Week 1:

"This is a monastery?" was the first thing Rhonda had asked upon entering the Order of Equilibrium's "temple".

Temple wasn't really the word... it looked more like something you'd see on that show... what was it called? "Fargate"? The place was gigantic, and had technology unlike any she'd ever seen. There was a room full of monitors showing activity from all across the globe, and some places that didn't look like they were on any map; there were huge training areas with enough space for her to really stretch her wings; there was even a room that could be programmed to simulate any environment.

"Where did you get all this stuff? It looks like..."

"...alien technology?" replied Brother Allen, who would be her "mentor" during her time in the facility. "It is. Courtesy of the Khel'dri. We first made contact with them about fifteen years ago."

"Unreal..." she said, awed.

"They've provided a great deal of help to our cause; in fact, their technology made the spell that created you possible."

"Okay, a couple of questions... One: WHY did they give you all this stuff? And two: If you've had this stuff for the last fifteen years... why the heck haven't you used it to stop evil until now?"

"The answer to the first question is simple: they think our primitive race has a great deal of potential. The second... the Khel'dri gave us the technology, but feared it falling into the wrong hands. They would only unlock it after the Child of Light and Darkness arose." He shook his head. "So much we could have prevented... but we didn't have the power to act."

"Oh." Rhonda was silent.

"Anyway," Brother Allen continued, "we'll be starting your training immediately. It'll be very intensive... you'll break only for meals and rest. We'll start you with some flight laps."

Rhonda looked up at the vast flight course. A series of numbered floating rings were arranged in sequence. "Looks simple enough."

Allen responded by hitting a button on a control panel nearby. Some of the rings ignited, others began to move in random patterns, and a few started changing sizes at irregular intervals.

"Oh, and just to make things interesting..." He hit another button, and about a dozen floating mines were dropped into the arena.

"Have fun," he said with a smirk.

***

"I'm home, Miriam," Helga grumbled as she reentered the Pataki household.

Miriam glanced at her. "Helga, why are you here?"

"Doi, Miriam, I live here!"

"Oh... oh, right, you don't know yet..."

"What? What don't I know, Miriam?"

"Your father's decided that we really don't need two children. So, you've been downsized!"

"What? You're kicking me out of the family?!"

"Oh, it'll be okay, dear. You can gather cans for money, and, oh, there's soup kitchens, right? And maybe you can beg, that'll be a good way to get extra cash!"

"Miriam... mom... this is crazy! You can't just throw me out on the street!"

"Of course we can," said a gruff voice coming from the living room. "When someone isn't pulling their weight, ya gotta cut 'em loose or they'll drag the whole business down!"

"But this isn't a business! It's my family!"

Big Bob entered from the living room, looking even larger and more ogrish than usual. "There's no difference kid. Now, go, run along We're gonna turn your room into a walk-in closet."

This can't be happening, thought Helga. This can't be happening...

***

Week 2:

Rhonda stumbled out of the environment simulator... the "Peril Chamber", as it had been dubbed by the Order. Although the perils were simulated, the pain she felt was definitely real.

This particular training session had involved navigating a labyrinth of tunnels while blasting hordes of flying enemies, all the while staying ahead of a flood of molten lava. It probably would've made for a very cool video game... but doing it for real wasn't fun at all. Her wings were exhausted, the feathers singed from the intense heat. Her lungs were gasping for air, her muscles sore, her energy (which she could now fire from her hands and tail, as well as from her third eye) spent.

"Good job in there, Rhonda," Brother Allen said, giving her a "thumbs-up". He was wearing his trademark leather jacket; when asked about it one time, Allen replied "I used to be a tanner."

"I've earned my gruel for today, huh?" Rhonda retorted, sarcasm dripping off every word.

"Now, come on. The meals here may not be the elaborate fare you're used to, but they're hardly gruel. So eat up; you'll need your strength for the afternoon's lesson."

"Which is...?"

"Combat training, multiple armed opponents."

"Now, when you say that, do you mean that there are a bunch of them, and they're armed? Or that the opponents have more than two arms apiece?"

"You'll see."

***

I guess both interpretations were right, Rhonda mused, as she struggled with the armed insect-warriors. Her power-blasts proved to be ineffective against the creatures' thick armored shells, so it was all coming down to fists, feet, and tail, with an occasional telekinetic burst thrown in. She's already managed to put down four of the five opponents... and here came the last one.

"If Nadine ever finds out about this, she'll kill me..." she muttered, drawing back her fist... then releasing it.

CRUNCH.

