Disclaimer: I don't own CCS...
A/N: Just to uphold... THIS IS AN AU FANFIC. Please keep that in mind while reading this... I'm sorry to penname who said they'd like to see more than three chapters here, but I did have this planned out, and though there were a few things I thought I could add to the plot, it would have lost some of its potential... plus I would lose the effect of the three part title. Sorry!
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Part Three: Again
Four years ago, the world was a different place.
It was grey morning, a chilly one, I remember, when my life's path first intertwined with another that would change my life. The wind was beating wildly at the door, and the clouds, menacing in their masses, left me in the shadows to contemplate their meaning. I remember listening to the wind and staring at those shadows, thinking of nothing and everything that existed. Outside, it was what one would call a day of despondent gloom. Ah, my life was always gloomy, always dark, always cold, and for so long it did not change. I did not want it to change.
But I was ten years old, then, and I did not understand the hidden secrets of life.
Clad in green and gold and white, with determination in my eyes and a sword clutched in my hand, I was a magician seeking to capture the Cards of Clow Reed. All my life I'd been trained to be a warrior, to be merciless, to be heartless, to be cold. My father was the same way. He lived, he trained, and he died that way, and it was to be my path as well. I left my home, my sisters, and my mother in Hong Kong, and I journeyed into Japan, to a small town called Tomoeda. I went in search of those Clow Cards, and the magic that I wanted to bring into the Li family, only to find that another was answering their same call. And it was a girl.
I met this other Cardcaptor on a night where the clouds had finally dispersed. The moon glowed eerily, but I did not heed its warning when I stepped into the presence of this girl. She was chosen by Keroberos. She had auburn hair and emerald eyes so innocent yet powerful enough to light the east and western skies and bring the sprite of darkness down onto his knees. Even if she did not have so much experience as I with magic, those green eyes glowed with their own silent assurance. I remembered the battle she fought that night. With The Shadow, she captured The Thunder Card, and my mind still evokes the image all too clearly of her silhouette poised against that white celestial body that possessed the night sky. She was no weak little girl. She was something else. She was a Cardcaptor... a true Cardcaptor.
We were only ten when we met each other, and yet we both had responsibilities reaching far beyond that of the average child. From the moment I met her, the moment I looked into those emerald eyes, we became naught but rivals for the most powerful source of magic known on the living Earth. But then she surpassed me. She, chosen by the Guardian of the Sun, defeated the Guardian of the Moon in the battle of the Final Judgement, and she became the Mistress of the Cards. But something happened. Something vital changed my life.
My name is Li Syaoran, and I fell in love with the Card Mistress.
It's been four years since that day, when I looked into her challenge and failed to take the Cards as my own. Four years have passed, and that powerful love that burned between us, held us, brought light and happiness to us, has been vanquished by a force too strong to fight. Kinomoto Sakura, the Mistress of the Cards, sacrificed it all to save the world from the void of Nothing. She no longer remembers who she was and what she'd done. And she no longer remembers me.
She smiles when she speaks, but something is missing. Those emerald eyes still compel even the gods to bow before her, but in those bright green depths, something is gone. She does not remember the power she still has. Her kindness is what compelled her to befriend me, but she cannot see—she cannot know—how painful it is for me to look, to speak, to be, in her presence. Suddenly, my life is gloomy again... it is dark and cold. Oh, the truths I have learned about life; the things my elders could never have taught me. A mortal wound is painful, but I never knew a heart could break without bleeding mortal blood. She cannot remember me.
My name is Li Syaoran, and I am lost.
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Days passed, and then a week, and soon summer would begin to bleed into autumn.
A soft rapping came at the window to Sakura's room. It drew Kero's attention to the glass, and outside on the ledge, perched upon a mini parapet, sat Yue. He tapped on the glass twice again, knowing that Sakura was not in the house. Keroberos transformed into the winged beast he was, and opened the window.
"Hope is failing us, isn't it, Keroberos?" Yue smiled a melancholy smile. "We've been waiting for her, but the Mistress seems to be happy with the life she has. What if, perhaps subconsciously, she does not want to remember us at all?"
Keroberos shook his head. It was not a shake of negation, but not one of agreement either. "Don't think of such things," he whispered. "But can you—?"
