Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the plot on this fanfic and a couple
or more characters you certainly won't find in the HP books so when I say
anything I mean anything! Heck, I don't even own this computer! I'm just
renting it until I get my own. So please bear with me if my updates are
slow? ;;;
Spoilers: You'll know 'em when you see 'em! ov!!!
Author's Note: Enjoy!!!
Chapter Four: Black Angels Brooding
"Damn it!"
A crash echoed all throughout the room as the wine glass he was formerly drinking from exploded against the wall, and yet the destruction has left him wholly unsatisfied. Unfulfilled by a restlessness he was trying so desperately to control.
It's been three days for him out there! He should be drowning in sleep! He should be at peace, in his bed, and thinking of whole new ways how he'll make the students' lives miserable this year!
But he couldn't stand his thoughts. Every single contemplation was riddled with her! Her fury. Her tears. Her words ...
'That man's already got enough to deal with without you adding to his internal distress...'
"Fuck!"
The Headmaster had no right to put her in the middle of this war. It was enough that they couldn't seem to stop her from totally immersing herself in Potter's business but that Patronus pendant of hers was enough of a testimony on how much she was willing to sacrifice for Potter's safety. Merlin, to give up her life force just for that stupid, irresponsible, ungrateful prat! And the way Potter spoke to her!
As he watched silently as the tableau with Potter and Granger was taking place back then, he wanted to strangle Potter for speaking to the her that way! From everything he's heard, Granger's been a good deal more useful to him than his red headed sidekick and all his other red headed siblings put together!
How dare he... How dare he insult her that way!
Wait a minute! What the hell was he doing?! Why was he even contemplating her and why the hell was he feeling this hungry restlessness over and over again?! Logically, he knew he overreacted to the announcement when Granger was suddenly made an Order member. In truth, he should be thinking of a hundred possible ways to take advantage of her new found position and exploit to gain the upper hand in this war, but all he could think about at that time was that... it wasn't right. War and Hermione Granger just didn't mix in the same sentence. It seemed blasphemous! He's known her for almost six years! Known her gentleness and eagerness. Her very innocence! Such innocence would be akin to a lone buttercup on the middle of the road directly in front of a marching army! She'll be trampled again and again until she's dead. Or worse...
'That man's already got enough to deal with without you adding to his internal distress...'
"Damn her!" he growled.
This was... utterly ludicrous! Her words. The sincerity in them. It was as though, she knew him. Noticed him. Cared about him...
He shook his head.
No. It wasn't possible.
Everyone he knew... Just everyone who had ever claimed to love him was gone now. And they were all few and far in between. In his childhood, he mostly kept to himself in more ways than one. Trying to avoid his father's manhandling. Trying to absorb every little knowledge in the Dark Arts that the old man drilled into his brain since he was old enough to say 'asphodel'! There was never a time for tenderness. No room for honesty. There were only lies and pain and hatred. And the pursuit of power. Until he realized that there was more to it than that. Until the day that Lily Evans made him swear a wizard's debt due to the fact that she once saved his life!
In all his years of existence, there were only a handful of people who's ever expressed any genuine sympathy for him. That would be Dumbledore, his other head of houses... and Lily Evans...
Evans...
The Mudblood Gryffindor, Lily Evans...
She would forever be stuck in his mind as Lily Evans and never as Lily Potter because he could not— would not— associate that sweet, self- righteous little Gryffindor with the name of that arrogant, insufferable, bullying James Potter.
Fuck him.
And Sirius Black.
Lily. His defender, even when she finally gave up on their fifth year and called him Snivellus. Oh he deserved it, alright. But it still hurt. But what did she expect? After being humiliated like that again and again for five years in a row just because he existed! And she never really meant it. She was the reason why he finally turned. James Potter wasn't the only one he owed a wizard's debt to. Lily. Lily and her sweet, sweet sympathy... Not that he loved her or anything so nonsensical that would adjourn to such an unacceptable bout of sentimentality.
And now...
Another Muggle born witch has come out of the woodwork to defend him. What is it with these Muggle borns and their inherent penchant for sympathizing with the underdogs? Damn them anyway. He can live without their sympathy. He used to live with less. But...
Hermione Granger...
Severus closed his eyes as he felt an unfamiliar jolt in his chest. A near painful thump that worried him no end as he recalled the scene he left, a few hours back.
The way she spoke to Potter to defend him... He knew that she was sincere about what she was saying. She didn't have an audience to perform for, or, at least, she didn't know. And he knew she was being honest. He should be happy that someone can express such respect and concern for him or, at the very least, smug. But all he could feel was... unworthiness... regrets... hopelessness...
How can someone like him be worthy? Of anything from anyone at all? He was nothing. And the sincerity and respect and concern for him when he looked into her cinnamon brown eyes a few hours ago prevented him from picking up his prepared vial of Dreamless Sleep potion and drown himself off to oblivion. It was giving him a major headache that he was doubting he had a cure for. He wondered if one can possibly die from a headache. If he had any choice in the matter, he wished it were possible at this moment. It would be so much more uncomplicated.
His attention was taken when his fireplace flames glowed green and a familiar voice spoke to him. Only two people had access to the fireplace of his personal chambers by floo. It was accessible only by a special password known only to those two. One of them was the Headmaster, who was not even in the castle. So that would mean his visitor would be...
"Having a party?"
Severus Snape turned sharply around to face the person who dared intrude on his privacy.
The calm, soothing voice was only mildly sarcastic. Mostly, it was indifferent. He scowled at the young woman who just stepped out of the grate as she lazily ran her eyes over the splinters of glass and marble all piled at the foot of the bared dungeon wall he was using for target practice. Wet blots and trails of alcohol littered the area as well. It didn't take a genius to guess what had been transpiring in this room lately.
"What do you want?" he growled ill naturedly, picking his wand up from the coffee table and repairing the wine glass and quill holder.
His caller looked on with an indifferent expression on her face. "The usual."
Severus glowered at her resentfully but she wasn't impressed.
