Chapter 18
'echo'
"No, for god's sake, I did not dive through the window for some kind of publicity stunt. Can we stop talking about that now? I promise I'm never going to do it again."
Tomoyo stirred and opened her eyes, in time to see Eric light up a new cigarette and blow the smoke at the newscaster. She coughed furtively.
"But Senator Masters," pressed another one, crowding in with his microphone, "you were reported dead yesterday evening. Is there any kind of connection between that and your startling last-minute entrance?"
"Jeez, what do you think?"
The reporter looked rather baffled at the flippant reply and another one spoke up, the angle of the camera adjusting slightly. Just over Eric's shoulder, a silent shadow in the press crowd, Tomoyo could see Li's cousin. They were both all right, then, she was happy to see, though she had only a vaguely better idea than most of what really happened. After his speech and the vote, the networks were buzzing with speculation and replaying the footage every other minute, and eventually Tomoyo had drifted off to sleep. Several hours later, it seemed they were still at it.
"Senator Masters, was it intended to be symbolic of your distaste for proper procedure -"
"Enough," Eric interrupted impatiently. "Stop talking about it, it doesn't matter anymore. It's not important why I came through the window. Senator Pindexter's bill lost today, don't you think that's at least interesting? No one even questioned 314 before today, but 32 senators decided that government didn't have the right to do what he wanted it to do. Isn't that amazing? Doesn't it get you excited?"
A brief silence followed, broken by another reporter pushing her mike close to Eric's mouth.
"But Senator Masters, the people deserve to know. What really happened this morning in the Capitol?"
Eric uttered an exasperated groan and rolled his eyes. "Never mind, I'm done here. And yes, I will be running for re-election, thanks for asking." He snagged Meilin's hand, prompting a flurry of questions about her identity, and dove into the privacy of his office.
The screen flipped back to the anchors, who immediately began another round of analysis on the young politician's actions and what would come of all this. Feeling more awake, Tomoyo found the remote on the floor and muted the sound, then sat up and stretched. She felt quite rested; she must have slept for a while. Cheerful daylight spilled through the windows and Tomoyo crossed the room to the porch's sliding glass doors, intent on a little fresh air. But her hand stayed on the latch and she did not open them, when she saw the beach outside.
In the sunshine the water had become a sparkling slate blue, calm and flat except where it broke in small waves on the shore. They splashed against the sand and Sakura danced through them, whirling and skipping and kicking water droplets into the air, her unfamiliar white dress flaring as she twirled. A huge lion loped alongside her, occasionally feinting an attack and then playfully retreating, but Sakura only laughed. Together the two of them frolicked in the surf, and then Sakura performed a couple cartwheels.
Tomoyo pinched herself to make sure this was no dream, then slid the door open. Neither Sakura nor the lion disappeared, even when she moved forward and left the house. One step after another, across the porch and onto the soft sand, all of it unnoticed. As if in a trance Tomoyo drew closer, gaze locked on just that one beautiful girl dancing on the beach.
Sakura turned when she was just a few steps away, panting a little, eyes sparkling like the ocean and hair fluttering in the breeze. For one moment they only stared at one another, and then Sakura ran and pounced on her, squeezing her in an ardent embrace.
"Sakura?" Tomoyo whispered, too stunned to even hug her back.
"Tomoyo," Sakura replied, drawing back enough to meet her gaze. Love and gratitude shone from her eyes, and Tomoyo dimly felt her heart beat faster. "You did more than you should have ever had to do… I'm so glad you're all right."
Was she imagining it? She hadn't heard Sakura say her name since they were ten years old. Her eyes burned and Sakura blurred slightly; she could feel hot tears dripping down her cheeks. "You -" she tried to say, "are you…"
"Happy?" Sakura looked away, out over the endless blue water, cocking her head slightly as if she was listening for something Tomoyo couldn't hear. Then she smiled again. "Yes, very much so. I think this place is beautiful." She looked back at Tomoyo and the smile became more of a knowing grin. "We can rest here as long as we like. It's over."
Tomoyo felt her knees give way and she sank helplessly to the sand, Sakura obligingly settling herself at her side. Her wildest dreams had just come true and Tomoyo burst into tears, chest heaving as she sobbed into Sakura's shoulder, not sure why she was crying but somehow unable to stop.
"Missed you… so much…" she managed to choke out, and Sakura held her close, rocking her and stroking her hair as Tomoyo had so often done for her.
