The Life of Master Remus J. Lupin - By Erin
Disclaimer : - Most of this belongs to the wonderful JK Rowling, but I do own Crystal Lake, Jenna Lake and Mrs. Rose Evans. I am making no profit from this. Anastacia owns the lyrics.
Or white knights
Fields of emotions I'm trapped in darkness
Why me
Save me
To win this twisted war inside me
Won't justify the pain
Life doesn't promise a bed of roses
Lightening strikes the pages keep on turning
Help me to be strong
I'm floating in a sea of strange believers
Where do I belong?
They paint a picture of perfect nowhere blue skies
Within every lie there's a web of comfort
For them
Not me
To win this twisted war inside me
Won't justify the pain
They paint you a picture of perfect nowhere
I said now
Lightening strikes the pages keep on turning
Help me to be strong
I'm floating in a sea of strange believers
Where do I belong?
Where do we go from here?
I wish I would disappear
I'm a lonely soul
So far from home
Chapter three - Dumbledore, the Full moon and Padfoot.
McGonagall knocked at the door, and he heard the joyful reply of "Come in Minerva, Remus." from the headmaster, he shook his head and smiled, he wondered briefly how Dumbledore managed to know who was at his door before the door was even opened.
As soon as they entered the happy expression on the headmasters face extinguished, he looked at Remus in worry. "My dear boy, what has happened?" He asked solemnly, Remus smiled wryly, "My father happened, Lily, James and Sirius turned up at my house yesterday, and to say that he was displease would be an understatement." He told them quietly, McGonagall gasped slightly and the headmasters blue eyes lost their ever-present twinkle.
"I take it that you did not invite them?" He asked softly, Remus shook his head trying to forget the ringing sound, which had begun to thunder in his ears. "Erm no, I didn't but there is something you may wish to know. My father had a meeting yesterday with Opulous Malfoy; in this meeting they have drafted a new legislation against werewolves. They propose to adopt a similar idea that Adolph Hitler began. They will propose to the minister at some point soon about placing all werewolves into a kind of concentration camp, and taking away their rights as human beings for the communities safety." Remus told them strongly, with a hint of helplessness shining in his eyes.
"The Wizengamot will never allow that law to pass!" McGonagall stated hotly. Remus shook his head. "It could quite easily professor. No one has a high opinion of my kind, and parents will wish to protect their children. I believe that if this legislation is accepted, then he-who-must-not-be-named will recruit my kind into his army, and many will follow him because many will feel rejected from normal society. The betrayal they will feel will be monumental. They will want justice to be done to those who have wronged them, they will be out for blood." He told them dejectedly.
"But not you?" The headmaster asked quietly. Remus looked at them both in horror, his eyes widening at the question. "Oh God, of course not! I would never…" He broke off clutching his chest; his father had broken a rib, he had trouble breathing.
"Albus! How could you ask Mr. Lupin such a thing? Of course he wouldn't!" McGonagall reproved him looking at Remus in concern, but Remus broke her off. "Headmaster Dumbledore asks with good right Professor! I am already a danger to the other students, and if I were to side with that madman then the casualties here would be… well it doesn't even bare thinking about!" He told her, he looked at Dumbledore, "I want no revenge on anyone except my father! I will never side with the dark side because that is the path my father has chosen, or he very likely will soon." The aged headmaster nodded and smiled happily, "Oh I believe you my boy, I always have, you just needed to speak those words to believe yourself." He said joyfully, but then his eyes rested on Remus's wounds and his smile turned into an unhappy mask of features that Remus couldn't quite discern.
"When your father was a student here, he was such a bright happy boy with much potential, and I certainly never believed him capable of harming his own bloodline." Dumbledore reminisced stroking his beard. Remus looked at him sharply, "No, he never raised his hand to me until the night I was bitten, before then he was just cold and demanding." Remus told them bitterly. "There is something else you must know, my father covered it up until now, this is a secrete I tell you both in confidence." McGonagall nodded furiously, Dumbledore raised his eyebrow perplexed but never the less nodded and urged Remus to continue.