She didn't bother with the soot that covered her robes. She just watched calmly as he stiffly pulled his wand out of his sleeve and repaired the damage he inflicted on his poor, defenseless possessions. She wasn't surprised. Nothing Severus Snape did came as a surprise to her anymore. In fact, nothing in the world came to her as a surprise anymore. To everyone looking at her, she was an indifferent, uncaring, uninvolved person. Almost like ice. The man in front of her was more emotional than she could ever be. She envied him this sometimes.
"He tried to have Hermione Granger killed. Rookies are plenty and we were out doing mass murder for three straight days." He told her in a cold, automatic response. Almost as though, he were a recording from a Wizard's Wireless cooking show, and he knew she noticed it. She easily noticed that he was troubled.
"I already know all that. I know the Death Eater who led the attack against her. He came home unconscious this morning. Via portkey." She paused and raised a brow at him before asking lazily, "So... how's Granger?"
She saw Severus' eyes narrow down at the question. He stepped closer to her and looked at her face more thoroughly. She looked back at him, a lazy expression on her features. She knew that look. It was like a reflex action for the both of them.
"What did you do?" he asked her darkly. "What do you know about her attack?"
Her face became inscrutable and expressive at the same time, as usual. She barely smirked but her eyes said it all. At least, everything she wanted him to know. "I did nothing that you wouldn't do under the circumstances."
Realization struck like a loaded icepack on his face. Severus leaned his head back and closed his eyes for a moment before backing off and sitting on his chair that was directly facing the fireplace. "Dear Isis... You knew..."
She didn't answer for a while, merely staring at him stoically, her face devoid of any emotion she didn't wish to be known. "Of course."
His eyes snapped opened and the look he sent her could have killed a basilisk. "You knew... You knew and you didn't tell me?!"
She stared him down coldly. "I can hardly seek you out and tell you that Hogwarts' star pupil was about to become Death Eater soufflé."
"You should have told me!"
"You know very well how I operate."
"I COULD HAVE COME! I COULD HAVE PROVIDED YOU AID!"
"I work alone." She answered back coldly. Displaying no hint of human emotion on her face. She waited a full minute, just staring at him before speaking once more. "And for you to come to her rescue would only damage His trust for you. We both cannot afford that."
She was right, of course. The both of them have worked long and hard for him to get back into the inner circle with Lucius and the others again. One wrong move— any display of impatience or irritation at all— and he could have died. And they wouldn't even have bothered to cover it up as an accident. Such would be the fate of traitors.
He calmed down, after a bit, and relaxed his hold on his wand. "The Headmaster has given her a position in the Order's ranks this morning."
"Is he mad?" the question wasn't incredulous. Only an indifferent curiosity that seemed to intermingle and instigate sarcasm and nonchalance with three words and a question mark. But behind it was a deep concern even she could not comprehend. But she was too well disciplined to show that. "I hardly think that was a wise move, considering the circumstances. But I suppose he has his reasons."
He glared at her and hissed, "Ten points from Slytherin. Your cheek is getting out of hand."
She gave him a half smile that didn't even reach her eyes. "Too bad the House hourglasses don't work during the summers, Professor. I might have had some fun with that. Imagine how Gryffindor would cheer."
He sneered at her but she sat in a chair instead of running for the hills. Another thing about her that never ceased to amaze him. Few people could stand the scrutiny of his enmity for any period of time at all.
"But why did the Headmaster deem it necessary to put such a responsibility on her? He knows very well, the risk she would have to undertake, especially now that the Dark Lord has failed to destroy her." She continued to question him.
He sneered. It was a sign of how much he disapproved of the Order's latest course of action. "She seemed to have managed to charm an object to negate the penetration of a dementor into a human's mind, heart and body. She gave it to Potter and we 'accidentally' heard all of it." He brooded a moment before looking up at her with narrowed eyes. "You knew what those three were up to, didn't you? All this time. Here in the castle."
She raised an eyebrow at him, not at all offended. In truth, she was amused by his belated guesses about the expanse of her knowledge about the Golden Trio even though she didn't bunk with them. Never really was close to any of them in the first place.
"Would it matter to you if I did?" she asked coolly. "How did you know?"
"Let's just say that I've heard a very interesting conversation a few hours ago. It was quite a revelation too. It answered a lot of my unspoken questions."
"Like, let's say... how your robes were suddenly set on fire during Potter's first Quidditch match?" she asked in a mildly amused tone.
He shot her a glare. "Yes. Precisely what I meant."
She raised another eyebrow at that. "Brave weren't they?"
Severus bared his teeth at her. "They could have been killed!"
"True," she nodded in agreement. "But it was the only way they can learn. Besides, I would have helped if worst came to worst. And their deaths would not have mattered to me either way. Anything that does not involve the Dark Lord's rising holds no significant interest to me."
"And yet you saved Hermione Granger from being killed back in Paris?"
She paused, looking at him and offering nothing for a moment. Their eyes met, gold meeting black. Finally she answered coolly, "That was just purely out of instinct. Besides, it would be a shame to lose someone like her."
Severus smirked, "If I didn't know better, I'd say you like the insufferable, little know-it-all."
She returned his smirk with a sarcasm all her own. "Let's just say that she has taken my... notice."
Silence descended on both of them for a while before Severus finally erupted.
"I simply cannot understand why the Headmaster has approved of this ludicrous scheme! Something is going to go wrong here, I can feel it in my bones!" He stood up and paced angrily, "She's too young! She has too much to lose if the Dark Lord ever gets his hands on her! And he'll want to if— no— when he discovers her latest academic accomplishment to help Potter! POTTER! That ungrateful, unthinking, murdering, insignificant, arrogant, bullheaded, self righteous MORON!"
She felt it her place to intervene, if only to anger him further. "He is not James Potter—"
"DO NOT speak that name to me!" Snape growled as he turned sharply back to her, his eyes glinting madly. Glaring into her face after three long strides.