"Shh, I know. It's okay, I'm here."
"I was so scared! All the time…"
"You don't have to be anymore. Everything's going to be all right now."
Tomoyo cried and cried, there on the beach while the waves splashed softly against the sand. She cried out her misery, and fear, and frustration, and even her anger at those who were responsible. She cried out eight horrible years, and when she was finally done she felt at peace. Embraced, the two friends sat silently and watched the water shimmer in the sunlight. Her precious Sakura had come back to her, and the universe was suddenly very beautiful.
She didn't know how long they stayed like that, but eventually Sakura's companion trotted up to them and flopped down on the sand. Tomoyo had forgotten all about the fearsome cat, but she didn't move from her position. Sakura was not afraid and so, she reasoned, she had no cause to be either. Muzzle between his paws, gold eyes fixed on her hopefully.
"She told me you're a good cook."
Tomoyo blinked in confusion. "Sakura?"
"Tomoyo, this is a friend of mine," Sakura explained, her tone affectionate. "His name is Kero."
"Er, hello," Tomoyo greeted politely, not sure what else to say.
"Hi," he answered cheerfully, his tufted tail twitching with anticipation. "So…"
"Are you hungry?" Tomoyo finally ventured, when he let the word linger in the air. "You want something to eat?"
"Well now that you mention it, okay!" He stood and shook himself free of sand, causing both girls to flinch, then loped past them and back to the house.
"If you don't mind, Tomoyo," Sakura offered apologetically, when she saw Tomoyo's bewildered stare. "It's been so long since he's had real food…"
"Oh no," Tomoyo interrupted hastily. "It's okay. I'll make a meal, I'll make enough for everyone!" Mysterious talking lion or no, Tomoyo jumped at the chance to do something for Sakura and she was only too happy to cook. Sakura smiled gratefully.
"You really are such a good friend."
"So are you," Tomoyo answered, and meant every word of it. They shared another hug and then Tomoyo stood up, parting contact rather reluctantly. But Sakura was back, they had all the time in the universe to be together.
Sakura was back. Sakura was back.
Every time she repeated it in her mind it sounded better, and it was such a delicious warm feeling to let it sink in. Humming under her breath, she scuffed back to the porch and saw Li for the first time. He was crouched on the railing, silent and immobile as the house, with only his tousled hair moving in the breeze. She had not seen him when she first crossed the porch but she knew he'd been there the whole time, watching Sakura.
"Li," she greeted softly. He didn't move, his eyes never left the girl on the beach. "You did it, you saved her."
"I did part of it."
"What happened?"
"I can't tell you," was the disappointing answer. "I'm not really sure. She finished what she had to do; she completed it and it completed her. The project is gone; no one will be coming after her anymore." Finally he turned his face, just enough to look directly at Tomoyo. "She's not the same. Is she?"
It hurt a little, to hear him say it so bluntly, and Tomoyo wondered how he knew. Her smile faded and she shook her head. "No. It's Sakura but… she's not exactly the same."
"Not everything that comes apart can be completely put back together," he muttered, voicing her thoughts. That was true, she knew it, but Tomoyo remembered the joyful dancing and loving devotion in green eyes.
"You saved her, Li. She's happy."
"Yeah." He was watching Sakura again, his face unreadable. "I know."
- - - - - - -
The hard, cold floor was gone. Touya shifted slightly, as he woke, and winced at the ache that rippled through his muscles. The pain was not unbearable, though, something soft cushioned his body and he was warm. A hand cupped his jaw when he moved, gently, its touch familiar.
"Don't move too much," Yuki cautioned. "You're still healing."
Touya thought he'd never heard a more beautiful sound. "Yuki," he breathed, and raised his hand to cover Yukito's. It was real, he could feel the warmth of his touch and his soft skin as he stroked Touya's cheek. "You were dead."
"Not really, no," Yuki answered lightly. "My body was just… stunned for a little while. The real me isn't about to get killed by any measly hull explosion."
"The real you?" Touya mumbled, mind slowly shaking free of sleep, content to enjoy the feel of Yukito's gentle caress.
"It's… complicated. He's spoken to me, says we're really the same. I was his way to get to you, to join with you for a rescue… I guess, in a way, I was created for you."
So the angel that came and carried him away was no dream, after all. Vaguely Touya remembered howling winds, screeching metal, a riot of laserfire, and then… stars. Peace.
"I want to look at you. Take off this blindfold."
Yukito chuckled. "You're not wearing a blindfold, Toya, your eyes are closed."
