Dr: Strangelouvre
Cause: 7
Ranma on Ambivalence --------
The first thing Kodachi asked me is where's Ranma? She doesn't say it like that. I'll give you a hint; the word hussy is involved. You can tell she was ready to train. Train her beloved Ranma, anyway. She had two loaves of bread under her arm, and had chosen as her sparring outfit; white silk embroidered pajamas. The first one, two, three buttons on her top are already undone. Oh, Kodachi. At least she was sensible with her make-up. A fourth layer would have really killed the effect.
I tell her not to worry.
"Don't tell me what to and not to do, you redheaded wench. I gave explicit instructions that Ranma-darling come here in order to be trained, and I'll not have the likes of you adjusting my whims."
If you thought I was going to come here in my guy form, you're just stupid. I try to keep my contact with Kodachi as minimal as possible as often as possible.
When she does push her way into my life, I try to keep it on a purely unromantic level.
I had a choice. It was more like multiple choice:
A) Go to Kodachi as a guy and risk being drugged and raped B) Go to Kodachi as a girl and learn bread fuu C) Don't go to the Kuno's and deal with Akane D) Talk to dad.
At this point, you're probably fairly impressed that I'd rather deal with Kodachi than Akane. That's how much I can't stand her. For the best example of this, consider yesterday.
I want you to picture yourself wandering around town after being backed up, and bashed with a baguette. Everything you've been led to believe just got reversed on you. Bread loaves can kill. Women are men in disguise. Black could be white, and if it's not white, then it's still probably just some random shade of gray. You try to find relief in food. Ukyo serves up a beautiful combo okonomiyaki. You can't take your eyes off of her. Her hands are small, and her fingers are narrow. I look back at my big right side paw, with bulging knuckles and veins that pop out like ant colony tunnels when I make a fist. I look back at Ukyo. Ribbon in her hair, slender legs.
Call this an autopsy, if you will. The anatomy of Ukyo: Girl. A normal autopsy of a female, except in this case; the observer is closer to feeling dead than the subject. The anatomy of Ukyo: Girl? At this point I'd second-guess everything, if it would bring me back to life.
You are as dead to the world as the world is confusing to you.
Looking at Ukyo I'm thinking who is this person? She's got an unwanted boyfriend who fooled me into believing he was a she. Hell, I thought for sure Ukyo was a boy for a damn good portion of my life. Uut-chan is a girl ranks among the top 10 'Holy fucking shits' of my life, along with Akane's testicles, and cursed spring suprise. That's the way it turned out though. Even with me as a girl and a guy, and Akane a guy who wound up as a girl, I can at least say Ukyo is a Woman.
The anatomy of Ukyo: GIRL!
Girl?
Girl!
In my confusion, and dissolusion, I became a stare machine; sitting, eating set of binoculars, focused on her. That's when she walked over to me, tilted her body over so that her entire upper torso scans at my eye level. Ukyo's gotta be real. She can't be a guy. Can she?
Right now my biological level saying ass, hips, thighs. Tits, eyes. fingernails. Gynecology.
"Something on your mind, sugar?"
Cause and effect: look a girl up and down, what do you think would happen?
"That's quite a stare you got locked on me, Ran-chan."
Is she hitting on me, or preparing to hit me? Ukyo smiles. I am woman; guess my mood. I tell Ukyo that I just had a lot on my mind.
"Me?" She asked
No.
"Then what?"
No, I didn't tell her about the Gynecologist.
No, I didn't tell her about the bread fight I lost.
No, I didn't even bring up Akane's anything.
"You wanna talk about it?"
No.
"Oh, come on Ranma-honey. What could be so bad?"
Does Ukyo have ovaries? I shouldn't ask that. I put down my chopsticks.
Would Ukyo like me to hit her over the head with a piece of bread? That doesn't sound right at all.
I look at her straight in the eyes.
Ukyo, I've found myself in a complicated dilemma that just exploded in my face, plus I've just been defeated and humiliated at martial arts; the only thing I'm really good at; I just really need some time, to think through all this fucking mess that I made and I'm responsible for. No way am I saying that.