She met his furious eyes with cold indifference. "Your bitterness is ruling you and your hatred is destroying your soul just as much as the mark on your left arm. If you don't watch out, your past will consume you. It will make you lose control one of these days and you will regret it. I suggest that you be careful."
He sneered at her and hissed menacingly, "You are so damn lucky that you are useful enough that I am not willing to kill you for these comments of yours. Another person would have died by now."
She smirked a little at him, "You can try, but I think you'll have a bit of a fight in your hands before that can ever really come to pass. Besides. We are too much alike. The both of us."
Severus straightened and looked down at her from above his very prominent nose. "And what— pray tell— does that mean?"
She smiled sadly at him and stood up, pacing the room casually, before speaking. "Have you ever thought how appropriate the moniker the students have chosen to call you? The Bat of the Dungeons?"
"You mean, aside from The Slimy Git and That Bastard?" he asked, a bit amused despite himself. Wondering where this discussion was going to take them.
She ignored this with a small smile and continued, "We are both bats. We are neither bird nor beast. We are both doomed to be exiled beyond the reach and world of others and we cannot help that. For we cannot completely become either of the two extremes. We are painted in shades of gray without having a say as to what color we wanted to be painted in, and yet we both have too strong wills to be held subdued. And that is what drives us to be alone. Exiled from everyone and anyone who can be either of those two extremes. Or think they can, at least."
Severus pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling a migraine coming up but his anger leaving, "You are driving me insane with these cryptic remarks. You're beginning to sound like an angstier Albus Dumbledore."
"Was I?" she asked quietly, her golden eyes revealing a sadness Severus could never fully understand.
She was right though. They were very much alike in regards that they can never be fully considered normal social animals. Both of them were oddities although they have achieved far more than most people around them. And both of them are trapped in a darkness that held their secrets and their true selves from each other and others.
Finally, Severus sighed and sat back down in his chair once more. They needed each other right now. It was obvious from the moment she approached him at the end of Potter's and her fourth year. He had to keep a professional outlook on their situation if they both wanted to be alive by the end of the year. "What do you suppose we should do about Miss Granger, then?"
"The usual although, it would be best if no apparent importance will be placed on her. The less sensational she is, the farther she will be from danger, although a little discreet surveillance can be useful. After all, Malfoy attempted to rape her last term. Mind you, it won't be easy, with her trailing after Potter and Weasley everywhere. Especially once Lucius comes back from Azkaban." She told him coolly.
He peered up at her, suddenly alert. "So he shall be released, then?"
Her sad smile did not falter. "He has enough money to ensure that. As long as he can avoid the French Ministry of Magic's court, he can yet be free. I doubt Beauchamp will show him any mercy."
"Can't you do anything about the matter, though?" Severus asked, worried now.
She stepped into the fireplace now, taking some Floo powder with her. "I can, if that is what you want me to do. You must not, however, discount the possibility of a jailbreak."
Severus nodded, still staring at her with alert eyes. "I will speak of it as soon as I can converse with the Headmaster."
"And before I forget, here." She threw him a medium sized vial with a black, oily liquid in it that looked suspiciously like grease, though not as thick. "I thought you might find this... useful and... interesting as well."
Severus held it up in front of his face before pulling off the cork and cautiously sniffing the contents. It was odorless. "What is this?"
She smirked a bit, "My newest pet project, of course. I believe I have discussed this with you last term. Anti-Veritaserum Potion. I've put some of our... discussions into practice this summer and I've perfected it only last week. I will leave you a sample so you can determine how I made it on your own. I know just how much you love puzzles. It's something to entertain you until school begins again. Keep you on your toes."
Severus stared at her, awed, his respect for her growing by leaps and bounds before he caught himself and scowled. "I'll keep it for study later then. Congratulations."
She nodded before speaking once again. Her tones much softer this time. "And, professor?"
He raised an eyebrow at her in question, to which, she only smiled. "Yes, Miss Delareine...?"
She threw the Floo powder in the fire and turned to him before stepping in. "Get some sleep."
Before he could retort, she was gone. The fire in the hearth burning merrily in her absence. He knew he should be bristling about her cheek at reminding him of such trivial things but instead, he smirked. Thankful that he had acquired a powerful, albeit annoyingly mysterious, ally. Hermione Granger was not the only exceptionally gifted witch in her year. Too bad he couldn't brag about Miss Delareine to the other teachers like what Minerva does with her prize student. But then again, what's a Slytherin without a secret or two, anyway...?
Harry sat alone in a compartment on the Hogwarts Express and was just staring out at the passing countryside that astounded him the day he first rode on this same train. Odd that such a sight would envelope him in such melancholy. Odder still that he was facing this melancholy without Hermione's tactful prodding about his well-being...
He shook his head angrily.
No. He wouldn't think about her. Would forget about her and get on with the destiny he was supposed to be fulfilling. He's put her in too much danger already. He was not prepared to lose another friend.
The sound of the compartment door opening had him facing the newcomer and, at the sight of Ron, he relaxed. The red head went in and closed the door before slumping on the seat across from Harry.
"Alright, Ron?" he asked his friend.
Ron leaned back with his eyes closed before answering. "You can say that."
Harry smiled a bit. "That bad, huh?"
Ron groaned. "You don't know the half of it! Malfoy and me nearly came to blows this time! I'm telling you, that ferret's got serious issues."
Harry leaned towards him, curious. "You almost hit him? Why?"
This time, Ron opened his eyes and looked into Harry's green ones. "He looked really pissed off about something and, for some reason, the moment he saw Hermione, he began to corner her and flung insults to her face."
Ron saw Harry's face darken in rage and then say in a low, menacing tone, "I'm going to kill him."
Before the dark haired boy could move on his feet, however, Ron pulled him back down by the robes. "Whoa there, hero," Harry came down on his seat, ungracefully and Ron continued to stare at him intently, "You aren't going anywhere, mate."
