Chapter 26
"Lorne, really.... I don't want a big fuss over my birthday. It's really not a big deal." Buffy protested as she and Lorne got off the elevator.
"It's not every day you turn 23." Lorne said.
"Why are you even arguing with me?"
"Because I'm right and you're wrong."
"No. There is no argument. I don't want a big party. I just want to stay home and ignore the fact that it's my birthday tomorrow."
"Can I at least get you a present?"
"No!"
"What's going on?" Angel asked, catching up with Buffy and Lorne as they headed to Angel's office.
"You're wife here doesn't want a birthday celebration." Lorne said.
"That's ok. She's never had any luck with them before."
"Is the entire world completely oblivious to the fact that Little Miss Slay- it here is officially the longest living Slayer tomorrow?"
"No."
"Lorne, please. The last five birthdays I've had have been a disaster." Buffy said.
"You'll have to prove it to me." Lorne shot back.
Buffy groaned. "17: Angelus makes his first appearance in my life after I sleep with Angel for the first time. That led to five months of torture and heartache. 18: I was stripped of my Slayer powers and forced to fight a crazed vampire that had kidnapped my mother. 19: Giles was turned into a demon and I stabbed him. 20: Dawn found out she was the Key and ended up slitting her arms with a big sharp knife. 21: Everyone invited to my party was locked inside the house due to a vengeance demon that Dawn made an accidental wish to. Not to mention that we were locked in with a demon that had a really big pointy sword and wanted to kill us all."
"19 wasn't so bad." Buffy glared. "Ok.... What about 22?"
"Angelus was out again and I was evil with him."
"Hmm.... I see you're point."
"Thank you."
"But I still don't understand why you won't let me throw you a party."
"Lorne...."
"I'll invite Johnny Depp and Mel Gibson."
Buffy sighed. "Throw in George Clooney and Sean Connery and you've got a deal."
"All right! This is going to be the best birthday party you've ever had. I'll start making the calls." Lorne walked out of the office, pulling his cell phone out.
Buffy turned to Angel. "So how's your day been?"
"Same as all the days before." Angel said, kissing Buffy gently. "Oh, Nina says hi."
"Nina? The full moon's tonight?"
"Yeah. She's down in her cage right now." Angel switched feet and couple of times and then turned and headed to his desk.
Buffy crossed her arms. "What's wrong?"
Angel turned to face her, obviously trying to mask his face. "What do you mean?"
"You've got something face. Stop trying to hide it, it makes you look constipated. What happened?"
"Um.... Well.... I think...."
"Angel...."
"I think Nina likes me."
"What?"
"She asked me to breakfast today."
"And you said...."
"I dodged."
"Oh, Angel!"
"What?!"
"You can't just let her hang like that."
"Why not? She knows we're married."
"But every time she sees you, you're not with me. Plus she knows I quit being C.E.O. with you. She must think there's something wrong between us."
"There's not."
"Then you need to explain that to her."
"I don't know how."
"Then I'll do it."
"No! That would be awkward."
"So?"
"Fine. I'll do it."
"Are you sure?"
"Positive. I promise I'll tell her."
"The sooner, the better."
"I promise I'll tell her tomorrow morning when I go to unlock the cage."
"Thank you." Buffy kissed Angel's cheek. "Now, I need to go talk to Wesley about taking over the weapons department."
"I'll come with. I need to talk to him anyway."
Buffy sighed. "Even after I quit this place, I'm still here!"
Angel wrapped one, strong arm around Buffy's waist and hauled her to him, staring down at her sexily. "We could always role play. You're the wife that comes for lunch and I'll be the big hot shot C.E.O."
Buffy smiled and kissed Angel's neck with a slight lick. "Mmm.... Lunch tastes good."
Angel chuckled. "Keep doing this and we're going upstairs."
"Hey. You started it bub."
***
Buffy stood in Angel's office watching him go through a case file Fred had brought to him. "So, what are you doing tonight?" Angel asked, not looking up.
"What?" Buffy asked. "Oh.... Um, I don't really know. Maybe patrol a little and then hang out with Dawn. She's been freaking out over prom and I promised to help her search for a dress and all that other good stuff."
"Prom?" This time, Angel did look up. "That's not until May."
