. Song of Solomon, New International Kodachi Version. The way she moves her shoulders she is intentionally, blatantly smothering her tits into my pecs.
What she's wearing is one of these casual three-piece dress ensembles. I think I saw this one the last time I went clothes shopping. It's black with red trims. The skirt comes down just over her knees, which are currently just over my knees. She's become adept at thinking up ways to stop me from running. Covering her master-lock arms is a light black probably silk over-shirt. There are no buttons on it, though. It's always meant to be open, so you can see the elastic shirt underneath, which right now, I can't see. I can't see it because it's currently pressed against my chest. Her breasts are rubbing through, and I can tell just by touch that they are bra-less in her elastic red and black industrial-fashion strength baby-T. The way the rubber-band, polyester-cotton mesh shirt is made, it holds both of her girls up; front and center. Ateeeen-SHUN. I can start to feel her nipples getting hard against my chest.
Oh, for a hand grenade.
I'm thinking about her vice-grip appendages spidered out over my legs and arms. Her nipples, which to me at this moment, are more like fangs. I'm thinking about her black and red dress. I'm thinking she's dressed and behaving just like a black widow, and I'm doomed.
Right now my biological level is telling me 'She copulates, she eats. If she gets you, you're an entrée. Mating can't be worth this.'
Now, because the timing is perfect, Akane makes her presence known.
"Ranma, what are you doing!?"
Out of the spider-fangs into the fire. Something like that. Startled, Kodachi lets her grip loose for a second, her legs swivel off of mine, and when she turns I'm treated to a good whack to the face when her pony-tail whips me. Now free, the scent of Kodachi's conditioner still in my nose. I jump to my feet, and I tell Akane no! She doesn't understand! I'm innocent! Suddenly I feel a whop on the head, and a shove that throws me right back into the seat, where Kodachi catches me. Here's the surprise, though. Akane never touched me. I look up, and there, Strangelouvre is taking off the sterilized, white latex glove from the hand he shoved me with.
This is the first moment I've ever seen him, so I guess now would be a good time to tell you what he looks like. Lanky guy, European style. Just like the 6 foot tourist you see towering over the canopy of locals in Tokyo. Cheekbones so high, they seem to give him a smile, despite the fact that he's quite pissed off at me right now. His eyes are covered by the huge circles of dark-lensed glasses, the kind that tint when it gets real bright outside.
The brighter the landscape, the darker the outlook. That's a metaphor, for something.
I think I told you he's got this wheat field blonde to his hair. He's also dressed the way you expect a doctor would. White lab-coat, and three blue pens sticking out of his pocket. Monuments of medical education.
I jump to my feet. Immediately I ask him what did he do that for? Like I said, he's taken off one of these gloves, and he smacks me across the cheek with it.
My first thought is not how insulted I am.
My first thought is not how angry I am.
My first thought is where in the hell has that glove been.
I look at the glove, I look at Akane's skirt, I look back at the glove. I put my hand to my cheek, and hope and pray that it's dry there.
"How Cood yeu take Advanteege of souch a faire maidin az Kodachi?"
Take-?
Take-Ad?
Take-Vantage?
Assembling sentences after being smacked with, if you'll excuse the expression, a cunt-mit is a surprisingly difficult thing to do.
"I weel not tolairate zis ouut landeesh behaviar. I challenge yeu to a deul mon amis."
Dual? A word that makes sense. I tell him, sure, fine, yeah, good, yeah, cool, BITCHIN' bring it Frenchy. Anything goes martial arts. Pick the frikkin time.
"Anyzing goes? Mon Amis, yoar fate eez naow seal-ed. Tomarrau. Neun."
I'll be there. Kick ass and knock down gyno-man. Life is good. Now it's all about anticipation. Walking home, shadow boxing. Kick, punch, chestnut, punch, punch, kick. Sweet.
Akane says "You're not fighting Dr. Strangelouvre. Got that?"
The Hell I'm not, after what he did to me?
"You got what you deserved. What were you doing with Kodachi anyway, lecher?"
Holy shit. I told her already and she doesn't believe me. Not my fault. Not my fault. Not my fault. She wants to go yell at someone, yell at Kodachi. This is all Strangelouvre's doing. He wants a fight, he'll get one.
"Look, you may not know this, but I need to keep seeing Dr. Strangelouvre."
I think she's over reacting. Akane can always find another Gynecologist. She stops dead in her tracks and stomps both her feet on the ground.
"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?"
Cause and effect. You just said the secret word. Shit.
Special doctor! Special doctor!
Akane approaches me, grabs my collar and yanks me down to the pavement.
"Ranma you jerk! He is my special doctor, and only he has the expertise to treat me."
Why's that?
"You don't know?"
Know what?
She pauses, and seems to calm down for a moment, her tightened cheeks relax, she breathes in a sigh. She's going to tell me now or this is just a calm before the storm. Place your bets.
"Of course you don't know!" She starts to scream again; "IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUISNESS!"
One airborne spiral uppercut later, and I'm landing in the park. Getting up, I dust myself off. I really pushed her buttons this time. From behind me I hear a familiar voice. My day is about to become perfect.
"Ranma."
Yo, Ryouga, what's up man?
He whispers something.
I ask him what he is said.
Then he looks up and screams, "I DON'T FEAR YOU!" He comes at me with a strong right-hander that I just barely duck. I throw a subduing kick to his face that he catches.
"No, not this time. Not now! Not ever!"
His other hand grabs my foot, and throws me long. I land though, no prob.
Come on Ryouga. I haven't seen him in two weeks, and THIS is how he says hello?
"SHUT UP! I have to prove myself. My manhood. My future. My honor! Akane!"
He balls himself up and acts like his torso is about to burst.
"RANMA I AM NOT AFRAID OF YOU!"
And Ryouga charges me. Hibiki being the glutton for punishment that he is, I decide to pull out my trump card first, and I chestnut fist to get him to back off. Ryouga completely surprised me though. He jumped straight up into the air, and takes the belly-flop position. His giant, roaring mouth and tiger skin clothes coming straight at me. He's belly flopping right into a rain of my strongest, quickest punches. I gotta hand it to him, this takes guts, so I stop punching, and I catch him. We both get knocked to the ground. I say, Ryouga, what's with you.
"YOU JERK! YOU HELD BACK!"
And then he hits me across the cheek, hard. So hard that the last thing I hear before I'm out is:
"Hey, Hey, wake up, you jerk. Fight fair."
And my head hits the ground.
To be
another add:
-
Chuck Palahniuk presents
A study of Victor Mancini
see also: Sexual addiction and frustration see also: Damaging maternal relationships see also: Medical school dropouts see also: Messianic delusional behavior see also: Colonial village reproduction see also: Psychological deterioration see also: The Heimlich maneuver
"Choke"
The most disturbing and tragic work of fiction I have ever read.
"Gut-wrenching" isn't the right word, but it's the first that comes to mind.
-----------------
A 14 Rivers production.