"Ranma honey?"
Ukyo it's Just...something...a lot of things...it's very...GRRRRR...you know?
She frowns. Score!
"Sorry to hear about it."
Bullseye! Confusion: Helping men deal with women, since the stone age.
"So you came all the way down here just to sulk?"
I didn't really come all the way down here. Ukyo's restaurant was just on the way, that's all. I think you get where this is going. Ukyo and I are talking, and it's not five minutes into that; She walked in the door.
She's quiet.
I go quiet.
Ukyo goes quiet.
The skillet simmers. It's hot enough to melt fingerprints.
"Planning on staying here all night, Ranma?"
I will not talk to her. I'm staying quiet.
"Well, fine then. Tonight I'm going to shut the main gate at 9:00 and if you're not inside, you can stay outside for all I care."
I am a stone.
"Do you hear me?"
I am a still-life portrait. I am a cliff face. I am a breezeless sunny day. Dammit! Go home, Akane!
I'm a liar.
Get the hell out of here, and go to sleep early. Sweet dreams. I hope you choke on your damn pig.
Her face pulls up tense in anger the way metal must buckle before it wrinkles up into jagged car-crash angles, you can tell that she's gritting her teeth. Extremely pissed, Kodachi looks just like Akane did yesterday, when I told her off. Hell, the black rose can get as angry as she pleases, still, I finally convinced her. Kodachi hands me a piece of bread.
The only person coming here to train is the pig-tailed girl. Ranma will learn everything she learns. Their styles will be as one. Training me is the same as training Ranma himself, so just relax.
"Ohhhh, I'd like to relax you into unconsciousness, you beast of a woman."
I think there may be a flaw in my plan.
The black widow has at least enough decorum to mate with the male before she eats him, but when two female spiders meet, it's an all out battle with no-holds barred. Black and red. This is going to be Kodachi's purest form of combat, with the single intent of destroying the red haired girl, with bread.
Right now my biological level is saying; let's rock, Epinephrine-releasing splanchnic stimulation of the adrenal medulla, bring it on.
I think I've been watching documentaries too much.
Anyway, I'm in the door, and that much closer to mastering french bread-fuu. Now all I have to worry about is Kuno.
"Oh, brother dear?"
I'll try to abstain from vulgarity.
"I'm going to be giving lessons to a certain red-haired one in the main training hall; please do not disturb us."
I hear an approaching rumble coming down the hall. Think blue thunder.
"Surely you do not mean..." and then he saw my face "Ahhhh! My pig-tailed goddess! To what do I owe this visage of beauty within my own domecile?"
Actually I-
"Speak not, my sweet, for surely I can ascertain, by the truth that all love knows, the truth that joined souls share! I know he one reason for which you have visited the house of Kuno. Is it not to finally profess the anguish of living day by day without your dearest Kuno by thy side? If that be true, then freely, come to me, my sweet. My heart awaits you."
I raise up my bread loaf, and hit it over Kuno's head. The bread breaks, and a purple kind of powder puffs out from the broken bread; bursting around Kuno's face. With a blood-curdling scream, he falls to the floor, completely paralyzed.
Oh, silly me. This is Kodachi I'm dealing with. Just so you're not left in the dark, her plan was to paralyze me.
"Paralyze YOU my dear? Oh, perish the thought. My only desire was to but mildly quell the raging manly force that is Ranma Saotome, into a mode to which a delicate flower such as I may work with more freely."
Delicate flower? Quell? Me?
Sedate rape, that's what it is.
"Anyway, your form is all wrong, dear." She hits me in the stomach with the butt of her loaf of bread. I grasp my gut and bend over from the pain.
"You see my dear? Isn't that much better?"
I knew I was in for it. It's an impending doom feeling, and only the day before this, at Ukyos, I had do deal with it. I couldn't stay out the whole night. I knew I would have to go back to the Tendo's place. I knew I would have to go back to Akane. Only a matter of time. That is impending doom.