Oh. Hesitantly, Touya blinked them open, but the light was not harsh. Late afternoon sunlight spilled through a window, dousing Yukito in its mellow gold glow and illuminating his tender smile. It wasn't just the sunlight, for the first time Touya truly saw Yukito for what he was. The magic inside of him was humming, rich and strong and full of life. He was complete now, when he had not been before, at some level Touya sensed it.
"You're so beautiful," he whispered, "all of you. I'm sorry -"
"It doesn't matter anymore," Yukito interrupted firmly, well aware of what Touya was about to say. "You know now, we both know. And I love you."
"Same here," Touya sighed, too busy drinking in the sight to be any more eloquent. Yuki knew what he meant though, and his eyes crinkled with the smile before he leaned in close. Their lips brushed tentatively, then with more confidence, tasting and loving one another. It was heaven, but when Touya pushed up to deepen the kiss Yuki withdrew, albeit reluctantly.
"Careful, careful. You were almost dead when we found you, let's not push things."
Unwanted and nightmarish memories whisked through Touya's mind and he flinched, covering it by quickly turning to check on his arm. The throbbing pain had subsided and there was no sign of any injury, though it twinged when he moved it.
"My arm -"
"Sakura fixed it, and your broken ribs too. But I still think you should rest -"
"Sakura!" Aches and pains ignored he bolted upright in bed, now thoroughly awake and his heart thumping rapidly in his chest. "Where is she, is she all right?"
"She's fine, Toya," Yukito soothed, "she's… okay."
"Can I see her?" Touya pressed, absently noting the odd inflection but too anxious to pay much attention. Yukito smiled at the possessive brother asking permission, but he nodded in aquiescence.
"Of course you can. I'll go and get her."
"No, take me to her." Touya peeled back the blanket and twisted to bring his legs over the edge of the mattress, muscles protesting. He was sore but no more so than after a day of hard labor, it was manageable.
"Honestly, Toya, you really shouldn't get out of bed -"
"No, I can walk. Please let me walk." Touya surprised them both with the obvious desperation in his voice, but he hadn't walked since before… that. He had to move, erase the memories from his body and prove he was stronger. And he would not see his sister like a cripple in bed.
"Well, okay," Yukito acceded reluctantly. "Careful now." Both hands grasping his firmly, he stood up and pulled Touya to his feet. The room swam a bit and Touya had to steady himself, relying more on Yukito's support than he would have liked. But his knees didn't buckle and his vision cleared, and after a moment he took a small step. Yukito didn't let go, but backed up before him, patiently allowing Touya to cross the room at his own pace.
"How long have I been out?"
"Mm, most of the day, I think. Not long, considering."
"Where are we?"
"In a house, on D.C. It's -"
"D.C.? Tomoyo, she got away from the police, I think she came here -"
"She's okay, Toya, she's downstairs. Everyone's okay, relax." Yukito led him out of the bedroom and into a hallway, the dirty floor suffering from obvious neglect. Touya concentrated on navigating the stairs, one step at a time, loosening his grip on Yuki as he became more confident. They reached the first floor, a little cleaner than the upper story, and moved down another hall.
"What is this place, whose is it?"
"It's a beachouse, on the eastern coast of the main continent and very out-of-the-way. It's Li's house."
Those last words had hardly registered in Touya's mind when they rounded a corner, entered a room, and he came face to face with Li himself.
Both of them stiffened and Li took a step back, surprised. The sun was starting to drop and he'd intended to go up and check in with Yukito, just to see if he wanted something to eat. He had not expected Kinomoto to be conscious, having seen his condition, and certainly wasn't expecting to find him out of bed. A tense silence descended as they eyed each other warily.
"You look terrible," Li finally said, coolly.
Touya's eyes darkened and Yukito opened his mouth, then promptly shut it when Touya held up a hand for silence. His face had been bruised and scarred, yes, but those unyielding black eyes were the same as Li remembered them – when he'd threatened to kill Li and then thrown him off the ship.
Without warning Touya closed the distance between them and gripped Li in a fierce hug, squeezing so hard Li had to gasp for air. Stunned, he didn't move and neither did Yukito, staring with his mouth open. From the direction of the kitchen he heard Tomoyo's soft gasp, but she obviously didn't know what to say either. For a long moment no one said anything.
"Thank you," Touya exhaled, the words barely audible to Li, then repeated them more loudly. "Thank you."
