The Life of Master Remus J. Lupin - By Erin
Disclaimer : - Most of this belongs to the wonderful JK Rowling, but I do own Crystal Lake, Jenna Lake and Mrs. Rose Evans. I am making no profit from this. Anastacia owns the lyrics.
This chapter is dedicated to LTDan! Who inspired me to write this particular idea in this chapter into the fic! Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!
Or white knights
Fields of emotions I'm trapped in darkness
Why me
Save me
To win this twisted war inside me
Won't justify the pain
Life doesn't promise a bed of roses
Lightening strikes the pages keep on turning
Help me to be strong
I'm
floating in a sea of strange believers
Where do I belong?
They paint a picture of perfect nowhere blue skies
Within every lie
there's a web of comfort
For them
Not me
To win this twisted war inside
me
Won't justify the pain
They paint you a picture of perfect nowhere
I said now
Lightening strikes the pages keep on turning
Help me to be
strong
I'm floating in a sea of strange believers
Where do I belong?
Where do we go from here?
I wish I would disappear
I'm a lonely
soul
So far from home
Chapter Four - Friendships become intense.
It was midday, Remus made his way into Hogsmead to hail the day bus; he stuck out his wand and smiled when the bus pulled to a stop. "Hello and welcome to the day bus for any stranded witch or wizard. I will be your conducted this morning, the names Kieran Standpike. How may I be of service?"
Remus smiled widely, "Hello Kieran, how's freedom treating you?" Remus asked. Kieran had graduated from Hogwarts last year; he had been a Hufflepuff, and a beater on the Quidditch team. They had studied together a few times. Kieran smiled in recognition, "Ah, well Remus you know I can't complain."
Remus stepped onto the bus, "I need to go to Wales, Godrics Hollow if you don't mind." He said smiling, Kieran smiled back, "That'd usually be three Galleons but give me one galleon and two sickles since its you. Just don't tell Lee, he's the driver, and my slave driver." He laughed gaily. Remus smiled, "If your sure." He paid his friend and sat on one of the beds.
"Oh, damn I forgot you don't by any chance want any sun block solution or sunglasses do you? I can get you a flask pumpkin juice too, for only three sickles extra." Kieran said walking back up to Remus. Remus smiled and politely refused. Kieran left him alone to his thoughts and in half and hour they had reached Remus's designation.
"Thanks Kieran, good luck with the new job." Remus stepped off the bus and looked around. Lily lived in a beautiful part of Wales, like the Potters her family was also quite well established, the house was situated in the countryside. Remus could see the mountains in the distance; he knew why Lily loved her home. It was breathtaking.
"Who are you?" A high pitched snobbish voice asked, Remus groaned, it was Lily's elder sister Petunia, she had apparently moved out, and lived in London with her fiancé, but today it looked like she was visiting her mother. He turned to face her, she recognised him at once.
"Oh its you, one of them. Lily!" She screeched, but Lily didn't answer, instead Mrs. Evans walked into the front garden, she smiled at seeing Remus. "Hello Remus its good to see you!" She embraced him, and then pulled away quickly noticing his wince of pain and discomfort at the sudden impact.
"Lily's on the telephone to her father at the moment." Her eyes surveyed the young man, he looked slightly worse for the wear, a purple bruise still covered one eye, it stubbornly refused to heal, one of the nastier silver wounds. She politely didn't bring the subject up.
"You're really going to allow Lily to socialise with this… this hoodlum, look he's been in a fight!" Petunia said disgustedly. Her mother looked at her sharply, "I'll have none of that cheek from you Petunia. May I remind you that you do not live here anymore, and may I also remind you that you are also a guest in this house!" Remus's eyes widened, he knew that the family had had an argument about Lily's witchcraft, and that as a result of it Petunia had moved out, but he didn't realise it was this bad.
"I don't wish to be any bother, really Mrs. Evans, I'll go and wait for Lily in the village." He began but Mrs. Evans shook her head, her expression softened. "No that's okay Remus you don't need to do that, and need I remind you that my names Rose? Mrs. Evans makes me sound so old." She chuckled, Remus smiled. He had always liked this woman; she had always been kind, even though she knew what he really was.
When Lily had found out what he was last year she begged him for permission to tell her mother, they had a very close relationship and Lily didn't want to talk about it to her friends not knowing if they had an open mind. He had agreed no wanting to distress her further. He was glad that the woman had a kind heart.