Harry's eyes were still blazing, like emeralds in front of a fire. "I almost cursed him in front of Snape last term and if he's going around insulting my friends, then he deserves what's coming to him."
"It's okay, mate, Cho's the new Head Girl. Sure, she might not like Hermione much, but she's fair. She's deducted ten points from Slytherin already and she's promised to report him to his Head of House once we get to the castle. A lot of good that would do though, Snape wouldn't punish that git even if he committed murder. If anyone were going to take that ferret down, it would be McGonagall.
"And as for friends, I've noticed you haven't been acting like one to Hermione lately. Are you sure you want to be calling her that, still? After the way you'd been ignoring her all summer?"
Harry looked away. His hand unconsciously went to the crystal pendant that he was absently fiddling earlier. "I don't want to talk about it Ron."
Ron swore and banged his fist on his seat, making Pigwidgeon twitter madly and fly over to the farthest part of the compartment with Hedwig glaring and hooting down at them reproachfully. "Damn it, Harry, you'll have to tell me what this is all about sooner or later or I swear I'll never talk to you ever again—"
"Then do it, Ron!" Harry yelled at him angrily. "DO IT!"
Ron stared at his best friend's angry expression in bewilderment and anger before his brown eyes narrowed and he spoke again, "Is this about Sirius?"
Harry's eyes went brighter with anger, but it now had a mixture of hurt and grief within its depths. "That's none of your bloody business."
Ron looked at the crystal pendant Harry was still holding onto. A question shone in his eyes. "Hey. What's that?"
Harry, only now realizing what he was doing, quickly hid the pendant in his robes. "Nothing."
Ron was now officially pissed, "You've been like this ever since you came back to Grimmauld Place. Does this have something to do about Hermione's—"
"Shut up, Ron!" Harry snarled.
"It does, doesn't it—"
"I said, SHUT UP!"
Ron's lip curled and decided it was time for a different strategy, "So, you've finally tired of her hanging around you, eh? Tired of her constant nagging and worrying over you? Tired of using her for our late night adventures? Finally realized that she's nothing more than a third wheel? Is that it, Harry? Is she—"
"NO SHE'S NOT ANYTHING LIKE THAT AND DON'T YOU DARE TALK ABOUT HER THAT WAY!" Harry bellowed at him as he stood up.
The door to the compartment slid open and they both turned to see Ginny, shiny new prefect's badge and all, staring at them with concern, "Is everything alright?"
Both boys turned back to glaring at one another, each practically breathing fire.
"Yeah, Ginny, we're okay." Ron told his little sister without tearing his eyes away from his best friend. "You go and finish your turn on the rounds."
Ginny eyed the both of them with equal portions of worry and suspicion before closing the door as she left.
Silence descended on the compartment as the two boys glowered at each other murderously for a few more moments before Harry broke the staring contest and slumped wearily on his seat.
Ron chose to break the silence. "Harry, we're nothing without Hermione. She's practically saved us— and at times, tried to save us— every time. I can't even keep count! And even when she knew she's right about something and we refuse to listen to her, she's still there, ready to support us, ready to die with us, stupid gits that we are. She loves us, Harry, even if I don't want to let her know that I understand because she'll just get more unbearable, but I know she loves us..."
"I KNOW!" Harry groaned all of a sudden. "Damn it, I know, Ron! That's why I'm doing this, that's why I'm pushing her away!"
Harry stood up and leaned his head out the open window, trying to hide the pained expression on his face and the utter hopelessness he was feeling. "I saw how Voldemort (Ron flinched) ordered her dead. He sent dementors after her, Ron. Dementors!"
Harry returned to sit on his seat and buried his face in his hands. "I don't want to lose her. I don't want to be the reason she..." He took a deep breath and swallowed hard before looking up to meet Ron's eyes. "I love her, Ron, and I will not let her die. And I am going to use everything in my power to prevent that from happening. Even if it means pushing her away."
"And you're keeping me around because...?"
Harry smiled a bit at him before answering, "Because I need someone who can destroy me if I slide into the dark. And you are the only one who can pull me back, Ron. Or the only one who can destroy me when the time comes. Hermione she... well, she'll never be able to kill me even if I asked her to and I won't taint her with that task. More likely, she might follow me into the dark or die herself. I can't— I won't allow that to happen. You heard her back at headquarters. She'll never give me up."
Ron became indignant, "I'LL follow you to the dark if I have to!"
Harry stared at him. "But you know what's right. You will stand by your family no matter what. What if I harm them? What will you do?"
Ron was silent for a few moments, pale and anxious, before speaking again in a much softer tone. "Does she know about this?"
Harry gave him a weary half smile, "You know her. She knows things before I even figure it out."
"Harry..." Ron shook his head and sighed, "You are such a prat."
Harry chuckled sadly and clutched the crystal pendant again, remembering Hermione's face when she finally snarled at him and fought back that night back in Grimmauld Place, and felt regret in the deepest core of his heart. "I know....."
A/N (again):
Soooo sorry, I had work. My genius of a mother decided to loan a sizeable amount of money from a loan shark months ago, which I had never even laid my eyes on, and gave the debtors the deed to our house as collateral and now, she's left me, my two brothers and sister to run off with some hobo. Now I have to triple on shifts on all my jobs to pay 60,000 grand just to freeze the interest or we'll soon find ourselves out on the street. I wish she's told me this sooner (sigh). Damn, parents suck! Based on my calculations, my savings are going to dry up if I was really, really careful with the expenses around the house.
Anyway, I wrote this chapter to relieve some stress. My friend (the one who owns this computer) was kind enough to let me stay in her place for a while. Hope you guys like it. DON'T WORRY, I PLAN TO FINISH THIS STORY IF IT KILLS ME.
To olka-polka: Jannes Delareine is French. Umm... they could possibly be because Sirius said all pureblooded families are related in one way or the other. She's a VERY distant relative if that were the case, but I try to establish they do not consider themselves as family for reasons I am not going to say right now. Anyway, there's more to Jannes than I'm willing to say here so, why don't you just hang on okay?
