The Chronicles of LUPERMAN!!!
This was inspired by the Professor Lupin from the Harry Potter films, not the books. Well actually, thats a lie. It was inspired by two of my friends, who have a long-standing joke of calling Lupin 'Loopeeeein!', and they were inspired by the Lupin of the films, and then they inspire me, que? =D Hey life's complicated. Ai.
Disclaimer: The only thing that is mine here is the word 'Luperman' and the concept that Dementors have eyebrows. o0 The rest belongs to JK.
Harry Ron and Hermione were sitting on the Hogwarts express. The weather was miserable and dark, and the foreboding atmosphere was added to when the train came to a sudden stop.
"What the bloody hell?"
"Ronald Weasley, I doubt your mother would approve of you using such-"
"Hey, shut up you two, someones boarding the train."
They looked at each other, thinking exactly the same thing. The trains on a bridge.
"Hey... Its cold. Think we've broken down?" Ron was talking quietly as if someone unwanted was trying to listen. Harry shrugged.
"Well the train is probably run on magic so in theory it shouldn't break down, but I can't be sure, I'll ask Professor McGonagall when-" Hermione was cut off again when a shadow appeared outside of the door. The handle clicked out of its catch, and the door swung open.
What was standing there was too horrible to imagine. The creature reeked of death, suppressed only by the long black robes that enveloped it. Only a hand was visible. Harry gazed in horror at the hand, glistening and moldy like some dead animal that had been rotting in the damp. his head began to swim, and as the creature approached him his eyes went out of focus and blackened round the edges.
"I'LL SAVE YOU!!!" Harry looked at the seat next to him in astonishment. Under what they had assumed to be a pile of coats was a man, with a bent little mustache and a queer haircut. He was dressed in wizards robes, but he ripped them off, revealing not flesh but a blue spandex suit. Hermione gasped and clasped her hands together, eyes sparkling.
"Its.. Luperman! Save us Luperman!" Luperman smiled gaily at her, and pulled out his wand.
"Never fear! LUPERMAN IS HERE!!!" Discarding his wand, he jumped in front of the three teenagers and spread out his arms.
"If you want them Dementor of Azkaban, you'll have to go through ME!!" The dementor (probably) raised an eyebrow under his cloak, and put its hands on Luperman's shoulders. Hermione squealed and buried her head in Ron's chest.
"Bugger off 'Mionie! This is just wrong!" He put his hand on the back of her head, and Harry rolled his eyes.
"Uh-Little help, kids?" Amid Hermione and Ron's little display of affection, Harry had forgotten that Luperman was having his soul sucked out.
"Uuuh..." Hermione looked up from Ron's jumper, and sighed exasperatedly.
"Men!" She promptly got out of her seat, pushed Luperman aside and kicked the Dementor in a place that she had often dreamed of kicking Malfoy in after all of the Mudblood incidents. It let out a horrifying shriek and melted.
Luperman stood and gave them another gay smile.
"I am LUPERMAN!! I have SAVED YOU ALL!!" Ron looked at Harry. Harry looked at Hermione. Hermione stared in disbelief at Luperman.
"But I-"
"No need to thank me! All in a days work for- LUPERMAN!" Had this scenario been in an anime cartoon, a large sweat drop would have appeared on the back of Luperman's head at Hermione went very red and began to yell at him. Fortunately this is a fanfic, and I get to decide.
Luperman smiled yet again, and opened the window, ignoring Hermione as she clenched her fists and glared at him.
"We will meet again, my friends! To Hogwarts!" He jumped out of the window. Harry almost expected him to start flying, but instead he fell on to the bridge, and stood in the rain, looking a bit lost.
"Would you kindly pass me one of those coats, lad?" Before Harry had a chance to respond, the train started again. Ron was staring at Hermione for some answers, and looking slightly bewildered.
"Do you want to know who Luperman is then? Okay-"
"NO!"