Chapter 20
Angel was lying on the floor of the darkened stage, coughing and spitting up blood. He gasped as he pulled the stake out of his shoulder. Finally, with a pained grunt, Angel rolled over and sat up, looking at Spike, who was standing in front of the lit pedestal staring at a golden chalice. Spike grabbed the cup.
"Spike.." Angel said. "Spike, wait. That's not a prize you're holding. It's not a trophy. It's a burden. It's a cr.."
"Blah, blah, blah." Spike said. He helped Buffy to her feet and held her hand. "Give it a rest, hero. I win, you lose, and all your talking's not gonna change that."
"It's not your destiny. It's mine."
"Still can't accept it? It's pathetic, really. All your life's been a lie. Everything you've done.. the lives you've saved, dreams of redemption.. all that pain.. all of it for nothing. Cause this.. was never about you. Cheers." Spike drank from the cup.
"No!"
Spike drank deeply from the cup as warm light shined upon him from above. Upon finishing drinking, Spike exhaled sharply, straightening up his body and letting the cup fall from his hands. The cup clanged as it hit the ground and rolled at Spike's feet. Angel watched with a pained expression on his face as Spike basked in the light. When the light faded from Spike, Angel started groaning, gasping, and screaming painfully as his face disintegrated, burning into a fiery nothingness.
Angel awoke with a start, panting and in a cold sweat. He looked around, realizing he was sitting in his office chair at his and Buffy's desk in his and Buffy's office at Wolfram & Hart. Buffy.. He looked around, but there was no sign of her.
***
"I say we make a pre-emptive strike. Remove him before he and his followers go underground." Wesley said.
"Assassination?" Buffy asked.
"We're talking about an evil warlock here. The longer we wait, the more powerful he becomes."
"I don't plan on waiting. Do you plan on waiting Buffy?" Gunn asked.
"Really? What is your plan?"
"We open a can of Machiavelli on his ass."
"It's Matchabelli, Einstein, and it doesn't come in a can." Harmony said, sitting behind her desk.
"What you two're proposing could take weeks." Wesley said. "We can't afford the delay."
"48 hours, maximum." Buffy said as they walked into her and Angel's office. "There are at least 2 initiates to his inner circle who'd jump at the chance to overthrow him."
"You're overlooking the tactical merits of my assassination scenario."
"Guys.." Angel said.
"Hey, in mine and Gunn's plan, he still wakes up dead by Thursday."
"Guys!" Buffy, Wesley, and Gunn stopped arguing and looked at Angel. "Other C.E.O., right here, in the dark."
"Sorry, sweetie." Buffy handed Angel a file. "Lucien Drake. He's a warlock."
"An evil warlock and a cult leader." Gunn said. "Got over a thousand followers. We're pretty sure they sold most of their children down the Hades river in return for some serious demonic mojo."
"One more religious fringe group stockpiling weapons, but in this case, the weapons are black magicks of the most dangerous variety." Wesley said.
"And you want Wolfram & Hart to stop them." Angel said.
"Not so much stopping as.." Gunn said.
"As redirecting their energies." Wesley finished.
"See, a cult this big has alliances, connections." Buffy said. "If we confront them directly, it could be very bad for business."
"But if we eliminate their leader covertly.."
"Then they spend the next billing cycle fighting among themselves to hack out the new pecking order." Gunn said.
"Uh-huh.. So are we doing this because it's right.. or because it's cost- effective?" Angel asked.
"Uh, well, a little of both actually."
"Yes, oddly, once again we find ourselves in a bit of a gray.." Wesley said.
"Don't.." Angel said.
"Area."
"Say that! Can we just get through one damn day without saying that?" Angel sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Ok. Explain it to me again."
Buffy allowed Wesley and Gunn to do the talking most of the time. She was staring at Angel. He didn't look very well at all. A few minutes later, Fred walked in as Gunn was saying, "I know how these people think, Wes!"
"And I know what we have in our arsenal, Charles!" Wesley said.
"Guys, I can hear you out in the lobby." Fred said. She walked between them to hand the file to Angel. "The week's lab reports, Angel."
"Fred, doesn't the Wolfram & Hart satellite have lethal capability?"
"What?"
"I mean, couldn't we eliminate a target from the air, untraceably?"