THANK YOU FOR REVIEWING ALL, YOU BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE!!!
leloupblanc
Spoilers: You'll know 'em when you see 'em! ov!!!
Author's Note: Enjoy!!!
Chapter Four: Black Angels Brooding
"Damn it!"
A crash echoed all throughout the room as the wine glass he was formerly drinking from exploded against the wall, and yet the destruction has left him wholly unsatisfied. Unfulfilled by a restlessness he was trying so desperately to control.
It's been three days for him out there! He should be drowning in sleep! He should be at peace, in his bed, and thinking of whole new ways how he'll make the students' lives miserable this year!
But he couldn't stand his thoughts. Every single contemplation was riddled with her! Her fury. Her tears. Her words ...
'That man's already got enough to deal with without you adding to his internal distress...'
"Fuck!"
The Headmaster had no right to put her in the middle of this war. It was enough that they couldn't seem to stop her from totally immersing herself in Potter's business but that Patronus pendant of hers was enough of a testimony on how much she was willing to sacrifice for Potter's safety. Merlin, to give up her life force just for that stupid, irresponsible, ungrateful prat! And the way Potter spoke to her!
As he watched silently as the tableau with Potter and Granger was taking place back then, he wanted to strangle Potter for speaking to the her that way! From everything he's heard, Granger's been a good deal more useful to him than his red headed sidekick and all his other red headed siblings put together!
How dare he... How dare he insult her that way!
Wait a minute! What the hell was he doing?! Why was he even contemplating her and why the hell was he feeling this hungry restlessness over and over again?! Logically, he knew he overreacted to the announcement when Granger was suddenly made an Order member. In truth, he should be thinking of a hundred possible ways to take advantage of her new found position and exploit to gain the upper hand in this war, but all he could think about at that time was that... it wasn't right. War and Hermione Granger just didn't mix in the same sentence. It seemed blasphemous! He's known her for almost six years! Known her gentleness and eagerness. Her very innocence! Such innocence would be akin to a lone buttercup on the middle of the road directly in front of a marching army! She'll be trampled again and again until she's dead. Or worse...
'That man's already got enough to deal with without you adding to his internal distress...'
"Damn her!" he growled.
This was... utterly ludicrous! Her words. The sincerity in them. It was as though, she knew him. Noticed him. Cared about him...
He shook his head.
No. It wasn't possible.
Everyone he knew... Just everyone who had ever claimed to love him was gone now. And they were all few and far in between. In his childhood, he mostly kept to himself in more ways than one. Trying to avoid his father's manhandling. Trying to absorb every little knowledge in the Dark Arts that the old man drilled into his brain since he was old enough to say 'asphodel'! There was never a time for tenderness. No room for honesty. There were only lies and pain and hatred. And the pursuit of power. Until he realized that there was more to it than that. Until the day that Lily Evans made him swear a wizard's debt due to the fact that she once saved his life!
In all his years of existence, there were only a handful of people who's ever expressed any genuine sympathy for him. That would be Dumbledore, his other head of houses... and Lily Evans...
Evans...
The Mudblood Gryffindor, Lily Evans...
She would forever be stuck in his mind as Lily Evans and never as Lily Potter because he could not— would not— associate that sweet, self- righteous little Gryffindor with the name of that arrogant, insufferable, bullying James Potter.
Fuck him.
And Sirius Black.
Lily. His defender, even when she finally gave up on their fifth year and called him Snivellus. Oh he deserved it, alright. But it still hurt. But what did she expect? After being humiliated like that again and again for five years in a row just because he existed! And she never really meant it. She was the reason why he finally turned. James Potter wasn't the only one he owed a wizard's debt to. Lily. Lily and her sweet, sweet sympathy... Not that he loved her or anything so nonsensical that would adjourn to such an unacceptable bout of sentimentality.
And now...
Another Muggle born witch has come out of the woodwork to defend him. What is it with these Muggle borns and their inherent penchant for sympathizing with the underdogs? Damn them anyway. He can live without their sympathy. He used to live with less. But...
Hermione Granger...
Severus closed his eyes as he felt an unfamiliar jolt in his chest. A near painful thump that worried him no end as he recalled the scene he left, a few hours back.
The way she spoke to Potter to defend him... He knew that she was sincere about what she was saying. She didn't have an audience to perform for, or, at least, she didn't know. And he knew she was being honest. He should be happy that someone can express such respect and concern for him or, at the very least, smug. But all he could feel was... unworthiness... regrets... hopelessness...
How can someone like him be worthy? Of anything from anyone at all? He was nothing. And the sincerity and respect and concern for him when he looked into her cinnamon brown eyes a few hours ago prevented him from picking up his prepared vial of Dreamless Sleep potion and drown himself off to oblivion. It was giving him a major headache that he was doubting he had a cure for. He wondered if one can possibly die from a headache. If he had any choice in the matter, he wished it were possible at this moment. It would be so much more uncomplicated.
His attention was taken when his fireplace flames glowed green and a familiar voice spoke to him. Only two people had access to the fireplace of his personal chambers by floo. It was accessible only by a special password known only to those two. One of them was the Headmaster, who was not even in the castle. So that would mean his visitor would be...
"Having a party?"
Severus Snape turned sharply around to face the person who dared intrude on his privacy.
The calm, soothing voice was only mildly sarcastic. Mostly, it was indifferent. He scowled at the young woman who just stepped out of the grate as she lazily ran her eyes over the splinters of glass and marble all piled at the foot of the bared dungeon wall he was using for target practice. Wet blots and trails of alcohol littered the area as well. It didn't take a genius to guess what had been transpiring in this room lately.
"What do you want?" he growled ill naturedly, picking his wand up from the coffee table and repairing the wine glass and quill holder.
His caller looked on with an indifferent expression on her face. "The usual."
Severus glowered at her resentfully but she wasn't impressed.
