Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the plot on this fanfic and a couple
or more characters you certainly won't find in the HP books so when I say
anything I mean anything! Heck, I don't even own this computer! I'm just
renting it until I get my own. So please bear with me if my updates are
slow? ^___^;;;
Spoilers: You'll know 'em when you see 'em! ^o^v!!!
Author's Note: Enjoy!!! ^__~*
Chapter Three: White Angel Weeping
Hermione found a cup and made Harry a cup of chocolate. Both of them sat on the kitchen table, on chairs that placed them beside the watching adults they couldn't see. So close that they could have touched them. But she and Harry were ignorant to them all. She had other things in her mind. Such as the screaming from Harry and Ron's room and, eventually, finding out that the screaming came from Harry, with Ron so fast asleep he didn't even notice. She had to put off her reunion with Crookshanks to deal with it and left her familiar on her bed, curled comfortably on the pillow she just vacated.
She shook Harry awake and quieted him and then he refused to talk. It was then that she invited him in the kitchen to get a mug of hot chocolate.
"Go on, Harry, drink it." Hermione told the pale young man sitting on one of the chairs around the kitchen table. She sat across from him and watched. "It will calm you down."
Harry numbly obeyed her and it broke her heart to see her friend subdued like this. In truth, she liked it better when he was shouting her down or he was knocking things away in anger. Harry's heartbroken face, lurking behind the cheerful façade he showed everyone earlier as she's suspected, was dead obvious to her now. Harry Potter was coming apart. And if no one did anything about it, the grief will destroy him.
Harry sighed and blew on the hot, dark liquid. "Sorry I woke you up."
Hermione shook her head and smiled softly but the pain and concern in her eyes were visible. The worry and the strain seemed to be taking their toll on her. "It's alright. You never wrote to me about your nightmares. I wish you did. I would have brewed some dreamless sleep potion for you."
He sighed and sipped more chocolate then stared at her intensely. Knowing he could trust her. "It keeps replaying in my mind, Hermione. Everything that's happened. Cedric... Sirius... My parents..."
Hermione didn't know what to say to that. She couldn't say that she understood what he was feeling because she couldn't. She could only guess at the depth of grief Harry presented and try to make it better.
Not minding her silence, Harry continued, "Do you have any idea, Hermione, just how painful my scar gets every night and every day? How sick I get when he gets angry? I feel like I'm going to go crazy. Plus the fact that, any time now, I'm going to eventually die. I can't even think about schoolwork anymore. I couldn't care less. I just... want some peace. Is that too much to ask for?"
Hermione's brain started to work at all the possible solutions to this aspect of Harry's problem. "I could borrow some of the books down in the Hogwarts library on Occlumency and try to learn everything I can about it so I can teach you. But then I have to learn Legilimency first—"
He conjured up a weary half smile. "It's nice to know that some things never change. You still think that your studies will change everything and make things better. Just like Ron. Although he tends to bend between extreme panic and extreme denial."
The bitterness behind his voice did not go unnoticed but she kept her hurt to herself. "Everything will be alright, Harry. You'll see—"
Harry startled her by standing up abruptly and angrily and started growling at her. "HOW COULD IT, HERMIONE, HOW COULD EVERYTHING BE ALRIGHT?!" He threw the mug on the table and Hermione had to stand up to avoid the scalding liquid from touching her. She looked up at Harry in terrified concern. It seemed that her words triggered off the anger and the despair he was keeping deep inside and now, she was the nearest person he could vent it on.
"SIRIUS IS DEAD! CEDRIC! MY PARENTS! EVERYTHING WILL NEVER BE ALRIGHT AGAIN!" he shouted at her from the top of his lungs. "YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO TALK ME THIS WAY! YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH! HOW COULD YOU?! YOU'VE NEVER LOST ANYONE IMPORTANT!"
"Look, Harry I understand about Sirius but—"
"YOU KNOW WHAT?! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO KEPT TELLING ME LAST YEAR THAT SIRIUS WAS BEING SELFISH DURING MY TRIAL BECAUSE YOU SAID HE WANTED ME TO BE AN OUTCAST TOO! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO KEPT DEFENDING THAT BLOODY HOUSE ELF! ALWAYS DEFENDING THAT BLOODY SNAPE!" Harry roared at her. "YOU! ALWAYS THE SENSIBLE, NOBLE, PERFECT HERMIONE GRANGER! WELL TELL YOU WHAT, IT'S SO EASY FOR YOU BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE MY LIFE! YOU DON'T LIVE IN MY WORLD! YOU, AT LEAST HAVE PARENTS WHO LOVE YOU! I HAVE TO KEEP ON RETURNING TO PEOPLE WHO COULDN'T EVEN CARE LESS IF I LIVED OR DIED!"
"Harry you can't blame Professor Snape! That man's already got enough to deal with without you adding to his internal distress. Besides, he's on our side now and—"
"OH SO HE'S THE NOBLE ONE NOW?! WHAT ABOUT SIRIUS?! WHAT ABOUT EVERYTHING HE'S DONE FOR US?!" Harry cut her off.
"I liked Sirius as much as any other, Harry—"
"NO ONE 'LIKED' SIRIUS AS MUCH AS I DID, HERMIONE! NO ONE! NO ONE CAN UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH I LOVED HIM! HE WAS ALL THAT I HAD, HERMIONE! HE WAS EVERYTHING I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO AFTER HOGWARTS AND NOW HE'S DEAD! HE'S DEAD! AND NOW I HAVE NOTHING!"