"Oh, it's a lovely day but still a bit chilly, lets go in. I've got some Leek soup on the stove for lunch, you're welcome to stay there's more than enough for us all. I'm not sure how long Lily will be on the phone. Ben's gone away with the army on a training exercise, he doesn't have much of a chance to phone us." Rose said a little sadly. Remus nodded, "That would be lovely Mrs.. I mean Rose, I have eaten since breakfast." She ushered him into the house sparing a withering glance at her daughter.
As they reached the hallway he saw Lily sitting in the front room, a few tears rolled down her face. "Of course its okay daddy, I don't mind, really. It's only one birthday, and you'll be back soon, just come back in one piece, and then I'll be able to show you some real magic, I'll be of age." Her voice floated out into the hallway, Rose paused for a second but carried on walking in the direction of the kitchen. She and Remus were alone; "Ben won't be back for her birthday then." She said sadly, Remus's heart ached, poor Lily; he knew it hurt her more than she left on.
"She'll be okay Rose." Remus said trying to comfort her, her face creased into a sad smile, "Oh I know that, it's her father I'm worried about. I don't know if he'll be able to forgive himself. He's never missed one of their birthdays." Remus smiled, "I'm sure Lily will make sure that he doesn't beat himself up over it." She nodded smiling back. She made them both a cup of tea and sat down. "Are you really feeling okay Remus?" She asked knowingly, he frowned knowing she was referring to the full moon. "Yes, just tired, Madam Pomfrey wanted to keep me in the hospital wing until tomorrow, but the headmaster let me go, she wasn't very happy." He smiled softly. Rose frowned.
"You were at school? As I understood it, your father built a place for you to use during the summer." She asked, his smile dropped and he couldn't meet her eyes, "Ah well you see that's the problem, my father has disowned me." He said quietly. Her eyes widened, and she threw her arms around him again forgetting his previous discomfort. "Oh you poor boy." She said softly, but then noticing his grimace, she let go knowing that the full moon had affected him more than he let on.
"Oh I'm sorry." She said witheringly, "I have some aspirin somewhere, it'll ease the pain." He smiled and shook his head, "Thank you Rose but Madam Pomfrey gave me some potions for the pain. I have to take another one in an hour." She nodded sipping her tea.
"May I ask why your father did such a thing?" She said quietly, he smiled softly knowing that he didn't mind telling this woman. "Yes, but it would probably be better if I told you and Lily at the same time so I don't have to repeat myself." She smiled at him, "Thank you for trusting me. I'll just get rid of Vernon and Petunia." She stood up, but Lily walked into the kitchen. "Oh you don't have to do that, they're both going down to the village, something about not staying where they aren't wanted and not socialising with my kind." She said breezily, and then she noticed Remus and his black eye.
"Oh Merlin! What on heaven has happened to you Remmy?" She asked rushing up to him. She gently traced the outline of the violently purple bruise, noticing the cuts along the eyebrow. She mouthed 'silver?' and he nodded.
"Its nice to see you too Lily." Remus said quietly, and she looked him in the eye, "Oh don't you give me that Remmy! You turn up in my kitchen looking like a hippogriff trampled all over you in a fight and all you can say is, 'its nice to see you too Lily!'"
Remus began to laugh, the two women stared at him in shock, the elder Evans looked slightly amused, Lily however did not. She placed her hands on her hips and glared at him.
"Oh Lily! Sirius said the same thing this morning." He chuckled, "Although he didn't pull it off as good as you did." She stared at him in annoyance, "Are you comparing me with that fleabag Remus, because if you are I'll have to hex you!" He held his hands up in mock surrender and she smiled. "Good, I didn't think you were."
Rose chuckled to herself and busied herself dishing out the plates of soup for lunch they sat down and began to eat. Lily looked at Remus, "You still haven't told me what's happened." She said anxiously. Rose nudged her daughter gently, "After we've eaten Pumpkin." Lily looked affronted at the use of her nickname, Remus smiled at her. She shook her head and they continued to eat.
"Dad's not coming home this week, it'll be next week hopefully." Lily said strongly, trying to look like the news didn't faze her. Rose nodded, "I know darling, are you okay?" She asked hesitantly but Lily smiled and nodded however Remus looked at her thoughtfully.
