JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!
Ok for this chapter to be its funniest you have to read it slow and picture it in your head. I tried to stay up and watch Jerry last night but I was on the computer and didn't pay attention... bad, bad me, so I did the best I could to make it realistic... Plus OTH starts today so I am really hyper! Hope you like it and PLEASE review!
"I can't believe they won't let us lie about anything, we have to change our names and our accents and tell everyone we live in trailers..." Brooke whined as they drove to film Jerry.
"Brooke... Our lives are already screwed up enough... Why fake it? " Lucas laughed kissing her on the forehead.
"Still...Most people get to say they were married to their brother or something sick like that... Then again living in Tree Hill with Dan Scott... Who knows? You could be my brother" Brooke giggled
"Haha, Your funny you know that?"
"I love road trips! They are fun! Hey Peyton give me an R... Peyton! Come on be fun!"
"I am working on the things I am going to yell at you and call you... But it's taking forever" Peyton laughed
"Really? I wrote like 6 pages of things I'm gonna call you in like 5 minutes..."
"Alright you two... Lets talk about something else" Lucas said stopping the fight before it started
"Ok Broody, what bad stuff are you going to say about me?" Brooke asked turning towards Lucas
"Um, Uh," Lucas stuttered
"Right... I thought that would be your reply so I wrote down a list for you... Study, study, study!" Brooke giggled. This was like the best thing that had happened in forever!
"Brooke is a seductive hoochy who only wants kinky sex?" Lucas laughed
"That's me!" Brooke smiled
"She offered me threesomes and paid a guy to party with her?"
"Well... I had to exaggerate... I mean sure I was drunk at one point and hormonal the other time but it makes for good drama" Brooke pointed out
"And what are you going to say about me?" Lucas asked
"It's a surprise... But I think you get the gist" Brooke said pointing to Peyton who was frantically writing
"Right... So Nate, Hales... What are you two going to talk about?" Lucas asked turning to Nathan and Haley who were cuddled up in the backseat
"Lucas... They don't have to write that down... His issue is she wont give him sex, hers is she secretly harbors a crush on you...No need for faking that" Brooke giggled. She was so excited she was almost shaking
"Yes... I am secretly in love with Lucas!" Haley laughed
"I thought so... It kind of sucks how they only accepted a few of us though..." Brooke said disappointed
"What's the schedule again?" Nathan asked looking at Peyton's sheet
"First its Me, Broody, and Peyton, Then its Dan, Keith, Deb, and Karen, Then it is Tutor girl and Nate, and finally Tim, Annie and Eric. They were gonna throw Nikki bitch in with us but they don't have the time so she is just there to watch" Brooke spouted off having memorized the schedule weeks ago
"I watched Jerry last night and most of the people up there have like 5 illegitimate children"
"Don't worry between Nikki and Dan... that's pretty much taken care of... Hey Luke! We can make some illegitimate children right now if you want" Brooke giggled and winked at Lucas. She loved to watch him squirm
"You 2 are disgusting" everyone gagged
Tim, Annie, Eric, a Nikki rode in their separate van, everyone was quiet still not sure if they were doing the right thing.
"It's a beautiful day..." Eric sang with a huge grin on his face
"Why yes it is... And we are going to waste it on this horrible show" Annie complained
"It is a very interesting show... Not that I will ever let little Hasty watch it...Hey Nikki, You wanna feel the baby kick?" Tim asked smiling and rubbing his stomach
"Right...I would but I am doing my eyeliner... The doctors couldn't quite get the eyes the way they wanted them so the eyeliner helps hide the truth" Nikki smiled
"What that you are a lying, leaving, cheating skank who doesn't deserve the precious child that god has blessed you with?" Tim asked
"No, that I'm a man baby" Nikki laughed her evil laugh
"Smile... be happy now," Eric laughed bobbing his head back and forth as he drove
"We're here" Annie said quietly as they drove up to the studio
"So, what exactly is this for?" Deb asked putting on her lipstick
"All Brooke said on the phone was that we were doing a televised charity event on PBS" Karen smiled, not having a clue the real reason they were there
"I don't do charity!" Dan yelled
"It will be fine for me... I am use to the whole TV thing now" Keith said proudly
"Well whatever it is for, we're here... Is that Brooke and Lucas making out against the van?" Deb laughed as they pulled into the Studios
"I don't want to know" Karen whined
"Alright... Think it is out of our system?" Brooke asked pulling away from Lucas
"Yea... and if not then it will be in about 2 hours when we are yelling at each other" Lucas laughed
"Very true...Just remember I don't mean any of it... Or I mean all of it... Not sure yet! Ok Good Luck!" Brooke smiled kissing Lucas one last time and then running over to meet Haley and Peyton
"Ok Tutor girl... Most likely I wont be yelling anything at you so... Good luck, Goldilocks here on the other hand... Your going down!" Brooke giggled hugging both girls
"Karen and Deb look pretty confused..."