The fear and the concern Hermione was feeling suddenly snapped and her face turned red in fury. She saw past her fear and her logic saw what Harry was up to. Before she could stop herself, she began shouting Harry down. "How dare you!"
Harry was struck speechless at the visible fury on her face and the fire in her eyes. He stood where he was, immobile as Hermione went around the table until she was standing directly in front of him and shouting into his face.
"How dare you, Harry Potter!" her voice broke but it didn't lose it's anger as she looked directly into his face. "How dare you tell me that I don't know anything! How dare you question me about how much I loved Sirius and that no one understands you! Well guess what! I do know! I do know because I can see it everyday in your face! I can feel it in your very soul every time you even look so much at the fireplace! I feel it because you're my friend! Damn you!
"You think I don't understand you?! Who do you think helped you let Sirius escape in third year?! Who the hell broke into the Potions storeroom to steal boomslang skin just so we can brew that bloody Polyjuice potion?! Who torched a teacher's robes during your first Quidditch match when we thought you were in danger?! Who did you think blackmailed Rita Skeeter just to get your bloody story published and who the hell did you think endured your bloody glares when I begged you to start the D.A?!" her voice was trembling now. "I can take your shouting, your cursing, your heartbreak but telling me that I don't bloody understand you is something I can't accept!"
"What is this, Hermione? A documentary on the ways you helped Harry Potter? Just remember who saved you from the bloody troll back in first year!" Harry spoke in a mocking tone. "Do you want my thanks? Well then THANK YOU for saving my bloody life countless of times! You were right! I couldn't have survived the Triwizard Tournament without you! If I listened to you, I could have put more effort in Occlumency and if I just listened to you, I wouldn't have gone haring off to the Ministry of Magic and got Sirius killed! Is that what you wanted to hear?! Is that what you wanted to hear, Hermione?!"
"Stop feeling sorry for yourself! Do you think you're the only one hurting?! You think you're the only one in pain?! Do you want to excuse your behavior for grieving?!" she screeched. Cut to the quick by his words. "If anyone has a reason to grieve around here, it's Lupin! Sirius was the only living friend he had and now he's gone! Your father is dead and Pettigrew is out of the question! He's being ostracized by this damned community because of his Lycanthropy whereas you, Harry, are a celebrated wizard! And what about Professor Dumbledore?! Are you forgetting him too, Harry?! Don't you think he's beaten himself enough yet for the death of one of the people who were dependent on his protection?! What do you want him to do? Launch a public declaration?! Get down on his knees and say sorry?! Die?! Don't you dare use Sirius' death as an excuse to give up— yes, Harry I know you want to give up— because if you did then the lives of the people who died to stop Voldemort will be put to waste! Wake up! You're not the only one who's suffering! You're not the only one who's in pain—"
Hermione had to cover her mouth and turn away from Harry because her voice was breaking. She felt the tears stinging behind her lids and she tried to blink them away. There was an acute silence between them after her outburst and she used it to take deep breaths and get her composure back and try to swallow the lump that was blocking her throat. Suddenly, after making sure she could talk properly again, Hermione took off the necklace she was wearing and shoved it into Harry's palm.
"What—"
"It's your birthday gift from me. Sorry it's a bit late but I had a bit of a problem with it." She interrupted him briskly.
Harry held the rectangular crystal pendant in his hand questioningly.
"I designed it. Wear it every time. Don't ever, ever take it off, do you understand? Ever! It will protect you from dementors. All you have to do is open it, put a happy memory inside like what you do in a pensieve and then, after closing it, cast the Patronus charm. You have to remember that the only person that necklace will be able to protect is the owner of the Patronus inside them. This way, the dementors won't have a horrid effect on you anymore and you'll be able to summon Patronus charms without struggling with a dementor's mental effect."
Harry gaped at her and then at the pendant before he recovered and frowned at her. "This isn't going to change things, Hermione."
Hermione met his eyes straight on without flinching. "You want to make me so angry that I'll refuse to speak to you again and maybe keep me safe from Voldemort, right?" Harry looked up at her, surprised. Hermione smiled softly at him. "Don't look at me like that, it's easy enough to deduce after you saw Voldemort order me dead. And I'm telling you there is absolutely no reason for you to blame yourself. I've stuck with you this long because I want to, not because I have to. Besides, I'm Muggle-born. There's no helping it. Your best friend or not, I'm still a likely target for Death Eaters."
Harry eyed her coldly. "You don't know what you're talking about."
"Don't I?" Hermione challenged him. "You know I'd do almost anything for you, Harry. I understand even more than you about this whole situation and you know it."
Harry stared at her, his eyes softening for a while, before scowling deeply and turning around, slamming the kitchen door behind him. Hermione was left in the kitchen staring at the door. She was so tired. She stood there for a few moments before she felt her knees shaking and leaned on the table with a hand. She held her other hand on her forehead and trembled. Moments later, her tears dropped onto the wooden table as her trembling sobs filled the room.
"Please..." she whispered amidst her tears. "Please make me strong enough to handle this... Please make it end soon..." Then, realizing what she was doing and the total uselessness of it, Hermione straightened and viciously wiped her tears away. "Stop it, Hermione. Crying won't help you now!"
Her breathing stopped when a familiar voice spoke right in front of her and she looked up.
"Please take a seat, Miss Granger,"
She jumped and stared at the people who appeared in front of her from mid air.
"P-professor Dumbledore..." she stuttered as she looked into the grave blue eyes of the old wizard. "W-what... How..."
Remus Lupin, Emmeline Vance, Daedalus Diggle, Fred and George Weasley and their father Arthur and Severus Snape all looked back at her each with varying degrees of concern or unreadable expressions. She backed up a step.