"You're welcome," Li replied stiffly, unsure what else to say. Touya still didn't move, and Li was starting to get uncomfortable. He tried to step back but Touya's grip only tightened. "Um, I can't -"
"Did you kiss my sister?"
Li gulped and tried to draw another breath, finding it increasingly difficult to do so. "You almost died today and this is what you're worried about?"
"Did you?"
"Yes! Yes, I kissed your sister and I'm not sorry." He braced his hands against Touya and almost shoved him back, forcing distance between them. "She wanted it too."
"Oh? And did she 'want' to spend the night in your bed?"
"How did you know about that?"
"Government informant," Touya said snidely. "So it's true? You're dead." He made a move for Li and Yukito caught his wrist.
"Toya, still healing, remember? And he did save Sakura." Touya growled unhappily and directed a smoking glare at Li, who returned it haughtily.
"I really hate you."
"Same here," Li assured him. Yukito rolled his eyes heavenward and heaved an exasperated sigh.
"Did you want to see Sakura or not, Toya?" This had the desired effect of distracting Touya, and his scowl lightened.
"Where is she?"
"Outside." It wasn't Yuki that had answered, though, it was Li. He nodded his head to the glass doors across the room and stepped aside, allowing them passage. "She's waiting for you."
Touya contented himself with a final glare at the kid and then limped past him, toward the indicated doors. In the silent understanding they shared as lovers, Yukito opened the door for him but did not follow him outside. Alone, Touya stepped onto the porch.
The scene outside was surprisingly pleasant. The sun had already moved to the other side of the house and the eastern sky was a pale, thin blue, reflected in the oily calm water underneath. Sakura sat on the porch rail, bare feet languidly kicking back and forth as she gazed meditatively at the ocean. He didn't recognize the dress, though it looked like the sort of thing Tomoyo used to dress her in when they were kids. She was, he realized, sparkling a little, the air around her shimmered to his eyes. How long had she been like that?
"Hey," he said softly, but she didn't turn or speak. "Sakura, it's Touya. Your big brother."
Still no response, and for the first time he wondered if she might actually still be angry at him. The last time they were together she wouldn't even look at him, wouldn't let him touch her. She couldn't still be angry after everything that had happened, could she?
Swallowing his misgiving, Touya approached his sister and dropped his hands onto her bare shoulders. She didn't push him away, and he couldn't hold back – she was too close to resist. His arms encircled her from behind and he hugged her close, and with infinite relief he felt her snuggle up to his chest and sigh. She wasn't angry, then.
"God I was so scared, back there. They took you away again and I didn't know what was happening to you, if he was hurting you, making you cry…" Something caught painfully in his throat and he blinked back tears. "It's not fair that this had to happen to you. I still don't know what he did to you, or why, but I know that you're… special. Somehow. I've known that for a long time."
Still she said nothing. Did she even understand? Touya always wanted to pretend that she did, but deep down he'd never been sure. Sakura was special.
"But you're still my little sister and I love you, you're more important than whatever it is you can do. He wanted you so he could control you, and I don't want to be that man. I just want you to be happy."
Something warm and wet dripped onto his arms and he realized she was crying. He worked the end of his sleeve in between finger and thumb and used it to wipe her cheeks, doing it by feel. Touya would never take vision for granted again.
"Don't cry, you're safe now. That stupid kid rescued you, after all. We've both done it once, now, so I guess that means that he cares about you – almost – as much as I do. If- if you really think you love him, then I'm… not going to say that you can't."
Oh great, now he was crying too. Tears dripped off his face and onto her hair, hot and painful. How could this hurt so much more than what he'd endured already?
"I won't stop you. But I'll always be here for you."
Sakura shuddered in his arms and broke her silence with a sob, prompting Touya to shush her even though he was crying as well. But she wouldn't stop crying and it was too frustrating, not being able to see her face. Finally he scooped her up off the railing, testing his still-recovering body, and sat down rather heavily in one of the porch lounge chairs. Curled up on his lap, she buried her face in his shirt and wept, and even though he wasn't sure why she was crying he held her close. This was what he could do for her, had always been able to do for her. Not even Li could take that away.
"How do you do it?" she cried. "How are you so strong, all the time? You- you try to do everything and you never stop, you gave up everything for my sake and I don't deserve it, I really don't…" She had to pause for breath and used Touya's shirt to wipe at her face again, not looking at the stunned expression he knew he was wearing. "And I love you the most, really, no one can take away what you did for me. I tried to tell you so many times but I just couldn't, it was too hard… but thank you. Thank you so much."