"I cannot. I've twisted fate as much as I can by destroying the ties between my human form and the Mistress. I cannot sin against fate anymore. Clow Reed would not be pleased with me even now."
Yue sat upon Sakura's bed, not looking at anything in particular. Shrouded in his silver-white wings, his blue eyes were lost deep in contemplation. He knew that even though he loved his old master, Clow Reed, he cared a great much for his new mistress. Even if he had gone against Clow's will, against his rules, and changed some small working of fate, Yue would face the deed a second time if it meant a service to Sakura. He would do it again... if he could.
"I don't know what you are thinking when you're like that, Yue," Keroberos laughed, tightly, as the guardian beast had not so much as smiled since... he couldn't remember when. "The problem is that we've only been hoping. Aside from you sparing us the love of Sakura for Tsukishiro, we have done nothing else." There was silence, as Yue did not reply, and he remained in silent contemplation. And then Kero tucked his wings behind his back to make way as the Moon Guardian stood.
"Where are the Cards?" Yue asked.
"In the Clow Book, of course, on the shelf over there." Kero pointed, and Yue retrieved it, breaking open the latch with his magic. The cards seemed confused; they stirred, but they did not retaliate. They remained sealed with their Mistress's signature. One by one, the Moon Guardian drew them from the book and laid them on the table, being careful not to disturb their magic with his own. "What are you doing?" Keroberos asked, a small fear rising and falling, giving way to the beginning of panic.
"This," Yue replied, "is how to alter fate without actually changing it."
"By what do you mean?"
"It is a great risk for me taking the Cards from the Clow Book," Yue told Kero. "Especially when they are under the Mistress's seal. But they are only confused, and their power is not dangerous. They are not angry. By rights, when the Cards sleep, only their Mistress would be allowed to wake them... but Keroberos, my brother, we are changing the rules." The hidden truth of Yue was revealed.
And Keroberos smiled.
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Eriol was smiling in his chair again.
Spinel Sun watched, confounded, the book he had been reading lay discarded at his paws. "Is something amusing, Master?" he asked, his wings stirring as the black beast stood and stretched. Ruby Moon looked back from the window she had been staring out, but it was not the evening sky that she watched so intently. That window was a gate across the world.
Eriol only continued to smile.
"The Master sees what I can only see looking through this window," Ruby said to Spinel. "Though he wants so much to do it, Yue's magic is not strong enough to fight the fates a second time..." She took a sip of the plum wine she was holding, the crystal glass glinting in the last light of the evening sun.
"And that is a reason to smile?" Spinel asked, slightly annoyed.
"That is not the point, Spinel Sun," she replied. "Come look for yourself." Spinel joined her at the window, and gazed not upon the quiet streets of an England town, but a vortex of time and space leading to the one scene that kept Ruby transfixed at the window. "Yue is not strong enough... but he has found another way to cheat. Very admirable of him, I think."
Spinel's eyes widened for only a moment. "I suppose Yue doesn't realize how dangerous it is to disturb the sleeping Cards? Only their Mistress is supposed to do so."
"He knows quite well the dangers, Spinel, and that is why he is so admirable."
Through the glass, they watched as Yue took the Cards from the book, being intent on preserving their Mistress's seal and not disturbing their magic with his. When the last one was placed upon the table, he mouthed something inaudible, but in the all-hearing ears of that glass that played their drama, Yue's voice resounded like a midnight rain upon the rooftops. "May Clow Reed forgive me for this," he whispered, and left Sakura's room through the window. Keroberos remained in his beast form for only a few seconds more, staring at the Cards, and then in a rush of golden-white wings, he returned to his stuffed-animal form.
"I just wish I could understand his intent," Ruby Moon whispered. "Clow created a formidable servant... though I wish I could understand how waking the Cards will affect the outcome of fate..."
"The answer, Ruby, is quite simple," Eriol suddenly replied, "You will see." And he did not say anymore than that.
The last light of the eve disappeared to a thin line on the horizon. "Yue is a remarkable one, indeed," Ruby Moon whispered again. "Master Reed was his creator, yes, but this creation has learned to grow and think... it is amazing, his stubbornness, and confusing why he wears so many masks... and yet when those masks disappear... It is as if he is someone completely different. Keroberos could learn a great much from his brother. Oh, I do wish one day I will have the chance to meet this Yue..."