"Don't be afraid, Miss Granger," Emmeline told her gently, smiling at her. "We just want to talk to you."
Dimly aware of her own movements, Hermione sat down next to George who was looking at her intensely while Fred was glaring at the door where Harry disappeared to.
"He had no right to talk to you that way. We know everything that happened." Fred was almost growling. "Ginny said that you tried to talk him out of it. She said you found a way so you can trick that Umbridge cow into going into the Forbidden forest and if it weren't for you, that idiot wouldn't have found the Department of Mysteries, anyway!"
"He's depressed, Fred." Hermione scolded him wearily. "He's probably trying some daft plan to make me back off so he can face the dangers alone. He saw Voldemort order me dead in his mind. And I think he's afraid of becoming more attached only to lose more of the people he's come to care about in the end."
George snorted. "Your being too soft hearted, Hermione. Just like with that stupid elf."
"Don't go there, George." She warned.
George frowned. The others kept silent.
"I understand that you know Harry Potter quite well, Miss Granger...?" Emmeline Vance asked after a while.
"We've been best friends since our first year at Hogwarts, madam." She then turned pink. "H-how much did all of you just hear?"
Remus tried to smile and half succeeded, his eyes looking suspiciously shiny, and his voice decidedly hoarse. "Everything, I'm afraid."
Hermione groaned in dismay and buried her face in her hands.
"We didn't really mean to listen, Hermione," Mr. Weasley said, smiling faintly at her. "We were talking and we didn't want Harry to see us. He might throw another tantrum."
Hermione saw Professor Snape staring at her with narrowed eyes and bit her lip before looked down at her hands, remembering what she screamed at Harry only minutes before. "I'm so sorry, Professor Dumbledore, I— I mean, we, um—"
"There is no need to apologize, Hermione, I believe everything you and your friends did had a very important reason behind it." Dumbledore cut her off. There was an interested twinkle behind his wise blue eyes that told her there was more to this than what meets the eye. "Tell me, Hermione, unless I was mistaken, I believe I heard you explaining to Harry that your birthday gift for him was a kind of protection against the effects of a dementor?"
Of course he'd pick that up. Hermione felt her cheeks redden further at the thought of what the headmaster just heard but she nodded just the same and glued her eyes to her hands. "Err... yes, sir, that's right."
She expected rebuke from all the adults present but, as a minute passed by without sound, she realized that none was forthcoming, so she looked up and saw them all gaping at her.
"I don't believe it..." Daedalus whispered in awe as he stared at her. "You're telling us that you managed to charm an object that will repel dementors?!"
"Not repel, no," Hermione protested. "Only to protect the mind. A dementor feeds on happy memories and happy memories come from thoughts. Memories. And these are only created by the mind. A Patronus, also created by the mind, generates from emotions and so it is a case wherein the heart protects the mind. Like the warmth of a fire chasing away the cold. Or the light dissipating the dark."
Hermione warmed up to her topic. She had been researching this for some time now and she was dying to talk to someone about it. "So I thought, what if a person was holding a light that never dies? A guard against the dark? I conducted a research on this and found out a way but I couldn't figure out how I can preserve the Patronus of a person. Neville's Remembrall gave me an idea, however, and so I began researching how they make Remembralls and Pensieves until I tried to copy the rune placed on a Pensieve onto a malachite plate surrounding the crystal I designed. Afterwards, I added some more runes that will make it strictly for defensive measures. I used Arithmancy and found my calculations to be effective only on these terms. The strength I acquired for the objects I chose were not strong enough for any offensive measures and I had little time because the O.W.L.s were coming. I finally finished making my object outside school only I had to transfer some of my life energy to activate the runes I placed on the object but I couldn't use my wand to produce a Patronus so I couldn't test it. Then, when I came to Paris, I met the French Minister of Magic, Monsieur Beauchamp, and he gave me permission to perform a Patronus charm in his presence. It was fortunate that I did though, because I got attacked by a couple of dementors the night the Death Eaters attacked me. That was when I found out that my little object worked. Better than I expected, really."
"Are you telling us that you transferred your life force energy just to make that object work?!" Snape asked her furiously though he didn't move a muscle. His deep black eyes were snapping at her. "Do you know what kind of danger you could have put yourself into if you drained your energy into that object hanging around Potter's neck, you foolish, foolish girl?!"
Hermione winced a bit but met his eyes determinedly. "Sir, I realize that what I did was very foolish but... ever since Harry was attacked at Privet Drive I have begun to be anxious. I had to do something or I'll go insane with worry. Besides, Harry is more important than me and half the Order put together. Without him, there can be no resistance. You realize that, because he is alive, the whole wizarding community still has hope that Voldemort can be defeated. It's all because of Harry."
"Don't say the Dark Lord's name!" If possible, Snape's eyes went from furious to raging!
Hermione, knowing the risks her Potions Master was undertaking bit her lip and looked down. It was an unspoken fact that Snape was a spy for Dumbledore and plain speaking in front of him wasn't wise since he might slip while in Voldemort's presence and get himself killed in the process. "I'm sorry, Professor."
Snape was surprised by her apology but hid it well.
Dumbledore was staring at Hermione attentively. "My dear, a being's life force is very important, one wrong move on your part and you might have never recovered. You might have lost your powers or worse, your life. It is not worth it. Not even for Harry although I can understand why you wanted to help him."
"Even if he doesn't appreciate it, the prat." Fred mumbled. Mr. Weasley gave him a nudge and a glare.