"Well, we do have an orbital-range microwave cannon up there. Focuses the satellite's communications signals into a pinpoint beam. It can raise the temperature of the targeted area 1,000 degrees in less than 5 seconds. So, yeah, in theory, we could. That is, if we did that sort of thing. Do we do that sort of thing?"
"It might be the thing to do."
"Think someone won't notice us firing a sci-fi death ray from outer space?" Gunn asked.
"Well, actually, the beam reads like cell phone static on most atmospheric scanning equipment." Fred said.
"Let's kill them all." Angel said.
"What?" Fred asked.
"Warlocks, minions.. they're all evil. Sold their kids to the devil. Let's just wipe 'em all out. We got the power to do that, right?"
"Yes, but Angel.." Wesley said.
"Why don't we? Let's just get back to the basics: Good versus evil. Offing the monsters where we find them."
"We have to tread light here, Angel." Gunn said. "We can't afford to.."
"Baby, are you all right?" Buffy asked, walking over to her husband.
"I'm just.. tired." Angel said.
Buffy nodded. "Gunn, get a meeting with your best Judas. Feel him out, but don't tip your hand. Any hint of him carrying word back to Drake, we might as well go with Wes' plan." She turned back to Angel. "Are you sure you're all right? You don't look so good."
"Yeah, I, uh, just.. need to get some rest."
"Go. Rest. And maybe sleep in tomorrow." Fred said.
"No, there's too much on our schedule."
"There's nothing we can't handle." Buffy said.
"Yeah, anything earth-shattering comes up, we know where to find you." Gunn said.
"No. We're going to leave Angel alone. There are two C.E.O.s here and only one of them is functioning at 100. I can deal with this just as well as Angel can. You guys, go do your thing. I'll be back down in a few." Buffy led Angel over to the elevator and helped him in.
Angel took her hands and gently moved them aside as they got off the elevator. "I can handle it."
"You're barely on your feet. Come on." She pulled him towards the bedroom.
"I, uh, I think.. I-I think I'm sick."
"Vampires don't get sick."
"I don't feel right." Angel groaned as he sat on the bed.
"Well, that's understandable. You've got a lot on your mind. Must be hard adjusting to the new situation."
"Situation?"
"Finally coming to grips with the truth.. that you're irrelevant."
"What? Buffy.."
"It's difficult to face, I know. But things could've been much worse. Spike's arrival was really unexpected." Buffy took Mr. Pointy out of her waistband. "It'll make this a lot easier."
"Wha-what? What are you.." Buffy staked Angel in the chest.
Angel awoke in his and Buffy's apartment, sitting on the edge of their bed, gasping. "Sweetie?" Buffy asked, kneeling in front of him and touching his cheek. "You're burning up."
"You just.." Angel groaned.
"Come on." Buffy took off his shoes, moved his legs under the covers, and pulled them up over his chest. "Sleep love." She kissed his forehead. "I'll be back in a little while." She tiptoed out of the room and almost screamed when she turned around and found Dawn standing right behind her. "Jesus Dawn!"
"Sorry. What's going on?" Dawn asked.
"Angel doesn't feel good. If I catch you bothering him, I'll take your car away and make you ride the bus to school."
"I was just coming to see if you guys were home."
"Dawn, will you just stay in your room tonight and try not to be loud? I'll bring you pizza when I get back."
"You're going back to work?"
"I have to."
"No. Stay here. You're always working."
"Dawn.."
"Please, Buffy?"
The Slayer sighed. "Yeah, ok. I'll call Wesley and tell him, Fred, and Gunn to head on home."
"Do we still get pizza?"
"Yeah. We'll still get pizza."
***
Buffy sat at her desk the next day looking at the relic that Eve had given Wesley that morning. "She didn't say much else, only that it needed to be done as soon as possible." Wesley said.
Gunn knocked on the door and walked in. "You guys are gonna want to see this." He handed papers to Buffy. "Been getting reports of a vigilante prowling the streets last night. A vampire, apparently."
"Angel never left the penthouse. I was with him all last night." Buffy said. "'Vigilante reportedly killed 2 vampires at a gas station, then asked the women he saved if they'd, quote, like to get a bottle of hootch and listen to some Sex Pistols records with him.'"
"Are we sure Angel's just tired and not, um.. crazy?" Fred asked.
"Read the description." Gunn said.
"'Medium build, black leather coat.. platinum blond hair."" Buffy looked up. "Spike? I thought he went to Europe."