"She's been getting these prom magazines from the store and they all say that three months ahead is the best time to start." Buffy sat on the edge of Angel's desk feeling very much like Fran Dresher from The Nanny. "I think I'm going to end up being a chaperone."
"How's that?"
"Dawn signed me up for the PTA a while back. They called me the other day and asked if I was free."
"You gonna do it?"
"Hmm.... Walk around in a formal dress while teenage boys salivate all over me and I stand there wishing that I had had the perfect prom? Not my scene. I think I'll just do the hip big sister slash mom thing. You know, buy the dress and all that jazz that goes with it. Get you to pull out the company limo for her and I'll take four disposable cameras worth of pictures. Then I'll sit at home worrying that she's out there partying too hard, maybe getting drunk or stoned, warding off a Hell Hound or two.... Or worse.... Having sex."
Angel chuckled. "She'll be out all night. We can have our own little party at home. I'll make up for all the dances I missed at your prom."
"Sounds like a plan." Buffy sighed. "So, what are you doing tonight?"
"I think I'm going to go check out this 'Smile Time' show. See what's really going on behind the scenes."
"'Smile Time?' Sounds creepy."
"It's a show with nothing but puppets."
"Oh.... Not creepy. Evil. Puppets are evil."
Angel stood up. "Can I walk you downstairs?"
"Sure. I'd like that." Buffy slipped her arm through Angel's and allowed him to escort her out.
***
Buffy woke up the next morning and Angel wasn't in bed with her. In fact, she couldn't remember him ever coming to bed that night. He hadn't been home when she had come back from patrolling and Dawn said that he hadn't been home at all. The Slayer got up and slipped on her robe. Dawn had already left for school, so Buffy would never know if Angel had come home.
She got dressed quickly and headed downstairs. The lobby was bustling with people and Harmony sat behind her desk. "Hey Buffy!" She said cheerily.
"Hi Harmony. Is Angel in there?"
"I don't know. I think so. Gunn, Dawn, Wesley, Fred, and Lorne were in there a little while ago."
"He held a meeting and didn't come wake me up?"
"Uh.... You don't work here anymore. You quit."
"I know that! But he always brings me to meetings so he can give me a heads up on the latest LA bound creature."
"Weird."
Buffy ignored whatever Harmony had to say after that and headed into Angel's office. "Angel?" She heard a thump from behind the desk and then a, "Damn it." Buffy moved closer to the desk. "Angel? Are you under your desk?"
"Yes." Angel said.
"Can I ask why?"
"You can ask."
"What's going on? I wake up this morning and you're not there and Harmony said that you held a meeting without me.... Are you ok?"
"I'm fine."
"Then come out and look at me."
"I'm busy."
"No you're not. You're hiding. What happened?"
"Please Buffy, just go away."
"You know I won't."
She heard Angel sigh. "Fine." As she watched, a little felt hand grabbed the desk and then another and then a puppet resembling Angel almost dead on popped up and looked at her. "GAH! That's not funny, Angel. You know I hate puppets."
"It's me Buffy." The puppet said.
"Angel...." Buffy walked around the desk and saw that the puppet was in fact Angel. "Oh my God!" Her eyes widened and she jumped back, bumping into the wall and knocking over a couple of the weapons, and covered her mouth. "Oh.... What happened?"
"I went to that show, 'Smile Time,' and there was this guy with a towel on his head and this big giant egg that smiled at me and flashed me and knocked me back.... And I woke up like this."
"Oh baby...." Buffy giggled. "You're so little!"
"This is serious Buffy!"
Buffy tried to hide her smile and get serious. "Yeah.... I know. How can we fix this?"
"I don't know."
"So, I'm guessing you haven't talked to Nina."
"Of course not. Look at me! I'm a puppet." Angel seemed to get very sad, but it was hard to tell because his face wasn't exactly expression-full.
Buffy kneeled down. "We'll fix this."
"Can you not do that?"
"What?"
"Kneel down. It makes me feel short."
Buffy stood and held out her hand. "Come on."
"Where are we going? I'm not going out there!"
"No, I was going to take you upstairs and I'll take over for you."
"You quit."
"But I can still take over. I know what I'm doing. Come on...."
