A. N. I don't mean to offend anyone with this poem; it is meant entirely as a joke. I really do love all of Tolkien's characters – except the baddies, that is.
Disclaimer: Don't own Aragorn – New Line and Tolkien estates do.
Aragorn, Son of Arathorn
by cagedphoenix
Aragorn, son of Arathorn, High King of Gondor,
Your body is so well-built it might have won you a starring role on The Little Mermaid – as flounder.
Aragorn, son of Arathorn, noble king of men,
Your voice reminds me of the cackle of a dying hen.
Aragorn, son of Arathorn, at your command men com,
Although I'm surprised your early-morning breath hasn't scared them away yet – would you like a piece of gum?
Aragorn, son of Arathorn, my friends say that if they remade Grease you'd be there –
Although I don't see why you'd want to act in the thing; after all, they already named it after your hair.
Aragorn, son of Arathorn, your wit a feeling of awe in me instills:
If I didn't know better, I'd say you were related to the guy that went around chasing windmills.
Aragorn, son of Arathorn, to sum it all up, you take away my breath:
I took one look at you and begged the guy sitting behind me to choke me lest horror cause my death.