Her fist had punched right through the creature's shell, penetrating to its soft innards.

"Ew!!" she screamed, pulling back her fist, now possessing a generous coating of the creature's guts. "Ew, ew, ew!! Bug glop!"

Allen groaned. "End simulation. Rhonda, you're going to have to get over this squeamishness of yours. You'll be fighting nastier monsters than those, and the things that squirt out of them will be a lot more unpleasant."

"Look... I'll fight monsters. I'll even kill monsters. But there is absolutely no way that I am ever going to enjoy the touch of monster goop! Now... are we done with your little exercise in sadism for today?"

"For today," nodded Allen. "Tomorrow, we start over again... at triple gravity."

***

"Class," said Mr. Packenham, "I have to leave early, so for the rest of the day, we'll have a guest teacher."

When did I get here? thought Helga. The last thing she remembered was... wait, what did she remember? No, she must have been here the whole time, right?

"So," the teacher continued, "I'd like a big round of applause for... OLGA PATAKI!"

The children burst into frenzied applause at the mention of the name. The lights dimmed as spotlights shone on the front of the classroom. A figure in a sequined leotard cartwheeled in, doing a triple backflip and landing in a graceful pose. "Hello, everyone!"

"OL-GA! OL-GA! OL-GA! OL-GA! OL-GA!" chanted the kids as Helga's beautiful, brilliant, and far more popular sister took her place in front of the blackboard.

"Thanks, everyone! You're all just the sweetest things! Okay... for today's lesson plan, I'll be juggling chainsaws while riding a unicycle, then I'll play Franz Liszt's Brandenburg Concerto on a harmonica..." More applause. "But first, I'll be starting with 'Helga Pataki's most embarrassing moments'. There'll be a test later on, so pay attention!"

The other students got out their notebooks eagerly, ready to copy down every word their new teacher said.

From somewhere, Olga produced a VCR and TV. "Now, the first thing we'll be covering is 'Helga vomits on dinner guest, blowing a major deal for her father.'" As she hit play, Helga stared, horrified, as one of the most mortifying moments of her life played back. It had been five years ago, when Bob's Beeper Emporium had been trying to form a successful partnership with Mondo Cellular, the leading cellular provider in Hillwood. Bob had invited Sanjay Mondo, president of Mondo Cellular, to dinner. Miriam had tried to prepare a traditional Indian meal, but, typically, had absentmindedly replaced the curry in the samosas with dishwasher detergent. Helga was the only one to eat one of the samosas, causing her to get nauseous and vomit all over the table, the floor, and the guest. It was all Miriam's fault of course, but who got the blame? Guess.

"Okay, class! Any questions?" Hands were raised all over the classroom. "Yes, Lila?"

"Helga's humiliation in that film was just ever-so-funny. Is there an oh-so-small chance that we could see it again in super-slow-mo?"

"Certainly!" Olga replied, with a smile.

This can't be happening, thought Helga. This can't be happening...

***

Week 3:

"Hey, guys, check this out!" shouted Sid, waving his copy of the Weekly World Examiner ("All the news THEY don't want you to know about. You know who THEY are."). The headline blared "GAS STATION ATTENDANT SAVES EARTH FROM ALIEN INVASION!")

"You shouldn't place any stock in that periodical's claims, Sid." said Phoebe. "Their journalistic veracity is highly suspect."

"Yeah, an' it's also a big pile'a lies!" added Harold.

"Garsh, Sid, even I know that paper's full o' hooey, an' I'm dumber'n a mule what's been hit with a dumb stick," put in Stinky.

"Just listen, okay? The guy in the article says that the alien had three eyes, a tail, and wings, and was wearing a red sweater with a white collar and black slacks! Sound like the wardrobe of anyone we know?"

"Hey, man," Gerald interjected. "Are you suggestin' that..."

"That Curly's right, and Rhonda really IS an alien!"

A collective groan went up among the playground denizens.

"Hey, the truth is out there, okay! I want to believe!"

"If you want to place stock in foolishness, go right ahead," huffed Phoebe. "I have no interest in listening to you... morons!" She stormed off the playground.

"Isn't that kinda outta character for her?" asked Gerald.

"She's just upset. They still haven't found Helga," replied Arnold.

"First Rhonda's gone, then her. Man, if you told me that one day, I'd be missin' Helga G. Pataki, I'd a' thought you were nuts!"

"She wasn't that bad... sure, a bit rough around the edges, but who isn't?"

"Come back to us, o Madame Fortress Mommy."