She didn't bother with the soot that covered her robes. She just watched calmly as he stiffly pulled his wand out of his sleeve and repaired the damage he inflicted on his poor, defenseless possessions. She wasn't surprised. Nothing Severus Snape did came as a surprise to her anymore. In fact, nothing in the world came to her as a surprise anymore. To everyone looking at her, she was an indifferent, uncaring, uninvolved person. Almost like ice. The man in front of her was more emotional than she could ever be. She envied him this sometimes.
"He tried to have Hermione Granger killed. Rookies are plenty and we were out doing mass murder for three straight days." He told her in a cold, automatic response. Almost as though, he were a recording from a Wizard's Wireless cooking show, and he knew she noticed it. She easily noticed that he was troubled.
"I already know all that. I know the Death Eater who led the attack against her. He came home unconscious this morning. Via portkey." She paused and raised a brow at him before asking lazily, "So... how's Granger?"
She saw Severus' eyes narrow down at the question. He stepped closer to her and looked at her face more thoroughly. She looked back at him, a lazy expression on her features. She knew that look. It was like a reflex action for the both of them.
"What did you do?" he asked her darkly. "What do you know about her attack?"
Her face became inscrutable and expressive at the same time, as usual. She barely smirked but her eyes said it all. At least, everything she wanted him to know. "I did nothing that you wouldn't do under the circumstances."
Realization struck like a loaded icepack on his face. Severus leaned his head back and closed his eyes for a moment before backing off and sitting on his chair that was directly facing the fireplace. "Dear Isis... You knew..."
She didn't answer for a while, merely staring at him stoically, her face devoid of any emotion she didn't wish to be known. "Of course."
His eyes snapped opened and the look he sent her could have killed a basilisk. "You knew... You knew and you didn't tell me?!"
She stared him down coldly. "I can hardly seek you out and tell you that Hogwarts' star pupil was about to become Death Eater soufflé."
"You should have told me!"
"You know very well how I operate."
"I COULD HAVE COME! I COULD HAVE PROVIDED YOU AID!"
"I work alone." She answered back coldly. Displaying no hint of human emotion on her face. She waited a full minute, just staring at him before speaking once more. "And for you to come to her rescue would only damage His trust for you. We both cannot afford that."
She was right, of course. The both of them have worked long and hard for him to get back into the inner circle with Lucius and the others again. One wrong move— any display of impatience or irritation at all— and he could have died. And they wouldn't even have bothered to cover it up as an accident. Such would be the fate of traitors.
He calmed down, after a bit, and relaxed his hold on his wand. "The Headmaster has given her a position in the Order's ranks this morning."
"Is he mad?" the question wasn't incredulous. Only an indifferent curiosity that seemed to intermingle and instigate sarcasm and nonchalance with three words and a question mark. But behind it was a deep concern even she could not comprehend. But she was too well disciplined to show that. "I hardly think that was a wise move, considering the circumstances. But I suppose he has his reasons."
He glared at her and hissed, "Ten points from Slytherin. Your cheek is getting out of hand."
She gave him a half smile that didn't even reach her eyes. "Too bad the House hourglasses don't work during the summers, Professor. I might have had some fun with that. Imagine how Gryffindor would cheer."
He sneered at her but she sat in a chair instead of running for the hills. Another thing about her that never ceased to amaze him. Few people could stand the scrutiny of his enmity for any period of time at all.
"But why did the Headmaster deem it necessary to put such a responsibility on her? He knows very well, the risk she would have to undertake, especially now that the Dark Lord has failed to destroy her." She continued to question him.
He sneered. It was a sign of how much he disapproved of the Order's latest course of action. "She seemed to have managed to charm an object to negate the penetration of a dementor into a human's mind, heart and body. She gave it to Potter and we 'accidentally' heard all of it." He brooded a moment before looking up at her with narrowed eyes. "You knew what those three were up to, didn't you? All this time. Here in the castle."
She raised an eyebrow at him, not at all offended. In truth, she was amused by his belated guesses about the expanse of her knowledge about the Golden Trio even though she didn't bunk with them. Never really was close to any of them in the first place.
"Would it matter to you if I did?" she asked coolly. "How did you know?"
"Let's just say that I've heard a very interesting conversation a few hours ago. It was quite a revelation too. It answered a lot of my unspoken questions."
"Like, let's say... how your robes were suddenly set on fire during Potter's first Quidditch match?" she asked in a mildly amused tone.
He shot her a glare. "Yes. Precisely what I meant."
She raised another eyebrow at that. "Brave weren't they?"
Severus bared his teeth at her. "They could have been killed!"
"True," she nodded in agreement. "But it was the only way they can learn. Besides, I would have helped if worst came to worst. And their deaths would not have mattered to me either way. Anything that does not involve the Dark Lord's rising holds no significant interest to me."
"And yet you saved Hermione Granger from being killed back in Paris?"
She paused, looking at him and offering nothing for a moment. Their eyes met, gold meeting black. Finally she answered coolly, "That was just purely out of instinct. Besides, it would be a shame to lose someone like her."
Severus smirked, "If I didn't know better, I'd say you like the insufferable, little know-it-all."
She returned his smirk with a sarcasm all her own. "Let's just say that she has taken my... notice."
Silence descended on both of them for a while before Severus finally erupted.
"I simply cannot understand why the Headmaster has approved of this ludicrous scheme! Something is going to go wrong here, I can feel it in my bones!" He stood up and paced angrily, "She's too young! She has too much to lose if the Dark Lord ever gets his hands on her! And he'll want to if— no— when he discovers her latest academic accomplishment to help Potter! POTTER! That ungrateful, unthinking, murdering, insignificant, arrogant, bullheaded, self righteous MORON!"
She felt it her place to intervene, if only to anger him further. "He is not James Potter—"
"DO NOT speak that name to me!" Snape growled as he turned sharply back to her, his eyes glinting madly. Glaring into her face after three long strides.
She met his furious eyes with cold indifference. "Your bitterness is ruling you and your hatred is destroying your soul just as much as the mark on your left arm. If you don't watch out, your past will consume you. It will make you lose control one of these days and you will regret it. I suggest that you be careful."