***
Angel was panting in his bed, still feverish, when he heard other people panting and groaning in his bed. He turned to see Spike beside him, naked, lying on top of Buffy, grinding their bodies together rhythmically. "Spike!?"
"Keep it down, mate. You've got something on your shirt there." Spike said.
"Buffy!?"
"Every time I say the word prom, you get grouchy." Buffy said to Spike.
"Won't be long now." Spike said.
"You're taking Buffy to the prom?" Angel asked.
"Can you say jumping the gun? I kill my goldfish." Buffy said to Spike.
"Buffy, I thought we were going to.."
"Shh. I can't be a marathon man with all your yammering." Spike said.
Angel awoke in the bed with a start. He was alone and rolled over and sighed in relief. His wife wasn't banging Spike with him in the bed next to them. He sat up, hanging his feet off the edge of the bed. After a minute, he stood and headed down to the office lobby.
Fred noticed him and walked up. "Hey! Look who it is. How you feeling?"
"Better. Thanks." Angel said.
"Uh.. Angel.." She looked at his feet.
Angel looked down and realized he'd forgotten his shoes. "Oh, I.."
"Always takes me a few days to get back in the swing of things, myself. Um.. you should put on a clean shirt, though."
"Hey, guys. Come on. You'll miss it." Gunn ran up to them and Fred followed him to the movie-theater style "Refreshments" stand where Harmony's desk would normally be and they got popcorn and drinks.
"Miss what?" Angel asked. He followed Fred and Gunn into his and Buffy's darkened office to see the team and others from the office staring out the windows. "What's everyone.." He looked around and realized they ware staring at a fiery downtown Los Angeles. "Oh, my God."
"Hey.. down in front!" Lorne complained.
"Yeah, Angel. You're blocking the apocalypse." Buffy said.
"I have to do something. Buffy, we have to get out there!" Angel said.
"Don't worry. Spike'll take care of it. You should go back to bed."
"Or at least go put some clean clothes on." Lorne said. "You got a little something on your shirt there, babe." Angel looked down at a bloody stake sticking out of his heart. When he looked back up, Fred was holding a cake that was decorated with a scene of downtown L.A. on fire, with the words "Way to go Spike!" written in red over the buildings. The whole gang was singing merrily.
"Speech!" Wesley called.
"Speech!" They all intoned.
"Well, this is, uh.." Angel turned to see Spike standing next to him with Buffy attached to his waist, smiling up at him proudly like she usually did to Angel. "Thank you, everyone. Um.. I don't know what to say. I'm just a.. working-class bloke fulfilling his destiny with a beautiful, devoted blonde at his side. It was nothing, really."
"Nothing?" Buffy said. "Spike, baby, you single-handedly ended Armageddon and turned the world into a beautiful, happily-ever-after, candy mountain place where all our dreams come true."
The others gestured toward the window with a cascading gesture. Outside, downtown Los Angeles was depicted as a fairytale castle with blue skies and green hills and bright sunshine. Spike smiled. "Beautiful, isn't it?"
"The living end. And now.. it's time for your reward." Gunn said.
"Yes!" Wesley said. "Your reward!"
"But I didn't do this for a reward." Spike said.
"Well, that's why you're getting one." Buffy said. The crowd oohed and ahhed as a blue fairy floated into the room toward Spike. "After all, anyone who saves the universe from eternal bloodshed, horror, and misery deserves to get what they've always wanted."
"Deserves to become a real boy." Fred said.
"And so you shall." The blue fairy waved her magic wand over Spike's head, sprinkling him with glittery gold fairy dust.
Spike breathed in and touched his chest. "My heart. It's.. it's beating again! Listen!"
Buffy laid her head on Spike's chest with a smile. "You're human, Spike! You're alive!"
"Ooh! I wanna hear!" Gunn walked up and listened to Spike's heart.
"Let's hear it for Spike!" Wesley called.
"Hip, hip, hooray! Hip, hip, hooray! Hip, hip, hooray! Whoo!" The all cried.
Angel looked down at his chest, where he was holding a hand over his still heart. His outfit had changed from suave C.E.O. styles to short-sleeved button-up geek chiq. Even his tie was too short. He was standing beside the mail cart. Consigned to his fate, Angel turned away slowly, sadly, and pushed the mail cart down the hallway.
