For the first couple of days Piccolo didn't not worry about Tanela, this not being the first time she had ever had a temper tantrum and flown off. She always came back after a day or too. However after three days Piccolo started to worry. When five days passed he was practically frantic. He didn't show it, but deep down he was. Her ridiculous questions haunted him, her voice and her face filling his mind constantly. DAMMIT! Why did she have to be so difficult?!?!
Thinking back to the day they first met, he remembered the strength she shown, the rock-hard determination. She never did give up easy. So why hadn't she come back yet?! Piccolo cursed under his breath, glancing around him, grimacing. Everything around him reminded him of Tanela. Her little cot that stood to the side of the cave, the hair brush that she used fanatically to brush her hair twice a day, the stupid, dinky teddy bear that she had insisted on sleeping with when they first met. Just thinking about her made him want to fly off, look for her, find her, and then beat her to a messy, blue pulp! How dare she leave him this antsy state of panic!
WHERE THE HELL WAS SHE?!?!?!
That was when the sky above suddenly erupted with a powerful gale of wind, Piccolo looking up to see the sky darken and turn black. Oh no. Piccolo knew what was happening of course. Someone was using those dragon balls he heard Goku talk about, the things that if you get all seven the sky will darken and the dragon god Shenlong would appear and grant you a wish. Oh No! TANELA! She was going to use the dragon balls! OH NO!!!
Panic filled Piccolo's two hearts as he stared at the darkening sky frantically. He had to stop this! Before it was too late! "TANELA!" he roared, summoning his ki and zooming upward, looking back and forth, his two small antenna swing from side to side, his teeth clenched. She couldn't be far! He was going to find her, beat her half to death, and drag her back home and ground her for a month! Using his senses, Piccolo flew until finally he found her, sensing her ki. Uhoh. She was farther off then he had thought she would be. Gritting his teeth, Piccolo pushed onward, mentally imagining what he would do to his insane protégé.
After several minutes of heavy flying he finally found her standing next to what appeared to me an old monetary, dressed in her battle armor, her hands raised while a old priest watched her from the side, tied up and looking up at her with wide, terrified eyes. And glowing above her was Shenlong. Piccolo stared up at the enormous dragon, mouth hanging open, transfixed, this being the first time he had actually seen him.
Glancing at him with a look that was almost mocking, Tanela returned her gaze to the might dragon that flouted above her. "Oh Mighty Shenlong! Please grant my wish! I wish that Son-Piccolo would love me forever, and that he would fit my idea of the perfect husband! Make him love me! Make him my perfect husband!" Tanela screamed up at the dragon, her blue braid flipping through the air."
"TANELA!!! Nooooooooooooo!" Piccolo roared, zooming down, his hearts racing! He had to stop this!
"Very well. I grant you your wish, to make the being known as Son-Piccolo into the perfect husband for you." Shenlong said, and with that an explosion of red light exploded from his eyes and engulfed Piccolo, Piccolo yelping in utter terror, squeezing his eyes shut...
"Your wish has been granted. Farewell!"
Piccolo opened his eyes, blinking, looking up in time to see the dragon vanish, the seven dragon balls that lay at Tanela's feet no longer glowing. It was done. Tanela's wish had been granted. Feeling lightheaded, Piccolo flouted down to the ground, landing and started to avidly looking around, checking himself out. What the hell just happened?!
"Piccolo?" Tanela asked him, her tone now contrite. "Are you okay?"
Oh yea. NOW she was sorry!
Piccolo ignored her and instead focused on himself. He knew that something had happened to him but he had no idea what. Looking at every piece of him, Piccolo searched, his face one of extreme worry. His hands? Nope. His feet? Nope. His ears? Nope. Then Piccolo froze and then with agonizing slowness he pulled back his pants and stared down. Oh no. "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!" he shrieked.
"What is what?" Tanela asked, stepping forward and looking down. Luckily for her Piccolo was too shocked to respond. Looking down, Tanela's eyes widened and a lurid smile graced her lips. "Oh that! Whoa! I didn't know he would give you that!" she gasped.
"But what is it?!" Piccolo snarled at her through clenched teeth.
"A human male reproductive organ. They use them to make babies and make the wife happy." Tanela explained cheerfully. "How do you feel? Do you love me now?"
Piccolo glared at Tanela, enraged, literally trembling with fury! But just when he was going to leap forward and rip her to pieces, Tanela did something very unexpected. She leapt forward and tackled him to the floor! Before he could even understand what the hell was going on, Tanela wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her mouth on his, her lips mashing his. Piccolo froze when this happened, his eyes wide, completely blown away. Not by what she was doing, but at what he was feeling. He was liking it. Oh Yuck! GROSS!!!!!
Letting him go, Tanela got to her feet and smiled down at him, the look on his face priceless. His lips were still pursed and his eyes as big as beach balls, looking much like a deer caught in headlights. Poor Piccolo. Satisfied, Tanela reached down and grabbed Piccolo by the foot, dragging him to the tied up priest, humming to herself as she did so. "Come on Piccolo. Time to get married." she said. Piccolo, still too shocked for words, said nothing as she made him get to his feet and stand next to her. "Okay Mr. Priest. Do it. He's ready now." Tanela commanded.
The Priest looked at Piccolo with a look of extreme sympathy but then blanched at the burning glare Tanela gave him. Sweating profusely now, he began. "Um, dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to, uh, witness this holy union between these two, um, people."
Slowly Piccolo started to come around, his eyes still glazed. "Tanela... what's happening?" he murmured.
"We're getting married now." Tanela answered.
"Oh."
"Erm, do you, uh Piccolo, take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife, to have and to hold till death do you part?" the Priest asked Piccolo.
"Do I?" Piccolo meekly asked Tanela.
"Yes, because you love me now."
"Yes, I do." Piccolo answered the Priest.
"Uh, do you, erm, Tanela take this man to be you lawful wedded husband, to have and to hold till death do you part?" the Priest ask Tanela.
"I do!" Tanela answered cheerfully.
"Um... the rings?" the Priest asked weakly, his face pale.
Grinning from ear to ear, Tanela reached onto a pocket and pulled out two gold wedding bands, handing one to Piccolo, showing him how to put it on her (this taking a bit of time since Piccolo put it on the wrong finger twice, Tanela patiently waiting), Tanela then doing the same.
"I now pronounce you man and wife. Erm, you can now kiss the bride..." the Priest said, looking from one tall alien to the other, now feeling nauseous. Without further adieu, Tanala grabbed Piccolo and kissed him once again, cutting off his oxygen, leaving him gasping when she finally did let him go.
"There! Now we're married!" Tanela said joyfully, hugging Piccolo, who looked like he wanted to die.
"Now what do we do?" Piccolo asked forlornly, so mentally stressed by this new reality that he felt numb all over. He sooo wanted to hate her now, but for some reason now every time he thought about ripping her head off it made him hurt deep inside. Great.
"Now we go back home." Tanela said happily, stepping aside to easily rip apart the Priest's binds, watching him scurry away amusedly. "When we get there we have to consummate the marriage by doing something I read about. I don't know really what it's called but a book called the Karma Sutra easily explains it."
Piccolo covered his face with his hands. "WHY ME?!?!"
THE END!