"If only he knew you watched him so fondly from this window, Ruby..." Spinel sighed, feigning forbearance. "You shower him with too much affection, you know."
"That is fate," Ruby smiled. "If he succeeds in his latest exploit, he will have deserved every word."
The first star appeared as if to mark her declaration and Eriol continued smiling.
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Sakura, Tomoyo, and Syaoran sat together on the deserted steps of Tomoeda Middle School. It would only be another two weeks before the new semester started. But as lively as their conversations were that morning, Syaoran felt the distance growing. He knew he couldn't stay forever.
"Li-kun, are you going to stay for school in Tomoeda?" Sakura asked all too suddenly.
"I don't think so... I had only planned to stay for the summer when I came here."
"Oh," she replied. "I never did ask if you were visiting someone."
Tomoyo allowed herself to be silent as her best friend spoke to the boy she loved but could not remember. "I was here to visit someone," Syaoran said quietly. "But then... something happened. Something really bad happened... and I suppose... I've spoken to her, yes, but it's as if we never knew each other. It's heartbreaking, really," he confided. "She promised she wouldn't forget..."
Something struck Sakura then. Her mind reeled for only a moment as something flashed through her head. "Something bad happened," she whispered inaudibly, and against her will and fate's, an image evoked itself in her conscience. There was a girl and a boy standing on top of the radio tower. "Something bad happened..." The girl jumped from the tower, the boy screamed, and there was a spirit with hollow grey-violet eyes. "She promised to remember..." The image of her dream played before her, as if the outside world melted away into blackness. "You promised..." Sakura wanted to scream with frustration, confusion, as she faced those amber eyes, but then in a flash of reality, those amber eyes melted into the eyes of Li Syaoran.
He was grasping her shoulders and shaking her slightly. "Sakura-san? Daijoubu? What just happened?" he asked, but inside, he had an idea. If she didn't remember him now, then she would never remember.
"I don't really know," she replied, her emerald eyes still glazed. "It was the weirdest thing..." And Syaoran's heart fell.
"Perhaps you are ill again, Sakura-chan," Tomoyo said softly. "Maybe we should take you home."
Syaoran nodded silently and helped Sakura to her feet.
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"Home so early?" Fujitaka asked when the trio came into the kitchen of the Kinomoto residence. Yelan looked up from the book she was reading. She had almost grown accustomed to the lost look in her son's eyes.
"Sakura-chan was not feeling well," Tomoyo replied softly. "We thought it would be best she came home."
"Oh? Are you alright, Sakura?" her father asked. She nodded indecisively.
"I'm going to lie down on the couch for a while."
"Good," Tomoyo replied. "I need to talk to Li-kun outside."
No one could utter another word before Daidouji dragged Li out the front door. On the front steps, they sat down, and Tomoyo sighed. "Do you know how heartbreaking it is to watch you two?" she whispered. "She can't remember... I've tried, Li-kun, to say things and do things to trigger any memory she might have left... but it's not enough. I'm so sorry, Li-kun. I'm so useless."
"No, you aren't." Syaoran replied without looking at her.
"Yes, I am. I can't help you, and I can't help Sakura... What are you going to do now, Li-kun?"
He didn't answer her for almost a minute. "I don't know."
"She will remember one day, though."
"And I will wait however long it takes... But for now... I can't..." He stopped, and the true depth of his wounds showed clearly in his eyes. "It's been a pleasure knowing you, Daidouji-san," he said quietly, and then stood and went back inside.
"Li-kun, I'm sorry," Tomoyo whispered, but no one heard.
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Two days passed, and there came a knock that morning on Sakura's bedroom door.
"Hai?" she replied to it, and Syaoran poked his head inside. He looked upset, but he was masking it.
"Sakura-san, I just came to tell you that my mother and I are going back to Hong Kong tomorrow. I thought I'd ask you and Daidouji-san if you wanted to go somewhere this afternoon, just so I can say good-bye to both of you properly. You've been a great friend, Sakura-san."
Sakura didn't say anything for a while. She'd expected herself to feel sad when Syaoran finally left, but she didn't expect... Something in her heart hurt more than it should have, as if she were losing something important. Something deep inside her was breaking at that moment, but she didn't understand what. "Sure," she said quietly.