***
Buffy stood outside Spike's apartment with Wesley and Gunn. The vampire opened the door. "Well, look who's come to call.. Crockett and Tubbs and their big, bad Slayer pal." He walked toward the refrigerator. "Come on in. Out of the cold into the damp. Suppose I should have expected a visit from Big Brother's L.A. Branch sooner or later. Can I get you a frosty?"
"What are you up to, Spike?" Buffy asked.
"Woman gets right to the meat of the existential nut, doesn't she?"
"Just a little concerned. You don't call. You don't write. What's your angle? Last time we saw you, you were booking a one-way to the continent."
"Change of plans. Change of heart. Changed me mind."
"Sounds like you've been busy."
"We're getting reports of a vigilante who matches your description." Wesley said.
"Yes.. that's what you people do, isn't it? You get reports. And you sign checks. You read memos. Here's to the corporate teat. How'd you find me?"
"Wasn't too hard. Put a couple of our psychics on it this afternoon." Gunn said.
"One of the advantages of the corporate teat." Wesley said.
"What can I do for you? Need me to help you collate something?" Spike asked.
"From what we hear.. you're fighting the good fight these days." Buffy said. "We figure that's our territory."
"Is that what this is about? You're hurt 'cause I stepped on your toesies?"
"Not at all. We're wondering why you left in the first place."
"If you want to save the world, we've got the resources to help you do it." Wesley said.
"No offense, Mr. Vader, but I've got no itch to join the evil empire." Spike said.
"It's different. You know it. We've changed things." Buffy said.
"Look.. I told you once and I'll tell you again. A place like that doesn't change.. not from the inside. Not from the out. You sign on there, it changes you. Puts things in your head. Spins your compass needle around till you can't cross the street without tripping the proverbial old lady and stepping on her glasses. And it's not like I wasn't there, like I wasn't watching you. Had to haunt the damn place. Remember?"
"Things aren't that cut-and-dried, Spike. We're making a difference. We're just.. playing by a new set of rules."
"So what? You want me to.. put on a suit, come play with you?"
"Something like that."
"I can't believe Angel would sign off on that. Unless.. he doesn't know you're here, does he? Hedging our bets, are we?"
"That's not how it is."
"And the compass needle keeps spinning. And the world gets murkier and murkier."
Angel was lying on the floor of the darkened stage, coughing and spitting up blood. He gasped as he pulled the stake out of his shoulder. Finally, with a pained grunt, Angel rolled over and sat up, looking at Spike, who was standing in front of the lit pedestal staring at a golden chalice. Spike grabbed the cup.
"Spike.." Angel said. "Spike, wait. That's not a prize you're holding. It's not a trophy. It's a burden. It's a cr.."
"Blah, blah, blah." Spike said. He helped Buffy to her feet and held her hand. "Give it a rest, hero. I win, you lose, and all your talking's not gonna change that."
"It's not your destiny. It's mine."
"Still can't accept it? It's pathetic, really. All your life's been a lie. Everything you've done.. the lives you've saved, dreams of redemption.. all that pain.. all of it for nothing. Cause this.. was never about you. Cheers." Spike drank from the cup.
"No!"
Spike drank deeply from the cup as warm light shined upon him from above. Upon finishing drinking, Spike exhaled sharply, straightening up his body and letting the cup fall from his hands. The cup clanged as it hit the ground and rolled at Spike's feet. Angel watched with a pained expression on his face as Spike basked in the light. When the light faded from Spike, Angel started groaning, gasping, and screaming painfully as his face disintegrated, burning into a fiery nothingness.
Angel awoke with a start, panting and in a cold sweat. He looked around, realizing he was sitting in his office chair at his and Buffy's desk in his and Buffy's office at Wolfram & Hart. Buffy.. He looked around, but there was no sign of her.
***
"I say we make a pre-emptive strike. Remove him before he and his followers go underground." Wesley said.
"Assassination?" Buffy asked.
"We're talking about an evil warlock here. The longer we wait, the more powerful he becomes."
"I don't plan on waiting. Do you plan on waiting Buffy?" Gunn asked.
"Really? What is your plan?"
"We open a can of Machiavelli on his ass."
"It's Matchabelli, Einstein, and it doesn't come in a can." Harmony said, sitting behind her desk.
"What you two're proposing could take weeks." Wesley said. "We can't afford the delay."
"48 hours, maximum." Buffy said as they walked into her and Angel's office. "There are at least 2 initiates to his inner circle who'd jump at the chance to overthrow him."
