Scene 7: Elisabeth is Kidnapped! Yay!

(In prison, prisoners wave a pack of peanuts at the giant oliphaunt who has the key in it's mouth.)

Jack: You can keep doing that forever, the oliphaunt is never going to move.

Prisoner: Oh, excuse us if we haven't resigned ourselves to Norrington's office just yet.

(In governor's house, Elisabeth's room)

Estrella: There you go, miss. (Puts a bed warmer between the sheets.) Was a difficult day for you, I'm sure, what with seeing your dress hoisted up the mast. If it's not too bold to say.

Elisabeth: I suspected it would happen, but I must admit, I wasn't entirely prepared for it.

Estrella: And to top it all off, the commodore didn't even propose! Fancy that.

Elisabeth: Thank god.

Estrella: Well that Will Turner (tries not to look interested) he didn't propose either.

Elisabeth: That is too bold.

Estrella. Well, begging your pardon, miss. Can't blame a girl for trying. (Leaves, pouting)

(Meanwhile, back in the blacksmith Will and Legolas are working, then both look out onto the deserted street)

Governor: (On the fort) So, she finally gave you her dress?

Norrington: Yes, she did.

Governor: Well, it's about damn time. Ghastly weather, don't you think?

Norrington: Bleak, very bleak.

Governor: (Hears a noise) What's that?

Norrington: NAZGUL!! (Shoves the governor out of the way, pushing him off the battlements.) Run for your life!

(In jail)

Jack: I know those screeches. (Looks out the window) It's the black riders.

Prisoner: The black riders? I've heard stories. They've been preying on men for thousands of years. Never leave any survivors.

Jack: No survivors? I'm pretty sure the elf and the hobbit down the street survived.

Prisoner: Oh.

(The riders are destroying the town, some from the air, other's by horse; Will grabs his sword, Legolas grabs his bow, they go fight the riders. Meanwhile, Norrington is cowering in his office, praying.)

Norrington: Forgive me for all those fleeting moments of insanity where I thought Elisabeth attractive. I didn't mean to!

(In governor's house. Black riders are running through the gates, knocking on the door. Elisabeth tries to get out of bed in time to warn the butler, but she's far too fat to move quickly. The butler opens the door.)

Rider #1: Hello, chum. (Stabs the butler and riders swarm into the house) Up there! (Points upstairs to where you can hear Elisabeth moving.)

Estrella: (Locks the chamber door) They've come to kidnap you.

Elisabeth: What?

Estrella: YOU STOLE THEIR RING!!!

Elisabeth: They haven't seen you. Hide and the first chance you get, run to the fort. (The door opens suddenly and two black riders come in, grab Elisabeth and try to pull her out, but she's too heavy for them to move.)

Rider # 4: Well, shit. Now what?

Rider #6: We're supposed to take her to the master. And she'll go to the master. (He lets out a screech and instantly riders 2, 3, and 5 appear, and manage to pick her up between the five of them.)

(In the streets, Will and Legolas are fighting, when all of a sudden the earth shakes and Elisabeth is rushed by with the riders)

Will: Good riddance, you whale.

Elisabeth: Will! Help meeeeeeeee! (Scream fades as she is taken farther away)

Will: I'd rather not.

Legolas: GASP! She had the ring!

Will: Damn. If Sauron gets his hands on the ring, the caribbean will be destroyed.

Legolas: You thinking what I'm thinking?

Will & Legolas: BOAT TRIP!!