Syaoran closed the door again when he left, and Sakura stared listlessly at her clock.
"You've forgotten what you told me about Meiling-chan?" Tomoyo asked while they waited for Sakura to get ready. "She won't be happy with you."
"I'll face her and whatever she has to say," Syaoran said, not taking his eyes of the beige coloured wall which seemed to him suddenly very intriguing. "But there's nothing I can do whether I'm here or home in Hong Kong. I said before that I'll wait however long it takes."
Upstairs, Sakura was still lost. She didn't know why it hurt so much that Li was leaving, but it did. It hurt, and she couldn't deny that. And for the past two weeks that dream that plagued her nights kept getting more vivid, more demanding, more confusing. What did it all mean? As she dressed, she couldn't stop thinking about Li, and about the dream. There was a connection; she just couldn't see it.
"What is going on?" she hissed, and Kero only watched. "I wish I knew," she answered herself, and then went downstairs.
Keroberos heard the front door open, and then close, and footsteps leave the driveway onto the street, and after that, he expected what came next. Yue was again sitting outside the window, his face looking even less composed than before. It was like the old Yue was a mask, and it was slowly melting away. The Moon Guardian tapped on the glass twice, and Kero opened the window.
"The boy is leaving tomorrow," Keroberos told his brother.
"I know."
"Then our—your second plan has failed... funny, it failed and I did not even know what it was."
Yue shook his head and took a seat upon the window's ledge, keeping the curtains shut behind him should some unwary passer-by look up and see the wings of a Moon Guardian pressed against the glass. "We have one more day to hope, Keroberos. Don't forget that."
"I won't."
The magic of the Cards stirred again, as Kero felt them doing for the last week. They were growing restless, and even more confused. They knew something was wrong with their Mistress, but she never summoned them and so they could do nothing. The two guardians sat in silence for what seemed like hours. "We've done all that we can, Yue," Kero finally said, and his brother nodded.
"I will not give up hoping until tomorrow."
"I will not give up hoping at all."
And they did not know that all this time, they were being watched, and their resolve being admired.
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"So fate is a pitiful thing after all," Ruby said. No one asked or answered because they knew. "Tomorrow the magician boy is leaving Tomoeda... It's tearing him up inside. How sad, that Keroberos and Yue are so strong... I know if my Master were to forget... If he were to disappear... I would have long ceased my existence."
She closed her eyes, and then, opening them again, she threw the curtains shut almost violently. "Why did you do that?" Spinel asked.
"I can watch no more of this," she replied, and reached to pour herself another glass of plum wine.
"That is a weakness showing, Ruby Moon," the winged cat remarked.
"Human emotion is a weakness. I cannot help it that I was created to feel such a tragic thing." There was silence, then, until Eriol broke it.
"Human emotion is not a weakness, Ruby, but a strength. You will see its power soon enough." As an afterthought, Eriol raised a hand and with his magic he drew open the curtains from where he was seated. "You will see it." The glass she was holding fell to the floor, the crystal crushed, but no one noticed. Ruby Moon resigned and stepped towards the window.
"If emotion is not a weakness, then I will see this to the end."
Spinel joined her and neither spoke.
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When Sakura, Tomoyo, and Syaoran returned that evening, a surprise was waiting. Fujitaka, Yelan, Touya, and Yukito had prepared a dinner fit for a farewell party. They laughed and talked and planned the Li's next visit to Tomoeda... But through it all, Sakura could not stop thinking about the dream... and how she was losing something... Her heart was breaking unbeknown to even herself.
Yelan and Syaoran would be leaving the next morning, and knowing Sakura, she would not wake in time to see them off.
"Good-bye, Sakura-san," Syaoran had said. "You were a great friend, and I'll really miss you." Inside he felt like crying. "Maybe, if you want, I'll write to you when I'm in Hong Kong... Do you think I can come visit sometime again?"
Sakura smiled, and inside she felt like crying, too. Why does it hurt so much? She asked herself silently. "Of course you're welcome to visit, Li-kun," she replied to him. "I'll miss you, too... Good-bye, Li-kun." She had hugged him and his mother once, and then retreated to her room. That pain was growing deeper every moment she was near him. "Good-bye, Li-kun," she whispered again, and Keroberos didn't know what to do. It was almost too late for hope to emerge victorious.