"Amazing! And you say it can protect the wearer from dementors? Astounding! My dear, do you know what this means?!" Emmeline gushed excitedly. "We finally have a certain edge! It's one problem down!"
"Brilliant, Miss Granger!" Daedalus exclaimed in admiration. "How did you do it?!"
Hermione flushed in pleasure and smiled if a bit uncertainly, but it disappeared when she saw Snape glowering at her. Fred patted her shoulder though, grinning.
"Well," he said proudly. "She's not the smartest student in her year for nothing!"
"Be that as it may..." Snape intoned silkily and menacingly. "She is now a bigger threat to the Dark Lord. If this little... achievement of hers drops to the wrong hands, she'll be facing more than dementors next."
The room's temperature fell down a couple of degrees below zero at Snape's announcement. Hermione paled. She could understand the truth behind his logic.
"But we have to reproduce Miss Granger's remarkable invention! We need this sort of protection right now!" Daedalus cried out before turning to Hermione. "Please, child, we need to know how you made this.. this... um, what do you call it?"
Hermione swallowed and spoke. "I called it a Patronus pendant, sir."
"Ah, yes. You understand why we need to have all the members of the Order wear a Patronus pendant, don't you?" Daedalus turned to Dumbledore. "Albus!"
Dumbledore rested his chin on the back of his hands and stayed silent for a while. Then, as though reaching a very important decision, stared at Hermione with clear blue eyes more solemn than she had ever seen. "My dear, this is your choice since you invented it, but I would like to plead for the sake of the Order, for you to teach us how to make a Patronus pendant."
Looking at him, Hermione knew there was only one answer she could give him. Refusing Albus Dumbledore was not an option. "Of course, Headmaster."
Snape snarled, standing up, sloshing the contents of his mug to kingdom come. "This is preposterous! Unacceptable!"
Dumbledore nodded gravely towards him, his eyes still solemn and very uncharacteristic. "Yes, I know and I disapprove just as much as you do, Severus. But we have to do this. It's the only way we can have any advantages against Voldemort. We need to take advantage of all possible resources. We are, after all, in a middle of a war..."
"But she's only a student! She's not even of age!" Snape roared.
"Not exactly, Severus," the Headmaster said a bit more lightly. "Miss Granger's use of a time turner in her third year advanced her age for a year making her almost of age by the records of the Ministry of Magic. The moment she turns sixteen this September would mean she has turned seventeen. As for her being a student, well then..." the old wizard turned to Hermione casually. "As of this moment, I am making Miss Granger an official member of the Order of the Phoenix."
Snape was positively livid! "This is an outrage! Are you telling me that you are prepared to risk a student into this war?! Do you have any idea what the Dark Lord will do to her and her parents if he ever found out that she's part of this?!"
"She has been a part of this since she helped protect the Sorceror's stone, Severus. She has been a part of this since she helped Harry get into the Department of Mysteries last term. It won't make a difference now." Dumbledore said quietly though regret was evident in his wise blue eyes.
Snape looked mad enough to chew nails! He stared at each and everyone of the wincing faces of the younger members of the party before settling his blazing black eyes on Hermione who tried very hard not to fidget and cower."
"Very well, if that is your choice. But mark my words, Miss Granger. You don't know what you've gotten yourself into. Gryffindor glory and foolhardiness can only take you so far in this silent war." He told her coldly before walking out of the room.
Dumbledore sighed and stood up. "I should be going too. I have a meeting with Cornelius after a few hours and it's better to at least sleep a few minutes before keeping an appointment with him." He surprised everyone by leaning over to Hermione and holding her hand tightly in his own. "Please don't let Severus' words bother you, my dear. He is tired. Very tired. As is all of us."
Hermione smiled nervously at the old wizard. "I know, sir. I can... understand what he's feeling. To a point."
Dumbledore knitted his brows together slightly and looked into her eyes intently for a while before nodding once. "Yes... I do believe you do, my dear..."
He then straightened and headed for the door. "Very well, I bid all of you a pleasant day. I hope the coming school year shall agree with you, Hermione."
"Thank you, sir."
"I'll see you out, Albus." Mr. Weasley said and ushered the old wizard, with Emmeline and Deadalus, to the door. Both of whom, nodded to Hermione respectfully.
The door closed behind the four wizards and left Remus, Fred, George and Hermione in the kitchen.
"Who does he think he is?!" George growled angrily. "Hermione has more right than anyone else to join the Order!"
"Yeah! I think he's just jealous! Don't mind him, Hermione." Fred scowled.
Hermione shook her head sadly and wearily, "No, he's right. He isn't jealous, he's worried. He knows first hand off how difficult this situation is for me."
Fred and George gaped at her.
"Your defending him again, Hermione!" George whined.
"Well, someone should. He's risking his life for the Order every time he goes out to meet the Death Eaters and he doesn't need to do that, does he? How many times do I have to remind all of you that he's on our side now?" Hermione asked impatiently.
Fred looked at her solemnly, "But Hermione! He was a Death Eater once too! What if he turns against us?"
Hermione met his eye directly. "Then I suggest you don't give him any reason to do that. A bit of appreciation never hurt anyone and Snape can really use it right now. How would you feel if you were shunned because of a mistake you can't undo?"
"Fine," Fred said sulkily. "You're no fun, Hermione."
"We're going back to bed.." George said.
The twins stood up and left. Hermione was getting up to follow them but she was stopped by Remus' voice.
"Hermione?"
She turned back and smiled at her old professor. "Don't you want to go back to sleep too?"
He looked at her intently for a while before smiling gratefully. "Thank you."