Angel glanced at her and then her hand and then back up at her. She gave him a slightly annoyed glance and he sighed, taking her hand. Just as she started to lead Angel away to the elevator, Spike walked in saying, "Hello, big guy! Need another car. Afraid this last one ended up in the drink...." He stopped in mid-thought when he saw puppet Angel holding Buffy's hand.
"Spike...." Angel warned.
"Look at you."
"Just turn around and walk away."
"You're a...."
"Spike!"
Spike began to laugh uncontrollably. "You're a bloody puppet!" Before Buffy could react, Angel launched himself at Spike, knocking them through the office windows and into the lobby. Angel attacked Spike, wringing his neck. They fought, rolling around on the floor, while Spike couldn't stop laughing at him. "You're a wee, little puppet man!" Angel punched Spike in the face. "Ow!" He laughed again and Angel punched Spike in the face harder. "Ow! Hey!"
"That's enough!" Buffy yelled. She pulled puppet Angel off of Spike and tossed him away from Spike. Angel landed on his feet, glaring at Spike.
"Angel, what the hell happened to you? You look ridiculous." Spike said.
"Get out of here, Spike."
"Oh, my God. Angel, you're a...." Harmony started.
"Shut up!" Angel looked around the lobby and realized everyone was staring at him. "What are you people looking at? Well?" The employees backed off, frightened.
"They're looking at the wee, little puppet man." Spike said.
"Oh, Spike!" Buffy groaned.
Angel growled and leapt toward Spike again, biting his forearm this time. Spike groaned in pain, trying to wriggle his arm free of Angel's grip. Spike bashed Angel into the wall near the elevator, but Angel held on tightly to Spike's forearm. Spike stepped back as he tried in vain to writhe free of Angel's grip, and they stumbled into the elevator while Buffy shook her head and glanced at Harmony for help. The two were still wrestling as the elevator doors closed on them.
"Stupid limey piece of crap!" Angel yelled. A thud was heard, then the elevator doors opened revealing Spike collapsed on the floor. Angel walked off the elevator and addressed the crowd of employees that gathered around the elevator. "Yes, I'm a puppet. Doesn't mean you don't have work to do." The crowd dispersed and Spike stood and watched Angel walked back to his office. "Harmony, get my call list. And Spike needs a car."
"You heard the puppet." Spike said to Harmony. Buffy slapped him on the back of the head and ran after her puppet husband. "Ow! Bloody hell woman!"
"Angel...." Buffy jumped through the door just as it was shutting. "Hey...."
"Just leave me alone." Angel said.
"No. You're my husband. I love you. I won't leave you alone."
"Buffy...." The Slayer grabbed Angel's shirt collar and picked him up off the ground. "Hey!"
"Shush." She sat him down on the conference table and then sat in a chair in front of him. "Get over it babe. You're a puppet and you know Spike as well as I do. He finds this funny and he doesn't know how to keep his trap shut."
"Do you find this funny?"
Buffy smiled sympathetically. "No. I really don't."
Angel smiled slightly. "I hope we can get rid of this because I'm not anatomically correct."
"Oh please! You are so not sleeping in the bed with me until you're back to normal. You know puppets creep me out. Especially the horny ones."
Angel chuckled. "Hey, I wanna apologize about the way I treated you earlier."
"It's ok."
"No. I shouldn't have told you to go away. I'm just grumpy. I'm made of felt...." He pulled off his nose. "And my nose comes off."
Buffy took the nose and gently placed it back on Angel's face. "I'm sure Fred and Wesley will fix it. Eventually."
"I didn't mean to upset you this morning. I just didn't want anyone.... Well, I didn't want you to see me this way. It's a little, uh, embarrassing, I guess."
"Angel.... I think I'd notice if my husband didn't come to bed every night and I didn't see him for days."
"It was stupid."
"Really was."
"I'm sorry."
Buffy leaned forward and kissed Angel's forehead. "Already forgotten." Angel smiled. "Now, you need to go talk to Nina."
"Now!?"
"Yes now."
"Why!?"
"Because, she's locked in her cage. What else does she have to do but talk?"
"Buffy...."
"No. Go. It'll be ok. She's a werewolf. You're a puppet. Stranger things have happened." She patted Angel's hair and walked out of the office.