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"Good-bye, Li-kun," she whispered as night fell upon the world. One tear slipped down her cheek, unseen to anyone, and suddenly, the Cards on her desk began to glow. Their aura was faint at first, a light pink that was barely visible, but their strength grew, their powers reawakened. Sakura looked up suddenly, scanning her room for the source of the strange pink light. Kero watched, stunned, but did not move. Perhaps this was of what Yue spoke.
On her desk there lay a stack of cards... she picked one up and read its name.
"Dream," she whispered, and a strange, almost magical feeling surrounded her. Everything went black, and in that darkness she heard the echo of a thousand words and visions, but only some had meaning she could understand. She was enveloped in a reality that once belonged to her, but somehow, she was not Sakura.
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Everywhere they looked, there was darkness.
Two figures stood alone on top of Tomoeda's radio tower, and everywhere they looked, there was darkness. Everything that had happened and everyone that had disappeared into the void: it was something both bewildering and frightening... No one could stand up to this power; they were all engulfed by the empty black abyss.
Everyone had disappeared, and now only those two figures stood alone and unknowing of how to stop this power that embodied the soul of destruction. Tomoeda had reached its darkest hour, but at present they could do nothing about it.
And so they stood, watching the darkness.
"You promised..." a voice whispered through the nothingness.
"What did I promise?"
There was a quarrel between the two figures, one boy and one girl, and suddenly, the girl jumped from the tower, plummeting into the dark abyss that lay below. She was going alone in search of something... and the boy could not follow, for his magic was not strong enough to enter the void without being swallowed completely by it.
"Don't do this!" he yelled, but the boy was alone with his echo.
"Sakura, you promised..."
The girl continued to fall into the void, slowing until her falling became more like floating in a sea of blackness. Sakura could only watch as the girl searched, her face in shadow... Finally, emerging form the dark came a pair of hollow grey-violet eyes—eyes that belong to the soul of all destruction. The girl revealed her emerald eyes and met that empty gaze, and the dream faded into another dream.
She felt a great loss, indeed, but the girl fought the spirit, and won the battle, but she also lost something important.
"You promised to remember!" a voice shouted brokenly. Sakura could not reply. The girl fell from the darkness, and in her hand was a card.
Suddenly, the scene faded, and the blackness in its languid state, returned. The dream's essence changed; the pace sped up, and fate was altered.
"You promised." There was a boy with amber eyes carrying a sword... He stood by Sakura's side, his resolve unwavering, as if he were her protector. "You promised," he said again. A winged lion appeared, the ruby jewel on his crown glowing. Beside him stood a white-haired spirit with icy blue eyes. Sakura picked up the other Cards and the Clow Book, in reality and in her dream they were in her hands. The two spirits kept calling her name; the boy said nothing.
"You promised... even after..." The winged lion transformed into a stuffed animal, the spirit became a young man, and the boy with amber eyes had only tears. "Even after..." A boy with navy eyes kept calling her name as well... his staff resounded a great energy, and beside him stood a black beast and a young woman with dark wings. They looked at her with sad, pleading expressions. "Even after this..."
A dark void began to form above them all, and one by one, they began to disappear. The blackness swallowed everything.
The figure of a young girl held a staff out against the dark, her magic faltering against the destructive power. She screamed silent words that Sakura could not hear. A white wind surrounded her, and the girl's own wings spread and vanished in the light that overpowered the black abyss. She held the staff and disappeared into the blinding white. "You promised," a voice echoed a final time, and when the girl turned around before vanishing, Sakura found herself looking into her own emerald eyes. "Even after..."
Sakura jolted awake.
"What does it all mean?!" she screamed at the morning light, and then, in the following silence, her world exploded within her. She closed her eyes and dropped the cards and the book. Without knowing why, she threw off her night clothes and dressed for the breaking autumn weather. Her eyes still wild and watching the cards she scattered, she backed slowly towards the door. "What?"
Fujitaka and Touya burst up the stairs as Sakura had screamed, only to find her backing out of her room, the Clow Book and the Cards scattered over the floor. "Sakura!" She turned around, almost oblivious to her father and brother, and ran.