I got up and left. It was all very unceremonious, I jammed the rest of my cold okonomiyaki in my mouth, laid my money down, didn't even say goodbye, just waved my hand and walked out.
I'll see you later, Ukyo. I say to nobody.
Akane just had to butt in didn't she? Yes, I was checking out Ukyo, and if I did, then it's my own damn business, isn't it? If Ukyo tried to bleed what happened out of me it's not my fault, not my fault, not my fault because I didn't tell her anything. That's what I'll tell her When I go back.
Stop. Just stop a second.
I stop walking.
What if fate isn't a one-direction thing? What if it's more like a multiple choice thing. God, or whatever you wanna say that controls fate has options lined up for you.
God says: I'll give you this choice, and you get to decide what fate I give you depending on your answer.
You know, more like a cause and effect type of thing.
Are you nodding off?
What if this is the way the world works?
Hit yourself.
Suddenly I realized, every choice I make determaines everything I am.
What if I said I dig the whole innocence thing and vowed to marry Kasumi?
Would she have burned the house down? If I'd have gotten engaged to Nabiki? Would she have taken a vow of poverty? If Akane were a real girl through and through, would we never have met at all? Could we really be that happy?
Can I effect the cause to effect effect?
Yes.
I turn left. If I'd wanted to go home, I would have kept going straight, but I have just realized that I have every right to be pissed off at Akane. I do not have to apologize for jack. I don't have to walk home.
I'm in control of my own fate.
"Ranma." I hear Ryoga say.
I don't have to face Akane but I do have to face Ryoga. My fate still seems to be multiple choice.
For example:
A) Ignore Shampoo B) Chestnut fist C) Change sex D) Go crazy E) all of the above
"If we're going to do this, we're going to do it right"
Sure Kodachi, whatever. I walk into the Kuno Tumbling room. This was a sight to see. Her equipment rack; Serrated-edge ribbon, apparatus nunchucks. If you thought gymnastics was all based upon the grace and beauty of the human form in perfect controlled motion, and had no destructive ulteriors-If you thought that I have two words for you: assault baton. Besides the equipment rack is a big wine rack. She opens it up, and there's no wine. Only an assortment of french bread.
"Judges 7:13" that's written on the top of the rack.
"A round barley bread came tumbling into the Midianite camp." Kodachi says, "It struck the tent with such force that the tent overturned and collapsed."
Must be a metaphor for something.
"It's a metaphor for the whole school and style of french-bread-fuu!"
Yeah, whatever. Like I said, a metaphor! Can we just get to the point? I ask.
"But of course dear." She hands me another loaf to replace the one that crippled Kuno.
"Now let us begin." She holds the bread above her head. Kodachi explained to me that the secret of french-bread-fuu is the user not the bread.
"Yeast for bread, yeast for battle." she said, to which I said wha? These kind of things usually come easy to me.
"strike me." she says "knock me down."
She's doing this wierd jujitsu pirrouette stance, standing on her toes. Not the flats of her toes, the tips. Doing this usually results in your foot turning into a front-end car wreck, but she's holding it prety well. Martial arts music box ballerena says; knock me down if you can, wench.
Nobody calls me wench, especially being a guy in the first place. That hurts. With a smile, I charge and the lesson has begun.
-----------
Notes: Inspiration is down. Classes are up. I still have this story floating around in my head, and I better get it done soon, 'cause I'm getting too old for this stuff. Just picked up the newest Palahniuk book, "Lullaby" which is unsettlelingly supernatural, offbeat from his usual hard edge affront of paradoxical realism. Yet, the book rolled me out of a lull enough to finish this chapter, Here's hoping the next chapter I write will be sooner released, and more gripping.
Picture a bullet in a word, and fire it.
Find a knife in your sentances, and cut them to pieces.
Plant a bomb in your paragraphs, blow them away.
Say the word and silence them all.