She understood and blushed. She then nodded and went back to bed, her mind full of the things that have happened that day, wondering if things will get better or worse...
Spoilers: You'll know 'em when you see 'em! ^o^v!!!
Author's Note: Enjoy!!! ^__~*
Chapter Three: White Angel Weeping
Hermione found a cup and made Harry a cup of chocolate. Both of them sat on the kitchen table, on chairs that placed them beside the watching adults they couldn't see. So close that they could have touched them. But she and Harry were ignorant to them all. She had other things in her mind. Such as the screaming from Harry and Ron's room and, eventually, finding out that the screaming came from Harry, with Ron so fast asleep he didn't even notice. She had to put off her reunion with Crookshanks to deal with it and left her familiar on her bed, curled comfortably on the pillow she just vacated.
She shook Harry awake and quieted him and then he refused to talk. It was then that she invited him in the kitchen to get a mug of hot chocolate.
"Go on, Harry, drink it." Hermione told the pale young man sitting on one of the chairs around the kitchen table. She sat across from him and watched. "It will calm you down."
Harry numbly obeyed her and it broke her heart to see her friend subdued like this. In truth, she liked it better when he was shouting her down or he was knocking things away in anger. Harry's heartbroken face, lurking behind the cheerful façade he showed everyone earlier as she's suspected, was dead obvious to her now. Harry Potter was coming apart. And if no one did anything about it, the grief will destroy him.
Harry sighed and blew on the hot, dark liquid. "Sorry I woke you up."
Hermione shook her head and smiled softly but the pain and concern in her eyes were visible. The worry and the strain seemed to be taking their toll on her. "It's alright. You never wrote to me about your nightmares. I wish you did. I would have brewed some dreamless sleep potion for you."
He sighed and sipped more chocolate then stared at her intensely. Knowing he could trust her. "It keeps replaying in my mind, Hermione. Everything that's happened. Cedric... Sirius... My parents..."
Hermione didn't know what to say to that. She couldn't say that she understood what he was feeling because she couldn't. She could only guess at the depth of grief Harry presented and try to make it better.
Not minding her silence, Harry continued, "Do you have any idea, Hermione, just how painful my scar gets every night and every day? How sick I get when he gets angry? I feel like I'm going to go crazy. Plus the fact that, any time now, I'm going to eventually die. I can't even think about schoolwork anymore. I couldn't care less. I just... want some peace. Is that too much to ask for?"
Hermione's brain started to work at all the possible solutions to this aspect of Harry's problem. "I could borrow some of the books down in the Hogwarts library on Occlumency and try to learn everything I can about it so I can teach you. But then I have to learn Legilimency first—"
He conjured up a weary half smile. "It's nice to know that some things never change. You still think that your studies will change everything and make things better. Just like Ron. Although he tends to bend between extreme panic and extreme denial."
The bitterness behind his voice did not go unnoticed but she kept her hurt to herself. "Everything will be alright, Harry. You'll see—"
Harry startled her by standing up abruptly and angrily and started growling at her. "HOW COULD IT, HERMIONE, HOW COULD EVERYTHING BE ALRIGHT?!" He threw the mug on the table and Hermione had to stand up to avoid the scalding liquid from touching her. She looked up at Harry in terrified concern. It seemed that her words triggered off the anger and the despair he was keeping deep inside and now, she was the nearest person he could vent it on.
"SIRIUS IS DEAD! CEDRIC! MY PARENTS! EVERYTHING WILL NEVER BE ALRIGHT AGAIN!" he shouted at her from the top of his lungs. "YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO TALK ME THIS WAY! YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH! HOW COULD YOU?! YOU'VE NEVER LOST ANYONE IMPORTANT!"
"Look, Harry I understand about Sirius but—"
"YOU KNOW WHAT?! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO KEPT TELLING ME LAST YEAR THAT SIRIUS WAS BEING SELFISH DURING MY TRIAL BECAUSE YOU SAID HE WANTED ME TO BE AN OUTCAST TOO! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO KEPT DEFENDING THAT BLOODY HOUSE ELF! ALWAYS DEFENDING THAT BLOODY SNAPE!" Harry roared at her. "YOU! ALWAYS THE SENSIBLE, NOBLE, PERFECT HERMIONE GRANGER! WELL TELL YOU WHAT, IT'S SO EASY FOR YOU BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE MY LIFE! YOU DON'T LIVE IN MY WORLD! YOU, AT LEAST HAVE PARENTS WHO LOVE YOU! I HAVE TO KEEP ON RETURNING TO PEOPLE WHO COULDN'T EVEN CARE LESS IF I LIVED OR DIED!"
"Harry you can't blame Professor Snape! That man's already got enough to deal with without you adding to his internal distress. Besides, he's on our side now and—"
"OH SO HE'S THE NOBLE ONE NOW?! WHAT ABOUT SIRIUS?! WHAT ABOUT EVERYTHING HE'S DONE FOR US?!" Harry cut her off.
"I liked Sirius as much as any other, Harry—"
"NO ONE 'LIKED' SIRIUS AS MUCH AS I DID, HERMIONE! NO ONE! NO ONE CAN UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH I LOVED HIM! HE WAS ALL THAT I HAD, HERMIONE! HE WAS EVERYTHING I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO AFTER HOGWARTS AND NOW HE'S DEAD! HE'S DEAD! AND NOW I HAVE NOTHING!"
The fear and the concern Hermione was feeling suddenly snapped and her face turned red in fury. She saw past her fear and her logic saw what Harry was up to. Before she could stop herself, she began shouting Harry down. "How dare you!"