"Even after what?!" she screamed again into the cold morning air, and her heart began to whisper... Suddenly, she knew what it all meant.
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"One day, Sakura," Syaoran whispered to himself, "you'll remember me again, and when you do, I'll still be waiting." He walked through the air terminal slowly behind his mother. Yelan felt her son's grief, but he had chosen what he thought was right. Sakura no longer remembered. She no longer needed him. He would leave her to her life. It would be better that way.
"Oh, my son," she whispered, but he did not hear. They reached the gate, still holding to their luggage. They'd forgotten to drop it off. Yelan continued to walk, and Syaoran followed, stopping only once to look back at the life he was leaving behind. What was he waiting for?
"One day, Sakura, even after all of this, you'll remember me... I'll wait as long as you want me to." He turned around, ready to leave it all behind, but as soon as he did, a frantic voice rang through the terminal.
"Li-kun!" Sakura yelled, her eyes darting over everyone and everything. She had to find him. She couldn't let him leave. "Li-kun!" He turned around, his widening, but suddenly sad. Yelan, her hope flying in place of her son's, passed back through the gate as Sakura reached them. "Li-kun, wait! Please don't leave!" Syaoran's mother saw something mysterious in Sakura's eyes... Something that knew. Something that understood. Something that remembered.
Yelan pulled them aside so they would not block the other passengers. "I'm sorry, Sakura-san," she heard her son say. "I have to return home... It's better this way."
"So you're just going to leave? Just like that? Li-kun, what about—?"
"Sakura," he interrupted quietly, his hopes dead long before. "I—"
"Hear me out, at least." Syaoran looked at her pleading eyes. "Don't go anywhere, at least not until you've listened to me. Then, if nothing matters, you can go." She drew in a deep breath, as if to help control her shaking. The images kept replaying in her mind. The Nothing. The tower. The Cards. The sacrifice.
"All right," he answered. Inside, he was confused. What's going on? What does she mean? The flame of hope rose, and then dwindled, as if fighting against the wind that wished to extinguish it. He didn't know what was happening. The past few weeks had been too hard on him... he could not think.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Sakura demanded almost angrily.
"What?"
"If you remembered it all, then why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you make me remember again? Why did you just choose to leave?" She fired question after question, never once truly wanting an answer. "Why?" Sakura stood there, angry, defiant... helpless.
"Sakura, what do you mean by—"
"The Nothing!" she shouted suddenly, loud enough for the terminal to hear. "Stop it, Li-kun! Don't you want me to remember? Don't you want me to know?" she demanded, her heart tearing inside. "I'll love you again, Syaoran..." She repeated the words she'd told him what seemed like eternities ago. "...even after my feelings are taken away..." She remembered! Syaoran's mind raced, but could not keep up with what was happened. He remained silent, stunned.
"Keroberos... Yue... the Clow Cards... Eriol-kun... Meiling-chan... You... Why didn't you trust my word? Now... you're leaving." Tears formed in Sakura's eyes.
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Ruby Moon was crying... but not from sadness.
Spinel remained quiet, confounded, lost, by the events unfolding.
"You see," Eriol said. "Human emotion is not a weakness. It destroys barriers; it does not cause them... Fate is not a pitiful thing." From the window, Spinel and Ruby did not reply. Eriol smiled with them as he silenced and continued to watch. Fate was not a pitiful thing at all.
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Yelan was about to say something, but her son had already stepped up in front of Sakura... the Card Mistress. "I'm not leaving," he whispered, lifting her chin so that she'd face him. He wiped away her tears, and she smiled. "I'm not leaving, Sakura. Not even after all of this..."
And he kissed her.
Fujitaka, Touya, Yukito, and Tomoyo holding Kero, finally reached the gate of the Lis flight to Hong Kong... When they found Sakura was not alone, a joy spread through the air so strong that even Touya, seeing Syaoran with his younger sister, could not hold himself to be angry. They were happy. Yukito grinned at Keroberos's hidden form; it was Yue's way of saying 'you can thank me later... I was the one who put the cards where she could find them... and remember them.'
Keroberos laughed mentally and smiled at his Card Mistress. Everything had turned out well.
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And just for the sake of having one, there's an epilogue! :) Please read it and review, k?
Thanx!!
LOL
Cat