"My brother Romulus's death was no accident, he was murdered a year ago today." He told them sadly. Their reaction to his startling news was predictable. McGonagall gasped paling and whatever twinkle had resided in the old headmasters eyes left it immediately.
"My brother died for me." Remus said choking slightly on the words. "My father had drank too much that day, he overreacted when I broke his Order of Merlin third class, and after the beating that was highly predictable he pulled out a gun." Remus laughed hollowly, "He told me that the gun had one silver bullet in the barrel, and that because he had spawned me, he was responsible for me, and that he couldn't have me running around alive because I was threat to the public. You see the man was terrified that I would break out of the shed on a full moon and inflict my condition onto helpless citizens, he was afraid of being publicly humiliated. He told me that he would put a stop to it; he would never be embarrassed in front of his peers. He told me that he was to be my executioner." McGonagall gasped, tears threatened to fall down the shaking woman's face, and with every word of Remus's tirade the headmaster seemed to age that tiny bit more.
"It didn't turn out as he expected because when he pulled the trigger my brother jumped in front of me and sacrificed himself." Remus concluded, looking deathly pail, he shivered hating to relive that monstrous night. He saw McGonagall raise her hands to her face, trembling terribly, Dumbledore looked at Remus carefully.
"How do you feel about that Remus?" He asked softly knowing that the boy hadn't talked to anyone about that night, or about his mixed feelings, the old man knew it was tearing the boy up internally.
"The bullet was meant for me Headmaster. It was my ticket to a better life, without this damn curse hanging over me." He said bitterly, "I should have died that night, my brothers sacrifice amounts to nothing with what I am, I have no life, but he did." Remus said softly looking out the window. McGonagall placed her shaking hand into Remus's own hand and she seemed to be clutching it for dear life, her eyes looked puffy, she had been crying, but then again she had taught Romulus for seven years, it was hardly a surprise that the shock would get to her, even if he had been a Slytherin.
"That's not true Remus, his sacrifice is only worthless if you allow it to be, and I know that you won't." Dumbledore said softly.
"I can only pray that you are right in your assumptions headmaster." Remus said dejectedly, in his seat he looked small and frail, the pain of his injuries increased, he felt himself slip from his chair and then murkily he sank into oblivion.
Flesh, tender flesh, the Alpha male could smell human beings nearby. He scratched and bit at his coat, a familiar scent seemed to be creeping by. He looked around, stopping biting himself for a moment and thought, 'Padfoot is nearby. He is a friend. A friend.'
He could smell the scent of one of the members of his pack, but where were the rest? Why couldn't he see his friend? Anger welled up inside of him, frustrated, he dug his nailed into a nearby bed, a human had slept there. He himself had slept there. Blood he wanted blood, human blood, his blood, he tore into his leg in annoyance and then howled at the pain he gained from it, but he was not satisfied. Sinking his nails into the bed again he tore away a chunk off wood. He howled again. Loneliness, where was his Padfoot? His Prongs? His Wormtail? Even his Lily would have been a welcome distraction, but he would have to have bitten her, shown her dominance, she would comply with his wishes like the others, eventually.
A sound, his ears stood on end, he sat watching the door quietly, footsteps could be heard, a four-legged creature approached, his Padfoot drew nearer. He whined, his tail began to shake as the footsteps became louder and the familiar scent of his friend drew nearer. The door opened. Padfoot walked in and using his hind legs he closed the door again. The Werewolf growled, a member of his pack had thwarted his escape - his dominance was in question, he had been defied.
He growled again no longer happy to see this member of his pack. Padfoot whined softly, the werewolf growled again and then suddenly lunged at the smaller canine. The werewolves long claws sunk into Padfoots scruff pinning him down on his back, Padfoot made no move to question him, or to fight back, he simply whined slightly. This was not good enough; the werewolf closed his jaws around Padfoots neck, although he was deliberately careful not to pierce the skin with his fangs. A high-pitched yelp was given in reply from Padfoot, eventually the Werewolf was satisfied, and he released his jaws from Padfoots neck. He rubbed his nose against his friend in welcome, the dog barked happily. The Werewolf was once again the Alpha male, but where was his alpha female?