Harry was struck speechless at the visible fury on her face and the fire in her eyes. He stood where he was, immobile as Hermione went around the table until she was standing directly in front of him and shouting into his face.
"How dare you, Harry Potter!" her voice broke but it didn't lose it's anger as she looked directly into his face. "How dare you tell me that I don't know anything! How dare you question me about how much I loved Sirius and that no one understands you! Well guess what! I do know! I do know because I can see it everyday in your face! I can feel it in your very soul every time you even look so much at the fireplace! I feel it because you're my friend! Damn you!
"You think I don't understand you?! Who do you think helped you let Sirius escape in third year?! Who the hell broke into the Potions storeroom to steal boomslang skin just so we can brew that bloody Polyjuice potion?! Who torched a teacher's robes during your first Quidditch match when we thought you were in danger?! Who did you think blackmailed Rita Skeeter just to get your bloody story published and who the hell did you think endured your bloody glares when I begged you to start the D.A?!" her voice was trembling now. "I can take your shouting, your cursing, your heartbreak but telling me that I don't bloody understand you is something I can't accept!"
"What is this, Hermione? A documentary on the ways you helped Harry Potter? Just remember who saved you from the bloody troll back in first year!" Harry spoke in a mocking tone. "Do you want my thanks? Well then THANK YOU for saving my bloody life countless of times! You were right! I couldn't have survived the Triwizard Tournament without you! If I listened to you, I could have put more effort in Occlumency and if I just listened to you, I wouldn't have gone haring off to the Ministry of Magic and got Sirius killed! Is that what you wanted to hear?! Is that what you wanted to hear, Hermione?!"
"Stop feeling sorry for yourself! Do you think you're the only one hurting?! You think you're the only one in pain?! Do you want to excuse your behavior for grieving?!" she screeched. Cut to the quick by his words. "If anyone has a reason to grieve around here, it's Lupin! Sirius was the only living friend he had and now he's gone! Your father is dead and Pettigrew is out of the question! He's being ostracized by this damned community because of his Lycanthropy whereas you, Harry, are a celebrated wizard! And what about Professor Dumbledore?! Are you forgetting him too, Harry?! Don't you think he's beaten himself enough yet for the death of one of the people who were dependent on his protection?! What do you want him to do? Launch a public declaration?! Get down on his knees and say sorry?! Die?! Don't you dare use Sirius' death as an excuse to give up— yes, Harry I know you want to give up— because if you did then the lives of the people who died to stop Voldemort will be put to waste! Wake up! You're not the only one who's suffering! You're not the only one who's in pain—"
Hermione had to cover her mouth and turn away from Harry because her voice was breaking. She felt the tears stinging behind her lids and she tried to blink them away. There was an acute silence between them after her outburst and she used it to take deep breaths and get her composure back and try to swallow the lump that was blocking her throat. Suddenly, after making sure she could talk properly again, Hermione took off the necklace she was wearing and shoved it into Harry's palm.
"What—"
"It's your birthday gift from me. Sorry it's a bit late but I had a bit of a problem with it." She interrupted him briskly.
Harry held the rectangular crystal pendant in his hand questioningly.
"I designed it. Wear it every time. Don't ever, ever take it off, do you understand? Ever! It will protect you from dementors. All you have to do is open it, put a happy memory inside like what you do in a pensieve and then, after closing it, cast the Patronus charm. You have to remember that the only person that necklace will be able to protect is the owner of the Patronus inside them. This way, the dementors won't have a horrid effect on you anymore and you'll be able to summon Patronus charms without struggling with a dementor's mental effect."
Harry gaped at her and then at the pendant before he recovered and frowned at her. "This isn't going to change things, Hermione."
Hermione met his eyes straight on without flinching. "You want to make me so angry that I'll refuse to speak to you again and maybe keep me safe from Voldemort, right?" Harry looked up at her, surprised. Hermione smiled softly at him. "Don't look at me like that, it's easy enough to deduce after you saw Voldemort order me dead. And I'm telling you there is absolutely no reason for you to blame yourself. I've stuck with you this long because I want to, not because I have to. Besides, I'm Muggle-born. There's no helping it. Your best friend or not, I'm still a likely target for Death Eaters."
Harry eyed her coldly. "You don't know what you're talking about."
"Don't I?" Hermione challenged him. "You know I'd do almost anything for you, Harry. I understand even more than you about this whole situation and you know it."
Harry stared at her, his eyes softening for a while, before scowling deeply and turning around, slamming the kitchen door behind him. Hermione was left in the kitchen staring at the door. She was so tired. She stood there for a few moments before she felt her knees shaking and leaned on the table with a hand. She held her other hand on her forehead and trembled. Moments later, her tears dropped onto the wooden table as her trembling sobs filled the room.
"Please..." she whispered amidst her tears. "Please make me strong enough to handle this... Please make it end soon..." Then, realizing what she was doing and the total uselessness of it, Hermione straightened and viciously wiped her tears away. "Stop it, Hermione. Crying won't help you now!"
Her breathing stopped when a familiar voice spoke right in front of her and she looked up.
"Please take a seat, Miss Granger,"
She jumped and stared at the people who appeared in front of her from mid air.
"P-professor Dumbledore..." she stuttered as she looked into the grave blue eyes of the old wizard. "W-what... How..."
Remus Lupin, Emmeline Vance, Daedalus Diggle, Fred and George Weasley and their father Arthur and Severus Snape all looked back at her each with varying degrees of concern or unreadable expressions. She backed up a step.
