Thanks so much for the reviews! I hope you like the next chapter!
(Just so you know, I do not find Murtogg or Mullroy hot)
Scene 4: Enter one hot pirate and some damn big sails!
(Jack is standing on the mast of his boat, noticing that it's rapidly sinking. He jumps down to bails out the water, looks up and sees three wizard skeletons hanging with a sign "Wizards Ye Be Warned." All of a sudden his rapidly sinking boat hits a sandbar and is stuck.)
Jack: Well, shit. Where's a wizard when you need one?
Skeleton #2: We're right here, you fool of a Sparrow!
Jack: Oh right. You mind giving me a hand here, mate?
Skeleton #1: (Breaks off his hand and tosses it to Jack)
Jack: I didn't mean literally.
Skeleton #2: No, you idiot. Use it to plug up the hole!
Jack: (Plugs up the hole and finishes bailing out the water) Thanks very much!
Skeleton #1: Anytime you could get that back to me would be great!
(Jack waves and continues sailing. He pulls up at the dock, unplugs the hole and watches as his boat sinks again)
Harbor master: What-hey! Hold up there you! It's a shilling to tie your boat up at the dock!
(Both look at the tip of the mast)
HM: And I shall need to know your name.
Jack: (Hands him a shilling) I'm going to save myself two shillings and tell you that my name is Mr. Underhill.
HM: Welcome to Port Royal, Mr. Underhill.
(Jack sees the money pouch and takes it. The skeleton hand gives the HM the finger behind his back)
(p at the fort, Elisabeth is trying desperately not to breathe. Every time she does, another button pops off and hits someone. Half the crowd is spread out, unconscious)
(Sees the Interceptor abandoned and heads for it)
Murtogg: (Spots Jack) This dock is off limits to all men wearing too much makeup or hotter than me.
Mullroy: (Looks confused) So who's allowed on?
Murtogg: (Thumps him on the head)
Jack: I'm terribly sorry. I didn't know. (Tries to continue, but is stopped) Apparently there's some sort of high toned and fancy to do up at the fort for all fat or extremely ugly people. How could it be that two repulsive gentlemen such as yourselves did not merit an invitation?
Murtogg: Someone has to make sure this dock stays off limits to all men wearing too much makeup or hotter than me.
Jack: It's a fine goal to be sure, but it seems to me that a ship like that (points out the Dauntless) makes this one here a bit ugly, really.
Murtogg: Oh, the Dauntless is the power in these waters, true enough, but there's no ship quite as ugly as the Interceptor.
Jack: I've heard of one. Supposed to be fast. Nigh un-catchable....the Black Pearl.
Mullroy: Well... there's no real ship.
Murtogg: The Black Pearl is a real ship. I've seen it.
Mullroy: You've seen a ship with sails so large that the governor's daughter could almost use them as a dress?
Murtogg: No.
Mullroy: No.
Murtogg: But I have seen a ship with big sails.
Mullroy: Oh and no ship that has big enough sails to fit the governor's daughter could possibly have big sails and couldn't possibly be any other ship than the Black Pearl. Is that what you're saying?
(Jack slips away, rolling his eyes)
Murtogg: (nodding) No.
Mullroy: Like I said, there's no real ship... (notices Jack on the ship)
Murtogg: Hey! You! Get away from there!
Mullroy: You're much too hot, even with all that makeup to be aboard there.
Jack: I'm sorry. It's just that I need this makeup to look like a pirate.
Murtogg: What's your name?
Jack: Underhill. Or Underhilly if you like.
Mullroy: What's your purpose in Port Royal, Mr. Underhill?
Murtogg: Yeah. And no lies.
Jack: (Whistles and twiddles his thumbs, trying to look as innocent as a Pirate can) Oh, nothing much.
Murtogg: I think he's lying.
Mullroy: If he were lying, he could have come up with a better story than that.
Jack: Unless, of course he knew you wouldn't believe the story, even if he told it to you.
Both: We're very confused. (Which doesn't take a lot, huh?)
ON THE FORT...
Norrington: May I have a moment? Uh, you look repulsive as always, Elisabeth. I apologize if I seem forward, but I must speak my mind. This promotion throws into sharp relief that which I have not yet achieved. Uh, a dress to fill that hole in the Interceptor's sails. That is a large dress.
Elisabeth: (Cheeks puffed out, face turning blue) I can't breathe.
Norrington: I'm a bit nervous myself.
(Elisabeth takes a deep breath, and all the buttons pop off, richochet off the stone post and hit her, pushing her over the edge.)
