Disclaimer: All characters, etc, belong to Joss, M.E., Fox, and whoever else. I just needed to borrow them for awhile. No harm or copyright infringement intended.

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Chapter Two -- Written Redemption

Faith's POV

Well, I'm finally writing these letters. My first six months here, I thought about what I wanted to say to everyone. Now, I'm finally getting down to it. So what else, you ask, was I doing in that time? Well, hold onto your pants, cowboy. Miss Faith finally decided to get her high school diploma. I figured that if I wanted to write these letters, at least they can look and sound kinda professional. I'm no stupid, ya know? I just never took the time to learn while I was in school, mostly because I was too busy skipping classes.

So, where do I start? Hmm. Giles seems like a good place to start. Now . . . what to say to a guy who took you under his wing when he didn't have to? Who put up with your 'against the grain' behavior? Who you disappointed extremely by playing one side against the other?

Well, his letter is pretty much right to the point. Basically: "I'm sorry that I couldn't see that you were there for me. I'm sorry that I pushed you away when you tried to help. I'm sorry that I was so selfish. I'm sorry that I hurt Buffy (his slayer, his friend, his quasi-daughter). Most importantly, I'm sorry that I let you down."

I don't really know how Giles is gonna react. I think that he may be easier to convince than the others. He knows that I had a rough life; that my parents were fucked up, that my first watcher died in front of me and I couldn't stop it, that I've been running from my problems for as long as I can remember.

I think the one thing that he is really going to dwell upon is the fact that I hurt Buffy so badly. She is more than just a Slayer to him. She is a woman. A friend. A warrior. A daughter. The closest thing to a daughter that he ever had. And me? I tried to fuck that all up; I tried to take that away from him.

Moving on . . .

I wrote a short letter to Mrs. S, thanking her for being hospitable to me when I first arrived. Hell, she was pretty much hospitable to me the whole time, even when I was holding her against her will. She always kinda looked at me with a small glimmer in her eyes . . . like she could see past my hard exterior and into the real me. Almost like a Mother looks into her own child.

In her letter, I also apologized for betraying her trust, for holding her against her own will, for trashing her place, for hurting and being a bad influence on her daughter, and for using her lipstick without permission. Sure, I know that the last one seems trivial, but I want her to know that I remember these things. After all, if someone used my hot-as-hell lipstick, I'd hold a grudge.

Next on my list was Xander and Willow. I wrote their letters on the same day, seeing as that they both were kind of the same in content. "Sorry that I betrayed your trust, that I ignored that fact that you tried to include me in your little gang, that I tried to take Buffy away from you," blah blah blah.

I did put something personal in both of their letters.

For Red, I told her that it was never my intention to replace her as Buffy's best friend; that I knew I could never fill her shoes, and that I knew how much Buffy loves and appreciates her. Even though Red was uncomfortable with me, she was never openly rude to me (besides the occasional eye-roll or annoyed sigh). I guess I kinda egged her on. Oh, come on! It was fun watching her get all flustered.

For Xan-man, I apologized for using him and discarding him. Hell, I'm sure that he didn't mind the sex part. After all, I am a firecracker in the sack. Smirk. But he didn't deserve to be tossed aside after the fact, and definitely didn't deserve the 'almost-repeat performance' when I got a little . . . well, choke-happy. I made sure to let him know that he'd make some girl really happy one day (and not just for 7 minutes, like I had taunted him about).

After I sent the letters to G, Mrs. S, Red, and Xan-man, I sat back and thought about what they might think when they receive their letter. I totally understand that they are gonna be pissed at first. After all, I hurt them so bad, and now I'm sending them a letter? It can't make up for what I have done, I know that. But maybe it can open the doors for some sort of understanding or forgiveness in the future.

I have about 25 year or so to work on them, ya know?

I can't help but feel a little guilty for not sending a letter to Buffy. But I'm not exactly sure yet what I wanna say to her. If I write her now, I know that I'd forget to say something, or I would think of something better to say after I had already sent it out.

I guess I'll wait on it for just a while longer. Like I said, nothing but time, right?

So, I tuck my notebook and pen away under my cot, and I recline back for awhile. I don't really mind that my cot is terribly uncomfortable. Not only do I not deserve anything better, but it kind of distracts me from actually sleeping.

I know what you're thinking. Distraction from sleep is normally a bad thing, right?

Well, not for me. See, it seems that almost every time I sleep, I'm totally assaulted by nightmares, dreams, and flashbacks from my past. The flashbacks and nightmares I can deal with. Part of the redemption process, I guess. I've gotta "see my wicked past," as Angel puts it.

What I can't handle is the brain-splitting headaches, the tremors, the ragged breathing, and the messed-up heartbeat that I get when I wake up from them. Yeah, it sucks big time. Someone or something definitely doesn't want me to forget all of the things that I've done. But I guess that I deserve whatever I've got coming to me, right?

So, I try to avoid sleeping when I don't have to. No afternoon naps, no going to be early, etc. But, the lack of sleep catches up with you. After a while, I kinda just get overwhelmed by the pure exhaustion, and I drift off into the abyss.

Here I am no, laying on my uncomfortable cot, just thinking about Buffy and what I want to say to her. I close my eyes just for a moment, playing back memories of our better times in my head.

I'm mentally exhausted, and I don't even realize it as I slowly drift off to sleep.

TBC