Chuck Palahniuk "Lullaby"
Go to sleep, little
More to
Cause: 7
Ranma on Ambivalence --------
The first thing Kodachi asked me is where's Ranma? She doesn't say it like that. I'll give you a hint; the word hussy is involved. You can tell she was ready to train. Train her beloved Ranma, anyway. She had two loaves of bread under her arm, and had chosen as her sparring outfit; white silk embroidered pajamas. The first one, two, three buttons on her top are already undone. Oh, Kodachi. At least she was sensible with her make-up. A fourth layer would have really killed the effect.
I tell her not to worry.
"Don't tell me what to and not to do, you redheaded wench. I gave explicit instructions that Ranma-darling come here in order to be trained, and I'll not have the likes of you adjusting my whims."
If you thought I was going to come here in my guy form, you're just stupid. I try to keep my contact with Kodachi as minimal as possible as often as possible.
When she does push her way into my life, I try to keep it on a purely unromantic level.
I had a choice. It was more like multiple choice:
A) Go to Kodachi as a guy and risk being drugged and raped B) Go to Kodachi as a girl and learn bread fuu C) Don't go to the Kuno's and deal with Akane D) Talk to dad.
At this point, you're probably fairly impressed that I'd rather deal with Kodachi than Akane. That's how much I can't stand her. For the best example of this, consider yesterday.
I want you to picture yourself wandering around town after being backed up, and bashed with a baguette. Everything you've been led to believe just got reversed on you. Bread loaves can kill. Women are men in disguise. Black could be white, and if it's not white, then it's still probably just some random shade of gray. You try to find relief in food. Ukyo serves up a beautiful combo okonomiyaki. You can't take your eyes off of her. Her hands are small, and her fingers are narrow. I look back at my big right side paw, with bulging knuckles and veins that pop out like ant colony tunnels when I make a fist. I look back at Ukyo. Ribbon in her hair, slender legs.
Call this an autopsy, if you will. The anatomy of Ukyo: Girl. A normal autopsy of a female, except in this case; the observer is closer to feeling dead than the subject. The anatomy of Ukyo: Girl? At this point I'd second-guess everything, if it would bring me back to life.
You are as dead to the world as the world is confusing to you.
Looking at Ukyo I'm thinking who is this person? She's got an unwanted boyfriend who fooled me into believing he was a she. Hell, I thought for sure Ukyo was a boy for a damn good portion of my life. Uut-chan is a girl ranks among the top 10 'Holy fucking shits' of my life, along with Akane's testicles, and cursed spring suprise. That's the way it turned out though. Even with me as a girl and a guy, and Akane a guy who wound up as a girl, I can at least say Ukyo is a Woman.
The anatomy of Ukyo: GIRL!
Girl?
Girl!
In my confusion, and dissolusion, I became a stare machine; sitting, eating set of binoculars, focused on her. That's when she walked over to me, tilted her body over so that her entire upper torso scans at my eye level. Ukyo's gotta be real. She can't be a guy. Can she?
Right now my biological level saying ass, hips, thighs. Tits, eyes. fingernails. Gynecology.
"Something on your mind, sugar?"
Cause and effect: look a girl up and down, what do you think would happen?
"That's quite a stare you got locked on me, Ran-chan."
Is she hitting on me, or preparing to hit me? Ukyo smiles. I am woman; guess my mood. I tell Ukyo that I just had a lot on my mind.
"Me?" She asked
No.
"Then what?"
No, I didn't tell her about the Gynecologist.
No, I didn't tell her about the bread fight I lost.
No, I didn't even bring up Akane's anything.
"You wanna talk about it?"
No.
"Oh, come on Ranma-honey. What could be so bad?"
Does Ukyo have ovaries? I shouldn't ask that. I put down my chopsticks.
Would Ukyo like me to hit her over the head with a piece of bread? That doesn't sound right at all.
I look at her straight in the eyes.
Ukyo, I've found myself in a complicated dilemma that just exploded in my face, plus I've just been defeated and humiliated at martial arts; the only thing I'm really good at; I just really need some time, to think through all this fucking mess that I made and I'm responsible for. No way am I saying that.