Norrington: (Picks up dress which has fallen off) That was easier than I thought.
Scene 4: Enter one hot pirate and some damn big sails!
(Jack is standing on the mast of his boat, noticing that it's rapidly sinking. He jumps down to bails out the water, looks up and sees three wizard skeletons hanging with a sign "Wizards Ye Be Warned." All of a sudden his rapidly sinking boat hits a sandbar and is stuck.)
Jack: Well, shit. Where's a wizard when you need one?
Skeleton #2: We're right here, you fool of a Sparrow!
Jack: Oh right. You mind giving me a hand here, mate?
Skeleton #1: (Breaks off his hand and tosses it to Jack)
Jack: I didn't mean literally.
Skeleton #2: No, you idiot. Use it to plug up the hole!
Jack: (Plugs up the hole and finishes bailing out the water) Thanks very much!
Skeleton #1: Anytime you could get that back to me would be great!
(Jack waves and continues sailing. He pulls up at the dock, unplugs the hole and watches as his boat sinks again)
Harbor master: What-hey! Hold up there you! It's a shilling to tie your boat up at the dock!
(Both look at the tip of the mast)
HM: And I shall need to know your name.
Jack: (Hands him a shilling) I'm going to save myself two shillings and tell you that my name is Mr. Underhill.
HM: Welcome to Port Royal, Mr. Underhill.
(Jack sees the money pouch and takes it. The skeleton hand gives the HM the finger behind his back)
(p at the fort, Elisabeth is trying desperately not to breathe. Every time she does, another button pops off and hits someone. Half the crowd is spread out, unconscious)
(Sees the Interceptor abandoned and heads for it)
Murtogg: (Spots Jack) This dock is off limits to all men wearing too much makeup or hotter than me.
Mullroy: (Looks confused) So who's allowed on?
Murtogg: (Thumps him on the head)
Jack: I'm terribly sorry. I didn't know. (Tries to continue, but is stopped) Apparently there's some sort of high toned and fancy to do up at the fort for all fat or extremely ugly people. How could it be that two repulsive gentlemen such as yourselves did not merit an invitation?
Murtogg: Someone has to make sure this dock stays off limits to all men wearing too much makeup or hotter than me.
Jack: It's a fine goal to be sure, but it seems to me that a ship like that (points out the Dauntless) makes this one here a bit ugly, really.
Murtogg: Oh, the Dauntless is the power in these waters, true enough, but there's no ship quite as ugly as the Interceptor.
Jack: I've heard of one. Supposed to be fast. Nigh un-catchable....the Black Pearl.
Mullroy: Well... there's no real ship.
Murtogg: The Black Pearl is a real ship. I've seen it.
Mullroy: You've seen a ship with sails so large that the governor's daughter could almost use them as a dress?
Murtogg: No.
Mullroy: No.
Murtogg: But I have seen a ship with big sails.
Mullroy: Oh and no ship that has big enough sails to fit the governor's daughter could possibly have big sails and couldn't possibly be any other ship than the Black Pearl. Is that what you're saying?
(Jack slips away, rolling his eyes)
Murtogg: (nodding) No.
Mullroy: Like I said, there's no real ship... (notices Jack on the ship)
Murtogg: Hey! You! Get away from there!
Mullroy: You're much too hot, even with all that makeup to be aboard there.
Jack: I'm sorry. It's just that I need this makeup to look like a pirate.
Murtogg: What's your name?
Jack: Underhill. Or Underhilly if you like.
Mullroy: What's your purpose in Port Royal, Mr. Underhill?
Murtogg: Yeah. And no lies.
Jack: (Whistles and twiddles his thumbs, trying to look as innocent as a Pirate can) Oh, nothing much.
Murtogg: I think he's lying.
Mullroy: If he were lying, he could have come up with a better story than that.
Jack: Unless, of course he knew you wouldn't believe the story, even if he told it to you.
Both: We're very confused. (Which doesn't take a lot, huh?)
ON THE FORT...
Norrington: May I have a moment? Uh, you look repulsive as always, Elisabeth. I apologize if I seem forward, but I must speak my mind. This promotion throws into sharp relief that which I have not yet achieved. Uh, a dress to fill that hole in the Interceptor's sails. That is a large dress.
Elisabeth: (Cheeks puffed out, face turning blue) I can't breathe.
Norrington: I'm a bit nervous myself.
(Elisabeth takes a deep breath, and all the buttons pop off, richochet off the stone post and hit her, pushing her over the edge.)
Norrington: (Picks up dress which has fallen off) That was easier than I thought.