"Stop that." Lily growled. He stared at her in confusion as she glared at him in annoyance. "You and your sense of smell, if I wanted my feelings made public then I would tell you!" She looked at him pointedly. He looked at her apologetically.
"Lily its not something I can shut off you know." His voice was soft, she looked at him compassionately, "Oh I know, I'm sorry Remus, I just don't want you knowing my feeling when I don't even know what they are myself." She shook slightly.
"I'm sorry Lils." He spoke quietly. She nodded, "I know Remmy, I know." Rose had a feeling they were talking about a lot more thank just Remus's sense of smell.
"You have a close friendship don't you. Close maybe than even you have with James." Rose said softly, Remus blushed and looked into his bowl. Lily however lifted her head a little, and looked at her mother defiantly. "Yes and if we have?" She asked, her emerald eyes glittering. Her mother smiled, "Then hold onto it dear." She answered passionately.
When they had cleaned up from Lunch they adjourned into the front room. Lily and Remus sat on the sofa and Rose sat in an armchair opposite them.
Lily kicked off her shoes and curled up her feet under her, Remus had gotten over his embarrassment and crossed his legs leaning back deeply into the chair. He had just taken his potion, apart from a few aches and the tiredness, he felt physically fine. Rose thought they looked remarkably comfortable together.
"So, Remus." Rose began, "You wanted to talk to us." He nodded, wondering how to phrase the last few days. He sighed, hating his personal life being invaded but knowing it was necessary. "Your visit was a shock to say in the least, and my father was displease, although I must admit I am to blame for that. I never told him about our friendship, he only speculated." He fidgeted, both Lily's and Rose's eyes were boring into him. He admired them, whilst pondering what to say. They were remarkably the same fine shade of green.
"What do you mean? Why is that a bad thing?" Lily asked in confusion, Remus blanched at her naivety in some aspects. "Lily, you are muggle born. James is a Potter, coming from an ardent family who all fight against dark Wizards. Sirius had deserted his family who my father happens to be old friends with, and my father believes Peter to be little better than a squib." He said dejectedly, "I have no doubt that my father will join the dark side, if he hasn't already. He has already shown that he is quite capable of killing and torturing." Remus slipped on his words. Lily sat frozen in shock not knowing what to do. "I hadn't meant to bring that up, but you'll be wondering what happened to Romulus my brother." Lily nodded while Remus kicked himself inwardly.
"My father hates anything that isn't pureblood, and as you know I most defiantly am not a pure-blooded being, I am not even one hundred percent human." Lily gasped, "Don't you dare say that Remus! You are as much a human being as I am!" He smiled at her gratefully.
"Last year my father tried to kill me with a silver bullet but my brother jumped in front of it saving my life." He said bluntly, "That is why my mother blames me… because the better son died… She has always been distant with me, especially after I was bitten." Rose looked at him; both her and her daughter tried their best not to cry throughout Remus's story. It took him the best part of an hour to tell them everything. Both women were in tears more than once.
"Listen I must ask you both not to tell anyone about my brothers death, only Professor McGonagall and the headmaster know, I told them yesterday after I stole from my father." They nodded but Lily looked indignant.
"You should have taken all of the gold!" Lily said angrily. Remus smiled, "Maybe, but it'll be gone soon anyhow. He'll either gamble it all away or drink it all away, and I couldn't care less, but the fact is that I have bribed him so he doesn't come after me." Remus smiled widely, "If he tries to prosecute me for stealing or if he ever harms me again, then Professor Dumbledore will testify against him and then I will be entitle to much more than I have taken, and he'll be thrown in Azkaban. I wrote a letter containing everything I've just told you."
Rose smiled softly, "You are a very intelligent young man Remus." He blushed, "Maybe. We'll have to see how it plays out, but this is not why I'm here. I need your help with finding somewhere to live, and Lily you know more about muggles than I do." She nodded, but then shook her head. "No you can stay here, Petunia's gone, and we have the room." Her mother nodded, He smiled, again genuinely surprised at the offer.
"I thank you… Dumbledore offered too but I would need to find my own place next year anyway." He said awkwardly not liking charity. Rose smiled suddenly. "I have just the place that you can rent! It's not much mind you but it could be your home for now, and it's mostly furnished." Lily smiled too knowing what she was alluding to. Remus looked up surprised. "It's a little cottage, at the end of our property, Ben's parents used to hire a gardener and because there is so much land around the homes he used to live there. He died some years ago." Remus looked at them in surprise, not sure of what he should do.