"Right... That would be because I told them this was a charity event for Maple Syrup Urine Disease" Brooke laughed clapping her hands together
"Huh?" Haley and Peyton both asked
"MSUD... You know it's like some kind of disease that the person with it can't metabolize protein" Brooke answered
"Ok, Who are you and what did you do with Brooke?" Peyton asked putting her hand on Brooke's forehead
"What? I saw it on Maury when I was babysitting like 3 weeks ago and I figured that it sounded so fake that your Karen, Deb, Goomer and Danny boy would have to believe it!"
"Brooke... You do realize that they are going to find out"
"Oh My God Really? Because I didn't know that! Of course they are going to find out... Like when it is their time to go up," Brooke giggled feeling very proud of herself
The girls spent the next hour piling on make up and finding the most revealing clothes possible. The funny thing was when it was all over Brooke ended up being the least hoochy while Haley was the most.
"Tutor Girl! Look at you! Your... your... Your like falling out...gross" Brooke said turning away
"Yea... Some woman, or at least I think it was a woman named Bertha came in and picked it out" Haley said crossing her arms
"Well... I gotta go! I get to be first! Wish my luck" Brooke giggled skipping out of the room towards the stage
"She is gonna need it" Peyton and Haley both laughed
"Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!" The audience yelled as Brooke waited to be motioned out
"Yes... Welcome to another episode of Jerry Springer, Today we have a special episode, Tree Hill Travesties. We are going to meet the young folks from the small town of Tree Hill North Carolina and get caught up on all of their relationships. First out we have Brookkina. Brookkina's best friend Peytonisazombie stole her boyfriend Lucasachoke right our from under her nose...which according to friends is very uncanny, Now Brookkina! Come on out" Jerry said
The audience went crazy as Brooke walked out on stage.
"Now Brookkina... Tell us a little bit about your situation" Jerry said once she sat down
"Well" Brooke said in a deep southern accent
"I was dating Lucasachoke and we was happy... Until that whore came and stole him!" Brooke yelled. It was taking everything she had not to laugh
"I see, and do you still want him back, even after what he did to you?" Jerry asked
"Actually we are back together right now... But I think that whore wants him again!" Brooke said eyeing Peyton and Lucas who were standing in the curtains laughing
"Right now lets bring out Peytonisazombie!" Jerry yelled motioning for Peyton to come out
"Oh no you don't!" Peyton yelled walking out with heavy eyeliner on
"What? What? You think you can steel my Lucasisajsf whatever" Brooke asked forgetting the name they had given him
"You don't even know his name Woman! Besides you aint nothing but trailer trash! That's all! Why would he want that? Huh? Huh?" Peyton asked lunging at Brooke
"I live in a double wide thank you very much! Besides he says you are like a dead fish in bed... He is a man! He has needs!" Brooke yelled. Part of her felt bad for yelling this stuff at Peyton even though it was all in good fun. But the other part was enjoying the revenge she had never gotten
"Yea but at least we had more than sex! We are a perfect couple!" Peyton said winking at Brooke
"Right... so perfect, then why is he with me? Huh? Huh? He loves me!" Brooke yelled
"Sure he does...Hoe bag" Peyton said rolling her eyes
"He knew he had better stay away from you or your greasy hair might give him acne!"
"Alright ladies... ladies sit down and let me ask you some questions" Jerry said sitting the girls in their seats
"Now... Peytonisazombie, Tell me do you love Lucasachoke?" Jerry asked
"Yes... With all my heart" Peyton said wiping a fake tear from her cheek
"Yea... That's why you moved on so fast isn't it? Huh? Huh? Huh?" Brooke yelled
"At least I didn't offer him a threesome"
"Hey! I was just trying to fulfill his sexual needs! Guys in the audience, how many of you would turn now a threesome with me?" Brooke asked walking towards the front of the stage looking back at Lucas who was backstage bent over holding his ribs laughing.