"You're overlooking the tactical merits of my assassination scenario."
"Guys.." Angel said.
"Hey, in mine and Gunn's plan, he still wakes up dead by Thursday."
"Guys!" Buffy, Wesley, and Gunn stopped arguing and looked at Angel. "Other C.E.O., right here, in the dark."
"Sorry, sweetie." Buffy handed Angel a file. "Lucien Drake. He's a warlock."
"An evil warlock and a cult leader." Gunn said. "Got over a thousand followers. We're pretty sure they sold most of their children down the Hades river in return for some serious demonic mojo."
"One more religious fringe group stockpiling weapons, but in this case, the weapons are black magicks of the most dangerous variety." Wesley said.
"And you want Wolfram & Hart to stop them." Angel said.
"Not so much stopping as.." Gunn said.
"As redirecting their energies." Wesley finished.
"See, a cult this big has alliances, connections." Buffy said. "If we confront them directly, it could be very bad for business."
"But if we eliminate their leader covertly.."
"Then they spend the next billing cycle fighting among themselves to hack out the new pecking order." Gunn said.
"Uh-huh.. So are we doing this because it's right.. or because it's cost- effective?" Angel asked.
"Uh, well, a little of both actually."
"Yes, oddly, once again we find ourselves in a bit of a gray.." Wesley said.
"Don't.." Angel said.
"Area."
"Say that! Can we just get through one damn day without saying that?" Angel sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Ok. Explain it to me again."
Buffy allowed Wesley and Gunn to do the talking most of the time. She was staring at Angel. He didn't look very well at all. A few minutes later, Fred walked in as Gunn was saying, "I know how these people think, Wes!"
"And I know what we have in our arsenal, Charles!" Wesley said.
"Guys, I can hear you out in the lobby." Fred said. She walked between them to hand the file to Angel. "The week's lab reports, Angel."
"Fred, doesn't the Wolfram & Hart satellite have lethal capability?"
"What?"
"I mean, couldn't we eliminate a target from the air, untraceably?"
"Well, we do have an orbital-range microwave cannon up there. Focuses the satellite's communications signals into a pinpoint beam. It can raise the temperature of the targeted area 1,000 degrees in less than 5 seconds. So, yeah, in theory, we could. That is, if we did that sort of thing. Do we do that sort of thing?"
"It might be the thing to do."
"Think someone won't notice us firing a sci-fi death ray from outer space?" Gunn asked.
"Well, actually, the beam reads like cell phone static on most atmospheric scanning equipment." Fred said.
"Let's kill them all." Angel said.
"What?" Fred asked.
"Warlocks, minions.. they're all evil. Sold their kids to the devil. Let's just wipe 'em all out. We got the power to do that, right?"
"Yes, but Angel.." Wesley said.
"Why don't we? Let's just get back to the basics: Good versus evil. Offing the monsters where we find them."
"We have to tread light here, Angel." Gunn said. "We can't afford to.."
"Baby, are you all right?" Buffy asked, walking over to her husband.
"I'm just.. tired." Angel said.
Buffy nodded. "Gunn, get a meeting with your best Judas. Feel him out, but don't tip your hand. Any hint of him carrying word back to Drake, we might as well go with Wes' plan." She turned back to Angel. "Are you sure you're all right? You don't look so good."
"Yeah, I, uh, just.. need to get some rest."
"Go. Rest. And maybe sleep in tomorrow." Fred said.
"No, there's too much on our schedule."
"There's nothing we can't handle." Buffy said.
"Yeah, anything earth-shattering comes up, we know where to find you." Gunn said.
"No. We're going to leave Angel alone. There are two C.E.O.s here and only one of them is functioning at 100. I can deal with this just as well as Angel can. You guys, go do your thing. I'll be back down in a few." Buffy led Angel over to the elevator and helped him in.
Angel took her hands and gently moved them aside as they got off the elevator. "I can handle it."
"You're barely on your feet. Come on." She pulled him towards the bedroom.
"I, uh, I think.. I-I think I'm sick."
"Vampires don't get sick."
"I don't feel right." Angel groaned as he sat on the bed.
"Well, that's understandable. You've got a lot on your mind. Must be hard adjusting to the new situation."
"Situation?"
"Finally coming to grips with the truth.. that you're irrelevant."
"What? Buffy.."