"You don't have to say yes yet, it's not much but wait until you see it." Lily continued. Remus smiled politely wondering how he was going to turn them down. It still felt like charity to him, he was too proud.
"Oh stop it!" Lily said pointedly, "Its not charity, you would be doing us a favour! All its doing is sitting there neglected, we have no use for it!" Remus gaped at her, "Err, Lily are you sure that you're not telepathic?" He asked blushing. She smiled, "Yes… your just easy to read, its all in your eyes." He smiled, that was one of the reasons why she was the smartest witch he knew, and why she would be head girl.
They walked out into the back garden; Remus couldn't see a cottage anywhere, only a small woodland area to the right. Lily smiled and took his hand, "Its in there." She pointed to the woods. Remus smiled and allowed himself to be led by the two women. They walked into the wood, it wasn't really much of a wood, but it did cover the cottage, it took them five minutes to reach the cottage itself. He stepped onto the path and headed to the cottage. He gasped, it was a small red-bricked cottage, it looked a little bit shabby, but nothing a coat of paint and a few nails couldn't fix.
They walked into the cottage; there was a large room, which served as both a living room and a kitchen. He saw a television and a sofa, another chair matching the sofa. A coffee table in the middle and near the kitchen stood a table and a few chairs. A fireplace adorned one wall, above it a few shelves had been erected, a few books rested on them. Then he was led into a smaller room, a double bed sat in the middle of the room, and to one side an oak wardrobe and a chest of draws. There was no curtains, or bed sheets and pillows and the cottage needed to be decorated again as the wallpaper had faded and was starting to peel. The bathroom he noticed was small and quaint, with a bath and shower, it could do with a clean he thought.
Before Remus knew it he had already made plans to stay there, Lily stood next to him beaming. "I knew you would like it, my Grandpa Harrison loved it too, he used to stay here when he visited." Remus smiled at Lily's enthusiasm. "I would love to rent it, how much would that be Rose?" He asked uncertainly. She smiled back slightly.
"Well, as I said its in quite bad shape, it needs a coat of pain and a few repairs here and there… So I'd say three pound a week." She said, he looked at her in surprise, "Oh but the going rates about six pounds." He said scandalised, she smiled patiently, "Yes I know but you'll be fixing it up too, so I knocked it down." He smiled back and they shook hands.
"I can pay for two weeks rent now, if you don't mind?" He asked uncertainly, she smiled hating to take the lads money away from him. She would need to think of a way to give it back to him.
"Yes that's fine."
It was a done deal.
Remus surveyed Lily, she was sitting in the little red armchair clutching a mug of tea but something wasn't right about the expression of unhappiness on her face.
"Lily what's bothering you?" He asked uncertainly, hoping he was not about to be on the receiving end of her anger. Her eyes flashed magnificently, Remus bowed his head, waiting for the tirade that was sure to come… but didn't.
She sighed, "I don't really know, I just ache." It was a whispered confession, Remus looked into her eyes
"Lily can I give you some advice? I hate to see you looking so, dejected." He asked nervously, she looked at him pointedly, "If you like." Her tone was almost casual but Remus still sensed the despair.
"Go and talk to James. Tell him how you feel." He told her matter a flatly, she grimaced, "I'd rather not." He shook his head, "Then I guess the pain might eventually dull, but its clear that you love him." She gasped and turned her head away evading his eyes.
"That's the problem you see Remmy, I… I don't know who too choose." She whispered again, feeling condemned. Remus eyebrow lifted he felt flummoxed, "Between whom?"
She blushed and looked away, "I beg of you, don't ask me that again." She told him. He shook his head nervously; he had thought he was making progress. Lily had been hesitant to talk to him about her worries since third year when he had worked out that she wasn't one of the lads.
"I can't help you if you don't tell me." He said gently, a tear rolled down one of her rosy cheeks. "Oh Lily, please don't, I hate to see you cry." And he truly did, ever since as a first year she fell from her broom and broke her ankle.
She sniffed, "Why are you so nice to me Remus? Is it because of James?" She asked suddenly, her green eyes boring into him. "Urm, no actually. I believe its custom for friends to treat each other nicely isn't it?" He said evasively.