"Don't be afraid, Miss Granger," Emmeline told her gently, smiling at her. "We just want to talk to you."
Dimly aware of her own movements, Hermione sat down next to George who was looking at her intensely while Fred was glaring at the door where Harry disappeared to.
"He had no right to talk to you that way. We know everything that happened." Fred was almost growling. "Ginny said that you tried to talk him out of it. She said you found a way so you can trick that Umbridge cow into going into the Forbidden forest and if it weren't for you, that idiot wouldn't have found the Department of Mysteries, anyway!"
"He's depressed, Fred." Hermione scolded him wearily. "He's probably trying some daft plan to make me back off so he can face the dangers alone. He saw Voldemort order me dead in his mind. And I think he's afraid of becoming more attached only to lose more of the people he's come to care about in the end."
George snorted. "Your being too soft hearted, Hermione. Just like with that stupid elf."
"Don't go there, George." She warned.
George frowned. The others kept silent.
"I understand that you know Harry Potter quite well, Miss Granger...?" Emmeline Vance asked after a while.
"We've been best friends since our first year at Hogwarts, madam." She then turned pink. "H-how much did all of you just hear?"
Remus tried to smile and half succeeded, his eyes looking suspiciously shiny, and his voice decidedly hoarse. "Everything, I'm afraid."
Hermione groaned in dismay and buried her face in her hands.
"We didn't really mean to listen, Hermione," Mr. Weasley said, smiling faintly at her. "We were talking and we didn't want Harry to see us. He might throw another tantrum."
Hermione saw Professor Snape staring at her with narrowed eyes and bit her lip before looked down at her hands, remembering what she screamed at Harry only minutes before. "I'm so sorry, Professor Dumbledore, I— I mean, we, um—"
"There is no need to apologize, Hermione, I believe everything you and your friends did had a very important reason behind it." Dumbledore cut her off. There was an interested twinkle behind his wise blue eyes that told her there was more to this than what meets the eye. "Tell me, Hermione, unless I was mistaken, I believe I heard you explaining to Harry that your birthday gift for him was a kind of protection against the effects of a dementor?"
Of course he'd pick that up. Hermione felt her cheeks redden further at the thought of what the headmaster just heard but she nodded just the same and glued her eyes to her hands. "Err... yes, sir, that's right."
She expected rebuke from all the adults present but, as a minute passed by without sound, she realized that none was forthcoming, so she looked up and saw them all gaping at her.
"I don't believe it..." Daedalus whispered in awe as he stared at her. "You're telling us that you managed to charm an object that will repel dementors?!"
"Not repel, no," Hermione protested. "Only to protect the mind. A dementor feeds on happy memories and happy memories come from thoughts. Memories. And these are only created by the mind. A Patronus, also created by the mind, generates from emotions and so it is a case wherein the heart protects the mind. Like the warmth of a fire chasing away the cold. Or the light dissipating the dark."
Hermione warmed up to her topic. She had been researching this for some time now and she was dying to talk to someone about it. "So I thought, what if a person was holding a light that never dies? A guard against the dark? I conducted a research on this and found out a way but I couldn't figure out how I can preserve the Patronus of a person. Neville's Remembrall gave me an idea, however, and so I began researching how they make Remembralls and Pensieves until I tried to copy the rune placed on a Pensieve onto a malachite plate surrounding the crystal I designed. Afterwards, I added some more runes that will make it strictly for defensive measures. I used Arithmancy and found my calculations to be effective only on these terms. The strength I acquired for the objects I chose were not strong enough for any offensive measures and I had little time because the O.W.L.s were coming. I finally finished making my object outside school only I had to transfer some of my life energy to activate the runes I placed on the object but I couldn't use my wand to produce a Patronus so I couldn't test it. Then, when I came to Paris, I met the French Minister of Magic, Monsieur Beauchamp, and he gave me permission to perform a Patronus charm in his presence. It was fortunate that I did though, because I got attacked by a couple of dementors the night the Death Eaters attacked me. That was when I found out that my little object worked. Better than I expected, really."
"Are you telling us that you transferred your life force energy just to make that object work?!" Snape asked her furiously though he didn't move a muscle. His deep black eyes were snapping at her. "Do you know what kind of danger you could have put yourself into if you drained your energy into that object hanging around Potter's neck, you foolish, foolish girl?!"
Hermione winced a bit but met his eyes determinedly. "Sir, I realize that what I did was very foolish but... ever since Harry was attacked at Privet Drive I have begun to be anxious. I had to do something or I'll go insane with worry. Besides, Harry is more important than me and half the Order put together. Without him, there can be no resistance. You realize that, because he is alive, the whole wizarding community still has hope that Voldemort can be defeated. It's all because of Harry."
"Don't say the Dark Lord's name!" If possible, Snape's eyes went from furious to raging!
Hermione, knowing the risks her Potions Master was undertaking bit her lip and looked down. It was an unspoken fact that Snape was a spy for Dumbledore and plain speaking in front of him wasn't wise since he might slip while in Voldemort's presence and get himself killed in the process. "I'm sorry, Professor."
Snape was surprised by her apology but hid it well.
Dumbledore was staring at Hermione attentively. "My dear, a being's life force is very important, one wrong move on your part and you might have never recovered. You might have lost your powers or worse, your life. It is not worth it. Not even for Harry although I can understand why you wanted to help him."
"Even if he doesn't appreciate it, the prat." Fred mumbled. Mr. Weasley gave him a nudge and a glare.
"Amazing! And you say it can protect the wearer from dementors? Astounding! My dear, do you know what this means?!" Emmeline gushed excitedly. "We finally have a certain edge! It's one problem down!"