Groggily Remus sat up in bed, and then promptly fell from the bed. He looked at his surroundings, he was in the shrieking shack, but the full moon wasn't until tonight. Then he realised, he had been in Dumbledore's office, they had talked, and then he suddenly couldn't remember anything. He must have passed out, and remained that way until yesterday evening, the night of the full moon.
He turned to look back on the bed even though his muscles ached in protest. Sirius slept in his canine form; Remus shook his head smiling, because Padfoot would have come. They never left him alone anymore, not if they could help it. The question remained, how had Sirius known that Remus was here at Hogwarts?
He shook his friend awake, "Padfoot! Wake up!" He told his friend gently. The dog opened his eyes sleepily, and barked, rolling back over and sleeping again. "No Sirius, if McGonagall finds out that you're an unregistered animagus she'll have you in detention everyday for the last year." He said gruffly. That did the trick, with a pop his friend was laying on the bed in his human form, "She loves me really." He joked, Remus laughed softly. "I know but she'll never admit it."
They laughed together happily for a while, Remus noticed the scratch marks on Sirius's neck, he was about to apologise but Sirius cut him off, "It was my own stupid fault, I came in and closed the door directly in front of you, because it was too risky leaving the shack with just me. You must have felt challenged Moony, but never fear, you're still our Alpha male!" He joked.
Sirius vowed that he would never tell Remus how close Moony came to biting him yesterday, it was a good thing that Remus never remembered what happened on those nights. They would all have to be careful.
"So, Remus would you like to tell me about what happened after we left your house?" Sirius asked gently, but a dangerous glint flickered in his eyes. Remus noticed that, "No, nothing, I cleaned the house. I really ought to get dressed." Remus said noticing his current state of undress. Sirius pulled off his cloak and handed it to him, "You and I both know that Pomfrey brings your clothes, and she won't be here for another hour." Sirius said sharply looking at his watch.
Remus noticed the tone unhappily, he felt like a child being reprimanded by their parent. He pulled on the robe gratefully.
"We know. We saw you yesterday. Mr. Potter had to see Dumbledore so James and I tagged along figuring we could plan some pranks for next year. Imagine our surprise when, your carried out of the headmasters office of a stretcher looking like a rampaging hippogriff has crossed your path." He said dryly annoyance in his tone.
Anger welled up inside of Remus, "What do you want me to say Sirius? That my father beat the shit out of me again! Is that what you want? Or do you want every little grim detail?" He asked quietly trembling with rage. Sirius's face dropped, he looked at his friend and shook his head, guilt was plastered on his face.
"No, of course I don't. I don't want every little detail, I only want the truth." He said softly, Remus sunk onto the bed next to his friend. "He disowned me." Remus murmured. Sirius's gaze burned his body; he was embarrassed for his little outburst.
"Why? Moony I know you, you never do anything for others to be ashamed about!" He said softly, Remus laughed hollowly, "Nothing except run around on four legs and howl at the moon once a month." Remus said bitterly, "Oh yes and then there's my friends, apparently you're a blood traitor, James is everyone's little golden boy, Peters nearly a squib and Lily's a mudblood!" He spat.
"Oh God he's such a hypocritical bastard!" Remus said punching the bed angrily. Sirius watched his friend in dismay, "I really couldn't care what the git thinks about me Moony. I'm more worried about you."
"Oh don't be, I'll survive I always do." He said strongly, Sirius smiled sadly, "Oh I know you'll survive, but what I'm asking is if you'll actually live?" He asked, Remus laughed suddenly, "How can you ask me that, with you lot as friends there's never a dull day." They both laughed. Remus suddenly became serious.
"I need to find somewhere to live, I can't go back to the cove." He muttered shaking his head, there was so much work to do, School didn't start for seven weeks.
"Why?" Sirius asked perplexed, "I thought you were getting on with them there." He said shaking his head; Remus's social life seemed to flutter around constantly, forever changing.