"Ranma honey?"
Ukyo it's Just...something...a lot of things...it's very...GRRRRR...you know?
She frowns. Score!
"Sorry to hear about it."
Bullseye! Confusion: Helping men deal with women, since the stone age.
"So you came all the way down here just to sulk?"
I didn't really come all the way down here. Ukyo's restaurant was just on the way, that's all. I think you get where this is going. Ukyo and I are talking, and it's not five minutes into that; She walked in the door.
She's quiet.
I go quiet.
Ukyo goes quiet.
The skillet simmers. It's hot enough to melt fingerprints.
"Planning on staying here all night, Ranma?"
I will not talk to her. I'm staying quiet.
"Well, fine then. Tonight I'm going to shut the main gate at 9:00 and if you're not inside, you can stay outside for all I care."
I am a stone.
"Do you hear me?"
I am a still-life portrait. I am a cliff face. I am a breezeless sunny day. Dammit! Go home, Akane!
I'm a liar.
Get the hell out of here, and go to sleep early. Sweet dreams. I hope you choke on your damn pig.
Her face pulls up tense in anger the way metal must buckle before it wrinkles up into jagged car-crash angles, you can tell that she's gritting her teeth. Extremely pissed, Kodachi looks just like Akane did yesterday, when I told her off. Hell, the black rose can get as angry as she pleases, still, I finally convinced her. Kodachi hands me a piece of bread.
The only person coming here to train is the pig-tailed girl. Ranma will learn everything she learns. Their styles will be as one. Training me is the same as training Ranma himself, so just relax.
"Ohhhh, I'd like to relax you into unconsciousness, you beast of a woman."
I think there may be a flaw in my plan.
The black widow has at least enough decorum to mate with the male before she eats him, but when two female spiders meet, it's an all out battle with no-holds barred. Black and red. This is going to be Kodachi's purest form of combat, with the single intent of destroying the red haired girl, with bread.
Right now my biological level is saying; let's rock, Epinephrine-releasing splanchnic stimulation of the adrenal medulla, bring it on.
I think I've been watching documentaries too much.
Anyway, I'm in the door, and that much closer to mastering french bread-fuu. Now all I have to worry about is Kuno.
"Oh, brother dear?"
I'll try to abstain from vulgarity.
"I'm going to be giving lessons to a certain red-haired one in the main training hall; please do not disturb us."
I hear an approaching rumble coming down the hall. Think blue thunder.
"Surely you do not mean..." and then he saw my face "Ahhhh! My pig-tailed goddess! To what do I owe this visage of beauty within my own domecile?"
Actually I-
"Speak not, my sweet, for surely I can ascertain, by the truth that all love knows, the truth that joined souls share! I know he one reason for which you have visited the house of Kuno. Is it not to finally profess the anguish of living day by day without your dearest Kuno by thy side? If that be true, then freely, come to me, my sweet. My heart awaits you."
I raise up my bread loaf, and hit it over Kuno's head. The bread breaks, and a purple kind of powder puffs out from the broken bread; bursting around Kuno's face. With a blood-curdling scream, he falls to the floor, completely paralyzed.
Oh, silly me. This is Kodachi I'm dealing with. Just so you're not left in the dark, her plan was to paralyze me.
"Paralyze YOU my dear? Oh, perish the thought. My only desire was to but mildly quell the raging manly force that is Ranma Saotome, into a mode to which a delicate flower such as I may work with more freely."
Delicate flower? Quell? Me?
Sedate rape, that's what it is.
"Anyway, your form is all wrong, dear." She hits me in the stomach with the butt of her loaf of bread. I grasp my gut and bend over from the pain.
"You see my dear? Isn't that much better?"
I knew I was in for it. It's an impending doom feeling, and only the day before this, at Ukyos, I had do deal with it. I couldn't stay out the whole night. I knew I would have to go back to the Tendo's place. I knew I would have to go back to Akane. Only a matter of time. That is impending doom.