"Brilliant, Miss Granger!" Daedalus exclaimed in admiration. "How did you do it?!"
Hermione flushed in pleasure and smiled if a bit uncertainly, but it disappeared when she saw Snape glowering at her. Fred patted her shoulder though, grinning.
"Well," he said proudly. "She's not the smartest student in her year for nothing!"
"Be that as it may..." Snape intoned silkily and menacingly. "She is now a bigger threat to the Dark Lord. If this little... achievement of hers drops to the wrong hands, she'll be facing more than dementors next."
The room's temperature fell down a couple of degrees below zero at Snape's announcement. Hermione paled. She could understand the truth behind his logic.
"But we have to reproduce Miss Granger's remarkable invention! We need this sort of protection right now!" Daedalus cried out before turning to Hermione. "Please, child, we need to know how you made this.. this... um, what do you call it?"
Hermione swallowed and spoke. "I called it a Patronus pendant, sir."
"Ah, yes. You understand why we need to have all the members of the Order wear a Patronus pendant, don't you?" Daedalus turned to Dumbledore. "Albus!"
Dumbledore rested his chin on the back of his hands and stayed silent for a while. Then, as though reaching a very important decision, stared at Hermione with clear blue eyes more solemn than she had ever seen. "My dear, this is your choice since you invented it, but I would like to plead for the sake of the Order, for you to teach us how to make a Patronus pendant."
Looking at him, Hermione knew there was only one answer she could give him. Refusing Albus Dumbledore was not an option. "Of course, Headmaster."
Snape snarled, standing up, sloshing the contents of his mug to kingdom come. "This is preposterous! Unacceptable!"
Dumbledore nodded gravely towards him, his eyes still solemn and very uncharacteristic. "Yes, I know and I disapprove just as much as you do, Severus. But we have to do this. It's the only way we can have any advantages against Voldemort. We need to take advantage of all possible resources. We are, after all, in a middle of a war..."
"But she's only a student! She's not even of age!" Snape roared.
"Not exactly, Severus," the Headmaster said a bit more lightly. "Miss Granger's use of a time turner in her third year advanced her age for a year making her almost of age by the records of the Ministry of Magic. The moment she turns sixteen this September would mean she has turned seventeen. As for her being a student, well then..." the old wizard turned to Hermione casually. "As of this moment, I am making Miss Granger an official member of the Order of the Phoenix."
Snape was positively livid! "This is an outrage! Are you telling me that you are prepared to risk a student into this war?! Do you have any idea what the Dark Lord will do to her and her parents if he ever found out that she's part of this?!"
"She has been a part of this since she helped protect the Sorceror's stone, Severus. She has been a part of this since she helped Harry get into the Department of Mysteries last term. It won't make a difference now." Dumbledore said quietly though regret was evident in his wise blue eyes.
Snape looked mad enough to chew nails! He stared at each and everyone of the wincing faces of the younger members of the party before settling his blazing black eyes on Hermione who tried very hard not to fidget and cower."
"Very well, if that is your choice. But mark my words, Miss Granger. You don't know what you've gotten yourself into. Gryffindor glory and foolhardiness can only take you so far in this silent war." He told her coldly before walking out of the room.
Dumbledore sighed and stood up. "I should be going too. I have a meeting with Cornelius after a few hours and it's better to at least sleep a few minutes before keeping an appointment with him." He surprised everyone by leaning over to Hermione and holding her hand tightly in his own. "Please don't let Severus' words bother you, my dear. He is tired. Very tired. As is all of us."
Hermione smiled nervously at the old wizard. "I know, sir. I can... understand what he's feeling. To a point."
Dumbledore knitted his brows together slightly and looked into her eyes intently for a while before nodding once. "Yes... I do believe you do, my dear..."
He then straightened and headed for the door. "Very well, I bid all of you a pleasant day. I hope the coming school year shall agree with you, Hermione."
"Thank you, sir."
"I'll see you out, Albus." Mr. Weasley said and ushered the old wizard, with Emmeline and Deadalus, to the door. Both of whom, nodded to Hermione respectfully.
The door closed behind the four wizards and left Remus, Fred, George and Hermione in the kitchen.
"Who does he think he is?!" George growled angrily. "Hermione has more right than anyone else to join the Order!"
"Yeah! I think he's just jealous! Don't mind him, Hermione." Fred scowled.
Hermione shook her head sadly and wearily, "No, he's right. He isn't jealous, he's worried. He knows first hand off how difficult this situation is for me."
Fred and George gaped at her.
"Your defending him again, Hermione!" George whined.
"Well, someone should. He's risking his life for the Order every time he goes out to meet the Death Eaters and he doesn't need to do that, does he? How many times do I have to remind all of you that he's on our side now?" Hermione asked impatiently.
Fred looked at her solemnly, "But Hermione! He was a Death Eater once too! What if he turns against us?"
Hermione met his eye directly. "Then I suggest you don't give him any reason to do that. A bit of appreciation never hurt anyone and Snape can really use it right now. How would you feel if you were shunned because of a mistake you can't undo?"
"Fine," Fred said sulkily. "You're no fun, Hermione."
"We're going back to bed.." George said.
The twins stood up and left. Hermione was getting up to follow them but she was stopped by Remus' voice.
"Hermione?"
She turned back and smiled at her old professor. "Don't you want to go back to sleep too?"
He looked at her intently for a while before smiling gratefully. "Thank you."
She understood and blushed. She then nodded and went back to bed, her mind full of the things that have happened that day, wondering if things will get better or worse...