All the guys in the audience went crazy yelling out phone numbers.
"Alright lets bring out Lucasachoke!" Jerry yelled
Lucas walked out, grabbed Brooke and started kissing her...a lot like the might they had had their first date. The audience booed him.
"Now Lucasachoke... Do you love this woman?" Jerry asked after Brooke and Lucas had been broken apart
"Yes..." Lucas said shyly. Talk shows were defiantly not his strong point. He was quiet and usually just liked to keep to himself.
"Then why did you cheat on her?" Jerry asked
"Yea... Huh? Huh? Huh? Speak up pimpy" Brooke said putting her hand on his knee to relax him
"Because I was having feelings... For... for my brother! Naeooten, and I just had to show myself that I wasn't attracted to him" Lucas said plainly
Brooke and Peyton both turned to Lucas totally shocked. They knew he was kidding but neither of them had expected that to come out of sweet innocent Lucas Scott's mouth. Brooke had to admit, part of her was starting to worry until he winked at her assuring her and Peyton both that it wasn't true
"So you got with Peytonisazombie? How was that going to help? She looks like a man in the mornings anyway so if anything that would feed your gayness" Brooke giggled not being able to help herself
"At least I wasn't the one that made him question his sexuality!" Peyton yelled
"Now Lucasachoke... Are you gay?" Jerry asked
"No... After doing some experimenting with a woman who use to be a man, I came to the conclusion that I am not gay, I am just attracted to family members"
"And is Brookkina a family member?" Jerry asked
"Not that I know of... But like she said, living in a town with Dan Scott...who knows!" Lucas laughed
"Right... well when we come back we will have some of the adults from Tree Hill... Please stay tuned" Jerry said and then they were free
"Oh My God Friend! I didn't mean it!" Brooke laughed hugging Peyton tight once they got backstage
"Same here! But I have to admit! That was awesome!" Peyton laughed
"You're telling me! I think I found my calling" Lucas said hugging both girls
"Lucas Scott talk show host... I could dig it Pimpy" Brooke laughed
"You did good out there Luke... I am very proud!" Peyton said
"Pimpy huh? Well I have to say the looks on you 2's faces when I said I had a crush on Nathan... Priceless, I wish I had it on tape... Oh wait I do!" Lucas laughed
"Yes... a tape we are going to have much fun burning" Peyton started but Karen interrupted
"Brooke Davis and Lucas Scott!" Karen yelled walking towards them
"Uh oh Pimpy... we're busted" Brooke laughed
"What on earth is going on here? This is Jerry Springer! I... I... I don't know what to say!" Karen yelled
"Yea... sorry" Lucas said
"Sorry! This has been a dream of mine forever!" Karen said hugging Lucas and Brooke
"Really?" Peyton laughed
"Yes, I can finally confront Dan about everything! Ok I have to go get ready" Karen said leaving Lucas, Brooke and Peyton standing there in shock
"Wow... out of everyone how could possibly shock me today... I didn't think it would be her" Brooke laughed
"We're back... With Debbie Scott and Karry Roe... the 2 love interest of Daniel Scott and Keithy Scott. Debbie tell us a little about the situation" Jerry said
"I have great boobs! Wanna see?" Deb asked the audience pulling her shirt up
"Put it back on, Put it back on!" The audience yelled
"Your just jealous that you don't have these great breast! I try and show them off to everyone!" Deb yelled
"Deb! That is nasty! Mine are better!" Karen yelled pulling her shirt off too
"Ladies, ladies... shirts on!" Jerry said
"Danny and Keithy are mine!" Karen yelled in Deb's face
"I think it's time we brought Daniel and Keithy out..." Jerry said
Dan and Keith walked out. Dan waving to everyone putting on a show and Keith walking quietly behind him.
"Now Danny... Tell us..." Jerry started
"My name is Danny, Danny is my name, The name of mine is Danny, You will buy cars from me, Cars of mine you will buy" Dan yelled
"Right... Then Keithy could you tell us something?" Jerry asked
"I Keithy Scott blew up a school with my fart" Keith smiled
"Right... This is why I hate having idiot adults on my show... Lets Bring out our next guest..."