He sneered at her and hissed menacingly, "You are so damn lucky that you are useful enough that I am not willing to kill you for these comments of yours. Another person would have died by now."
She smirked a little at him, "You can try, but I think you'll have a bit of a fight in your hands before that can ever really come to pass. Besides. We are too much alike. The both of us."
Severus straightened and looked down at her from above his very prominent nose. "And what— pray tell— does that mean?"
She smiled sadly at him and stood up, pacing the room casually, before speaking. "Have you ever thought how appropriate the moniker the students have chosen to call you? The Bat of the Dungeons?"
"You mean, aside from The Slimy Git and That Bastard?" he asked, a bit amused despite himself. Wondering where this discussion was going to take them.
She ignored this with a small smile and continued, "We are both bats. We are neither bird nor beast. We are both doomed to be exiled beyond the reach and world of others and we cannot help that. For we cannot completely become either of the two extremes. We are painted in shades of gray without having a say as to what color we wanted to be painted in, and yet we both have too strong wills to be held subdued. And that is what drives us to be alone. Exiled from everyone and anyone who can be either of those two extremes. Or think they can, at least."
Severus pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling a migraine coming up but his anger leaving, "You are driving me insane with these cryptic remarks. You're beginning to sound like an angstier Albus Dumbledore."
"Was I?" she asked quietly, her golden eyes revealing a sadness Severus could never fully understand.
She was right though. They were very much alike in regards that they can never be fully considered normal social animals. Both of them were oddities although they have achieved far more than most people around them. And both of them are trapped in a darkness that held their secrets and their true selves from each other and others.
Finally, Severus sighed and sat back down in his chair once more. They needed each other right now. It was obvious from the moment she approached him at the end of Potter's and her fourth year. He had to keep a professional outlook on their situation if they both wanted to be alive by the end of the year. "What do you suppose we should do about Miss Granger, then?"
"The usual although, it would be best if no apparent importance will be placed on her. The less sensational she is, the farther she will be from danger, although a little discreet surveillance can be useful. After all, Malfoy attempted to rape her last term. Mind you, it won't be easy, with her trailing after Potter and Weasley everywhere. Especially once Lucius comes back from Azkaban." She told him coolly.
He peered up at her, suddenly alert. "So he shall be released, then?"
Her sad smile did not falter. "He has enough money to ensure that. As long as he can avoid the French Ministry of Magic's court, he can yet be free. I doubt Beauchamp will show him any mercy."
"Can't you do anything about the matter, though?" Severus asked, worried now.
She stepped into the fireplace now, taking some Floo powder with her. "I can, if that is what you want me to do. You must not, however, discount the possibility of a jailbreak."
Severus nodded, still staring at her with alert eyes. "I will speak of it as soon as I can converse with the Headmaster."
"And before I forget, here." She threw him a medium sized vial with a black, oily liquid in it that looked suspiciously like grease, though not as thick. "I thought you might find this... useful and... interesting as well."
Severus held it up in front of his face before pulling off the cork and cautiously sniffing the contents. It was odorless. "What is this?"
She smirked a bit, "My newest pet project, of course. I believe I have discussed this with you last term. Anti-Veritaserum Potion. I've put some of our... discussions into practice this summer and I've perfected it only last week. I will leave you a sample so you can determine how I made it on your own. I know just how much you love puzzles. It's something to entertain you until school begins again. Keep you on your toes."
Severus stared at her, awed, his respect for her growing by leaps and bounds before he caught himself and scowled. "I'll keep it for study later then. Congratulations."
She nodded before speaking once again. Her tones much softer this time. "And, professor?"
He raised an eyebrow at her in question, to which, she only smiled. "Yes, Miss Delareine...?"
She threw the Floo powder in the fire and turned to him before stepping in. "Get some sleep."
Before he could retort, she was gone. The fire in the hearth burning merrily in her absence. He knew he should be bristling about her cheek at reminding him of such trivial things but instead, he smirked. Thankful that he had acquired a powerful, albeit annoyingly mysterious, ally. Hermione Granger was not the only exceptionally gifted witch in her year. Too bad he couldn't brag about Miss Delareine to the other teachers like what Minerva does with her prize student. But then again, what's a Slytherin without a secret or two, anyway...?
Harry sat alone in a compartment on the Hogwarts Express and was just staring out at the passing countryside that astounded him the day he first rode on this same train. Odd that such a sight would envelope him in such melancholy. Odder still that he was facing this melancholy without Hermione's tactful prodding about his well-being...
He shook his head angrily.
No. He wouldn't think about her. Would forget about her and get on with the destiny he was supposed to be fulfilling. He's put her in too much danger already. He was not prepared to lose another friend.
The sound of the compartment door opening had him facing the newcomer and, at the sight of Ron, he relaxed. The red head went in and closed the door before slumping on the seat across from Harry.
"Alright, Ron?" he asked his friend.
Ron leaned back with his eyes closed before answering. "You can say that."
Harry smiled a bit. "That bad, huh?"
Ron groaned. "You don't know the half of it! Malfoy and me nearly came to blows this time! I'm telling you, that ferret's got serious issues."
Harry leaned towards him, curious. "You almost hit him? Why?"
This time, Ron opened his eyes and looked into Harry's green ones. "He looked really pissed off about something and, for some reason, the moment he saw Hermione, he began to corner her and flung insults to her face."
Ron saw Harry's face darken in rage and then say in a low, menacing tone, "I'm going to kill him."
Before the dark haired boy could move on his feet, however, Ron pulled him back down by the robes. "Whoa there, hero," Harry came down on his seat, ungracefully and Ron continued to stare at him intently, "You aren't going anywhere, mate."
Harry's eyes were still blazing, like emeralds in front of a fire. "I almost cursed him in front of Snape last term and if he's going around insulting my friends, then he deserves what's coming to him."