"Why Harold, that is just oh-so very poetic!"

The beefy fifth-grader blushed at Lila's compliment. "Thanks."

"So... y'think there's anything to it?" Gerald pondered?

"I don't see why Harold can't have a softer side," Arnold rejoindered.

"No, about Rhonda being an alien. I mean, it's crazy, right?"

"Oh, yeah, totally!" interjected Nadine. "The very thought of Rhonda being some purple, three-eyed creature is ridiculous!"

"Actually," said Sid, "the article doesn't say what color the alien was."

"Well... uh... aren't they all purple?"

The children eyed her suspiciously.

"I think you're hiding something, Nadine," Gerald accused. "Start talkin'"

"I—I don't know what you're talking about!" protested Nadine.

"You're the only one who's seen Rhonda since her disappearance, and you've been very skimpy on the details of what's going on."

"Look... I promised Rhonda I wouldn't talk about what she has, she's very sensitive about her appearance..."

"We want the truth!" Sid shouted.

"Yeah! Tell the truth!" added Harold.

"Tell the truth! Tell the truth! Tell the truth!" chanted the kids as they closed in on the terrified girl.

"STOP!" shouted Arnold as he jumped in front of her. "You should all be ashamed of yourselves! I can't believe that some stupid tabloid article is making you act like an unruly mob!"

"Let's continue being an unruly mob!" shouted an uncharacteristically talkative Joey. The crowd continued to advance.

"Okay, FINE!" yelled Nadine. "I'll talk! But... only to Arnold!"

"Nadine, you don't have to..." began Arnold.

"Arnold, you're the one everybody trusts. And that means that when I tell you that my story needs to be kept a secret, you'll believe me."

This seemed reasonable to the crowd, so they dispersed.

***

Training wasn't all combat and mazes. Right now, Rhonda was mastering some of the more subtle powers she had.

She hovered now, legs crossed in the lotus position, wings outstretched, tail dangling downward and swishing back and forth, eyes closed.

One by one, candles floated into place around her, forming three rings. One by one, her pyrokinesis ignited them.

"Very good," said Allen. "Now... make sure they stay lit," he exhorted, as he hit the switch that activated the room's sprinkler system.

Not a problem, though Rhonda. A pale violet field of energy came into being around her, shielding herself and the candles from the aqueous onslaught.

"Excellent," said Allen, beaming. "You've really come a long way in the last three weeks."

"Does that mean I can leave?"

"Not at all. We're still only scratching the surface of your powers."

Rhonda groaned. "How much longer is this going to take? I wanna go home already! I'm sick of sleeping on the floor, I'm sick of that tasteless slop you've been feeding me, I'm sick of getting beaten up by holograms or doused in boiling lava... enough already!"

"Are you aware that you're now almost twice as strong as you were when you started?"

"I wasn't, really."

"Well, you are. Remember our 'Think Fast' session, where I dropped that giant slab on you and you had to hold it up? That slab weighed eighty-five tons."

Rhonda fell silent, mulling that.

"There's still so much you don't know about yourself. Like the potent venom delivered through your stinger, or your third eye's mystical abilities. It's good for a lot more than just laser blasts. You can use it to sense auras, spirits, and other things beyond human perception."

"Huh, really...  that's kind of cool, I guess..."

Allen mulled something for a moment. "Okay... you've earned an hour-long break. There are some books available in the downstairs lounge area, and I think Sister Andrea smuggled in a Gamecube. Go unwind...."

"Thanks, Allen. I really need some 'me' time."

"And when you get back, we'll run the Titanic simulation again. Let's see if you can stop it from sinking this time."

Rhonda sighed. Well, at least I'm getting results.

***

"...and that's the story, Arnold."

Arnold frowned. He'd heard some ridiculous stories, most of them coming out of Gerald or Sid, but Nadine had never been the type to spin tall tales. But still...

"So... you're telling me the fate of the world is in the hands of Rhonda? Rhonda "Oh no! A split end! My life is over!' Lloyd?"

"I know, pretty unlikely, huh? But it's true. Rhonda's an actual half-angel, half-demon super-heroine!"

"No wonder you wanted to keep this secret."

"Yeah... I don't think the world is ready for that. But you should've seen her, Arnold! She was so cool!"

"I'll take your word for it, Nadine."

The two exited the empty classroom they'd been using and joined the others.

"So... what'd she say?" asked Gerald.

"I can't tell you. But I'm convinced that Nadine's telling the truth. It's just a very sensitive subject."