"Lorne, really.... I don't want a big fuss over my birthday. It's really not a big deal." Buffy protested as she and Lorne got off the elevator.
"It's not every day you turn 23." Lorne said.
"Why are you even arguing with me?"
"Because I'm right and you're wrong."
"No. There is no argument. I don't want a big party. I just want to stay home and ignore the fact that it's my birthday tomorrow."
"Can I at least get you a present?"
"No!"
"What's going on?" Angel asked, catching up with Buffy and Lorne as they headed to Angel's office.
"You're wife here doesn't want a birthday celebration." Lorne said.
"That's ok. She's never had any luck with them before."
"Is the entire world completely oblivious to the fact that Little Miss Slay- it here is officially the longest living Slayer tomorrow?"
"No."
"Lorne, please. The last five birthdays I've had have been a disaster." Buffy said.
"You'll have to prove it to me." Lorne shot back.
Buffy groaned. "17: Angelus makes his first appearance in my life after I sleep with Angel for the first time. That led to five months of torture and heartache. 18: I was stripped of my Slayer powers and forced to fight a crazed vampire that had kidnapped my mother. 19: Giles was turned into a demon and I stabbed him. 20: Dawn found out she was the Key and ended up slitting her arms with a big sharp knife. 21: Everyone invited to my party was locked inside the house due to a vengeance demon that Dawn made an accidental wish to. Not to mention that we were locked in with a demon that had a really big pointy sword and wanted to kill us all."
"19 wasn't so bad." Buffy glared. "Ok.... What about 22?"
"Angelus was out again and I was evil with him."
"Hmm.... I see you're point."
"Thank you."
"But I still don't understand why you won't let me throw you a party."
"Lorne...."
"I'll invite Johnny Depp and Mel Gibson."
Buffy sighed. "Throw in George Clooney and Sean Connery and you've got a deal."
"All right! This is going to be the best birthday party you've ever had. I'll start making the calls." Lorne walked out of the office, pulling his cell phone out.
Buffy turned to Angel. "So how's your day been?"
"Same as all the days before." Angel said, kissing Buffy gently. "Oh, Nina says hi."
"Nina? The full moon's tonight?"
"Yeah. She's down in her cage right now." Angel switched feet and couple of times and then turned and headed to his desk.
Buffy crossed her arms. "What's wrong?"
Angel turned to face her, obviously trying to mask his face. "What do you mean?"
"You've got something face. Stop trying to hide it, it makes you look constipated. What happened?"
"Um.... Well.... I think...."
"Angel...."
"I think Nina likes me."
"What?"
"She asked me to breakfast today."
"And you said...."
"I dodged."
"Oh, Angel!"
"What?!"
"You can't just let her hang like that."
"Why not? She knows we're married."
"But every time she sees you, you're not with me. Plus she knows I quit being C.E.O. with you. She must think there's something wrong between us."
"There's not."
"Then you need to explain that to her."
"I don't know how."
"Then I'll do it."
"No! That would be awkward."
"So?"
"Fine. I'll do it."
"Are you sure?"
"Positive. I promise I'll tell her."
"The sooner, the better."
"I promise I'll tell her tomorrow morning when I go to unlock the cage."
"Thank you." Buffy kissed Angel's cheek. "Now, I need to go talk to Wesley about taking over the weapons department."
"I'll come with. I need to talk to him anyway."
Buffy sighed. "Even after I quit this place, I'm still here!"
Angel wrapped one, strong arm around Buffy's waist and hauled her to him, staring down at her sexily. "We could always role play. You're the wife that comes for lunch and I'll be the big hot shot C.E.O."
Buffy smiled and kissed Angel's neck with a slight lick. "Mmm.... Lunch tastes good."
Angel chuckled. "Keep doing this and we're going upstairs."
"Hey. You started it bub."
***
Buffy stood in Angel's office watching him go through a case file Fred had brought to him. "So, what are you doing tonight?" Angel asked, not looking up.
"What?" Buffy asked. "Oh.... Um, I don't really know. Maybe patrol a little and then hang out with Dawn. She's been freaking out over prom and I promised to help her search for a dress and all that other good stuff."
"Prom?" This time, Angel did look up. "That's not until May."
