I don't own 'em, if I did I wouldn't share. I'm not Joss Whedon, all though I do a pretty mean impersonation. It's two o'clock in the morning, so I think we should get...

On with the show.

::Stuff and Nonsense- Real Men Cry::

Gunn had been pampered and spoiled by the ladies... and Wes... all day long. He was starting to feel lazy and stiff. "Cordy, I need to... umm. What I mean to say is..."

Cordelia dropped the magazine she was looking at and ran over to Gunn's side. She dropped onto her knees and took Gunn's hand in her own. "What can I get you, Gunn? Do you need a drink, something to eat?"

Gunn pulled a face. "A bedpan?"

Wesley stood from his place at the desk and sighed, before walking over to the couch. "I'll help Gunn to the restroom, Cordelia. You can go back to your light reading."

Cordelia pushed herself up from her crouching position and brushed off her pants. "There are some deep interviews in that magazine." Cordelia grumbled on the way back to her seat. "Did you know that Mary Kate is on Cocaine?"

Wesley bent down to help Gunn to his feet. "That's horrible. Did you go to school with her, or something?"

Gunn chuckled and shook his head. "You've done it now, Brit-boy."

Wesley narrowed his gaze at his darker companion and grimaced when he heard Cordelia's loud mocking laugh. "I suppose this Mary Kate is famous then?"

Cordelia rolled her eyes and dropped her head backward. "Got it in one, Wes. My God how can you be so not conversant?"

Gunn gave Wes a pleading look. "Conversant?"

Wesley shook his head and smirked, before whispering to the injured man. "Word of the day toilet paper. Spike thought it was a good idea to put it in the hotel bathrooms." Wes walked Gunn to the bathroom and helped him inside. "Can you handle it from here or do you need further... assistance?"

Gunn looked around the bathroom and bit his lip, a look of deep concentration etched across his face. "I think I can hold it, thanks."

Wesley shook his head. "That's not a good idea, Gunn. It is very unhealthy to hold your bladder like that. You could injure your kidneys."

Gunn laughed and grabbed at his aching side. "That's not what I was talking about holding, English."

"Oh." Wesley lit up bright red and let go of the battered man slowly. "I see." After he was sure that Gunn could keep his balance, he stepped out of the bathroom. "Have at it, then." He said with a sigh, as he shut the door. "Always at my expense." Wesley muttered, as he leaned back against the closed door.

Gunn let out a guttural moan, as his bladder emptied. He had been to tired to make this journey before, but it had gotten to the point where he was on the verge of embarrassing himself. "Good to see they didn't whip you." Gunn looked his equipment over and smiled. There were a few parts left unharmed, and for that he would thank God every day for the rest of his life.

Wesley heard the happy noises from behind the bathroom door and shook his head. "Are you quite sure that you are all right in there?"

Gunn sighed, gustily, and pulled up his pants. "I've never felt so physically relieved in all of my life."

"You poor thing." Wesley mumbled, with a chuckle. "Should I come in, yet?" He said, raising his voice so that Gunn could hear.

"I'm starting to think that you just want to see me with my pants down." Gunn opened the door and smiled at the flustered Englishman.

Wesley shook his head and grunted, in an ungentlemanly way. "I assure you that as attractive as you may be to the ladies, you hold no appeal to me."

Gunn let out a barking laugh and grabbed his ribs. "Stop making me laugh, English. You putting me through the ringer every time that you do."

Wes offered his shoulder for the other man to lean on and sighed. "I'll try to be less endearing and revert back to my Sunnydale self, if only to save you from any further pain."

Gunn laughed, until tears ran down his face. "I think those drugs you gave me are kicking in."

Wesley smirked and shook his head. "And here I thought I was actually growing a sense of humor that others understood."

Gunn slumped against the other man and cried into his shoulder. "I'll get you for this, Wesley."

"Guys! Guys!" Fred came bounding down the hallway, holding the cordless phone out in front of her. "Conner's back! He's no longer possessed!"

Wesley took the phone with his free hand and balanced it on his shoulder. "Hello, Angel?" Wesley nodded. "Yes, he's doing quite well. He's crying at the moment, but it's quite all right." Wesley smirked. "That's wonderful. Give Conner a hug for me." Wesley shook his head and chuckled. "No, you are quite right. I wouldn't hug him, for fear of death." Wesley scoffed and sighed. "He's just not cuddly, Angel. No, it is no fault of your own." Wesley paused. "What's that? Spike, who gave you the phone? Michael did what? Tim's the bad guy... but Michael is about to kill a child?" Wesley shook his head and grunted. "How in Hell's fire could that be the right course of action? Just let him? You are mad!"

Gunn sighed and blinked. Where was he? Was Wesley holding him? Why was Fred looking at him like that? "Hey, baby. How you been, girl?"

Fred chewed on her lip and looked in between the raging Englishman and the drugged thug. "I'm okay, Gunn. How are you feeling?"

"Good enough to..." Gunn paused and shook his head, with a laugh. "I forgot what I was going to say."

Fred shook her head and smiled, sweetly. "I think you should lay down."

"Wanna' cuddle?" Gunn said with an infectious grin.

Wesley dropped his phone when he saw the nervous look pass along Fred's face. He pulled it back up to his ear. "Yes, I understand. Talk to you later." Wesley clicked off the phone and handed it back to Fred. "I think that I'll walk Gunn back to the bedroom and let him rest."

Fred nodded her head and shuffled back into the living room to sit with Cordelia.

Gunn groaned and laid his head on Wesley's shoulder. "You sent her away."

Wesley helped Gunn into Cordelia's bedroom and slowly settled him down onto the mattress. "You'll feel better about me doing that, tomorrow morning." Wesley said with a small smile. He pulled a cover up over his injured friend and tucked it around his shoulders. "Go to sleep, Gunn. I'll have Cordy watch you sleep, while I go find a way to help our friends help themselves. I can go look through the books and find a way to..."