I got up and left. It was all very unceremonious, I jammed the rest of my cold okonomiyaki in my mouth, laid my money down, didn't even say goodbye, just waved my hand and walked out.
I'll see you later, Ukyo. I say to nobody.
Akane just had to butt in didn't she? Yes, I was checking out Ukyo, and if I did, then it's my own damn business, isn't it? If Ukyo tried to bleed what happened out of me it's not my fault, not my fault, not my fault because I didn't tell her anything. That's what I'll tell her When I go back.
Stop. Just stop a second.
I stop walking.
What if fate isn't a one-direction thing? What if it's more like a multiple choice thing. God, or whatever you wanna say that controls fate has options lined up for you.
God says: I'll give you this choice, and you get to decide what fate I give you depending on your answer.
You know, more like a cause and effect type of thing.
Are you nodding off?
What if this is the way the world works?
Hit yourself.
Suddenly I realized, every choice I make determaines everything I am.
What if I said I dig the whole innocence thing and vowed to marry Kasumi?
Would she have burned the house down? If I'd have gotten engaged to Nabiki? Would she have taken a vow of poverty? If Akane were a real girl through and through, would we never have met at all? Could we really be that happy?
Can I effect the cause to effect effect?
Yes.
I turn left. If I'd wanted to go home, I would have kept going straight, but I have just realized that I have every right to be pissed off at Akane. I do not have to apologize for jack. I don't have to walk home.
I'm in control of my own fate.
"Ranma." I hear Ryoga say.
I don't have to face Akane but I do have to face Ryoga. My fate still seems to be multiple choice.
For example:
A) Ignore Shampoo B) Chestnut fist C) Change sex D) Go crazy E) all of the above
"If we're going to do this, we're going to do it right"
Sure Kodachi, whatever. I walk into the Kuno Tumbling room. This was a sight to see. Her equipment rack; Serrated-edge ribbon, apparatus nunchucks. If you thought gymnastics was all based upon the grace and beauty of the human form in perfect controlled motion, and had no destructive ulteriors-If you thought that I have two words for you: assault baton. Besides the equipment rack is a big wine rack. She opens it up, and there's no wine. Only an assortment of french bread.
"Judges 7:13" that's written on the top of the rack.
"A round barley bread came tumbling into the Midianite camp." Kodachi says, "It struck the tent with such force that the tent overturned and collapsed."
Must be a metaphor for something.
"It's a metaphor for the whole school and style of french-bread-fuu!"
Yeah, whatever. Like I said, a metaphor! Can we just get to the point? I ask.
"But of course dear." She hands me another loaf to replace the one that crippled Kuno.
"Now let us begin." She holds the bread above her head. Kodachi explained to me that the secret of french-bread-fuu is the user not the bread.
"Yeast for bread, yeast for battle." she said, to which I said wha? These kind of things usually come easy to me.
"strike me." she says "knock me down."
She's doing this wierd jujitsu pirrouette stance, standing on her toes. Not the flats of her toes, the tips. Doing this usually results in your foot turning into a front-end car wreck, but she's holding it prety well. Martial arts music box ballerena says; knock me down if you can, wench.
Nobody calls me wench, especially being a guy in the first place. That hurts. With a smile, I charge and the lesson has begun.
-----------
Notes: Inspiration is down. Classes are up. I still have this story floating around in my head, and I better get it done soon, 'cause I'm getting too old for this stuff. Just picked up the newest Palahniuk book, "Lullaby" which is unsettlelingly supernatural, offbeat from his usual hard edge affront of paradoxical realism. Yet, the book rolled me out of a lull enough to finish this chapter, Here's hoping the next chapter I write will be sooner released, and more gripping.
Picture a bullet in a word, and fire it.
Find a knife in your sentances, and cut them to pieces.
Plant a bomb in your paragraphs, blow them away.
Say the word and silence them all.
Chuck Palahniuk "Lullaby"
Go to sleep, little
More to