Scene 3: An ill-fitting dress...humiliation by stairs...

Elisabeth: (Wakes and walks over to desk where she takes out the Ring and the medallion) Hmmm. Which one shall I wear today?

(Knock on the door)

(Elisabeth, surprised by the noise trips over her nightgown and crashes headfirst into the mirror)

Governor: Elisabeth: Are you alright? (Mutters to himself, Like I give a damn) Are you decent?

Elisabeth: (Hides necklaces) Yes, yes!

Governor: (Enters room) Still abed at this hour? You are a lazy ass, aren't you?

Elisabeth: (Smiles) You know it.

Governor: (Rolls his eyes, clearly thinking, Where did I go wrong?) Anyways...I have a gift for you. (Reveals dress)

Elisabeth: Oh, it's hideous!

Governor: Isn't it? I thought it only fitting for your ugly face.

Elisabeth: May I inquire as to the occasion?

Governor: Does a father need a reason to embarrass his daughter?

Elisabeth: I know you love me.

Governor: (While Elisabeth tries on dress.) God, she's dumb. How's it coming?

Elisabeth: (Grunting and groaning) I'm too fat to fit into it.

Governor: All that lying abed till midmorning. I'd hoped you'd wear it to the ceremony today.

Elisabeth: (Trying desperately to squirm into the dress) Ceremony?

Governor: Captain Norrington's promotion ceremony. Commodore Norrington, as he's about to become. He fancies you, you know. Although I always did think he was too good for you.

(Knock on the door)

Servant: Milord, you have a visitor.

Will: (Studies sconce on the wall, touches it, and it falls off into his hands.) SHIT. (Looks around, hears someone coming, throws it over his shoulder, hitting a servant, who falls down out cold at the foot of the stairs.)

Governor: (Steps over servant) Ah. Mr. Turner. Good to see you again.

Will: Good day, sir. I have your order. (Opens case and takes out Narsil) Oops, my bad. Wrong sword. ( Takes out another case and pulls out the Commodore's sword)

Governor: (Unsheaths the sword) Well.

Will: The blade is folded steel. That's gold filigree laid into the handle. If I may. (Balances sword) Perfectly balanced. The tang is nearly the full width of the blade. (Flips the sword and presents it to the Governor, accidentally cutting down his own pants.)

Governor: (Not looking at the sword) Impressive. Very impressive.

Elisabeth: (Coming down stairs) Will, it's so good to finally see that much of you.

Will: (Looks down) I thought it felt a bit drafty...

Elisabeth: (Trips and falls down stairs as he bends over to pick up his pants)

Governor: I'm not sure that's entirely proper...

Elisabeth: (Gets up at the bottom of the stairs, only to trip over the servant. One of the strained buttons on her dress pops off and hits Will on the head) I had a dream about you last night.

Will: (Glares at her, holding his head) About me?

Elisabeth: About the day we met, do you remember?

Will: How could I forget, Miss Swann? I'm fairly certain that's the day you stole my medallion.

Elisabeth: How many times must I ask you to call me Elisabeth?

Will: What? And admit I know you? I think not.

Governor: See. At least the boy knows what's good for him. Now we've really got to get going. I want to beat the crowds before they realize we arrived together.

Elisabeth: (Opens umbrella, poking Will in the eye) Bye-bye, Willy. (Looks back at him and then runs into the wall)

Governor: Come along, Elisabeth. We haven't got all day.

Will: Bye. Dumbass.

MEANWHILE (AT MOUNT DOOM HEADQUARTERS)

Sauron: The ring's been missing for 8 years now. I've managed to track down Frodo. He lives in a small English town called Port Royal. Only about fifteen minutes from Hobbiton by horse. However, he's not carrying the ring.

Saruman: 8 years now?

Sauron: YES! That's a freaking long time to be stuck without a body! Unless you want to give me yours, that is.

Saruman: (Cowers, crossing his arms over his chest) What should I do, milord?

Sauron: FIND THAT RING! KILL THE ONE WHO CARRIES IT?

Saruman: (Thinks) Wait a second. Can giant eyeballs yell?

Sauron: GET THAT RING!

Saruman: Yes, sir! (Scampers out of the room, terrified)

Sauron: (Laughs his diabolical laugh) I will find that ring. The Caribbean will be mine!!