Ok this chapter is building up to a big chapter... Hope you like it... It's hard to be funny hahahahaha SO I am not sure how well I did on this chapter... But I hope you like it! Please Review!
"Where the hell did that woman take Brooke?" Peyton asked. She and Haley had to wait with the rest of the Camdens until Annie and Brooke came back with the car and it was getting really old really fast.
"Who knows... Why you worried?"
"About who? Brooke or Psycho lady?" Peyton laughed.
"That is my mother you are talking about! Is it that hard for you to show respect to your elderly?" Lucy asked.
"Hey... isn't Lucy short for Lucifer? And wasn't that the devils name?" Haley asked smiling.
"Daddy... She is picking on my pretty name" Lucy cried running over to Eric and burying her face in his chest.
"Its ok snookims... I know what will make you feel better... it will make everyone feel better... How about a round of Jesus loves me." Eric said.
"No daddy.. We want to sing Beer is fun" David said... for once not copying his brother.
"David! What have we told you about speaking for yourself? You speak the words of the devil and we wont have it!"
"How much longer is this going to take?" Kevin asked Haley looking down at his watch.
"Well... Brooke is like a crazed Energizer Bunny. She keeps going and going and going..." Haley responded
"Yea... I can see it now. Energizer Bunny arrested... Charged with Battery" Peyton laughed. The truth was there was no telling what Brooke was doing to this woman.
"Hey you guys... what's up" A blonde girl said walking up to Simon and kissing him on the cheek.
"And you are?" Haley asked. Brooke was going to have a field day with this girl.
"Cecelia... Simon's girlfriend... Isn't that right Simy Wimy?" Cecelia cooed.
Haley and Peyton both looked at each other. They needed to get out of this town fast... before Brooke had all 3 of them banned from the state of California.
"I got the new Backstreet Boys CD Simon... Do you wanna listen to it with me?" Cecelia asked smiling.
"Ugh... Boy Bands. The Spawn of Satan" Peyton mouthed. This town really was screwed up if they were still listening to Backstreet boys.
Brooke and Annie sat in the booth for a minute both silently plotting their next attack. Right now the score was Brooke 4 Annie 0 and Brooke loved this. Now it was time to seal the deal, but before Brooke could strike Annie hit hard.
"So... Lucas... He liked this Peyton girl better than you? Why did you like him? Was he rich or something?" Annie asked knowing she had struck a sore spot.
"Well you know what they say... A fool and his money are a girl's best friend. But no, Lucas didn't have any money. He did look good naked though... Especially in the hot tube... I miss that" Brooke giggled. The question had struck Brooke by surprise but she couldn't let anything get to her... No matter how much it hurt.
"The hot tube? Tell me have you ever gone on a date and just not had sex?"
"Well... When I bought Lips that one time at the boy toy auction, we didn't have sex... Of course I thought I was pregnant at the time with Lucas baby... But yea if that counts then I have." Brooke said hoping more than anything she would ask what they did.
"And what did you and Lips do?"
"His name is Mouth actually and we went to a strip club and got lap dances..." Brooke said excitedly. That had been a fun night up until she had had to tell Lucas.
"Fine... We are making progress... Gosh help me"
"Gee, Golly! Did you know that Heck is for people who don't believe in gosh? Come on lady... You have to live some! Don't you ever go to one of those bars with a sign that says "Guys: No, Shirt, No Service – Gals: No Shirt No Charge?" topless just to see if they are telling the truth?" Brooke asked. She couldn't let her win. Never would she be turned godly and into a church going Amish like person.
"No I don't and from this conversation that we have had all I have gotten is that you are a... Slut" Annie said in a slight whisper.
"Hey, I'm a reformed slut thank you... and don't act all saintly and inexperienced when it comes to sex... You're the one walking around with 7 children not me! Didn't your mother ever tell you it was easier to slip off a condom than change a diaper?"
"How dare you! Each and everyone of my children are a blessing and a gift from god" Annie said getting mad again.
"Yes and the gift god gave me was a nice rack so that I can have any guy I want... Besides those children of yours all have some serious issues."
"My children are not the issue here... The issue is you... what are you going to do after high school. Dont you want to be a doctor or a pharmacist or something?" Annie asked cooling down and placing her hands on Brookes.
"Um... No... I am going to be a bartender... I mean they are after all just a pharmacist with limited inventory" Brooke giggled. After a slight slip she was back in the lead.
"I give up... You are the most despicable human being I have ever met and you obviously do not care in the least bit how your life is spent... Your will pay one day when the lord calls you up to heaven and you have not done your share of good favors for him." Annie said slamming her hands down on the table.
"So I am guessing Sexual favors don't count?"
Lucas, Tim and Nathan drove down the empty road. 100 miles and they were there.
"Right dudes... so remember don't come knocking if the car is rocking" Tim said dodging a cat.
"Yes we know Tim." Lucas and Nathan both said.
"Oh and Tim Don't drink and park... accidents cause people." Lucas laughed. Tim had had more DWI's than he had had birthdays... So now he had resorted to just sitting in the car with a bumper sticker saying "Don't laugh, your daughter may be in the back"
"Your funny man... really funny... No wonder you lost both chicks..."
"Well I am just glad I have my woman" Nathan said smiling proudly
"Dude... she is hanging out with Brooke and Peyton... I bet she isn't your woman anymore..."
Finally after waiting an hour for Brooke and Annie to get back they drove up. It was killing Haley to know what had happened. Brooke was tough but Annie looked that way too. They both fought for what they believe in... whether it was god or sex... That's just how it was.
"Well I do have to say this has been a day without sunshine" Eric said seeing the van pull up.