"It's difficult to face, I know. But things could've been much worse. Spike's arrival was really unexpected." Buffy took Mr. Pointy out of her waistband. "It'll make this a lot easier."
"Wha-what? What are you.." Buffy staked Angel in the chest.
Angel awoke in his and Buffy's apartment, sitting on the edge of their bed, gasping. "Sweetie?" Buffy asked, kneeling in front of him and touching his cheek. "You're burning up."
"You just.." Angel groaned.
"Come on." Buffy took off his shoes, moved his legs under the covers, and pulled them up over his chest. "Sleep love." She kissed his forehead. "I'll be back in a little while." She tiptoed out of the room and almost screamed when she turned around and found Dawn standing right behind her. "Jesus Dawn!"
"Sorry. What's going on?" Dawn asked.
"Angel doesn't feel good. If I catch you bothering him, I'll take your car away and make you ride the bus to school."
"I was just coming to see if you guys were home."
"Dawn, will you just stay in your room tonight and try not to be loud? I'll bring you pizza when I get back."
"You're going back to work?"
"I have to."
"No. Stay here. You're always working."
"Dawn.."
"Please, Buffy?"
The Slayer sighed. "Yeah, ok. I'll call Wesley and tell him, Fred, and Gunn to head on home."
"Do we still get pizza?"
"Yeah. We'll still get pizza."
***
Buffy sat at her desk the next day looking at the relic that Eve had given Wesley that morning. "She didn't say much else, only that it needed to be done as soon as possible." Wesley said.
Gunn knocked on the door and walked in. "You guys are gonna want to see this." He handed papers to Buffy. "Been getting reports of a vigilante prowling the streets last night. A vampire, apparently."
"Angel never left the penthouse. I was with him all last night." Buffy said. "'Vigilante reportedly killed 2 vampires at a gas station, then asked the women he saved if they'd, quote, like to get a bottle of hootch and listen to some Sex Pistols records with him.'"
"Are we sure Angel's just tired and not, um.. crazy?" Fred asked.
"Read the description." Gunn said.
"'Medium build, black leather coat.. platinum blond hair."" Buffy looked up. "Spike? I thought he went to Europe."
***
Angel was panting in his bed, still feverish, when he heard other people panting and groaning in his bed. He turned to see Spike beside him, naked, lying on top of Buffy, grinding their bodies together rhythmically. "Spike!?"
"Keep it down, mate. You've got something on your shirt there." Spike said.
"Buffy!?"
"Every time I say the word prom, you get grouchy." Buffy said to Spike.
"Won't be long now." Spike said.
"You're taking Buffy to the prom?" Angel asked.
"Can you say jumping the gun? I kill my goldfish." Buffy said to Spike.
"Buffy, I thought we were going to.."
"Shh. I can't be a marathon man with all your yammering." Spike said.
Angel awoke in the bed with a start. He was alone and rolled over and sighed in relief. His wife wasn't banging Spike with him in the bed next to them. He sat up, hanging his feet off the edge of the bed. After a minute, he stood and headed down to the office lobby.
Fred noticed him and walked up. "Hey! Look who it is. How you feeling?"
"Better. Thanks." Angel said.
"Uh.. Angel.." She looked at his feet.
Angel looked down and realized he'd forgotten his shoes. "Oh, I.."
"Always takes me a few days to get back in the swing of things, myself. Um.. you should put on a clean shirt, though."
"Hey, guys. Come on. You'll miss it." Gunn ran up to them and Fred followed him to the movie-theater style "Refreshments" stand where Harmony's desk would normally be and they got popcorn and drinks.
"Miss what?" Angel asked. He followed Fred and Gunn into his and Buffy's darkened office to see the team and others from the office staring out the windows. "What's everyone.." He looked around and realized they ware staring at a fiery downtown Los Angeles. "Oh, my God."
"Hey.. down in front!" Lorne complained.
"Yeah, Angel. You're blocking the apocalypse." Buffy said.
"I have to do something. Buffy, we have to get out there!" Angel said.
"Don't worry. Spike'll take care of it. You should go back to bed."
"Or at least go put some clean clothes on." Lorne said. "You got a little something on your shirt there, babe." Angel looked down at a bloody stake sticking out of his heart. When he looked back up, Fred was holding a cake that was decorated with a scene of downtown L.A. on fire, with the words "Way to go Spike!" written in red over the buildings. The whole gang was singing merrily.