Touya didn't move as she crumpled against his chest, his heart beating a frantic staccato. There was hope and he tried to crush it; he'd let himself hope before and always it failed him. But the way she was talking and the way she looked at him, even with her eyes overflowing with tears, it was…
"Sakura?"
"You don't have to worry anymore," she answered, head tucked under his chin. "You can rest now."
Neither of them moved for a long time, after that.
- - - - - -
Everyone looked up when Touya opened the doors and stepped inside. In all his short life Yuki had never seen him look so relaxed, so… at peace. There was a light in his eyes like he'd just been given an impossible treasure, and maybe that was the case. Yukito jumped to his feet and guided him to an empty chair.
"How do you feel, are you okay? Tired?"
"Fine," Touya replied dreamily. "Just fine."
"Are you hungry, Touya?" Tomoyo pipped. "I made stew, I'll get you a bowl." She scurried into the kitchen without waiting for an answer.
"I'll take thirds," rumbled Kero, stretched out along the floor under the TV like an exotic rug. Touya's gaze dropped to the cat and he raised his eyebrows, curiously.
"What is that?" It was a far cry, Yuki thought, from the Touya that would have gotten hysterical at the hint of anything new and dangerous close to his sister.
"That's- well, actually, he's my brother. His name is Kero. But Sakura can tell you about it better than I can, is she going to come inside and eat?"
Touya shook his head, a rather resigned look crossing his face. "Not yet. She wants to, um, she…" He gave up and just muttered the word. "Li."
Yukito looked back at the sofa where he'd been sitting with him, eating, but it was empty.
"Huh. He was just here, where he'd go?"
- - - - - - -
The sun was setting, he knew it, even though he couldn't actually see it from the eastern face of the house. The clouds had turned brilliant tangerine and rose in its light, patches of the fiery colors reflected in the silky blue water below. Face turned up the sky, Sakura looked entranced. She paid no attention to the water soaking her fluffy white skirt, swishing around her waist like seafoam.
Just to prove that he could, Li kicked off his shoes and waded in after her. It wasn't entirely clear, but at least it was calm, and in the evening still warm. It would turn cold by the time all blue had fled the sky and the stars had come.
"They're all so beautiful," she sighed, just before he placed his hands on her waist. "Every one of them, they gave so much and tried their hardest. I must have made it so difficult for them, but they loved me anyway."
"Do you remember it?"
"Yes- and no. I remember the things that happened but not in the right order, or maybe it is the right order and it's just not the order I saw them…" She made a noise of frustration in her throat and covered her face with her hands. "And I remember the words they said to me but I can't remember how I heard them – isn't that strange? I can't remember how I reacted to things, what I thought of them, it's like looking back to see a stranger in my own memories. I don't know why I cried or what I was so afraid of, but I remember that I was very afraid. I used to know… everything."
She lifted her chin and pushed her hair back from her face, inhaling a lungful of clean salty air. "I used to know all the things that people are always wanting to know, how it began and how it's going to end. Now it's all gone, like a song that you could sing with the radio but can't on your own. But sometimes I can almost hear it, like an echo dying somewhere on the wind."
The wind teased her hair and the thin pink ribbons played briefly along, before dropping again. Li sidled around her, turning her to face him.
"You don't want to hear it again, Sakura. You hated it. You cried and told me that it hurt."
"Did I?"
She turned her face out to the horizon, that thin line between blue and blue and a mystery to them both, now. Or maybe not, maybe there was still some echo of the picture lurking in her mind. Li cupped her jaw with his hand but didn't force her to face him.
"Don't leave me behind, Sakura. Stay with me, because I love you."
She closed her eyes and exhaled, lightly.
"Yes," she whispered, "and I remember that too. I remember love, my own love inside of me instead of everywhere around me. It was so amazing, how much stronger it was than all the other love in the universe put together. He told me it would save me and he was right."
"Who -"
"His name was Clow. He was very nice, actually."
She opened her eyes and Li almost melted at the beauty in them, and in her smile, could hardly believe she was real.
"It was you, my hope, that brought it to me. I love you too, Syaoran. Keep me with you forever."
He brought his lips to hers and they kissed, in the twilight. All distance disappeared between them and she molded herself to him; entwined, they sank to their necks in the water. And overhead, one by one, the stars of all the universe shone in the sky.
- - - THE END - - -