Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing to do with Darren Shan except copies of the books.
Author's Note: This was all just for laughs. This is just some random foolishness that has a bit of a plot. Set after book 11 but has nothing to do with book 12.
Darren Shan: The Wacko's World
Darren: So you can bring Mr. Crepsley back?
Mr. Tiny: Maybe.
Darren: And Mr. Tall?
Mr. Tiny: Maybe.
Darren: And Gavner?
Mr. Tiny: /eating/ May pee.
Darren: Really?
Mr. Tiny: Yeah /Turns around and pee's in the bush/ I had WAY too much to drink before I came.
Darren: Yeah, whatever. Can you bring them back? And stop me being Lord of the Shadows?
Mr. Tiny: I can bring your friends back for a price. As for you and Steve... we'll see.
Darren: What's your price?
Mr. Tiny: The Stone of Blood /evil grin/
Darren: Okay.
Mr. Tiny: /Looks shocked/
Darren: What? That's what you asked.
Mr. Tiny: Didn't think you'd give it.
Darren: ???
Mr. Tiny: /Clicks fingers/
/Larten Crepsley appears/
/Clicks fingers/
/Gavner Purl appears/
/Clicks fingers/
/Mr. Tall appears/
Darren: Larten, Mr. Tall, Gavner.
All three: Hi Darren.
Mr. Crepsley: How am I not dead? And why the hell is Steve still alive you twit?
Darren: You told me not to let revenge consume me.
Mr. Crepsley: That was when I thought I had killed the Vampanize Lord. Anyway, somebody sent me a card while I was dead. Can you read it for me?
Darren: Sure. /Takes card/ "Larten, you rock my world. Too bad you died. You were a sexy minx. Sorry about the scar, Evanna." Oh Charna's Guts, I'm scared for life.
Mr. Crepsley: It was Evanna? Damn. There's me thinking somebody fancied me.
Gavner: Fat chance!!!
Mr. Tall: Well? How are we alive?
Gavner: When did you die?
Mr. Tall: Not long back, a few months ago. /looks at Darren/
Darren: Oh, yeah. I swapped Mr. Tiny your lives for the Stone of Blood.
Later that day Gavner and Darren could be found swinging Mr. Tall Like a skipping rope.
And Mr. Crepsley was skipping over him.
Gavner: Three little vampire's sittin' in a cave. How many people do they save?
Mr. Crepsley: /Skipping/ 1,2,3,4,5... 41,42,43... 89,90,91... 109,110,111... 299,300,301... 877,878,679... 2009,2010,2011,2012... 3555,3556,3557,3558... 9991,9992,9993... 98724,98725,98726... 492683, 492684,492685... 99926815,99926816...1092352474.
Mr. Tall: /Snap's in half/
Gavner: Well at least I know he's dead this time.
Darren: Damn. I thought he'd stayed alive the longest.
Darren, Mr. Crepsley and Gavner are walking past a bottomless
pit for some no reason at all.
Gavner: /Trips and falls in the bottomless pit/ Didn'tSeeTheHoooooooooooooooooooooooole!!!
Darren: I hope you're not next Mr. Crepsley.
Mr. Crepsley: /Skipping along a yellow brick road in a pink tu tu/ There's no place like home! There's no place like home! There's no place like home!
Darren and Mr. Crepsley appear in Mr. Crepsley's home town.
Murlough: /Jumps out with a knife/
R.V.: /Jumps out with new hook hands/
R.V. and Murlough: /Kill each other accidentally/
Mr. Crepsley: /Is asleep. Is mistaken for a corpse and chopped up by cannibals/
Darren: Shite. This sucks!... hehehe 'sucks'...
Mr. Tiny: /Appears/ I can grant you three wishes.
Darren: Really?
Mr. Tiny: Yeah. But I won't! Ha!
Darren: Awww.
Mr. Tiny: Steve is dead. I can stop you from becoming Debbie Hemlock.
Darren: What?
Mr. Tiny: I mean Lord of the Shadows.
Darren: Okay. How?
Mr. Tiny: I will save your soul if you can guess what colour my wellies are.
Darren: Pink.
Mr. Tiny: /Looks are his wellies/ I guess I should have made you guess what colour my underwear is.
Darren: Purple. They're sticking out!
Mr. Tiny: You're to clever for my liking young, Shan.
Darren: I win!
Mr. Tiny: Fine. Just as long as the wind doesn't blow down south
Darren: Fine with me! /Coughs in underpants(farts)/
The place looks like the one Darren and saw in
book 10... a desert, no trees, no people
Darren: No fair. You didn't explain.
Mr. Tiny: Sure I did. It's not my fault that you let one off while your butt is facing south
Darren: Fine, fine;
Mr. Tiny: Now you have to go with destiny.
Darren: Where are we going?
Mr. Tiny: To Vanch March
Darren: Okay. /Holds knife over Vancha/
Vancha: Darren? What the hell are you doing?
Darren: Killing you. The prophesy and all...
Vancha: Oh yeah. I forgot you had to do that. Go right ahead. Night, night.
Darren: Sleep tight.
Vancha: I won't let the bed bugs bite.
Mr. Tiny: If they do take a shoe and bate them 'till they're black and blue!
Vancha: Get with the stabbing already!
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