"Isn't a day without sunshine like... I don't know night?" Peyton asked
"This isn't a time for jokes... This is a time for healing and rejoicing and praying that your friend is going to be ok."
"Hey Culry, Moe, Guess what I just did! I'll tell ay! I just went through my whole life story with the psycho bitch... Fun fun!" Brooke said in a sarcastic cheery voice.
"So did you learn anything?" Haley laughed.
"That I am awesome... It's that simple... What about you 2... and who is that?" Brooke asked pointing to Cecelia.
"Uh... That is Simon's girlfriend..." Peyton choked out. Brooke did not look pleased.
"Oh really... Well not for long... He's mine!" Brooke said making her way over to Simon and putting his arm around him.
"Hey there Sexy, She your hoe?"
"Excuse me!" Cecelia yelled
"Oh my god your not? Oops my mistake... I just thought with those roots... yea... So... What are you and my sexy boyfriend talking about?" Brooke asked running her fingers through Simons hair. She was trying so hard to contain her laughter. The more she knew about this boy the less she wanted to date him, but she didn't want anyone else to either. Plus this girl was really bothering her. She looked like some teenybopper wannabe.
"Simon! What is she talking about, you're my boyfriend!" Cecelia yelled at Simon.
"Yea well maybe he finally learned that Blondes tease but brunettes please... Don't they Gorgeous?"
"Simon! You slept with her!" Cecelia yelled even louder this time stomping her feet. Everyone standing outside stopped what they were doing and looked over at a very confused Simon.
"Simon! How could you not tell me about her! I though we had something special! I thought you loved me!" Brooke yelled back just to make a scene.
"Wait... I didn't.. I..." Simon stuttered.
"Look... I have an attitude and I'm not afraid to use it" Cecelia said throwing her hands up.
"Oh I'm so scared... I am shaking in my little space boots..." Brooke giggled. This was interesting. For as second she felt bad for Simon... but that second passed quickly.
"Hey... We have to go" Haley said dragging Brooke away from Cecelia.
"But.. But Tutor girl.... I wanted to fight the scary blonde! I need to keep the world safe for us brunettes... Please...." Brooke begged.
"Come on Bruce Lee..."
"Wait there is one last thing I want to say....Simon... She is your father" Brooke said in a Darth Vader voice.
"What the hell was that?" Peyton laughed
"Yea... I don't know... These people don't know me... Plus I have always wanted to say that... Come on try it... Say something you have always wanted to say... Its fun!"
"Hmm... I know... Simon... May the force be with you" Peyton said crouching down like Yoda.
"YAY!! Ok Tutor girl... Your next!" Brooke giggled.
"Auntie Em... auntie Em!" Haley yelled.
"Right... not exactly what I was going for but you have to start somewhere"
"Girls... Get in the van. As soon as we get home I will be calling the repair shop to get your car. Until then you will be staying in the garage apartment that Annie built so that you do not corrupt my children anymore." Eric said sternly
"But daddy we like Brooke..." Sam said pulling on Eric's pocket
"Not you too son!" Annie said grabbing Sam and pulling her close to her chest.
"Aw... I feel so loved! I like you too Sam! Maybe we can go out sometime" Brooke joked waving. At least she had managed to corrupt the twins.
"Dear god please deliver us from this evil, Dear god please deliver us from this evil." Lucy repeated over and over.
"I wish I could kill the sexiest person alive but suicide is a crime" Brooke said looking at Peyton.
"That was random..."
"Yea... I was thinking that when I was having to look at PB's face the whole time she was lecturing me." Brooke said almost in a daze.
"PB?" Haley asked amused at Brooke's craziness. She wasn't even drunk and she was like this.
"Yea... Psycho Bitch..."
"I will tell you one thing... I am never having children if it means looking like her" Peyton said looking disgusted.
"I am... The world needs little Brooke's running around... To keep it from going to the dogs... Besides I have always wanted to buy those cute little outfits."
"You... a mom? Right" Haley and Peyton both said at almost the same time.
"What? I would be a good mom!" Brooke said walking towards the van with Peyton and Haley.
"Brooke..."
"I would and one day I will show you... With Lucas's baby... what the hell Simon's too!" Brooke said laughing. She was kind of hurt that they didn't take her seriously on this...'
"Whatever" Haley giggled
Tim, Lucas, and Nathan drove down the road...
"Oh My God Tim, stop! What is that? I think its Buddha!" Lucas yelled seeing something huge in the road.
"No man! Its Whitey!" Nathan said as soon as the car slowed.
"Hey Whitey man... What's happening dude? I knew you had a seeing problem but this is the middle of the road..." Tim said out the window.
"I know that you idiot! I am waiting for a cab" Whitey said shaking his head
"Dude... You know this is California right... Not Tree Hill" Tim said in a baby voice.
"Yes... I was here to see my son but it turns out he isn't here... I am scared to ask but can you three give me a ride home?"
"Dude... Maybe you should walk... I think your waist line is like expanding by the minute." Tim said. Lucas and Nathan decided it was better if they stayed out of this conversation.
"Just let me in!"
"Alright dude... but you should know we are going to get laid before going back home... Camp sucked." Tim said.
"All right! Glen Oak here we come!"
Spoilers: What happens when Peyton and Martin get left alone? Hahahahahhaha Brooke, Haley, and Peyton throw a party in the garage. Ruthie admits something very strange and important to Haley. Brooke has more fun with Cecelia. Tim, Whitey, Lucas, and Nathan show up and Tim finds the woman of his dreams... Hahaha a it is going to be great! Please Review!!