"She's been getting these prom magazines from the store and they all say that three months ahead is the best time to start." Buffy sat on the edge of Angel's desk feeling very much like Fran Dresher from The Nanny. "I think I'm going to end up being a chaperone."
"How's that?"
"Dawn signed me up for the PTA a while back. They called me the other day and asked if I was free."
"You gonna do it?"
"Hmm.... Walk around in a formal dress while teenage boys salivate all over me and I stand there wishing that I had had the perfect prom? Not my scene. I think I'll just do the hip big sister slash mom thing. You know, buy the dress and all that jazz that goes with it. Get you to pull out the company limo for her and I'll take four disposable cameras worth of pictures. Then I'll sit at home worrying that she's out there partying too hard, maybe getting drunk or stoned, warding off a Hell Hound or two.... Or worse.... Having sex."
Angel chuckled. "She'll be out all night. We can have our own little party at home. I'll make up for all the dances I missed at your prom."
"Sounds like a plan." Buffy sighed. "So, what are you doing tonight?"
"I think I'm going to go check out this 'Smile Time' show. See what's really going on behind the scenes."
"'Smile Time?' Sounds creepy."
"It's a show with nothing but puppets."
"Oh.... Not creepy. Evil. Puppets are evil."
Angel stood up. "Can I walk you downstairs?"
"Sure. I'd like that." Buffy slipped her arm through Angel's and allowed him to escort her out.
***
Buffy woke up the next morning and Angel wasn't in bed with her. In fact, she couldn't remember him ever coming to bed that night. He hadn't been home when she had come back from patrolling and Dawn said that he hadn't been home at all. The Slayer got up and slipped on her robe. Dawn had already left for school, so Buffy would never know if Angel had come home.
She got dressed quickly and headed downstairs. The lobby was bustling with people and Harmony sat behind her desk. "Hey Buffy!" She said cheerily.
"Hi Harmony. Is Angel in there?"
"I don't know. I think so. Gunn, Dawn, Wesley, Fred, and Lorne were in there a little while ago."
"He held a meeting and didn't come wake me up?"
"Uh.... You don't work here anymore. You quit."
"I know that! But he always brings me to meetings so he can give me a heads up on the latest LA bound creature."
"Weird."
Buffy ignored whatever Harmony had to say after that and headed into Angel's office. "Angel?" She heard a thump from behind the desk and then a, "Damn it." Buffy moved closer to the desk. "Angel? Are you under your desk?"
"Yes." Angel said.
"Can I ask why?"
"You can ask."
"What's going on? I wake up this morning and you're not there and Harmony said that you held a meeting without me.... Are you ok?"
"I'm fine."
"Then come out and look at me."
"I'm busy."
"No you're not. You're hiding. What happened?"
"Please Buffy, just go away."
"You know I won't."
She heard Angel sigh. "Fine." As she watched, a little felt hand grabbed the desk and then another and then a puppet resembling Angel almost dead on popped up and looked at her. "GAH! That's not funny, Angel. You know I hate puppets."
"It's me Buffy." The puppet said.
"Angel...." Buffy walked around the desk and saw that the puppet was in fact Angel. "Oh my God!" Her eyes widened and she jumped back, bumping into the wall and knocking over a couple of the weapons, and covered her mouth. "Oh.... What happened?"
"I went to that show, 'Smile Time,' and there was this guy with a towel on his head and this big giant egg that smiled at me and flashed me and knocked me back.... And I woke up like this."
"Oh baby...." Buffy giggled. "You're so little!"
"This is serious Buffy!"
Buffy tried to hide her smile and get serious. "Yeah.... I know. How can we fix this?"
"I don't know."
"So, I'm guessing you haven't talked to Nina."
"Of course not. Look at me! I'm a puppet." Angel seemed to get very sad, but it was hard to tell because his face wasn't exactly expression-full.
Buffy kneeled down. "We'll fix this."
"Can you not do that?"
"What?"
"Kneel down. It makes me feel short."
Buffy stood and held out her hand. "Come on."
"Where are we going? I'm not going out there!"
"No, I was going to take you upstairs and I'll take over for you."
"You quit."
"But I can still take over. I know what I'm doing. Come on...."