"Wait! I am not finished showing everyone my nice rack!" Deb yelled pulling off her shirt again
"No you don't!" Karen yelled tackling Deb to the floor before anyone could stop her
"You... Stole... My... Boy...Friend... and... the... Father... Of... My... son..." Karen yelled knocking the lights out of Deb
"Well he loved me more whore! I rhymed!" Deb laughed
"Hey I wanna fight too!" Keith said trying to punch Dan but a man pulled him away
"Alright now that they are off stage... We have our nest guest, Halina and Naeooten. Halina refuses to have sex with Naeooten until they are married... Now Halina talk to me" Jerry said as Haley sat down
"I, Uh, I wont have sex with Nath... I mean Naeooten until we are married! Then I found him looking a porn!" Haley said giving Nathan the evil eye
"A man has needs!" Nathan yelled
"Well I have morals!" Haley cried
"Whore! Whore! Whore!" The audience yelled
"Bite your tongue!" Haley yelled back
"I am sorry Halina... I just love you so much and want to be with you and see you naked!" Nathan said staring at Haley's chest
"Well I don't!"
"Ok when we come back we have our last guest... "Jerry said getting bored with Nathan and Haley
"Ok you 2, we're short on time so we probably aren't going to finish your segment, but we will bring you out for Q & A ok?" Jerry asked sending them back stage
"Whatever..." Haley laughed
"But, but, but I wanna be on Jerry! Hey mom!" Nathan said pointing at the camera
"Nathan this isn't live! Plus your mother is naked in the dressing room fighting with Karen" Haley laughed
"Oh Right"
Jerry walked past Brooke and Lucas (Who were making out before they had to go back on) and headed back to his seat on stage.
"Ok we're back with our last guests. First I want to bring out Timmy... Timmy has been living in Glen oak with a minister and his wife for some time. Now he tells us he is madly in love with Annie and is pregnant with her baby. He just needs to get Eric out of the way...Timmy come on out" Jerry said
"Yea! Yea! What's up homies! Tim here! I am here to rock this place with my little baby Hasty!" Tim said as he walked out watching the audience Boo him
"Now Tim... You are a man right?" Jerry asked
"Yes..." Tim Answered patting his stomach
"Then how are you pregnant?" Jerry asked
"It's a miracle! I was told I could never carry a child because I was a man but God changed that and now I am" Tim cried wiping a tear from his face
"I see... and this baby is with Annie? Eric's wife?" Jerry asked
"Yes... she is my soul mate!" Tim smiled
"Alright then lets bring out Annie!"
Annie walked out on stage slowly. She wasn't dressed in anything but her normal clothes and the audience went crazy
"Hello... My name is Annie" Annie smiled
"Strip! Strip! Strip!" The audience yelled
"I beg your pardon?" Annie asked
"Now Annie... Do you love Tim?" Jerry asked
"He is a sweet sugar dumpling yes... but I love my Eric" Annie smiled
"I see...Now what do you think about the fact that Timmy is "Pregnant" with your baby?"
"Well I have 7 children already... what's one more?" Annie asked
"Ok lets bring out Eric"
Eric walked on stage smiling and waving to everyone
"Eric... How's it going?" Jerry asked
"I just finished getting stoned so it's going pretty well I have to say" Eric said smiling and shaking his head
"Really? Good for you... now what do you think of Annie?"
"She is sweet, But I love the crack and nothing else... Its what keeps me going" Eric laughed
"I take it back! I love Timmy!" Annie yelled
"He's mine bitch!" Deb yelled from back stage running out and jumping on top of Annie...Still shirtless
"Fight! Fight! Fight!" The audience yelled
"Oh My God I knew it was him jacked on up weed!" Brooke said yelled from back stage
"Well be back for Q & A in just a second!" Jerry said helping pull Deb off Annie
Everyone walked back on stage ready for Q & A.
"We're back... Now its time for the audience to ask their questions... You in the back"
"Yea... I wanna know if Brookkina can give me her number?" A guy asked
"You have to be kidding me? Not with that porn star mustache" Brooke laughed
The audience broke out in laughter
"Right next question...you there"
"I want to know why anyone would want to get with that Keithy guy... I mean he is just ugly!" A girl laughed
"Hey! I am a sexy beast!" Keith whined
"Ok last question before my final thought... you?"
"I wanna see Debbie's chest again!" A guy yelled
"Sure!" Deb smiled gladly throwing off her shirt
"Ok... now for my final thought... Don't move to Tree Hill, North Carolina if you want to stay sane"
Spoilers: Just 3 chapters left! Next chapter they head to Tree Hill for the week, Then it's the wrap up chapter and the last chapter will take place in the future a few years... who will end up with who? PLEASE review!