 "So, you're gonna protect her secret even though people are gonna be hasslin' you everywhere you go for answers. I know I've said it before, Arnold, but you're a bold kid."

***

Week 4

Today was the day. It was finally the right time.

Helga gathered her courage and strode over to the jungle gym, where Arnold, the love of 70% of her life, was waiting.

There was no going back now. She took a deep breath.

"Yeah?" the football-headed boy asked, a bit irritated. "What do you want?"

This was it.

"Arnold... I'm in love with you! I've been in love with you from the very first day we met! I've been obsessed with you non-stop for seven years! It's taken me THAT long to finally get up the courage to admit it!"

Arnold stared at her.

And then he did the worst thing possible. He laughed right in her face.

"This is priceless! You're in love with me? You? Like I'd even take a second look at you! You have got to be the ugliest, stupidest, most annoying person on the planet! Man... I'd rather date HAROLD!"

Helga was in shock. How could Arnold be this cruel? How could he say such horrible things to her?

"Of course, it's a good thing I've already got the perfect girlfriend!"

"What? Who?"

"He means me, Helga," the dark-haired girl in the red sweater said with a smirk, wrapping her arms around the boy.

"RHONDA?! She's your choice?"

"What can I say?" sneered Arnold. "I like REAL girls."

You're not going to take that from them, are you?

"Who said that?"

The best friend you'll ever have, my dear. I'm the one who's going to make sure you never have to answer to anyone ever again.

Helga looked back at the two lovebirds laughing at her.

You know what to do.

Before she even realized it, her hands were around Rhonda's neck, choking the very life out of her. The girl struggled in vain, trying to pry Helga's mitts off her throat; within moments, Helga smiled in satisfaction as Rhonda's body went slack, her eyes glassy and lifeless.

How did that feel, Helga?

"Pretty darned good, Mr. Creepy Voice in My Head."

That's just the start. I can make you stronger and more powerful than you can imagine. All you have to do is say yes.

"Hmmm let me think abou-  okay!"

Then get ready to be reborn.

***

"Hmmm... this looks like a nice place t'spend th'night," muttered Jeremy (artiste, raconteur, hobo) as he drunkenly staggered into the alley.

Five seconds later, the alley exploded into a raging inferno. Jeremy, sadly, would not survive. If he had, he would've learned a valuable lesson: Never wear rum-soaked clothing in a fire.

And he would've seen the horrific shape in the fire...

***

"Good block!" shouted Allen. "Now, go for the knees, they're its weak point!"

"I know, I know... stop micromanagi- AAARRRRGGHH!!!!" Rhonda screamed, clutching her head. The korzi-beast took advantage by swatting her away with its fingerless, slablike hand.

"End simulation!" her trainer yelled, and rushed to her as the beast vanished. "What just happened?"

"It felt like... " She searched for the words. "...like the whole world just screamed. Something really big, powerful, and evil just arose."

***

"It's been a month, Bob... you have to leave the house sometime."

"What's the point, Miriam? What's the point of being the Beeper King if my little girl's gone?"

"Now, we don't know that for sure, Daddy. The police have been looking for her day and night, and there's still every chance that they'll find her!"

"Yeah, Helga, I guess it's possible."

"Olga, Daddy. I'm Olga."

"Uh, sorry."

He sighed, and went back to what he'd been doing nonstop since Helga's disappearance; reading the little pink book the police had found in the back of her closet during their investigation. It had been a real eye-opener; all this time, he'd thought that Olga had been the talented one. But Olga had never written anything as beautiful as Helga's poetry.

Why hadn't he spent more time getting to know his other daughter?

Would he ever get to again?

There was a thumping at the door. "Geez, could someone go get that."

"Mmm-hmm," mumbled Miriam as she listlessly headed for the door.

She had gotten halfway there when the door was suddenly blasted right off its hinges and across the room, hitting her and knocking her unconscious.

Bob was jolted into awareness, hurdling the chair to check on Miriam at the same time as Olga.

"Criminy, what coulda done tha-"

The two froze as they saw what was standing in the door.

Her skin was blood-red, her eyes blank and yellow, her ears large and pointed, her teeth sharp, her tongue forked. Spurs of bone jutted from her shoulders, elbows, knees, and the base of a long, arrow-tipped tail. Leathery wings adorned her back, razor-sharp claws tipped her fingers, cloven hooves served as her feet, and gazelle-like horns crowned her head.

But the face... was Helga's.

"Hi, Bob," she said with a cruel grin. "I'm home."

Mmmmm... now that's GOOD cliffhanger!