"Speech!" Wesley called.
"Speech!" They all intoned.
"Well, this is, uh.." Angel turned to see Spike standing next to him with Buffy attached to his waist, smiling up at him proudly like she usually did to Angel. "Thank you, everyone. Um.. I don't know what to say. I'm just a.. working-class bloke fulfilling his destiny with a beautiful, devoted blonde at his side. It was nothing, really."
"Nothing?" Buffy said. "Spike, baby, you single-handedly ended Armageddon and turned the world into a beautiful, happily-ever-after, candy mountain place where all our dreams come true."
The others gestured toward the window with a cascading gesture. Outside, downtown Los Angeles was depicted as a fairytale castle with blue skies and green hills and bright sunshine. Spike smiled. "Beautiful, isn't it?"
"The living end. And now.. it's time for your reward." Gunn said.
"Yes!" Wesley said. "Your reward!"
"But I didn't do this for a reward." Spike said.
"Well, that's why you're getting one." Buffy said. The crowd oohed and ahhed as a blue fairy floated into the room toward Spike. "After all, anyone who saves the universe from eternal bloodshed, horror, and misery deserves to get what they've always wanted."
"Deserves to become a real boy." Fred said.
"And so you shall." The blue fairy waved her magic wand over Spike's head, sprinkling him with glittery gold fairy dust.
Spike breathed in and touched his chest. "My heart. It's.. it's beating again! Listen!"
Buffy laid her head on Spike's chest with a smile. "You're human, Spike! You're alive!"
"Ooh! I wanna hear!" Gunn walked up and listened to Spike's heart.
"Let's hear it for Spike!" Wesley called.
"Hip, hip, hooray! Hip, hip, hooray! Hip, hip, hooray! Whoo!" The all cried.
Angel looked down at his chest, where he was holding a hand over his still heart. His outfit had changed from suave C.E.O. styles to short-sleeved button-up geek chiq. Even his tie was too short. He was standing beside the mail cart. Consigned to his fate, Angel turned away slowly, sadly, and pushed the mail cart down the hallway.
***
Buffy stood outside Spike's apartment with Wesley and Gunn. The vampire opened the door. "Well, look who's come to call.. Crockett and Tubbs and their big, bad Slayer pal." He walked toward the refrigerator. "Come on in. Out of the cold into the damp. Suppose I should have expected a visit from Big Brother's L.A. Branch sooner or later. Can I get you a frosty?"
"What are you up to, Spike?" Buffy asked.
"Woman gets right to the meat of the existential nut, doesn't she?"
"Just a little concerned. You don't call. You don't write. What's your angle? Last time we saw you, you were booking a one-way to the continent."
"Change of plans. Change of heart. Changed me mind."
"Sounds like you've been busy."
"We're getting reports of a vigilante who matches your description." Wesley said.
"Yes.. that's what you people do, isn't it? You get reports. And you sign checks. You read memos. Here's to the corporate teat. How'd you find me?"
"Wasn't too hard. Put a couple of our psychics on it this afternoon." Gunn said.
"One of the advantages of the corporate teat." Wesley said.
"What can I do for you? Need me to help you collate something?" Spike asked.
"From what we hear.. you're fighting the good fight these days." Buffy said. "We figure that's our territory."
"Is that what this is about? You're hurt 'cause I stepped on your toesies?"
"Not at all. We're wondering why you left in the first place."
"If you want to save the world, we've got the resources to help you do it." Wesley said.
"No offense, Mr. Vader, but I've got no itch to join the evil empire." Spike said.
"It's different. You know it. We've changed things." Buffy said.
"Look.. I told you once and I'll tell you again. A place like that doesn't change.. not from the inside. Not from the out. You sign on there, it changes you. Puts things in your head. Spins your compass needle around till you can't cross the street without tripping the proverbial old lady and stepping on her glasses. And it's not like I wasn't there, like I wasn't watching you. Had to haunt the damn place. Remember?"
"Things aren't that cut-and-dried, Spike. We're making a difference. We're just.. playing by a new set of rules."
"So what? You want me to.. put on a suit, come play with you?"
"Something like that."
"I can't believe Angel would sign off on that. Unless.. he doesn't know you're here, does he? Hedging our bets, are we?"
"That's not how it is."
"And the compass needle keeps spinning. And the world gets murkier and murkier."