Gunn was already drifting off to sleep, as Wesley asserted his plans aloud.

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Kelsey was playing with a Barbie, when she stopped abruptly and sighed. "You shouldn't be here. Tim would be upset."

"You aren't upset over my presence?" Michael watched the girl from the doorway and smirked. If possible, she almost looked smaller than she had the last time he had seen her.

"No, I've grown two inches since then." Kelsey held up her Barbie and sighed. "She's so pretty. Don't you think?"

Michael shrugged and sighed. "She's a little overdone for me. Too big of breasts, too blonde, too rich..."

"Too girly?" Kelsey turned toward the man and smiled, sweetly. "You like boys, right?" She put on that inquisitive whine that made adults, in general, cringe in terror.

Michael narrowed his gaze at the girl and smirked, evilly. He morphed into the shape of the mother figure that headed Kelsey's current family. "Kelsey, you know that I love only my husband and no other."

Kelsey's jaw dropped. "You're the devil!" She exclaimed, with tears in her eyes. "I'm not ready to go yet!"

Michael sighed and morphed into the shape of Conner, once more. "I think I'll kill you, like this." He took a few steps toward the girl and smiled. "Young, agile and crazed... I will get away with murder."

Kelsey jumped up from her seat on the ground and hopped back a few steps. "I'll kill -you- first!" She insisted, clutching her doll to her chest.

"That's right, Kelsey. Show me a bit of that power you've been hoarding." Michael's form shifted once more, until he was the exact image of Tim. "Show me, Kelsey."

Kelsey bit her lip and shook her head. "You aren't Tim. Tim wouldn't hurt me!" Kelsey huddled against the wall and cried, silently. "What did you do to them?"

Michael looked down at the deceptive form of the child. 'Don't forget that she is evil incarnate.' "They are fine. I morphed into the neighbor kid and invited them over. You mean they didn't invite you?"

Kelsey thought it over. They had! Damn it! If she had accepted the offer, she wouldn't be in trouble now.

Michael interrupted her thoughts. "I would have found another way to get you."

Kelsey looked up, startled.

Michael shook his head and smiled ruefully. "No, I can't read your mind. It was just that obvious, my little clairvoyant."

"You will suffer, for this." Kelsey's grip on her Barbie slackened and a vacant look filled her eyes.

Michael pounced forward and snatched the girl up into his arms, shaking her violently. "No, no, no! I can't allow that, love." Michael slapped the girl across the face, leaving a bright red handprint on the surface of her cheek. "Wake up, child. I want you to feel me take it from you!" Michael growled at the girl.

The girl's eyes lit up with recognition. "Timmy?" Kelsey threw her arms around Michael's neck and cried into his shoulder. "It was horrible, Timmy!"

Michael held the girl to his chest and stroked her back, soothingly. "It couldn't have been as bad as all that, Kelse." Michael rocked the girl and shook his head with a silent curse. He couldn't kill an innocent child, without good reason. He would have to wait until the demon stopped hiding. Then, he could kill her.

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Tim was spitting curses behind the makeshift ball gag. "Nnmnmhh...!"

Lorne pet the boy's hair and sighed. "I know, darling, but we don't know who to trust. We'll let you free if everything checks out okay." Lorne took a lock of hair in between his fingers and played with it. "Doyle is running a spiritual background check on your family. Hopefully the oracles will be not so vague this time." Lorne's grip tightened in Tim's hair and he yanked his head up, looking him straight in the eyes. "Now, if I find out that you were coming to my town to hurt someone I love... I will take the time to castrate you with my teeth." Lorne let go of the young man's head and he noticed him shiver. "You need a blanket?"

"Nnnhmmhm!" Tim thrashed against his bonds and howled, tears running down his face.

Angel sighed and looked in the rearview mirror. "Can't you knock him out or something?"

Spike leaned back toward Lorne and smiled in a way that could only be described as wicked. "I can make him be quiet."

"You aren't draining him, Spike." Angel growled from the driver's seat.

"Hey, now!" Spike reprimanded his sire. "You don't let me be a backseat driver, so don't you be a backseat vampire. You rolling stop those stop signs and I'll bite whomever I please."

"I should have aborted you, as soon as I saw Dru leaning over you inthat alleyway." Angel muttered under his breath.

Spike chuckled and leaned back in his seat, closing his eyes. "Ahh... but see, you didn't. The moment she offered you a taste, you gave in." Spike turned a look back at Lorne and grinned, impishly. "I'm sweet, you see."

Lorne nodded and smirked. "I'm sure you are, Spike."

"He's spicy too. Tastes like damn limes and ginger." Angel grumbled as he passed a look over at his childe, who gaped at him. "What?"

Spike was, not so silently, seething. "You described me like some sort of entrée. Try some of our lovely 'Gingered Spike' and don't forget the lime!" Spike scoffed and shook his head. "Ya' ponce. I haven't eaten ginger since China, you stupid pillock and we both know you didn't drink from me then! You were all soul having and guilty, by that time!"

Angel sniffed and shrugged a shoulder. "I stand by my statement."

"Fucktard."

"Immature brat."

"Pouf!"

"Mnnmhmnhh...!" Tim squealed from behind his gag.

Lorne leaned his head back and closed his eyes. It was going to be a long drive to Santa Barbara.

TBC

Please don't hate me for not updating in a month. This story is coming out differently than anticipated, especially since I just want to write slash right now. I may have to break down and write an Angel slash, but only Zeus knows if I'll be able to post here. sigh Please review even if it sucks and I don't deserve it.

-subtitle is 'Real Men Cry' which is a song by Avocado Club.-