"Bullshite, the truth if you wouldn't mind." She said sternly, his eyes widened. "Lily if your mother could hear your language." He scolded. She stood up scowling, "Don't play mind games with me you won't win."
"I'm nice to you because you're my friend Lily, you always have been. You were the first friend I made at Hogwarts… but your so much more than that." He blushed, "You're a part of my family too." He whispered, her eyes softened.
"What member of the family?" She whispered desperately, "Your sister?" He nodded, "Sort of Lils, I'm not sure what you are, but I know you're important to me." She smiled sadly, and shook her head. "I don't know if that's good enough for me." He looked at her dumbfounded.
"You're the other person Remus."
Remus looked at her, he knew that it cost her a lot of dignity to admit that, he sighed softly not knowing what to say and she looked at him in despair, "But the feelings not mutual is it?" She asked almost heartbroken. "Is it because of your loyalty to James?" She questioned, pressing him for answers.
"Lily what would happen if I told you the feeling was mutual?" He asked breathless with anticipation. She smiled slightly, "Then my dear Remmy. I would have to have my wicked way with you." She said softly, all thoughts of Crystal were suddenly banished from his mind. Lily had his undivided attention, and it felt too good to be true, but a nagging feeling of unfaithfulness crept upon him.
Lily lent over and brushed his cheek, she bent down and placed a chastise kiss on his lips. Remus could smell her perfume, and the loving feeling he felt in his heart for her screamed for more, but the nagging feeling persisted.
"Oh Lily, this is wrong." His conscience won. "My best friend is in love with you, I can't do this to James, I can't." She stood up and backed away from him. The smile vanished from her face as her emerald eyes twinkled dangerously.
"I will decide who I choose to love Remus." Her tone was dangerously low, fuelled with anger at his rejection. "Why do you always forsake yourself and give to others? Who are you to play matchmaker?" She shouted suddenly, he looked at the ground wishing that it would swallow him up.
"Why don't you believe that you deserve some happiness for once?" She asked softly, her anger had abated for now; tears began to fall down her pail cheeks. He looked up longing to touch her. "Lily, James would kill me. Your destined to be together, everyone knows that! You would be the perfect couple! You can't love me! I'm far from perfect! You deserve better!" He said softly, watching her every move.
Lily's anger returned and her eyes sparkled with determination. He stood up and tried to place a comforting arm on her shoulder but he was refused, she shrugged him off and pushed him against the wall roughly. She began to kiss him deeply this time, almost angrily. His heart soared, and before he knew what he was doing his arms pulled her closer to him and he kissed her back passionately. After a while she pulled away, the kiss had left both of them breathless.
"Can you honestly look me in the eye and tell me that you don't love me Remmy? Because that wasn't a one sided kiss, was it?" She asked softly. He shook his head, trying to sort out his thoughts. He looked into her intense emerald eyes, and was captured; he knew then that he would never be able to refuse her. He loved her.
"Remmy? James never has to know." She said quietly looking back into his own soft amber eyes. He nodded, and she embraced him smiling softly to herself.
"And Remmy, I'm not an angel you know. I'm far from perfect myself." She whispered to him. Shivers ran down his spine, he tilted her head and leaned down kissing her softly.
"To me your perfect Lils."
End of Ch 4
Thank you all for your kind reviews! Review again and let me know how I handled the Romance scene, I've never really written one before! Constructive Criticism will be allowed, but no flames please!
My thanks to: - Fina, I-Love-Moony, George the Leprechaun, Amy and CyMpLi CoMpLeX.
Foureyedsnail: - I hope its original, and I hope you liked this chap (and the last one) but there will be much more angst soon. I liked the letter too, and I hope I haven't kept banging on about Remmy's past in the previous two chapters! Can't help it, poor guy deserves a break!
Liv: - I will email you! I really hope you like the rest! Much more angst to come! Yes, I'll admit that I was crying while writing the letter too!
AffectedMangoO: - Hmm, Crystal is out of the picture at the moment but she might come back – I haven't decided.
Lupinfan: - I hope you haven't gone insane! Took me a while!
LTDan: - Cheers! You inspired R/L – I wasn't planning on writing it into the plot in detail, originally they didn't get together, but you got me thinking…
Thank you all very much!Erin