Remus's expression became hard. "Drop it for now, I'll tell you when I have a home." Sirius shook his head, "I don't think Dumbledore's likely to let you go mate." He said smiling, "I think he has a soft spot for you." Remus laughed softly, "As we all do for him." He said dryly.
"Well, if you won't except anyone's charity which I know you won't even though we all want to give it to you, then you need Lily's help." He grimaced, "But, your better off alone their mate, she's not speaking to me or James."
"What's this then? Come on, its time I question you. What did James do this time?" He asked in amusement, James's escapades with Lily were always hilariously entertaining. He watched his friend grimaced again, "Its over you mate, she's of the opinion that James and I are to blame, that we err… 'Cooked up the little outing,' and that I'm a fool and that James is an idiot."
Remus smiled, "So she'd be right then?" He said softly. Sirius looked into his friend's warm eyes and relaxed knowing that Remus had already forgiven him. "As always. She slapped James and told us to scurry back home because it was past our bedtime." Remus laughed, "Oh I wish I could have seen that." Sirius scowled, "Don't let James hear you say that, he's still smarting about that blow to his manhood." Remus snorted.
"Well, look I best go, Mrs. Potter will be calling out an army to search for me soon, especially if I'm not there for breakfast. Look mate, rest today, you look like you really need it and we'll sort everything tomorrow." Remus smiled at his friend, deliberately ignoring the advice.
"I'll see you soon." He said, what he didn't expect was Sirius suddenly embracing him. "I'm sorry okay, I promise not to meddle again." He said softly, Remus just nodded. Sirius smiled let go of his friend, and with a pop he changed and ran out of the hut forgetting his robe.
"Oh you poor dear lay down now." Poppy told him, he rolled his eyes. "I'm not staying Madam Pomfry, I really have a lot do to today." He told her gently, she looked at him scandalized. "Oh no you don't! You're staying here young man, last night all of your bones shattered and re-arranged themselves! Twice! And the day before… I won't even say what I think about your father." She spat venomously. Remus smiled, she was like a doting mother.
"No really, I'd appreciate you checking me to make sure nothings broken, and a few potions for the pain but then I really do have to go." He broke off; the headmaster chose that moment to grace them with his presence.
"Tell him Albus! He's got this ridiculous notion that he's leaving, and in his condition!" She said heatedly, Dumbledore approached them, he didn't smile but the twinkle in his eye told Remus all he needed to know. The headmaster was decidedly amused.
"Oh, and why is this Remus?" He asked, his mouth twitched, Remus looked at him, "I have to find a home Professor, I only came for the refuge of the Shrieking shack, and to tell you the news. However I really need to start work again and I can't do that without having someplace to live." The headmaster sighed, his twinkle dimmed slightly, he was no longer amused.
"I had thought that you would stay here for the remainder of the summer, you would be most welcome." Remus smiled, touched at the offer of kindness. "I thank you but no… I would have to find somewhere to live next year anyway, so it's only a bit earlier than expected but I do have a favour to ask of you." He said blushing.
"I take it that you will seek refuge here again for the next full moon?" The headmaster asked knowingly, Remus smiled slightly and nodded. "Of course you are most welcome, but I have something to ask of you also." The headmaster said patting Remus's arm gently.
He watched Remus nod, "Anything you ask." Remus said gratefully, Dumbledore looked back surprised at the young mans willingness. "All I ask is that you write to me, how about, every three days? I'm not checking up on you… far from that, all I ask is to know that you are safe and happy." Remus blinked at the older man, "Of course."
"If you've quite finished headmaster, I have a patient to tend to and if he faints or there are any medical complications once he leaves then I will take none of the blame, in fact I shall hex you." Dumbledore smile serenely, "Oh of course Poppy, would I ever deny you that pleasure?"
End of Ch3
Next up Remus goes to see Lily! Something unexpected occurs, and Lily and Remus have several chats, which brings an unexpected outcome, and Meet Rose Evans!
Chapter Four has also been uploaded with this chapter! Sorry I kept you all waiting for so long! The responses to past reviews are at the end of the next chapter!
R/R Anyway!
Erin