"It's okay, mate, Cho's the new Head Girl. Sure, she might not like Hermione much, but she's fair. She's deducted ten points from Slytherin already and she's promised to report him to his Head of House once we get to the castle. A lot of good that would do though, Snape wouldn't punish that git even if he committed murder. If anyone were going to take that ferret down, it would be McGonagall.
"And as for friends, I've noticed you haven't been acting like one to Hermione lately. Are you sure you want to be calling her that, still? After the way you'd been ignoring her all summer?"
Harry looked away. His hand unconsciously went to the crystal pendant that he was absently fiddling earlier. "I don't want to talk about it Ron."
Ron swore and banged his fist on his seat, making Pigwidgeon twitter madly and fly over to the farthest part of the compartment with Hedwig glaring and hooting down at them reproachfully. "Damn it, Harry, you'll have to tell me what this is all about sooner or later or I swear I'll never talk to you ever again—"
"Then do it, Ron!" Harry yelled at him angrily. "DO IT!"
Ron stared at his best friend's angry expression in bewilderment and anger before his brown eyes narrowed and he spoke again, "Is this about Sirius?"
Harry's eyes went brighter with anger, but it now had a mixture of hurt and grief within its depths. "That's none of your bloody business."
Ron looked at the crystal pendant Harry was still holding onto. A question shone in his eyes. "Hey. What's that?"
Harry, only now realizing what he was doing, quickly hid the pendant in his robes. "Nothing."
Ron was now officially pissed, "You've been like this ever since you came back to Grimmauld Place. Does this have something to do about Hermione's—"
"Shut up, Ron!" Harry snarled.
"It does, doesn't it—"
"I said, SHUT UP!"
Ron's lip curled and decided it was time for a different strategy, "So, you've finally tired of her hanging around you, eh? Tired of her constant nagging and worrying over you? Tired of using her for our late night adventures? Finally realized that she's nothing more than a third wheel? Is that it, Harry? Is she—"
"NO SHE'S NOT ANYTHING LIKE THAT AND DON'T YOU DARE TALK ABOUT HER THAT WAY!" Harry bellowed at him as he stood up.
The door to the compartment slid open and they both turned to see Ginny, shiny new prefect's badge and all, staring at them with concern, "Is everything alright?"
Both boys turned back to glaring at one another, each practically breathing fire.
"Yeah, Ginny, we're okay." Ron told his little sister without tearing his eyes away from his best friend. "You go and finish your turn on the rounds."
Ginny eyed the both of them with equal portions of worry and suspicion before closing the door as she left.
Silence descended on the compartment as the two boys glowered at each other murderously for a few more moments before Harry broke the staring contest and slumped wearily on his seat.
Ron chose to break the silence. "Harry, we're nothing without Hermione. She's practically saved us— and at times, tried to save us— every time. I can't even keep count! And even when she knew she's right about something and we refuse to listen to her, she's still there, ready to support us, ready to die with us, stupid gits that we are. She loves us, Harry, even if I don't want to let her know that I understand because she'll just get more unbearable, but I know she loves us..."
"I KNOW!" Harry groaned all of a sudden. "Damn it, I know, Ron! That's why I'm doing this, that's why I'm pushing her away!"
Harry stood up and leaned his head out the open window, trying to hide the pained expression on his face and the utter hopelessness he was feeling. "I saw how Voldemort (Ron flinched) ordered her dead. He sent dementors after her, Ron. Dementors!"
Harry returned to sit on his seat and buried his face in his hands. "I don't want to lose her. I don't want to be the reason she..." He took a deep breath and swallowed hard before looking up to meet Ron's eyes. "I love her, Ron, and I will not let her die. And I am going to use everything in my power to prevent that from happening. Even if it means pushing her away."
"And you're keeping me around because...?"
Harry smiled a bit at him before answering, "Because I need someone who can destroy me if I slide into the dark. And you are the only one who can pull me back, Ron. Or the only one who can destroy me when the time comes. Hermione she... well, she'll never be able to kill me even if I asked her to and I won't taint her with that task. More likely, she might follow me into the dark or die herself. I can't— I won't allow that to happen. You heard her back at headquarters. She'll never give me up."
Ron became indignant, "I'LL follow you to the dark if I have to!"
Harry stared at him. "But you know what's right. You will stand by your family no matter what. What if I harm them? What will you do?"
Ron was silent for a few moments, pale and anxious, before speaking again in a much softer tone. "Does she know about this?"
Harry gave him a weary half smile, "You know her. She knows things before I even figure it out."
"Harry..." Ron shook his head and sighed, "You are such a prat."
Harry chuckled sadly and clutched the crystal pendant again, remembering Hermione's face when she finally snarled at him and fought back that night back in Grimmauld Place, and felt regret in the deepest core of his heart. "I know....."
A/N (again):
Soooo sorry, I had work. My genius of a mother decided to loan a sizeable amount of money from a loan shark months ago, which I had never even laid my eyes on, and gave the debtors the deed to our house as collateral and now, she's left me, my two brothers and sister to run off with some hobo. Now I have to triple on shifts on all my jobs to pay 60,000 grand just to freeze the interest or we'll soon find ourselves out on the street. I wish she's told me this sooner (sigh). Damn, parents suck! Based on my calculations, my savings are going to dry up if I was really, really careful with the expenses around the house.
Anyway, I wrote this chapter to relieve some stress. My friend (the one who owns this computer) was kind enough to let me stay in her place for a while. Hope you guys like it. DON'T WORRY, I PLAN TO FINISH THIS STORY IF IT KILLS ME.
To olka-polka: Jannes Delareine is French. Umm... they could possibly be because Sirius said all pureblooded families are related in one way or the other. She's a VERY distant relative if that were the case, but I try to establish they do not consider themselves as family for reasons I am not going to say right now. Anyway, there's more to Jannes than I'm willing to say here so, why don't you just hang on okay?
THANK YOU FOR REVIEWING ALL, YOU BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE!!!
leloupblanc