Scene 8: Taking on extra weight
(In jail. A hole is blown in the wall, and the prisoners escape.)
Prisoner: (To Jack) My sympathies, friend. You've got crappy luck.
Jack: (Picks up discarded bag of peanuts and whistles) Come on, olly. It's just you and me now. It's you and ol' Jack. Come on...that's it...
(Oliphaunt moves a bit closer, but there's a crash at the top of the stairs and the oliphaunt runs away.)
Jack: You stupid animal! I hope you trip and fall over your retarded nose!
Rider #1: (Entering the jail) This ain't the bar.
Rider #2: (Spots Jack) Look what we have here. A little birdie all caged up.
Jack: (Looks around him, seeing no birds.) What?
Rider # 1: You, you idiot.
Jack: Oh.
Rider #2: It's Captain Jack Sparrow, right?
Jack: (Grins at finally being given the proper respect) Yep.
Rider #1: I wonder what Barbossa'll pay for the whereabouts of Captain Jack. The reward poster mentioned ten thousand shillings...
Jack: What? Reward poster?
Rider #2: (Points to the opposite wall, where a large poster of Jack in a compromising position is hanging)
Jack: Oh. (Blushes.) That's very interesting.
(Elisabeth, left with riders # 4 and 5 is put into a boat and rowed across to the Nazgul's ship. The boat starts to sink what with Elisabeth and they row faster.)
Rider # 8: (Struggling to pull Elisabeth up onto the ship) I didn't know we was takin' on extra weight.
Rider #3: She's got the ring, dumbass.
Elisabeth: NO, I DON-
Rider # 8: (Slaps her hard across the face) When I want your opinion, I'll ask a cow.
Rider # 9: (The lord of the Nazgul) Well, well, well. What have we here?
Rider # 3: She's got the ring.
Rider # 9: My apologizes miss. You've got our ring, then?
Elisabeth: (Whips it out) Uh-huh. See? It's shiny.
All Riders: Ooooohh. Sauron never let us see it.
Elisabeth: (Sees her chance, moves to the side of the boat and holds the ring over the edge) I'll drop it if you don't release me at once.
Riders: NO!!
Rider # 8: Sauron will kill us again! It's really annoying to die, you know. We'll give you anything you want. ANYTHING!! Just don't take away the precious!
Rider # 9: (Slaps him upside the head) Snap out of it. You've been hanging around that creepy boyfriend of yours for long enough.
Elisabeth: You'll give me anything?
Rider # 8: Anything.
Elisabeth: Well, I want my Willy.
SILENCE ENSUES...
Rider # 8:(Thinking) I thought she was ugly for a woman.
Rider #3: You want your what?
Elisabeth: I WANT WILL TURNER!
Rider # 9: Okay, maybe we can't give you everything...
(Elisabeth drops the ring a little further, riders gasp)
Rider # 9: Alright, alright. Geez. You have a name, miss?
Elisabeth: Elisabeth...Baggins.
Rider # 3: Bilbo.
Rider # 9: Well, miss Elisabeth. You hand over that ring and we'll do everything in our power to perform the impossible.
Elisabeth: (Hands over the ring) Okay. After all, you're only creepy dudes with no faces sailing on an evil looking ship. Why wouldn't I trust you?
Rider # 9: Welcome aboard the Purple Gem, Elisabeth.