Angel glanced at her and then her hand and then back up at her. She gave him a slightly annoyed glance and he sighed, taking her hand. Just as she started to lead Angel away to the elevator, Spike walked in saying, "Hello, big guy! Need another car. Afraid this last one ended up in the drink...." He stopped in mid-thought when he saw puppet Angel holding Buffy's hand.
"Spike...." Angel warned.
"Look at you."
"Just turn around and walk away."
"You're a...."
"Spike!"
Spike began to laugh uncontrollably. "You're a bloody puppet!" Before Buffy could react, Angel launched himself at Spike, knocking them through the office windows and into the lobby. Angel attacked Spike, wringing his neck. They fought, rolling around on the floor, while Spike couldn't stop laughing at him. "You're a wee, little puppet man!" Angel punched Spike in the face. "Ow!" He laughed again and Angel punched Spike in the face harder. "Ow! Hey!"
"That's enough!" Buffy yelled. She pulled puppet Angel off of Spike and tossed him away from Spike. Angel landed on his feet, glaring at Spike.
"Angel, what the hell happened to you? You look ridiculous." Spike said.
"Get out of here, Spike."
"Oh, my God. Angel, you're a...." Harmony started.
"Shut up!" Angel looked around the lobby and realized everyone was staring at him. "What are you people looking at? Well?" The employees backed off, frightened.
"They're looking at the wee, little puppet man." Spike said.
"Oh, Spike!" Buffy groaned.
Angel growled and leapt toward Spike again, biting his forearm this time. Spike groaned in pain, trying to wriggle his arm free of Angel's grip. Spike bashed Angel into the wall near the elevator, but Angel held on tightly to Spike's forearm. Spike stepped back as he tried in vain to writhe free of Angel's grip, and they stumbled into the elevator while Buffy shook her head and glanced at Harmony for help. The two were still wrestling as the elevator doors closed on them.
"Stupid limey piece of crap!" Angel yelled. A thud was heard, then the elevator doors opened revealing Spike collapsed on the floor. Angel walked off the elevator and addressed the crowd of employees that gathered around the elevator. "Yes, I'm a puppet. Doesn't mean you don't have work to do." The crowd dispersed and Spike stood and watched Angel walked back to his office. "Harmony, get my call list. And Spike needs a car."
"You heard the puppet." Spike said to Harmony. Buffy slapped him on the back of the head and ran after her puppet husband. "Ow! Bloody hell woman!"
"Angel...." Buffy jumped through the door just as it was shutting. "Hey...."
"Just leave me alone." Angel said.
"No. You're my husband. I love you. I won't leave you alone."
"Buffy...." The Slayer grabbed Angel's shirt collar and picked him up off the ground. "Hey!"
"Shush." She sat him down on the conference table and then sat in a chair in front of him. "Get over it babe. You're a puppet and you know Spike as well as I do. He finds this funny and he doesn't know how to keep his trap shut."
"Do you find this funny?"
Buffy smiled sympathetically. "No. I really don't."
Angel smiled slightly. "I hope we can get rid of this because I'm not anatomically correct."
"Oh please! You are so not sleeping in the bed with me until you're back to normal. You know puppets creep me out. Especially the horny ones."
Angel chuckled. "Hey, I wanna apologize about the way I treated you earlier."
"It's ok."
"No. I shouldn't have told you to go away. I'm just grumpy. I'm made of felt...." He pulled off his nose. "And my nose comes off."
Buffy took the nose and gently placed it back on Angel's face. "I'm sure Fred and Wesley will fix it. Eventually."
"I didn't mean to upset you this morning. I just didn't want anyone.... Well, I didn't want you to see me this way. It's a little, uh, embarrassing, I guess."
"Angel.... I think I'd notice if my husband didn't come to bed every night and I didn't see him for days."
"It was stupid."
"Really was."
"I'm sorry."
Buffy leaned forward and kissed Angel's forehead. "Already forgotten." Angel smiled. "Now, you need to go talk to Nina."
"Now!?"
"Yes now."
"Why!?"
"Because, she's locked in her cage. What else does she have to do but talk?"
"Buffy...."
"No. Go. It'll be ok. She's a werewolf. You're a puppet. Stranger things have happened." She patted Angel's hair and walked out of the office.